by Jessica Cruz
“What are you doing here?” I asked, leaning my back against the door to brace myself. This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real. Life couldn’t be that cruel to me, right?
Wes shrugged and took off his coat, slinging it over the couch. He was dressed in a gray thermal shirt that hinted to his defined pecs and arms and lean build. I shook my look away from his body, concentrating on a different fact. Shit, he took off his coat; that meant he was staying a while. I started wondering if I had anything incriminating lying around my apartment, but it was so hard to think straight. This was the last thing I ever expected.
“It’s been a few months, so I figured we could actually talk now, get it all out in the open, no distractions, no yelling, just civilized talking,” he was speaking clearly, but I was still in a complete fog, an utter state of shock.
Before he could say one more thing, I buzzed the front desk, “Yes, Ms. Ward, is there a problem?”
I stared into those damned eyes that captivated me so fully and grumbled into the speaker, “I’m not taking any more guests for the rest of today. If anyone tries to visit me, please deny their access.” Wes breathed a sigh of relief.
“Yes, Ms. Ward. Let us know if you’ll need any more assistance.”
I folded my arms and glared across the room. As much as I’d been missing him for these past few months, I couldn’t help but still feel anger boiling deep inside of me. He had betrayed me to the one person in this world that I hated. Now, I was being strung around like Darth’s puppet, a prisoner to his games, while Wes got off scot free. He owed me an explanation for everything whether or not I was going to like it.
“Talk. You came all this way, so you must have something significant to say,” I went into the kitchen, brushing past him without a second look. I grabbed a glass and filled it with wine. Yes, something told me I’d need to be good and buzzed to handle this conversation. “I’m all ears.”
“Dennis came to me in confidence to ask if you had anything to hide. Of course, I told him ‘no’ at first, but then, he showed me pictures of you coming and going from Lux. He had concrete evidence that you worked there, and he promised that if we worked together we could conceal it all. No one would have to know your secret,” he took a step closer to me. I didn’t move. “I wanted to protect you.”
“So you were doing me a favor?” He nodded frantically, hope glistening in his eyes. I drank back the rest of the wine and hurled the glass into the sink. It shattered into a million fragments. “Since when the fuck did it become your job to make decisions for me? The last time I checked I am a grown fucking woman who can act and think for herself!”
Wes flinched, taking a tentative but necessary step back. Part of me wondered how this would have gone if I hadn’t just returned from a spectacular weekend with another man. I’d still be vulnerable, desperate, and lonely, starving for affection. Would I cave to his apologies? I forced myself not to think that way. Our relationship was over, and it needed to stay that way. Without trust, we had absolutely nothing.
“I’m sorry. I never anticipated for this to happen. Believe me, Adriana, I never, ever wanted to hurt you,” he clenched his jaw shut. “Once the elections get closer, opponents are going to dig. They’ll look for anything from anyone close to Dennis to hurt his reputation. I’m sorry that that includes you, but I couldn’t watch you become a victim. I didn’t want to watch you go through the pain of your father and brother finding out.”
“That decision was mine to make, no matter what your intentions were,” I rubbed my head, suddenly realizing that even after a six hour long nap I was feeling exhausted. “You took away my choices. You took control of my life and didn’t even say a word to me about it until it was too late and you were already caught. I can only imagine how long you would’ve kept this secret if I didn’t figure it out on my own.”
He nodded his head and exhaled, “You’re right. I fucked up. I should’ve gone about it another way. We all make mistakes. I just didn’t think the price for mine would be so high.” We were both silent, going over our thoughts, waiting for the other to do or say anything. Finally, he said in an accusing tone. “I saw you that night at the bar.”
Ironically, Declan should be the least of his worries. I rolled my eyes, “I didn’t know you bought it. If I had, believe me, I would’ve stayed far, far away. I apologize for you seeing me out at your new bar, but I refuse to apologize for being a single girl and out on a date. You won’t make me feel guilty for that.”
“Do you know what that did to me?” He shouted, breaking his normally sound exterior, completely exposing his open wounds. The words spilled out of his mouth. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch the girl you love being touched by another man!”
The world stopped spinning. All the air left the room. Time completely froze. My voice came out in nearly a whisper. “What did you just say?”
“Nothing,” he groaned, stepping away from me and facing towards the window overlooking the city. “Fuck, I didn’t say anything.”
“Yes, you did,” I stomped towards him and grabbed him by the shoulder, forcing him to face me. “What the hell did you just say to me?”
He frowned, looking pained and miserable. Finally, he said, “I love you, Adriana. I loved you since the first time I woke up with you next to me in bed, and I never stopped. I know you remember that night. I never wanted to protect a single person more in my entire life.”
It was the exact wrong moment to say this to me, but the words echoed out of his mouth in the most imperfectly perfect sound. The tenseness in my body left along with the hardness set in my face. My rigid exterior completely faded as I took in the intensity of those three, little words.
Wes Holden loved me.
“Please, give me another chance,” he said wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. “I’m miserable without you. I can’t go another day wondering if you’re with another guy. I need you, Adriana. I love you.”
He didn’t even give me a chance to think. Before I could process his words to their fullest extent, Wes was kissing me. His hands compressed me to him, scared that I’d rip myself out of his hold. He poured his everything into that kiss, and instantly, my body became aware with desire. It was as if I had been in hibernation, and suddenly, I was given my life back…except, my life was currently with someone else…his brother.
Wes pulled away and looked into my eyes, holding my gaze and this moment. He breathed, sounding utterly defeated and pained, “Take your time with this. I gave you a lot to think about.” Finally, he kissed the tip of my nose and added. “I want what my brother has. I want a family and marriage and a future. You’re my future.”
He grabbed his coat and started putting it on. Terror ran through me. He was about to leave, disappearing into the world again like he had during those last three months. I choked on my words as I cried out, “You can’t just come in here, turn my life upside down and leave! Who the hell gave you that right?”
He stopped, frozen in place. He walked up to me again and held on to the sides of my face, “Tell me what you want. Whatever that is, I’ll give it to you.”
Chapter 14
I don’t think there’s anything scarier than holding on to your whole world and wondering if you are going to lose it…but that’s exactly what I was doing. Adriana was standing right in front of me, my hands on the warmth of her cheeks. God, she was so beautiful, so perfect, and for the first time in months, I had to admit to myself that she was no longer mine. Was there anything more pathetic than a grown man utterly fucking desperate for a girl who had clearly moved on?
“Please, talk to me,” I begged, hearing the trembling in my voice. She had been quiet for entirely too long. “Tell me what you want.” I demanded.
“I need time,” she looked down and away from me. Once holding life and fortune every time we were together, her blue eyes were now ghostly and barren. “I need time to think,” she looked back up, “but I don’t think I can let you
leave me tonight.”
I kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, her cheeks. God, it was such a relief just having her back with me, and if she needed time, I could give her that. Like a complete idiot, I pushed my luck too far. I showed up at her apartment, hoping to reconcile with one another. I thought we could be friends first before I eased back into the way things used to be, but I’ve never been a patient man. From the moment she opened the door, I knew I wasn’t going to leave until I had my say and tried fighting for her to be mine again. I just hadn’t exactly planned on telling her that I loved her, but it was a truth I couldn’t deny.
Her stomach growled below us, and we both laughed simultaneously, breaking the tension. “I think you might be hungry. Do you want to go get something to eat?”
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Let me just get changed first.”
At first, I didn’t know where I was headed. It was cold out, and for some reason, I kept passing by perfectly good restaurants. Maybe, I was trying to prolong the amount of time I had her hand in mine, and then, all of a sudden, it made sense. I pushed open the door to the Melting Pot, the restaurant where we had our first, miserable date together.
“Hello and welcome to the Melting Pot. Do you have a reservation?”
“No we don’t. How long’s the wait?” It didn’t matter. Part of me hoped it was an hour, so I could keep her with me even longer.
The woman scratched something on the book in front of her and grabbed two menus. She stepped down from the podium, “Follow me. There was a cancellation, so we have something available now.”
“So this is where you were dragging me to,” Adriana beamed. I remained standing until she took off her coat and sat down on the booth. “I almost started to suspect that you were going to kidnap me.”
“Only if that’s what it has to come to,” I laughed because I wasn’t entirely sure that I was joking.
Adriana was wearing this red sweater that clung perfectly to her tits. I was salivating in my seat, stealing glimpses at her. I’m almost positive she wasn’t wearing a bra, and the chilled temperature in the restaurant confirmed that for me. God, and those perfect legs. She had stayed in that same skirt from when I first came over. Her ass was phenomenal. It got me hard just thinking about it.
“What have you been up to lately?” I asked to distract myself. Somehow during the past three months she had gotten herself looking even better than when she was with me. She was tone and confident. Hell, she should be confident looking the way she did. “What have you been doing to erase me from your memory?”
“There’s no way to erase the memories of the Wesley Holden,” my heart warmed, “but that could possibly be because I’m having difficulty erasing the pain of betrayal.” Instantly, I knew what it felt like to be cut with a rusty, jagged blade.
“Hey guys, have you been here before?” Our waitress appeared at our table, but I didn’t even look up at her. I nodded my head. “Awesome, what can I get you to drink while you look over the menus?”
My eyes were kept locked on Adriana. Something was different about her. I couldn’t place my fingers on it. As I replayed the night’s conversation, trying to figure it out, I noticed the table was quiet as both, she and the waitress, were waiting for me to answer. I shook my head loose, “I’ll have whatever she’s having.”
Adriana cocked her head and frowned. The waitress said, “Okay, I’ll be right back with your drinks. Let me know if you have any questions with the menu.”
“What are you thinking?” I asked. She slid a delicate hand through her brown hair. Shit, I remember that hand on my cock…and that mouth. I shifted in my seat at the sudden tightness in my pants. “What do you think about me showing up at your place?”
“I don’t know what I think,” she fidgeted nervously in her seat, looking left to right like someone was going to catch her here. Did I do that to her or did she really have someone to worry about catching her? There was that asshole at the bar. Maybe he did end up fucking her that night. I pushed the thought out of my head. That wasn’t any business of mine, and I wouldn’t want to know anyway. “Only you know how to leave me feeling conflicted right when I’ve finally felt like I moved on.”
“Moved on?” She nodded. I gulped and bravely inquired. “Does that mean you’re seeing someone else?”
There was a long pause. She looked away and then finally back at me. “Not exactly.” She shrugged. “Not monogamously.”
She was seeing someone. My mouth went completely dry at the thought. I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone touching or looking at her the way I used to. “Please, let me know if I’m overstepping my boundaries, but what’s holding you back from making this relationship monogamous?”
“It’s complicated,” she answered.
I shook my head with a chuckle. That answer was used so much throughout time that it surely had to be a cliché by now. “Which end? Is it complicated because of you or him? Who is this guy anyway? Is he treating you right? Tell me it’s not that juiced up cocksucker from the bar.”
“I wonder how a man can boldly ask so many questions when I don’t owe him a single answer,” she sneered. The waitress returned with our drinks. It was some fruity, pink martini with a slice of watermelon hanging off the side. What the hell did this girl order?
“Are you guys ready to pick your fondue?” The waitress asked.
“We’ll just be having drinks tonight,” Adriana answered snidely before I could open my mouth. “I have a feeling we won’t be staying long.”
Feeling the tension, the waitress suddenly left. As much as I hated to admit it, Adriana was right. I promised myself that if she’d see me tonight I wouldn’t screw this up. She was furious when she heard Darth’s voicemail…and rightfully so. It wouldn’t take much to bring those old feelings up, so I had to stop being so damn possessive with her, not when she had all the power to just walk away.
“I miss you,” I reminded her as she sipped on her drink. She stared up at me through those almost translucent, blue eyes, visibly shaken by my words. She could play strong all she wanted. This girl was still mine, and she knew it. She knew it straight down to her core. “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back. I’ll never give up.”
A peculiar look took her eyes, like a distant thought came into her head. “Can you live without me?” She asked.
“What?”
“It’s a simple, fucking question. Yes or no, can you live without me?” She slapped the glass down on the table, making it slosh and spill around her hand.
Patiently, she waited for my answer. “I wouldn’t call what I’m doing living.” I said finally. “I go to work, come home, eat, sleep, and then do the whole damn thing all over again in the morning. It’s not much of a life.”
Mysterious hope sprung into her eyes. “Do you mean, like the basics, like you’re just surviving without me?”
“Yes, that’s a good way to explain it.”
She looked relieved. I don’t know what I said exactly to cause that look, but I’d replay the whole conversation if it kept her that way. She pressed on. “What do you want from me? I can’t give you a relationship right now. That’s just not going to happen.”
Although blunt, we were making progress. This was the start to some negotiations of which I’d happily bend and concede to whatever terms she laid out before me. Honestly, I was just pretty excited she hadn’t stormed out of the restaurant and left me with two pink martinis and one lonely night.
“Tonight,” I answered. “All I want from you is tonight, no commitments, no promises, no strings attached. We’ll take it one step at a time. Just let me have tonight with you.”
She thought for a while, took a sip from her drink, and then nodded her head briefly. Through those sexy, pouty lips of hers, she agreed, “Yes, we can have tonight with no strings attached. You can come back to my place. We can talk. We can watch TV. I don’t really care what we do, but…” There was a long pause. “We’re not having sex, and you’r
e certainly not spending the night in my apartment.”
“Now, those are terms I can certainly agree to.”
We didn’t stay long at the Melting Pot. Now that I guaranteed myself some time alone, I was quick to get her back to the apartment. I wanted to go back to the simple things, the underappreciated ones. As soon as I got inside, I went into my pocket and pulled out a DVD and flashed it in her face.
“What’s that?” She laughed, appearing much livelier and happier. “Do you always carry DVDs with you?”
“Only for special occasions,” I put the disc in the DVD player and grabbed the remote. Her favorite Adam Sandler movie started, and she looked overcome with joy. “I was preparing and hoping for the best, so I grabbed this from the store on my way here.”
“It’s my favorite movie,” she took a step closer, and I had to fight with myself against pulling her into a kiss. She gave my hand a squeeze. “Thank you.”
We sat on the couch together and played the movie. Adriana held a pillow to her chest and laughed for the hundredth time while Adam Sandler fought to win the love of Drew Barrymore. The irony wasn’t lost to me. As his tactics became more and more creative and Adriana started snorting from laughter, I wondered if I should maybe be taking notes during this thing. I swore every time she watched this movie she fell harder in love with Adam Sandler. Perhaps, if we lived anywhere near Hollywood, I’d be a little nervous because clearly she had a thing for funny, older guys.
I couldn’t help but watch her as she quoted every line and laughed at all the right places. She peeked at me through the side and hurled her pillow in my direction. I blocked it, and it went soaring behind the couch. “What are you staring at?” She laughed. “Are you waiting for me to snort again?”
No words could describe how unbelievably beautiful she looked. God, this woman could do things to me. She made me lose all control, so without thinking I moved in close and kissed her. I pressed my tongue into her mouth and breathed in her smell, a mixture of flowers and vanilla. It was hungry and hard and passionate, taking everything with greed.