by Michelle, T.
“Are you busy?”
“I’m eating.” She was being distant, rude. “I’m currently shoveling pizza into my face and watching Seinfeld re-runs.”
“Can we talk?”
NO! “Um, sure. What’s on your mind?”
“I mean, in person. Could I come over?”
NO! “Where’s Amanda?” Her throat had a lump in it that she couldn’t quite clear.
“In Houston. I just want to visit with you a while. When you didn’t show up on Monday, I asked Kristen for your phone number. I hope you don’t mind.” He sounded hesitant, unsure of himself. That wasn’t like Jared at all.
“Fat lot of good it would do me if I was upset.” She laughed a bit, trying to take the awkwardness out of the situation. “I don’t really know…oh, alright.”
She gave him directions and immediately slammed the phone down, running for the shower. The world’s quickest wash job completed, she hopped out and hurriedly straightened her meager surroundings.
As soon as she’d managed to get dressed in something ‘casual, yet flattering’, he knocked at the door.
“Hi.” She said gracelessly, backing up to allow him entrance. He was just as beautiful as she’d remembered. Tabitha hadn’t really allowed herself to fully take in his appearance last Friday, too shocked at seeing him to humor those baser urges.
“Hey.” He held out a bouquet of flowers to her. They were simple field flowers, wrapped in cellophane. She muttered thanks and laid them on the entryway table. Her apartment wasn’t much to boast about but it was laid out well – containing a large front room and wide kitchen, one small bedroom that she used as an office off to the right of the front door, her bedroom and the only bathroom located down a short hall to the left.
“Nice place.” He commented, wandering about the living room looking it over. She’d managed to lay her hands on some really nice furniture at an estate sale for pennies on the dollar a few months’ back and had gone with simple decorations of candle sconces to decorate the walls and a few well-placed plants. The effect was aesthetically pleasing: plenty of white space to decrease the clutter and enough interesting objects to discuss should she entertain, which she rarely did.
“Thank you. Are you thirsty?” She found her mouth was suddenly parched and moved in to the kitchen for some water.
“I’ll have what you’re having.” He took a seat on her sofa, placing one foot on the opposite knee.
Tabitha brought in two glasses of water and sank down into the chair next to him. She rolled the cold glass between her hands, studying its contents.
“So, you finally went back to school. And have a major, no less.” He looked more comfortable than he should, considering the circumstances.
“Yeah, it’s been fun. It’s hard work, but I like it. Only one and half years to go.”
“What else have you been up to? Do you go to Houston often?”
“Not any more. It was quite an ordeal when I broke the news to my family about what really happened last summer. Things are better between all of us but I only go back for the major holidays now.” She smiled at him. “If I can’t find a way out of it, that is.”
He laughed. “You’ve changed. You’re more relaxed.”
“I’m also in my own place, not huddled on some strange man’s couch, drenched and in shock from a recent dog attack.” It was getting easier to talk with him.
“You’ve healed well.”
“Why, thank you, Dr. Larsen.”
“Why didn’t you come to me for the follow-up appointment?”
Okay, it wasn’t so easy to talk to him anymore. “I don’t know, Jared. Everything just got so screwed up. I didn’t think I could handle it.”
“Why did you just run off that day? You could have talked to me.”
“Ha!” She stood abruptly. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the easiest man to talk to.”
“What do you mean?” He’d gotten to his feet, but a quick gesture halting him stayed his position.
“You get real dry, unemotional.” She rose up as well, pacing a bit. “It’s probably the doctor coming out in you. And I was scared. Christ! I was so torn up it was unbelievable.” She calmed a bit, stopping just across the coffee table in front of him. “But it was the best thing I could have ever done. It forced me to make a life for myself. And I have that now.”
“Yes, you do. I’m proud of you.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true.”
“Are you going to tell Amanda that you were here?”
“It probably won’t come up.”
She pulled her lips down over her teeth and nodded at him. “Jared, I think you should leave.”
“Tabitha, I just wanted to talk with you. What’s wrong in that?”
“What’s wrong? Well, let’s see…I’m a girl, Jared. I like believing that if I had a boyfriend he wouldn’t hide things from me. I like to think that I wouldn’t be privy to someone else’s heartache much less aid in its creation. I’m not comfortable being here with you, it makes me worry.”
“Worry about what?”
“Jesus!” She pushed her hair out of her face with an erratic gesture. “I remember what went on between us. I remember that you had a girlfriend. The same girlfriend, I may point out, that I had the privilege of meeting the other night, and I remember that I helped you cheat on her. I remember that there’s no reason for you to be here, because a one night stand never needs to be more than just what it is, or was in our case.”
“Is that what you think happened between us?” Jared came around the table and stood towering over her. “I can’t help it that I had a girlfriend at the time. I can’t change what happened, I wouldn’t even if I could. Although, maybe I would have done things differently. Had I known that I’d find you wrestling around with my dog outside one night, I could have changed my situation, but having no fortune-telling abilities left me a little lacking.” He had begun to poke the air in front of her with a tense finger.
“Whatever, Jared. I really don’t know what good this conversation is doing.” She was going to cry – at any given moment, she was going to begin sobbing like some lackwit. “Please, don’t do this to me.” Her voice warbled.
“What about me, Tabitha? Do you know what I’ve gone through since seeing you last weekend? All the torment brought back to life?” He stepped closer, she stepped back. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” She sniffed and clenched her teeth.
“Don’t run from me again.”
The dam broke. Tears came spilling out her eyes, rolling over her cheeks, dripping onto her shirt.
He hugged her to him, letting her ball up her tiny fists and push at his chest. “Tabby, I’ve missed you so much. I just wanted to know why you didn’t call. Why you didn’t tell me what was wrong. I came home that night and everything of yours was gone. No note, no call, no nothing. Kristen and I were frantic. And when you finally called her, she told me you didn’t want to see me. Do you know what that felt like?”
His breath felt amazing fanning through her hair. His chin was braced on the top of her head, his arms around her back.
“I couldn’t…I still can’t Jared. I think I thought there was something between us, I made myself believe there could be something between us…but you had a girlfriend. You still do.” She pushed away, turning her back on him.
“Actually, Amanda became my fiancée. But then – ”
Tabitha whirled around and faced him. A vicious calm overtook once his words settled in and she slowly made her way to the door. Wrenching it open, she stood to one side, defiantly glaring at him. “Get out.” She hissed, barely able to breathe.
“Tabitha, please hear me out.” He fumbled with words, not moving from the center of the room. “I didn’t know how to find you and Kristen kept telling me you didn’t want me to know where you were. What was I supposed to do? I’ve known Amanda my whole life and it’s always been understood that I’d marry a deb
utante. My family,” he sneered in disgust, “wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“Then do your duty. Now, please leave, Jared. I can’t take this anymore.”
“You’ve got to understand. I can’t marry her. How can I, when I can’t get you out of my head?” He stood beseeching her. Needing from her what she could not give.
“What you need to understand, Jared, is that I can’t care. All I know is that I deserve more than some other woman’s throwback. I may not have much by your family’s standards, but I deserve my own man.”
Jared’s body took on a pained expression. He stood a moment longer then moved through the open doorway. “You’re right, Tabitha. I should have never come here. I should have known to leave you alone.” He tenderly brushed his knuckles down the side of her face.
She steeled herself against his touch, willing him to go away. Her heart couldn’t take any more. As he disappeared down the stairway, she sank down on her knees, her head hung in defeat.
Tabitha called in sick to work, completely sleep-deprived. She waited until early afternoon before she called Kristen, wailing into the phone.
“Okay, here’s what I want you to do. Doug’s out of town for the weekend and I have the house to myself.” Apparently they’d moved in together. “Can you meet me there around six?”
Tabitha agreed and hastily packed a bag.
Pulling up into Kristen’s driveway released some of the stress inside her. She was exhausted and just needed her friend’s shoulder to cry on. How dare he do this to her? Did he think so little of her that he could ask her to continue making a mockery of Amanda? She was no harlot. She may not have as much as most, but she was worth plenty more than that.
She pounded on the door, ready to be hidden away from the harsh world. She would stay the weekend, gather herself up once more and trudge forward.
Kristen opened the door, stiff and jerky in her movements. Tabitha paid her no heed and pushed past her friend. She came to an abrupt halt in front of Jared. She turned on Kristen, but she was already moving out the door. Tabitha dropped her bag and lunged for her, but Jared grabbed her about the waist.
“I’m sorry.” Kristen said. “Just hear him out. I’ll be down the street if you need me.”
“No!” Tabitha yelled as Kristen closed the door, trapping her in this house with that man.
“Stop, Tabitha. Please.” She struggled against his steel grip, fighting him with all her might.
“Let me go.” She demanded, enraged.
“Not until you hear me out.”
She snatched at his arm and bit down, hard. He howled and threw her up against the wall, pinning her there. “I told Amanda. I told her all about us, Tabitha.” He said, growling in anger.
“About us?” She spat. “There is no ‘us’, Jared. Remember?” She fought to get the ground beneath her feet again, but his hold was too strong. In the struggle, Jared had managed to brace his forearm against her chest, pressing his solid body to hers.
They tussled for what seemed like ages, Tabitha raging at him, striking out with her fist, her nails, her feet. She screamed and growled, pissed that he had the upper hand and wasn’t going to relinquish control.
“Just listen to me!” He bellowed.
She struck out to slap him and withdrew fingertips spotted with blood. Her body went still, limp against the weight of him. “I’ve hurt you.” She whispered, spying the long scratch running along the underside of his jaw, little beads of blood smeared along his neck. Her fingernail must have caught his skin, torn a little gash in the tender flesh.
His eyes glowed with a feral intensity. One moment they were staring at each other, the next he’d devoured her mouth with his own. She fought against it, not wanting to succumb to this hypnotizing power he held over her.
She tried to turn her head, but the force of Jared’s kiss locked her in place. She could hear the harshness of his breath, could feel the heat radiating out of him. Tabitha tried to gain control, push him away, but it was no use. His lips were formidable but felt right. Just the fierceness of his need twisted her insides and she couldn’t continue to resist. She slapped at his back then dug her nails into his shirt, bunching it up in her grasp.
Then she sighed into his mouth as she let go and clung to him, feeling him release some of the tension that kept him wound so tight. A bit-off sound of anguish escaped him and he fell into her, pressing her further into the wall behind them. She wrapped her legs around him. The long, stretchy skirt she wore constrained her movements, but Jared seemed to be one step ahead of her, pushing the material up, allowing her thighs to fully encompass his waist. He pressed himself into her, rocking hard against her. The force of his movements burned and chaffed her and she grappled with him, having no room to back up. He slowed but did not decrease the vigor in which he pursued his closeness with her. It was untamed and lawless, ruthless and necessary.
Tabitha flung her head back and he nipped at her collarbone, flooding her body with tingles and urgency. She threaded her hand through his hair and pulled him back with an aggression foreign to her, bearing the long column of his throat. She slowly licked the length of the wound on the underside of his jaw and sucked hard on the skin beneath his earlobe. He growled low and pulled her hips further down on him. She could feel his belt buckle bite into her just above her pelvic bone and wriggled to position herself better, but he wouldn’t allow her to gyrate in such a fashion.
“Don’t move like that.” He ground out.
“Jared, we – I need to slow this down. I can’t do this.”
He abruptly released his hold on her and she dropped to the floor. “You can’t do anything, Tabitha.” He ran a hand through his hair and stepped back from her.
“What?” She scrambled to her feet.
“My God, where’s your passion? Why do you keep yourself all bottled up inside?” He came at her again, pinning her back against the wall, but allowing her feet to remain on the floor this time. “Just let go, Tabby. Please…just let go.” He searched her eyes. “For me.”
Something in her clicked and she allowed the door to open, let down her guards. She heaved at his chest, forcing him backwards. “You want me to let go? You want to see me act as a wanton, is that what you want?” She continued her assault, backing him into the kitchen.
“No. I just want you to show me the passion that I know exists in you for me.”
“You are one cocky bastard.”
“No, I’m not. But I know you feel the same way about me as I do you. I can feel it.” He reached out to her.
She slapped his hands away. “Don’t you touch me. Don’t you dare. You want me to release some imaginary hold I have, the restraints over my emotions?”
He didn’t say a word, just allowed her to push at him until he leaned against the island counter in Kristen’s over-sized kitchen. His eyes looked sorrowful, pained.
“Don’t give me that look. You want some sort of concubine, that’s what you want. So you can marry your pretty little princess and have your fetish too.”
“No.”
“You want me to be some, some call girl for you.” She poked at his chest, stepping closer to him, standing toe to toe with him.
“No.”
“You want to be able to come and go as you please without any concern towards my feelings and my life and what I want.”
“No!”
Tabitha stopped her attack, stunned at his bark.
Jared’s face fell, his manner weakened. “I just want you to love me.” He whispered.
“What?!” Tabitha voice rose in octave and volume.
“That’s all I want, Tabitha. All I’ve wanted since the day I met you.” His gaze was steady, unwavering.
“You can’t be serious.” She backed away from him. “You don’t want me, what have I got to offer you? No, no, no.” She stormed off in to the living room with Jared on her heels. “This is just some sick ploy to get me in bed.”
“Th
ink what you will, but it’s the truth, Tabitha. Just ask Kristen.”
“Oh, I won’t be talking to her ever again, so her insight doesn’t do me a lot of good.” She flopped down on the couch, knowing her statement had been an empty threat and completely aware that her body still raged with an unfulfilled need. “What could she possibly tell me anyway?”
Jared came down on his knees in front of her, beseeching her attention. “Can’t you love me? Can’t you even try?”
Tabitha leaned over and kissed him. Kissed him with all the emotion she had to impart. She wrapped her arms around his neck bringing him closer to her. She leaned back on the couch, dragging him down on top of her and relished the feel when his warm hands slid up her thighs.
His hands found her every trigger, every soft spot, as though he had been mapping out her body for years. He dragged his mouth up over her waist, along her ribs, in between her breasts to cover her mouth again. Her anger was defeated, her mind temporarily eased, her body alive. And just when she couldn’t handle any more build up, Jared abruptly stopped, leveraging off her body and sliding down to a seated position on the floor.
She stared at the ceiling, see-sawing between frustration and confusion. What did this man want from her?
“I can’t do this. Not like this, Tabitha.”
“Now you can’t do this? Will you make up your mind?”
“I have. But I have to know if you love me.”
Her eyes bored holes in the ceiling. Funny how she had never realized ceilings had such strange shapes in the paint up there. Of course she loved him. Of course she did – she had never loved anyone, nor would she ever, like she loved this man. She sighed.
A rustle of clothes, a soft click, a sparkle and prism of light in front of her eyes. Tabitha adjusted her focus and stared at the little clear shape sending winks of light at her.
A diamond.
A diamond ring.
Tabitha fumbled in to a sitting position, her back against the armrest. She looked wide-eyed from the little box in Jared’s hand to the man himself.
“Please don’t tell me no. I don’t want to live without you anymore. I don’t want to love or even like anyone else. I can’t.” He swallowed, his eyes filled with so much emotion, Tabitha’s heart felt like it would pound out of her chest.