by Tina Saxon
It takes seconds to open the door, pull her in and close it again.
I reach into the back pocket of my jeans pulling out the picture and handing it to her. Her eyes widen in surprise looking at the two teens in the picture. She waves the picture in the air and looks at me dumbfounded.
“This looks like you and Kase, but much younger.”
“That’s because it is. I think.” Her eyebrow lifts. “I don’t remember that. At all.” I bury my head in my hands. “I’m so confused. He has to be working for Ray.”
“Woah. Ell, he works for Max. If he worked for a guy like Ray, I’m sure Max would know.” I step over and snatch the picture out of her hand.
“Then how do you explain this? This wasn’t my life. I wasn’t this happy. Ever. I didn’t have a guy like Kase to look at me like this guy is looking at this girl. They’re in love.”
“What did Kase say?”
I sigh, regretting my actions. “Before or after I pulled a knife on him?”
“Oh, shit.” She walks over, clutches my hand and leads me to the couch. “Start from the beginning?”
I replay the whole event and she stays quiet, listening. Saying the words out loud, I feel stupid for overreacting, but my first instinct was to fight. “He said we’ve known each other since we were ten and I was in a car accident and had amnesia. He also said I didn’t have a stepfather.” My hands shake. “But I did, Tori. I’m not making him up.”
She gently presses her hand on top of mine, calming me down. “I believe you Ell. I knew you when you first came here. You were scared out of your mind at the drop of a hat. I don’t doubt you at all. But something isn’t adding up. Maybe that isn’t you. Maybe you resemble her so much, he has the wrong person.” That has to be it. It’s the only thing that makes sense out of all of this. “Let me call Stone. He won’t let anything happen to you, so if Kase isn’t who he says he is, he’ll have a shit storm coming his way.” I close my eyes and fall back against the couch. The shit storm is just beginning. Taking a couple cleansing breaths, I try to calm down. Tori’s right. That girl isn’t me. They say everyone has a doppelganger. This has to be a case of mistaken identity. A flood of new emotions flow through me, reality setting in. He thought he found the love of his life, got me to fall in love with him and now I’m not her. My love for him isn’t fake or based on false pretenses, but his is.
Her phone call to Stone is short. When I feel the couch sink, I roll my head in her direction. “He didn’t tell me anything specific, but he said you and Kase need to talk. He also said not to be afraid of him.”
The different direction my mind is now going, all thoughts of him working for Ray are gone. I nod, salty tears run down my cheeks. Can this day get any worse?
“He loves you, Ell.”
“He loves me because he thinks I’m that girl.” I blow out my cheeks and brush the tears off them. I guess it’s better he finds out now instead of after we got married.
A soft knock comes from the door. “That’s him. Stone said he was on his way,” Tori whispers. The sound of my heart echoes in the silent room. I stare at the door wondering how I'll tell the man I love I’m not the woman he’s been searching for.
“Do you want me to get it?” Tori asks after another knock. Biting the inside my cheek, I shake my head and push off the couch. Every step I take, the tightness in my chest grows. I reach for the doorknob and take a deep breath, exhaling sharply.
“Hi,” I say, choking back my tears as soon as our eyes lock.
“Hi.” His normal cockiness is gone, and he looks smaller standing there with his hands shoved in his pockets.
Silence hangs between us, heavy from the unknown. “Can I come in?” he murmurs.
“I’m out of here,” Tori says from behind me. She squeezes my arm as she passes by and softly smiles at Kase. “Call me if you need me.” I watch her disappear into the elevator and glance back at Kase, still planted in his spot. For a fractured instant, I wonder if he loves me for me. But the pained expression written all over his face, I don’t think he does.
I gesture for him to enter and close the door slowly. Why rush the end? Our beginning was so perfect, I want to savor it for a few more minutes.
“I’m sorry… about earlier.” My voice shakes. He sits down on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. He nods in understanding, lifting the side of his lip in a crooked smile.
“You’ve always been my little hell-cat.” I shift my eyes to the kitchen, my heart twists at his words. “Ellie, I love you. Please don’t forget that.” He darts off the couch, taking a couple of long strides to where I’m standing.
“Kase,” I pause, the words getting stuck in my throat. “I’m not her.”
His thumb caresses my cheek, wiping the tears. “I know.” My brows furrow, and my head cocks to the side. He knows? “It doesn’t make a difference—”
“How can you say that,” I say, interrupting him. “It makes all the difference.”
“I admit, I thought you were her. But when I found out, it didn’t change how I felt. You own my heart, Ellie.” No, I was borrowing his heart. It belongs to someone else.
“When did you find out?” Inside my cheek is raw from chewing, but it doesn’t stop me from continuing as I wait for his answer. Words he’s known for months is what I want to hear. Need to hear.
“Today,” he sighs.
I drop my head, all hope of things working out, crumbling within me.
“Look at me.” His warm hand slides under my chin, lifting my head to meet his eyes. “You’re nothing like her. In the beginning, I was stuck on seeing the differences, but as time went on, I fell in love with those differences. They were what made you, you. The way you play with your hair when you get nervous, or the way you tap your foot three times before you cross a street.”
My breath catches at my childhood superstition. Tap three times before you walk, all day long have good luck. How did he notice that? “But even with the differences, you still thought it was her. I don’t know how I feel about all of this. I love you, Kase. The love I have for you has only been for you, the love you have for me began with the love of another woman. It makes me feel like I’m an imposter.” I step back, out of his reach and walk to the window. The ocean has always given me peace, yet right now, it’s a blur behind my tears.
“I don’t know how to fix this. You’re right, you were someone else in my eyes. Would I have fallen in love with you if you didn’t look identical to her? I want to say yes, but my heart wasn’t looking to fill her spot.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “Glad to be second best.”
“Fuck! I’m not saying this right.” He grabs my arm and whips me around, planting his face close to mine. “Ellie, you are my present. She is my past. You are not second best, right now you are my number one and the only person I want to spend my life with. How we got here is a little screwy, but we’re here, and my love for you hasn’t changed. Please, don’t push me away.”
I rest my hands on his taut chest and stare into his pleading eyes. “I need time. It’s a lot to take in.”
He pulls in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “There’s more and we should talk about it before I leave. I’ll take off after that…” His voice trails off.
More? What the hell is he talking about?
“I need you to tell me everything about your past,” he softly demands. I tense, my guard goes up. His eyes narrow. “Ellie, you pulled a knife on me thinking I was someone else, and now you tense when I ask you about your past. Is it your stepfather searching for you?”
Having Max’s team around me has always made me feel more at ease. I was close enough with the guys, if I ever needed help, they’d be there to help me. Kase is different. I don’t want him to know my demons and torment him, they do enough damage. He’s been okay with me keeping my past in my past, can't we keep it there?
“Ellie, you’re not answering me.”
I wince. “I don’t think so.”
/> “That’s not a good enough answer,” he replies with a sharp tone. I roll my eyes as he lifts me off my feet in his arms and carries me to the couch. He plops me down and then settles in next to me.
I twirl my hair and it’s not until he stops me do I notice I was doing it. A smug smile plays on his lips. So, you know my quirks. I sigh, realizing keeping my past from him is no longer an option.
“When I was four, my dad walked out on me and my mom. We didn’t have much, so my mom would work random jobs. I was home a lot by myself. She ended up falling in love with a guy and marrying him when I was twelve. At first, he was nice and tolerated me. But when I turned fifteen, things changed.” I can sense Kase’s whole body stiffen, but I keep going, staring ahead, not wanting to see his expression. “At first, he would come into my bedroom to say goodnight, being extra feely. His hands would graze my boob when he was rubbing my arm, stuff like that. It continued to progress the next few months. The night I turned sixteen was the first night he raped me.”
Kase bolts up out of his seat, running his hands through his hair, making it stand on end. His jaw ticks and I can see the rage swirling in his eyes. “Please tell me this motherfucker is dead,” he grates out. “Because he’s going to be if he’s not.”
“Let me finish.” I lick my lips, my mouth parched. The last time I told this story, I was in the courthouse, and the devil’s eyes were burning a hole in me. He nods once, but stays standing. I knot my fingers together, squeezing them and continue. “When I was seventeen, I finally told my mom what was happening. She didn’t believe me. He got a kick out of it so I told him I was going to the police the next day. Gah, I was stupid.” I shake my head, remembering the rage that filled his whole body that night, bleed into mine.
Kase drops down in front of me, unwrapping my fingers. He brushes his lips over each fingernail indentation in my palms. “You’re not stupid Ellie. You were a teenager trying to get help. It was a defensive tactic. You thought he’d leave you alone if he knew you were going to tell someone.”
“It was the exact opposite. He raped me and beat me with anything he could get his hands on. Then he threw me in the car and dropped me off in the woods to die. I remember feeling happy that he couldn't touch me again. I was going to die, and I was at peace with it. I was ready to leave hell.”
“Who found you?” he whispers.
“There was a horse on the loose the next morning. The guy who owned the land was out looking for him and found me instead. I had lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed.”
Kase runs his fingers up the scar on my arm, like he’s done a million times. This time it’s different. I nod my head. They aren’t scars to me, they are badges that display the strength and determination that no one can bring me down. I had months of rehabilitation, but I did it. Just to prove to Ray that he couldn’t get rid of me that easily. He digs his head into my stomach, wrapping his arms around me.
“He’s in jail for life.”
“But he’s still living,” Kase mumbles into my lap.
“Kase,” I say, waiting for him to lift his head. “Promise me you won’t do anything.”
“Why are you scared then? Are you hiding out here?”
My shoulders drop. “He was a high profile pimp, which I later found out he was trying to groom me. He had guys that worked for him and they all knew me because I was his stepdaughter. So, after he went to jail, his guys tried to find me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me all of this? I would do anything for you, especially keep you safe.”
A sarcastic laugh slips from my lips. “Yeah, I guess I could’ve prevented all this mistaken identity business if I would have.”
“It wouldn’t have made a difference.”
“You keep saying that, but you said it yourself, you weren’t open to love.”
“I can’t go back to what ifs because I don’t know. I know that I love you right now and I’ll kill anyone that tries to touch you again.”
The anger brewing in his eyes scares me.
I won’t let him go to jail for killing someone for me. “Please, Kase,” I plead with him. His eyes jump back and forth, not focusing on my face, but rather my eyes. With a slight shake to his head, he can’t make that promise. Our gazes are locked in a war of will. I don’t know why I’m even trying. When he furrows his brow, I ask, “What?”
“You’ve talked about your dad, but you said he took off when you were four.”
“The guy that found me was a retired Texas Ranger. Dalton Keyes. The police wanted me to go into witness protection. Dalton was there for me the entire time. Surgeries, rehabilitation, didn’t matter, he stayed by my side. He was all I had, and I clung to him so hard, he couldn’t have left even if he wanted to. When he offered to keep me at his place until the trial, I didn’t hesitate at all. He became the father I never had.”
“He sounds amazing. I can see the love you have for him in your eyes.”
I smile softly. “He was my angel.”
“I’d love to meet him.”
Tears flow down my cheek and I nod. “I’d love that.” He runs his knuckles over my cheek, catching the falling tears.
“I’m getting us a couple of beers,” he says, standing.
“We’re going to need more than a couple.”
He nods in agreement and grabs the entire six pack out of the fridge. Once we both have a beer in our hands, I take a long pull, the cool bubbles feel refreshing in my parched mouth.
“Feeling a little better?”
A flurry of emotions swirl in the pit of my stomach as I settle back against the couch. The excitement from this morning, celebrating our six month anniversary, seems like it was days ago. I shrug. “We’ve talked about so much. Stuff we should’ve been open about when we first were getting serious.”
“I’m sorry. It’s my fault,” he says, grabbing my hand out of my lap and pulling it over to him.
“I wasn’t open with you either. There’s one thing that's confusing though.” He raises a brow, waiting for me to continue. “You said we aren’t anything alike yet you thought this whole time, I was her. Why?”
“Do you remember the date of when…” He chokes on his words, not able to get them all out.
“August twenty-fifth. It’s not like I could ever forget it.”
“So bizarre,” he mumbles under his breath.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Kase
“What’s bizarre?”
This whole situation.
I focus on her rather than the fury raging inside me. She knows I’m not letting this go. Target practice is happening, and I always shoot dead center. I blow out a heavy breath, clearing my mind because I owe her this much. The truth.
I hesitate to answer because this will rock her world. It shook mine at the core. “Did you know you were adopted?”
She angles her head. “Yes,” she says, dragging the word out. “Before I turned eighteen, I asked Dalton if he would adopt me so I could start over with a new last name. That’s when I found out. I also found out that my birth mom named me Ellie so I wanted to keep that part. How did you know?”
I take a swig of my beer, set it on the glass table, and rub my hands down my pants. I can’t tell if it's condensation from the beer or sweat. “The reason I thought you were Everly was because your DNA matched hers.” She tilts her head, pinching her lips together.
“How… could that be?”
“You were born a twin. Everly is your twin sister.”
She gasps under her fingers covering her mouth, blinks a couple of times before releasing a breath. “How?” she squeaks out in a disbelieving tone.
“You were adopted to different parents.”
“Who would split up twins?”
I shrug. I hate I don’t have all the answers. “We found the documents, but I didn’t read them thoroughly. I only know you are part of a twin.”
“Twins have the same DNA?” So it seems. She sits forward and covers her
face with her hands. I reach for her, but stop halfway, pulling back. I want to comfort her, but I don’t know how she’ll feel about me touching her. “Oh my god,” she snaps, lifting her head. “You love both of us.”
“Loved,” I blurt out. Her brows knit together. “I loved her. I love you, Ellie.” She belts out a bitter laugh. “Everly and Ellie. I can’t believe this is happening. I thought worrying about being number two was bad. Knowing you loved my twin sister and thought I was her is so much worse.”
She shoves off the couch, grabbing her beer and drains the rest while she paces. She replaces her empty beer bottle with a full one, downing half of that one in one gulp. “It still doesn’t make a difference to me,” I plead.
“It does to me.”
This could be the end of us and there isn’t anything I can do because it doesn’t change the fact I love two people with the same face. Same DNA. I told her I loved Everly, but that isn’t true. I’ll always love Everly, she was a big part of my life. It’s different with Ellie though. The love I have for her completes me. She gets me and never makes me feel like I have to justify anything I’ve done.
“Why did you ask what the date was?” She stops walking and stares at me.
“It’s the day Everly was in a car accident. They thought she might have passed out because she plowed into another car without even braking.”
“Oh my god, oh my god.” Her voice escalates. She fans her face as her eyes well up with tears. “He almost killed both of us.”
She collapses onto one of the dining room chairs, head down on the table. Her back shakes from her silent cries.
After that, she was done talking, except to tell me I should go. I told her I would leave, but I’d be back to check on her tonight after she had time to think about everything. The salty air hits my face as I walk out of her apartment building. I’m on auto pilot walking through the streets, not caring where I’m headed.
When my feet hit the soft sand, I stare out to the vast ocean. I haven’t been out in the deep waters in a few months. Each step closer, I strip off a piece of clothing, only my boxers left by the time I touch the water. This is what I know. I take a few deep breaths before running and diving in. The cool water engulfs me as I slice through it at a high speed. In the shallow waters, my body glides above the sandy bottom, my mind focusing only on my environment, temporarily erasing the last two hours.