by Natalie Ward
Stubborn Love
by
Natalie Ward
Published by Natalie Ward
ISBN-13: 978-0-9874159-1-2
This book is also available in print at selected online retailers.
Copyright 2013 Natalie Ward
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage the piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect for this is appreciated.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Cover photo Copyright Veer.com.
Cover created by Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations.
For more information please come and visit me at http://www.natalieward.com.au
Note from the author
This is a companion novel to I Love You to Death and features overlapping characters, events and timelines.
Reading I Love You to Death first is highly recommended.
Stubborn: (adj) having or showing determination not to change one’s attitude or position on something, despite very good reasons to do so.
Love: (noun) an intense feeling of affection and/or sexual attraction for someone.
Jared & Mia’s Playlist
Opposite – Biffy Clyro
Let Her Go – Passenger
Need You Now – Lady Antebellum
All I Want – Kodaline
The Scientist – Coldplay
Just Give Me A Reason – Pink, featuring Nate Ruess
The Reason – Hoobstank
Brother – Matt Corby
Sorry For It All – Dead Sara
Never Let Me Go – Florence & the Machine
One & Only – Adele
Last night 6:35pm – Mia
“Shit…”
Jared and I smack into each other. Hard.
He’s coming out of the bathroom just as I’m walking in. Neither of us sees one another and we literally smash together, our faces practically bouncing off each other’s before we both fall backwards. If I wasn’t wearing my boots, I’d probably have missed his face and hit his chest. If I’d been two inches to the left though, my lips might have hit his lips in a hard kiss, instead of colliding with his cheek.
My body shudders at the thought.
“Fuck, are you okay?” he asks, his hands gripping my shoulders to stop me from falling.
No. I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay, actually.
Because right at this very moment, I find myself backed up against the bathroom wall. Jared’s hands, which were just on my shoulders, have now slid down my arms as though he’s about to pull me into his. Which would be fairly pointless really, because we are already as close as we can get. His body, his deliciously hard, warm body, which I have missed so badly, is now pressed right up against mine. With the wall at my back and Jared against my front, I am literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. And my heart, which is of course, right against his, is pounding in my chest, my breathing coming hard and fast.
So no, I’m pretty much the opposite of okay right now.
“Ah, yeah, sorry about that,” I finally get out, taking a deep breath as I try to calm myself down.
Big mistake. Not only do I have his body pressed up against mine, I now have his scent, his amazing scent, surrounding me, filling me, flowing all the way through me. My legs practically give way beneath me and I feel Jared’s fingers tighten, as though holding me up, stopping me from falling.
“Mia,” he says, bending down a little to look me in the eye. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nod at him, not really trusting my voice right now. One of Jared’s hands lets go of my arm and brushes the hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear and I swear I’m going to pass out in a second. God, I haven’t been this close to him in what feels like forever. I haven’t had him touch me like this, hold me like this, have his body pressed against mine like this, in so very long, and I miss it. Badly.
His finger tilts my chin, so I’m forced to look at him and all of a sudden, I can barely breathe. I feel his thumb brush gently across the spot on my cheek where it hit his, as his beautiful blue eyes stare into mine. And all at once, everything around us disappears.
Because all at once, I’m hit full force, right in the chest, with an overwhelming urge to just lean in and kiss him. As I pull my bottom lip between my teeth to stop myself, I see Jared’s eyes darken, feel the soft gasp he lets out, his breath warm against my skin. His fingers around my arm tighten, his hand that is cupping my cheek presses ever so slightly harder. And that’s when I lose what little control I thought I had left. I feel myself leaning in to put my lips against his and do exactly what I’ve just pictured, what I’ve been wanting to do for a year now.
My eyes stay open, staring into his as I gradually move closer. Everything is moving in slow motion, my breathing now non-existent, my heart long stopped beating inside my chest. It’s only his beautiful blue eyes looking back at me, which fill my vision, pulling me closer. Just as we are less than an inch away from touching, an inch away from kissing for the first time in forever, Jared suddenly lets go.
“Fuck,” he breathes out, his hands releasing me as he takes a step backwards, his body immediately leaving mine so I’m left feeling empty and aching.
“Fuck.”
Then he pushes past me, his shoulder brushing mine as he walks out of the bathroom without saying another word, without even acknowledging what just happened or was about to.
No longer held up by his hands, his body, or his eyes, I slump back against the wall, slowly sliding all the way down till my butt hits the floor.
Shit.
Five years ago – Jared
“Jared,” Mom says to me as she walks into the living room. “Mia’s here.”
I look up and my eyes are immediately drawn to the woman standing beside her. There is no mistaking her as being anything other than Luke’s sister, they look incredibly alike. She isn’t as tall as him, but she certainly isn’t short either. Long brown hair and blue eyes, but it’s the way she’s standing there, half defensive, half about to bolt, that really reminds me of him. He’s looked like that practically the entire time I’ve known him and after seeing what their dickhead father did to him four days ago, I can kinda understand why. I can’t imagine that life has been a party for either of them, growing up under the same roof as that fuckhead.
She smiles at me and hoists her bag higher onto her shoulder. Without thinking, I stand up, walk over and take it from her, slinging it over my shoulder. I want to say something to her, anything, but it’s Mia who speaks first.
“Is Luke okay?” she asks, and I can hear a tiny hint of fear in her voice.
I look right at her, stare into eyes that are so blue, they are the colour of the deepest ocean. I can’t seem to find the words to answer her. I know I need to open my mouth and speak, but for some reason, I just can’t seem to do it.
“Physically he’ll be okay,” Mom says, stepping closer and putting her arm around Mia’s shoulder as she says all the things I should be saying. I watch as Mia flinches a little before she turns to look at her, not moving from the half embrace of Mom’s arm. “It will take some time, but physically, he’ll be fine. It’s the other damage, the things we can’t see, that I’m more worried about. That’s why I’m glad you’re here.”
“Of course,” Mia answers, her eyes shining from tears she is desperately trying to blink away. “I’ve been trying to contact him for days. I usually talk to him every day
and when he didn’t answer, I…I was so worried.” I watch as she swipes angrily at a tear, which has escaped and run down her cheek, before turning to face me. “Thank you for calling, Jared, for telling me what was going on.”
I swallow, still unable to speak to her, as I nod my head. My heart is racing in my chest for some reason.
“Maybe you should take Mia to see him, Jared,” Mom says, breaking whatever it is that’s preventing me from talking to Mia right now. I didn’t seem to have any problem speaking to her on the phone, and I don’t understand why the fuck I can’t just open my mouth and speak to her right now.
I nod, tilting my head and indicating Mia should follow me as we head out into the entry and up the stairs to the second floor of my parents’ house. Mia falls into step beside me and the second I’m no longer looking at her, I start to find the words I should’ve been saying before, feel my racing heart slow down inside my chest.
“He’s pretty out of it,” I say as she walks beside me. “He’s been sleeping since we got here earlier today. Mom thinks it’ll take a couple of days for him to really wake up. She’s a doctor, in case you were wondering,” I continue, seemingly unable to stop my stupid rambling now that I’ve finally found my voice.
Mia keeps following me up the stairs, saying nothing. As we pass one of the rooms that used to belong to my older brother Simon, I drop her bag at the door, before continuing down the hall towards the room Luke is staying in. “Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t wake up or know you’re here, okay? And you probably need to prepare yourself for the fact that he doesn’t look so hot right now.” I know I’m overloading her with information when all she wants to do is see her brother, but I can’t seem to stop. I wonder if I should tell her exactly what his injuries are or just gloss over them. “His face is pretty swollen and bruised, and he’s got some stitches in his cheek. They don’t think there will be any permanent damage, but when you see him, it won’t look so good, okay?” Glossing over his injuries seems like the better option right now.
We stop outside the door of Luke’s room and I turn to face her again. Mia hasn’t said a word the whole time we’ve walked up here and right now she looks fucking terrified. Maybe I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth after all. I’m glad I didn’t elaborate about the fractured eye socket, the close call on being permanently blind in one eye, and the burst blood vessel. Fuck.
“Mia?”
She looks up at me with nothing but sadness and terror written all over her face. She looks so fucking scared and vulnerable that I immediately feel like a dick for even saying what I did.
“Sorry, shit, I…look, he’s gonna be okay, Mia, it’s…”
Suddenly I am engulfed as Mia throws herself at me, her arms wrapping themselves around my neck. As she buries her face in my shoulder, I feel something strange happening to me. At the same time, I realise Mia is crying. Her whole body is shaking against mine, her wet tears falling onto my neck. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, pulling her tightly against me, even though it only intensifies the strange feeling that’s happening inside my chest now.
I can feel her body shaking, almost violently, in my arms and I hold her tighter, trying to make it all stop. I don’t know what to say anymore, what I could possibly say to even try and make her feel better. I know everything I’ve just said has probably caused this reaction anyway.
“Thank you, Jared,” she eventually chokes out. “Thank you.”
I hear myself make soothing noises as I bury my face in her hair and wonder what she’s thanking me for. She smells like vanilla, which combined with the feel of her body against mine, now leaves me feeling really strange, confused about what is going on here.
“Thank you,” she says again.
I need to say something, anything. “He’s going to be okay Mia, it’s going to be alright,” I finally whisper in her ear, even though I have no idea if it will be.
I don’t know how long we stand here for, but eventually Mia pulls back, her hands angrily wiping away her tears, as though she’s pissed off she’s even crying in the first place. I watch my own hands reaching out to cup her cheek, tilting it so she’s forced to look at me. When her blue eyes meet mine, hers shining from tears she’s now stubbornly trying not to cry, something really fucking weird happens.
All at once, the only thing I can make sense of is that she is crying and obviously upset, but at the same time, that she just looks so incredibly beautiful. I actually feel my stomach flip or something. I didn’t even know that could happen. And then my heart, for some strange reason, now decides to stop beating inside my chest and I wonder how it is that I’m even still standing. I want to say something, anything, to make her feel better, but I can’t seem to talk again, my mouth has gone completely dry. As I lick my lips in a desperate attempt to get them to work, I see Mia’s eyes widen, her pupils dilate until those deep blue ocean eyes, become pools of blackness.
Now my heart starts fucking racing, as a million different scenarios play out in my head, all of them involving those lips and her mouth.
I feel Mia swallow, her shallow breathing suddenly hitches, as I realise I am holding her face in my hands. We stare at each other for what feels like forever and I know I need to say something, anything, to stop myself from all the other possibilities, the other thoughts, which are stupidly running through my mind and which I know could so very easily happen.
Jesus Christ, I want to lean in and kiss her.
I force a deep breath into my lungs. “Do you want me to come in there with you?” I finally manage to get out, desperate to get myself under control.
“Ah…no, no, I’ll…I’ll be okay, thank you,” Mia says, her voice cracking.
I nod again, dropping my hands now before I do something really stupid. “I’ll be downstairs okay? If you need me.” I don’t know what the fuck I am saying or what the fuck is happening here, but I need to get away from her before I do something completely inappropriate, especially given the reasons Mia is here in the first place.
“Thank you,” she answers, before taking a deep breath, turning and walking into the room.
As the door closes in my face, I stand glued to the floor just staring at it. I have no idea what just happened and for some reason I feel unable to move, unable to go back downstairs. Maybe I’m waiting to make sure Mia really is okay in there, especially when she sees what her own father has done to her brother. Maybe I want to see if Luke will wake up when he hears his sister speak to him. Or maybe, just maybe, I’m hoping Mia will need me to comfort her again and I will have an excuse to wrap my arms around her and hold her body against mine.
“Or maybe, you’re just a fucking idiot,” I say out loud to myself, shaking my head as I finally turn and head downstairs when it becomes apparent Mia doesn’t need any of those things at all.
It’s over two hours before Mia comes back down. She finds me in the living room, watching TV and trying to pretend like I’m not worried about her upstairs when she sees what’s happened to Luke’s face.
“Hey,” she says quietly as she takes a seat next to me on the couch.
“Hey yourself,” I say back, trying to lighten the mood.
Mia smiles a little. “What are you watching?”
I turn to face her. “Nothing much,” I say, which is true. I’ve been channel surfing the whole time, unable to focus on anything. “How’d it go up there, did he wake up?” I’m pointing at the ceiling with the remote, as if to indicate I’m talking about her brother, like she wouldn’t know otherwise. I am such an idiot.
“No, he was sleeping. He didn’t wake up at all,” she says, her head dropping to stare at her hands in her lap.
“Are you alright?” I ask, reaching out to gently touch her arm.
Mia turns to look at me and her long hair hangs down over her shoulder, hiding her face. She looks so very sad and so very beautiful, all at the same time.
“I can’t believe he did that to him,” she whispers and the tears
start to fall again. She turns back to her hands, hiding her face behind her hair now.
“Mia,” I say, moving closer and pulling her into my arms. Her body is sideways to mine, her shoulder resting against my chest. Her legs are crossed and half resting on one of mine. It’s awkward as hell, this position we’re in, but I don’t move.
I want to tell her that it’s going to be alright, but I don’t know if it is. I don’t know what Luke plans to do about his dad, whether we’ll even see him again. And I have no real idea what Mia thinks about any of this. Basically, I have no fucking clue if it’s going to be alright at all. But none of that matters at the moment, as Mia cries in my arms. My hand rests against her other shoulder, holding her to me as I listen to her quiet sobs. She’s buried her face in her hands now and her sadness is palpable. I wrap my other arm around her, trying desperately to comfort her, but having no clue what to say.
When she finally pulls away from me, I release my hands, silently begging her to look at me, but she keeps her eyes forward, looking anywhere but at me. Her face is still hidden behind her hair and I have no idea what she’s thinking, only that I want to move her hair away and try to find out.
Suddenly, Mia laughs. “Are you kidding me, you have this game?”
I turn to where she is pointing. Smiling I look back at her, reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear so I can see her face like I wanted to. “Yeah of course, why wouldn’t I?”
I watch as Mia shakes her head, laughing at the same time. “Unbelievable, just never would have expected it, that’s all. You wanna play?”
I raise an eyebrow at her. “You’re challenging me? To Guitar Hero?”
“Yeah, why the hell not?” she asks, as though it should be obvious that’s what she’s doing.
“Ah, you do realise, Mia, I actually play the guitar?” I answer, watching as she runs her hands over her cheeks, wiping away her tears.