by Lexie Ray
Well, the word “they” was, in truth, really only Marissa. She decided for them that they would send the kids to her sister’s house. She felt that after Lucas had finally made his way back home, that it was the best way to ensure not to scar them or distract from the images that they held of either parent.
She stood in a threatening manner; her feet were planted steadily on the floor, gaze set on her target with her arms flailing about as she screamed in his direction. He was a target and her words were the arrows. She could feel the swift release with every solitary word, and the more she yelled the more energized she felt. She was fighting – and it felt good. It was one of the only times that she had ever felt free enough – and with enough cause – to truly scream at the man before her. One could say that she was biting his head off, ripping him a new one, straight up fucking his world completely up.
She felt as if in that moment she was unloading the many years’ worth of marital baggage that burdened her. She unleashed profanity in regards to everything about him that she hated and despised. This was her moment of clarity. This was her moment to shine. This was her fucking moment, her one fucking opportunity. She felt like an Eminem song and she loved it.
She wanted to impale him with the hateful words that she had concocted. She wanted revenge for the piercing wound the truth of his infidelity caused in her heart and soul. She wanted to cause him even just an ounce of the pain and discomfort that she was feeling.
She felt herself losing balance on the sharp edge of cliff that she had so gallantly climbed up on in her battle with Preston, and it wasn’t long before her swaying steadiness scared her to no end and she knew she had to back away.
She knew she had to maneuver away from the edge that she found herself dangerously close to falling over. She knew this wasn’t the answer. She knew. She knew – she fucking knew – but she couldn’t stop. Not now.
She felt her body move, but not down; she wasn’t falling. She was gaining. She was gaining on him, his muscular frame, which had been leaning against the couch’s arm listening to every screaming word that she shot at him. He sat there as she power-walked towards him, screaming all the way with her finger pointed directly at him. It was as if she was moving to stab him with her pointer finger – that is, until the very last step, when she curled it and balled her hands into a fist.
He smirked as she cocked her arm back, her fist still balled. “Oh, is it a gun show? Are you really going to punch me?” he asked, seemingly amused. With that she launched her arm forcefully at the square of his jaw, breaking his smirk completely. If there was one thing she hated above all else, it was being patronized.
The moment went in slow motion to Marissa; it was as if she could vocally count the milliseconds. She tried to cock and launch again, but this time he stood and caught her obviously slow punch midair and pulled her to him, flipping her around.
Her back was against him, and his arms were wrapped around her completely. His hands made home atop her forearms, which were folded across her chest, and grasped at them tightly. “You think I’m going to sit there and let you hit me?” he seethed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
He released her, and she straightened her clothing and breathed a large, heavy sigh. She had lost control, but she was glad she did. It was her turn, after all. “I think I’m reacting in a normal way rather than sitting there like a smirking asshole the entire time! I’m sick of your smirk, I’m sick of your patronizing comments, and I’m sick of your lies, Preston. Just fucking tell me the truth.” It was the first time that she actually spoke at a volume not loud enough to burst eardrums.
“You know the truth – obviously. It’s why you’re yelling, isn’t it?” he replied, sneering at her.
“You don’t care? You have no remorse? After all this time – you don’t care at all? And I want to hear it from you! Not our fucking nanny!”
“I cheated. I had sex with Haley. Are you happy?” he screamed back, shoving past her to sit on the couch. He roughly combed his hands through his blonde, glowing hair before continuing. “I just don’t understand why you can’t just tell me what we’re going to do now that you know?”
“What do you want to do?” she asked curiously.
“I want you to forget about it and go back to normal, but I’m assuming that won’t happen,” he returned.
“You’d assume correctly. Why did you do it? How many times did you do it? Is she the only one?”
“Who knows why I did it? Attention? I like Haley; she’s attractive. I realized I wasn’t very young anymore, and she gave me attention that felt new and exciting. I felt like I needed it. She was new and exciting. It was all fresh. I was pitching myself and making a sale. It was nice. I missed dating. I missed feeling yearned after. And when it first happened, you hadn’t touched me in God knows how long. From there, it just continued.” He breathed out and back in.
“How many times? I have no fucking idea. A lot. A lot, a lot. We fucked constantly. Is that what you want to hear? God, I just want this all to fucking go away, and now the bitch won’t even answer her phone...” he trailed.
“This has nothing to do with her right now.” Marissa replied, still absorbing the information, but shocked at his passing of the blame card.
“How does it not? She fucked me, too, and she’s off the fucking hook!” Preston yelled, before leaping back off the couch and aiming his stance at her.
“She’s not getting away with anything, but she’s also not the one that’s married. She’s fired, didn’t you know? But of course not – you tried to call and she wouldn’t answer. Now, continue answering my questions. Is she the only one you fucked?” she asked, seriously – her eyes narrowing as if laser piercing into his soul to discover the truth.
“I’m not dignifying that with an answer,” he said before walking away. “I’ll be in the city,” he called over his shoulder before rounding the corner leading to the hallway, most likely to gather his things.
~~~
Call it her natural pessimistic outlook, or call it sulking, but Haley couldn’t help but stew on the fact that she knew this would all happen. She knew she’d be outcast as soon as she revealed the truth. She knew, but could she blame anyone? Could she really say anything in regards to the reaction she got? Hell, if anything she was lucky she wasn’t knifed by an estranged wife wronged by both her husband and friend. She was lucky being an outcast was all that happened to her. She missed them, though. She missed them all so very much.
A temptation sparked in a single moment led to a fueled chaotic fire destroying all in its wake for an unforeseen number of moments to come. This was all so much, so complicated, so stressful, so destructive. It had led to lies and deceit on her part and his; it had led to stress on not only the parties involved in the disparaging affair but also the parties it affected – the kids, Marissa. Poor, poor Marissa. It led to the betrayal of her trust more than it had done anything. And Haley knew that she would always regret it.
She wished there was something she could say to Marissa. She wished there was something that could help the situation. She wished, she wished. “Wish in one hand!” she screeched at herself. My God, she was going crazy, but that’s all she seemed to be able to do. Wish. Wish. Fucking wish. There weren’t words in the dictionary appropriate for such an apology though. So she could keep on wishing. She wasn’t being forgiven – at least not anytime soon.
There weren’t a lot of eloquent words to saturate the bullshit of the situation. There wasn’t even any sort of device to filter any of it out. It was what it was. It was bullshit. Steaming, smelly, foul, and in all of its glory: bullshit. Villainizing Preston wasn’t the answer to everything. It wasn’t entirely his fault. No, he wasn’t an upstanding father or husband – but she had participated. She was also to blame, she kept reminding herself. This was her fault too.
Chapter 4
Preston had been in the city for days and she hadn’t dared to contact him. The kids had asked about him,
but each of them had a phone – so she supposed he kept in contact. Sophie would talk about the multitude of gossip the two of them embarked upon via text message, so Marissa thought it really was a safe bet he was keeping in contact.
Lucas, on the other hand, had mentioned not wanting to talk to him. So even if he had tried to contact him, she wasn’t sure he’d respond. And she wished she could have said that she wasn’t going to push him to do so – but she couldn’t. She could understand his anger. Hell, she was angry herself – but he was still their father. She wanted them to speak; he hadn’t betrayed the kids, after all. This had nothing to do with them.
As she looked to her son gobbling down his dinner hurriedly, she decided – while he had food in front him, while he was happy – she was going to push. If only just a little, she wanted to prod. She felt like she needed to.
“Don’t you think it’s time to talk to your dad?” Marissa asked before twirling her fork around in a circle to entrap the spaghetti noodles.
“He ruined my life,” Lucas responded flatly.
“That’s a little harsh – not to mention dramatic, don’t you think?” Marissa replied.
“How so?” Lucas spat, and pieces of garlic bread flung out of his open trap.
“This has to do with our marriage. Not the two of you. He loves you –”
“He loves US? He doesn’t love anyone – only himself,” Lucas interrupted, slamming his fork to the table.
He stormed upstairs, leaving Marissa bewildered and even a little upset. She was upset because of the situation, yes. She hated Preston for what he did – but she also couldn’t imagine ever hating her father. No matter what. She tried to put herself in Lucas’s shoes, but it was difficult. Her parents had never fought over something as big as this. Their marriage was steady and grounded and there sure as hell wasn’t any cheating – at least, none that she knew of.
She tried to think how she would react if her own father had slept with someone other than her mother. She’d be livid, sure. She’d even be pissed. She’d want to smack him in the face. But she wouldn’t hate him. She couldn’t. She never would have been able to do that. She wouldn’t cut ties. She loved him so much and missed him more and more every day that he was gone. But then again, she had to think of the relationship Lucas and Preston had; they had never been outstandingly close. They had grown apart over the years, and it was obvious Preston had a better relationship with Sophie.
She sighed, saddened by it all. She was going to fix this. Maybe not her marriage – that was out of her control for the moment. But she could try and salvage Lucas’s relationship with his dad. She could try. She had to try.
~~~
This idea would probably be looked at as some sort of lame and/or desperate attempt at trying to mold a perfect family, but she wanted to think of it as trying to keep her family a family despite the looming cloud that waited.
To an average onlooker her current actions could be misconstrued as getting a couple of toddlers together to go on a day trip as she quickly packed two insulated lunch bags with various snacks and beverages. To her it was over-compensating for the day that did await her children. Family fun day!
Only, not with her. With Preston. And only Preston. She still wasn’t ready to speak to him, nor was she ready to even look at his face for longer than a few seconds. In fact, she had taken down all of their photos together and stored them under their bed for the time being. She would deal with them later. She would deal with them after she dealt with whatever the hell was happening with her marriage. But just because she couldn’t see him, didn’t mean the kids couldn’t.
“Lucas, Sophie! Come here down here!” she called from the kitchen’s doorway, hoping that they could hear her from whatever hiding spot they were in at the moment.
She took a deep breath and prepared herself for what Lucas was going to say about the situation. She was sure that Sophie would be ecstatic to spend the day with her father, but Lucas on the other hand – she knew it was going to be a hard sale.
She heard the pitter-patter of their feet and knew that they’d soon be present. She smiled. It seemed just like yesterday that those pitter-pattering feet were much lighter and she was greeted by the faces of smiling toddlers. She missed those days. Everything was much simpler.
Their steps approached the kitchen, each coming from a different direction, one definitely in front of the other. She was nervous all of a sudden, and she had to turn away from the doorway. She was not ready to see which one of her kids came first.
“Are we going on a picnic?” Sophie exclaimed as Marissa’s back was turned. And then she heard stronger movement until she saw the girl running in her peripheral until she was in front of her, excitedly clamoring over the all the snacks prepared on the kitchen island.
“Sort of,” Marissa responded. One down, one to go – the hardest one.
“Mom…That blows. I wanted to stay home today,” Lucas replied from the doorway. There it was. There was that infamous Lucas reaction she was waiting for. She turned around to look at him.
“Well, you’re home all the time, Luke. It’s time to get out and enjoy this weather. School is letting out soon and you’ll be home all the time.”
Lucas sighed and rolled his eyes vividly, and then looked to her, as if awaiting further clarification as to what they were doing. And then she wasn’t sure she could give him the news. He already looked pissed – and she hadn’t even told him the best part!
When Marissa didn’t respond right away, he dramatically hit his head against the refrigerator and spoke between hits, “Are you going to tell us what the three of us are doing or are we just supposed to be surprised?”
Marissa walked to the boy, grabbed him by the shoulders, and shifted him away from the appliance. She couldn’t stand how much like Preston he really was sometimes, so dramatic and annoying. “Well, it isn’t the three of us,” Marissa replied.
“Mom, I don’t want to see Haley,” Lucas responded, annoyed.
“I do!” Sophie exclaimed, obviously unfamiliar with the situation. There was the answer to the question she had been asking herself for days. The girl likely didn’t know about what happened – not the whole story, at least.
“Well that’s great, Luke – because you’re not seeing Haley,” Marissa said simply before Lucas’s eyes widened and face – she could swear – turned a few shades redder.“We’re going with Dad? You’ve got to be shitting me!” Lucas responded before he threw his hands in defeat and walked out of the kitchen.
“Language!” Marissa screamed in exasperation. She hated teenagers.
“Well, I’ll be happy to see daddy,” Sophie responded before grabbing some crackers and shoving them in her mouth. At least she had one happy kid. “Never become a teenager,” Marissa said simply, smiling at her smiling baby girl. Sophie giggled and continued eating her crackers.
~~~
Marissa continued getting the kids’ stuff ready to go, while Lucas sulked about playing video games on his phone. She was glad he was getting out of the house, if she had to be honest. She was really dreading summer and school being out. She would be happy to see them a little more, and happy Lucas didn’t have to endure whatever he was enduring at school – but she also couldn’t help but feel dread.
Haley wasn’t around. Hell, neither was Preston for that matter. That meant that the only person the two children would have on a regular basis would be her – and to be honest, she didn’t know how the hell she was going to deal with Lucas’s growing nuisance all day, every day, all of summer. And she knew she couldn’t deal with that idea now – she had other matters to deal with first, but it didn’t mean she hadn’t thought about it.
She walked through to the living room and stepped over the young boy’s outstretched legs which, annoyingly, lay atop her coffee table. She hated feet on the furniture, but she decided to pick her battles and resist from bantering with him further. She gathered up his earbuds from off of the arm of the sofa and put them int
o their respective pouch and tossed it to him.
Then, with a twinge of annoyance, she continued gathering. She walked over to the arm chair where he had lazily tossed his jacket and backpack and gathered those up as well, before she mirrored her past motion by tossing those to him. He was almost thirteen and couldn’t even pick up his stuff. She knew he was doing it on purpose, though.
“Anything else you guys need?” she asked, trying to stay positive.
“A noose,” he replied flatly. She rolled her eyes and glared at him. “How long are we going to be there? Why do I need my backpack?”
“You might get bored and it’d be nice to get some homework done. And you may want to stay the night, but if you don’t, I will gladly come pick you up,” she replied. “Now, let’s go.”
He rolled his eyes and slumped through to the living room and into the kitchen with his jacket and bag in tow – his nose basically pressed into the screen of his phone. She wanted to pull her hair out with the way he was acting, but she couldn’t blame him. She hadn’t really thought about what this was doing to the two of them. No one really thought about how much of a betrayal it had to feel like to the kids.
No, he hadn’t cheated on the kids – if that would even be possible. They weren’t his wife, and they weren’t the reason he strayed – but the fact remained that he had cheated with their nanny. Haley was their best friend, their aunt, of sorts. She was everything to them. They loved her. Lucas, being the only child that seemingly knew about the affair, had to be confused.
She heard his footsteps stomp across the tile and stop before she heard the garage door fling open and bang against the wall. She cringed. Thank goodness for door bumpers. She heard Sophie skip down from her barstool – the place Marissa had left her – and go out, most likely gleefully, to join her brother in the garage. She really hoped they’d have a good time. She needed to get her mind off of this horrific disaster and onto something more productive.