by Maya Hughes
The handshake had gone on for longer than it should have, and I didn’t like how it made me feel. It made me want to laugh, like a giddy girl. Like Angel, who’d annoyingly checked in on my study space every time I was there, craning her neck to see if Declan had also stopped by.
With Saturday creeping closer through the week, my anxiety had spiked. I’d even changed our meeting time twice trying to put it off a little longer. It was the dream I had the night before of our dance back at prom that spurred me into action.
I’d dragged myself down to Alcott’s office. That giggly, bubbly feeling was scarier than any of the other shit going on in my head. Declan was everything I’d sworn I’d never be. He took everything for granted and never seemed to take anything seriously except for hockey.
Declan was a heat-seeking flirt missile. If there was a pulse, he’d turn on his charm to get what he wanted. I wasn’t going to let him flirt his way into screwing up my graduation and med school plans. They were too important. Not just for me but for Daniel.
The office door swung open, and a girl with her hair in a braid came shuffling out, clutching her backpack straps. She glanced up at me with a scared look and trudged her way down the hall.
My hands were clammy, and my stomach threatened to revolt as I glanced from the door of doom to the girl who looked like someone had kicked her puppy and then kicked her. I took a step back, and my shoes squeaked on the floor. My shoulders hitched up around my ears, and I contemplated climbing into my backpack and pretending I’d never been there.
“I can hear you out there. Come in so we can get this over with.” Professor Alcott’s snarky voice boomed in the empty hall, and I glanced around, looking for a path of escape. Before I could fling myself out the nearest window, he popped his head out into the hallway and actually rolled his eyes when he saw me.
“I wondered how long it would take you to show up. Come in.” He waved me into the office, and I walked like a tin soldier brought to life. My legs were as heavy as lead, and I swore the beads of sweat rolling down my back were forming a nice little swimming pool for me to drown myself in later.
Alcott dropped into his chair and leaned back, lacing his fingers together and sliding them behind his head. Kicking his feet up on the desk, he closed his eyes as I sat in the chair on the other side of his desk. The room smelled like old books and desperation, which was fitting because I’m sure that was the same thing people thought about me.
“If the first words out of your mouth are asking for a partner change, I can fail you both right now.”
His words sent a bolt of fear through me, and my bouncing leg stopped immediately.
“Or did you come here for the amazingly charismatic company.” He lifted one eyebrow.
“No. Of course not. I mean, I’m not here to change partners. I wasn’t talking about the company part.” Is it hot in here? It felt like the office had been launched into orbit around the sun. I barely stopped myself from tugging at the collar of my shirt.
Alcott dropped his feet down and tented his fingers on the top of his desk.
“Spit it out. Why are you here then?”
I opened my mouth and snapped it shut.
“I wanted to know if the noon deadline for the papers was Eastern Time or in another time zone.” I cringed inside but managed to keep a straight face as he looked at me like I’d suddenly turned into an even more moronic little kid.
“It’s all spelled out for you in the syllabus, but sure, why the hell not? It’s twelve noon on the deadline day. I learned my lesson with midnight deadlines. Apparently, college students have a hard time figuring out which day midnight assignments are due. The portal shuts down at exactly 12:00:01p.m., and no late assignments will be accepted. Does that answer your question?”
I nodded and grabbed my bag. Standing, I slid it onto my back. He smirked at me with that smug look of his, and the pit in the bottom of my stomach grew.
This was it. I was partners with Declan for the rest of the semester. Taking a deep breath, I reached for the doorknob and opened it. Halfway in and halfway out of the office, I skidded to a stop when Alcott called my name.
“Ms. Halstead, if you had a truly compelling reason—and I’m talking incredibly exceptional reason—for changing partners, I might entertain it.”
Frozen in the doorway, I thought of why I didn’t want to work with Declan. High school drama and hating his attitude didn’t feel like they fit the bill of exceptional in this case. Neither did I get butterflies in my stomach when he touches me. I turned around to face Alcott.
“Thank you for letting me know. I don’t think it will be an issue.”
“Good. Now close the door.” And just like that I was dismissed.
Making my way across campus, I found myself back at the library like I was a homing pigeon, and this was my starting point. Climbing the steps, I wandered to my study room, opening the door when the one beside me popped open. Angel popped out with a wide smile. It dimmed slightly when she saw I was alone.
“Hi, neighbor,” she said so cheerily I expected gumdrops to come pouring out of her mouth.
“Hi, Angel.” If I didn’t stand out there and talk to her for a few minutes, she would follow me inside. I’d learned that over the past few days.
“What are you up to this weekend?”
“Nothing. Working on my assignments. Going for a run. Sleeping.” Taking a deep breath, I asked the question even though I really didn’t want to. “What about you?”
“Oh, this weekend will be amazing. I’m going to a concert at the Electric Factory, and then I’m going kayaking with some friends. Then we’re thinking we’ll probably wander around the city looking for the best cheesesteak, maybe go dancing somewhere.
“I don’t have everything planned out yet, but it will be awesome. I need to get all this energy out before the semester really gears up and I’m trapped inside.” She said it all in less than two breaths and spent the entire time bouncing on her toes like she had to pee. I didn’t really have much to say other than that. Her perpetual peppiness threatened to give me a toothache, but I envied her ease and happiness.
“That sounds really cool. I hope you have a great time.” I mustered up my best approximation of a smile.
“You too, with your…run.”
Yes, I knew my weekend sounded like the kind of weekend you had when you were being punished, but it would help me get a handle on what had already been a difficult new semester. She disappeared out of my doorway, and I finally felt safe enough to drop my bag and unload my stuff. Leaving Stanford had been a mistake, I’d tried to deny it, but there it was, and now I had to deal with it.
“She’s a bubble of energy, isn’t she?” A deep voice came from the doorway. My head whipped up, and there was a guy standing at my door, leaning against the door jamb and staring over toward Angel’s room.
“That she is.”
“I swear, I can hear her pep from across campus.” He was in a dark black T-shirt and jeans. Jet-black hair and dark brown eyes. He was like the polar opposite of Angel.
“I’m Seth.” He stepped into the room with his hand out.
“Makenna.” I shook his soft, strong hand and didn’t feel like I was going to keel over any second.
“She’s in my master’s program. The poor professors don’t really know what to do with her. Mechanical engineering programs aren’t exactly built on the woohoos and excitement of other programs, but she knows her stuff, so…” He shrugged.
“She seems really nice. I’m not used to that much sunshine.”
His rich chuckle filled the room. “Me neither. Listen, I’ll leave you to it, but I’m right next door. If you ever need a rescue from happiness overload, let me know.”
“I’ll bang my head against the wall to alert you before I slip into a sugar coma.” I smiled and crossed my arms over my chest, perched on the edge of my desk.
“Or you could give me a call. If you had my number.”
Everything in the room stopped li
ke someone hit pause on the remote. Is he asking for my number? Is this flirting? How can I not even spot flirting?
“If you wanted it, that is?” A look of uncertainty passed over his face, and he backed up.
I reached out and shouted louder than I intended. “No!” The red flush crept over my skin like a blanket ready to smother me with my awkwardness. I cleared my throat. “I mean, yes. Sure, I’ll take your number, and you can have mine.”
“Great.” He slid his phone out of his back pocket, and I grabbed mine out of my bag, opening up a new contact. He did the same, and we traded numbers. There was a small flip in my stomach. It wasn’t as big as the one I’d gotten with Declan’s hand in mine, but I brushed that aside. Seth went back to his study room, and I sat at my desk staring at my books.
After checking through my online calendar, I read over some more assigned pages for the next few weeks but focusing was nearly impossible. My restlessness threatened to boil over as the sun set, filling the study room with oranges and reds. I needed to run.
My assignments for the next week were finished. My part of the research for the Sophomore Seminar paper was long done and proofread twice. Meeting with Declan tomorrow meant my game face had to be on.
I needed to get outside and feel the breeze across my skin. Careful not to alert Angel that I was leaving, I stepped out of my door, only to see the rest of the study rooms completely empty. I checked the time again. After eight.
On the walk back to my apartment, my phone buzzed in my bag. I fished it out, wondering if maybe it was Seth, when relief washed over me.
“Hey, Mom, how’s the open road?”
“It’s great, sweetheart. I’ll send you some pictures. We went to Disneyland yesterday.”
I cracked a sad smile as I remembered our one and only visit to Disney World down in Florida.
“Did you get pictures with Mickey?”
“Sure did. Pushed some little kids out of the way to do it, and it was so worth it.” Dad’s voice came in over the line.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, chickadee.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m great. Never better. Your mom and I are going out for dinner and dancing tonight, and then we’re off to Vegas tomorrow.”
Dinner and dancing. It was like being put back into a time machine. They sounded so happy it almost hurt. I rubbed the achy spot in the center of my chest as I walked along the sidewalk to the cluster of apartments mainly rented by students.
“That sounds awesome. I’m so glad you two are having fun.” I’d keep the brightness in my voice if it killed me.
“So are we, and I hope you’re not working too much. You’re always so hard on yourself. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun sometimes.”
“I’m not. I have fun.”
“Running is not fun,” Dad said, sounding highly offended.
“It’s fun for me.”
“Something not running or school or work related,” Mom, unhelpfully, threw in.
I opened my mouth for a comeback, but I didn’t really have one. Those things were my life. Pretty much all of it.
“I know we’re not there, but we’ll be back for Thanksgiving and if you haven’t had any fun before then, we’re going to burn your textbooks.”
“Dad, that’s like burning ten thousand dollars. I don’t think you want to do that.”
“I want you to let yourself live a little. Don’t make us park this RV outside your apartment and make sure you have fun.”
While the threat was ominous, I kind of liked the idea of them hanging out on campus. I’d be able to see them more, but it would get in the way of their newfound lease on life.
“I solemnly swear that this semester I will try to schedule at least a little fun and frivolity.”
“You better. We love you!” they both said, laughing the entire time.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around their change. Who knew it would take a diagnosis like Dad’s to finally snap them out of their haze and rejoin the land of the living. Not that my way of coping was any better. Perfect match.
I shoved my key into the lock of my apartment, took a deep breath and closed the door behind me. Bright and playful chatter filled the place. Tracy and Fiona fought over the bathroom mirror at the end of the hall. Dropping my bag in the door, I leaned against the wall and watched them primp and preen, unable to control my smile.
“Makenna, you’re back. We were wondering if we’d have to send a search party out to come find you.” Tracy turned to me and waved the curling iron in my direction.
“I was hanging out at the library.”
“On a Friday? You’re not going out?” Fiona said from behind her with an eyeliner pencil precariously close to her eyeball.
“I’m going to go for a run.”
They both turned to me with various beauty products clutched in their hands.
“But why?” Tracy wrapped the curling iron around her hair.
“Why are you two crammed into that bathroom when you both have your own?”
“Fiona’s has much better lighting than mine.” Tracy lined her lips and puckered up in the mirror. Leaving them to their prep, I went into my room and changed into my running gear. Snagging my phone off my bed, I slipped in my earbuds.
“I don’t know how long my celibacy challenge is going to last,” Fiona said, walking past my door.
“We made the challenge like eight hours ago,” Tracy said from the living room. I tried to hold back my laughter and failed as the front door closed behind them. It would be an interesting semester for more reasons than I’d imagined.
After they left, I took off down the street until I made it to campus. Hordes of freshman wandered in search of the mythical college parties, though most people were still getting ready to go out. Always count on the freshman to be early.
My heart pounded as my feet slapped against the concrete, and I let my mind blank. There was nothing but the pavement and my muscles pumping as I wove my way through the streets surrounding campus. The tightness in my chest lessened and the weights of everything going on around me fell away as my legs loosened and hit their stride.
I don’t know how long I ran, but I had to duck and dodge through crowds of people heading to the bars or out to beginning-of-the-year parties. Sweat poured off me as I walked back into the apartment. Music filtered in through the walls as other people had their own parties. After taking a shower, I curled up in bed and closed my eyes.
Tomorrow was another day. I’d be face-to-face with Declan again and I needed to make sure I didn’t let him get under my skin, but part of me knew he was already there and had been for years.
9
Declan
My muscles ached and burned. I climbed the steps to the frat house feeling like I’d been hit by a truck. The stairs vibrated under my feet as the bass from the party flooded the street. Not that anyone would notice because thumping beats poured out of all the houses on the street.
Back to school meant everyone could party without worry since the semester had started. Almost everyone. I’d gotten all my work done for the Seminar because I was ninety percent sure Mak would castrate me if I screwed this up. Plus, I had a lot riding on it too. I wasn’t going to flake.
Heath walked up behind me, jumping onto my back. I winced and chucked him off, running a hand over my shoulder. He landed on his feet like he was part cat, and I wouldn’t put it past him for that to be true.
“Dude, what the hell? You know how many bench presses you had me doing this afternoon?” Heath always seemed to have a perpetual well of energy wrapped in his laid-back exterior. It was a trap. He lulled you into a false sense of security, and then your arms were boneless and you could barely walk after being in the gym with him for an hour. I thought Preston was bad. Totally wrong, I’d take a work out with Preston any day over Heath.
“How was practice with the guys?” The question I’d been putting off. Skating with Heath was good, but it wasn�
��t being out there with the rest of the team.
“It was good. We’re still working on the dynamics with you out of the mix, but it was fine.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“I know. That’s why I’m working your ass so hard. No one’s going to think you missed a single practice.” He squeezed my shoulder, and my knees nearly buckled.
I needed to stay sharp for the final verdict of the pro coaches. Skating around the rink with Archer’s eyes boring into the back of my head, I needed focus. I couldn’t let him throw me off my game like he had in the past. Why the hell did he have to watch? He wanted me to fail. Wanted to make sure I’d never be a rival for his shitty legacy.
I wasn’t going to let him throw me off my game on my home turf.
“What’s the matter, man? You miss a couple practices and you’re already getting soft?” Heath walked backward across the wide porch with his arms spread open. People streamed past him out of the brick-front house.
“No, I just didn’t realize you’re a sadist. Now I know.” I rubbed my sore arms.
A little distraction therapy for my current situation. No heavy drinking. No bringing anyone home but being cooped up inside all weekend would drive me insane.
I’d done my work. I’d meet with Mak tomorrow. I needed a little bit of fun while I could. Before I had to power through a semester of classes to make sure I graduated just in case and get back on the ice where my future would be decided.
“Did you hear the moon is supposed to be insane tonight? Something about the alignment of the moon and the other planets.” He stared out into the night sky beyond the porch.
“I have no idea. Why the hell would I care about the moon?” Sometimes he confused the shit out of me. He was equal parts surfer guy, mystic, and party guy all in one. Heath and I stepped over the threshold and cracked wide smiles at the cheer from the partygoers. This was what I needed. Shrugging his shoulders, Heath spun around and walked deeper into the house a step before me.
“Planets and stars and nature, that’s the universe’s tricked-out special effects.” He called out behind him.