I shift my lips from hers and nudge her head so she’ll turn her ear to me, whispering, “Becks, do you know how good you feel on me?” She shakes her head as she rides me while I hold onto her waist. “I want to be inside you all the time. You’re my other half. You make me whole.”
I hear the smile. “I do?”
I nip her earlobe. “Hadley, you don’t understand how much I love you and need you with me.”
“No, I don’t. Tell me.”
“Becks, I love you more than my own life. If something would happen to you, I couldn’t go on living without you.”
Suddenly, she stops moving and angles her head so she can look down at me. Her eyebrows pull together hard. “Finn, don’t say that.”
I anxiously lick my lips. “It’s the truth, Becks. I love you so much it’s insane. I fucking can’t get enough of you, especially now.” I take my hands from her hips, clasp her arms and pull her back down to my lips; her hair is once more hiding our kiss, her perfume and shampoo intermingle, enveloping me. I whisper behind our veil of her honey-brown hair. “So, let’s forget about it all and save this weekend for us. Let’s make love without any worries and whatever happens…happens. We’ll deal with it.”
“Sparks.” She hungrily kisses me and I wrap my fingers around her upper arms, holding her close to me. I gradually start thrusting into her again and my hands drop as she ends our kiss to sit up on me. Gripping onto her hips once more, I glide her over me, watching intently as I plunge into her.
“What?” Becks asks, slowing down.
“Don’t stop, Becks. I want to watch us making love. That was hot when you did that last weekend.”
“It was? How hot?”
My gaze shoots up to her face to see her coy smile. “You made me come. Just thinking about it and seeing us just now. Fuck, Hadley.” I pant and say, “I love coming inside you with nothing getting in my way, baby. It’s like you finally can have all of me.”
“Me too, Finnigan.”
“I want it like this all the time.” She’s consuming me in every way possible. Our eyes lock and I am spellbound. I slightly sit up as she leans down, catching her lips with mine, and feeling her nearing her orgasm. As she tightens around me, I pick up speed and angle my hips to increase the friction. “Oh, Finn, don’t stop!” she moans loudly. I rock her more forcefully onto me as she fervently comes.
“Becks, I can feel it. Fuck, Hadley!” As I sense my own orgasm launching, I plead, “Fuck me harder.” I viciously pull her hips onto me as another orgasm rolls through her and over me again. “Take all of me, baby,” I growl and I brusquely stop moving as I come ferociously into her.
And possibly getting her pregnant.
But, that’s the risk I’m willing to take…for her.
If only temporarily.
After this weekend, I don’t think I can do this, if I already didn’t knock her up. I don’t have a clue on how to be a good father.
I know we’re going to argue again about it, too.
I pull Becks down to me and put my arms around her. I huff out a breath and close my eyes, basking in the love she just gave me. I won’t be spending much time with her most of the summer, but it’ll be somewhat better since she’ll be living with me, at least.
She giggles and sighs. “Wow. Outdoor sex.”
“Yeah. I’ve never done that before.”
She moves her head to look at me. “Really?”
I regard her doubtfully. “Why? Have you?”
She tilts her head down and doesn’t answer me. I cock my head to see her face and ask again, “Have you?” Do I really want to know?
She answers quietly, “Maybe a couple times.”
“Oh.” Damn. That’s disheartening. I know she had been with a few other guys before she met me, but that still is tough to hear, even though I’ve been with other women. I wish we had been each other’s first and only loves.
She kisses my jaw. “You’re the best, though, Sparks. Nothing else even compares because I love you.”
Still smarting from her disclosure, I slowly comb my hands through her hair, moving it so I can see her face. “I love you, too. I’m going to miss you.”
She sighs. “I’m going to miss you, too. You’ll be back Thursday?”
I nod. “Yeah. Sometime Thursday night. Then on Friday, I have my segment and I have to do 11. This weekend, I also have to work some.” I stroke her arm through the thick sweatshirt. “I can help you move some things over to the apartment, though.”
“Okay.”
“I have some more vacation days I can take. Why don’t we go somewhere for a few days? Don’t you have some left?”
“Yes, but I have to save a couple for Morgan’s wedding. Where do you want to go?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. We can think about it tomorrow and before we have to go back to work.”
Becks lifts her hips off me, drops down and cuddles into my side. I put my arm around her and rub her back. She asks, “When would you want to go?”
“Next week or the week after, maybe?”
“Who all are we taking with us? I mean, Ricky might feel slighted if you don’t ask him to go.”
I scowl over at her. “I hope you’re joking.”
She giggles. “You’re so easy, Sparks.”
“Thanks a lot.”
She giggles more and almost bounces next to me. “Oh! I’m your dare again this week, right?”
Forgetting about her previous sexual misadventures for now, I smile. “Well, I’ll need time to edit, but I’ll be out of town, so most likely, it’ll be next week’s. I hope that’s okay.”
“That’s fine. I’m sure your Finnatics will need time to recover from Friday’s dare.”
I laugh. “They’ll get over it and if not, I don’t give a fuck.”
“Wow, Sparks. That’s a bold statement.”
“It is. That’s also my new motto.”
Becks laughs and snorts. I raise a mocking eyebrow at her and gently laugh. She asks, “Your new motto? What was your old one?”
I try to keep a straight face as I retort, “So many ladies, so little time off the Air.”
She hits my shoulder and I loudly laugh. “You are a cocky bastard.”
I wheeze between laughs, “I know, but you love it.”
She rolls her eyes. “I think you’re in love with yourself.”
My laughter subsiding, I shake my head. “Nope. Only with you.”
She beautifully smiles and my heart speeds up again. “There’s my sweet Finn.” Becks sits up and kisses me, but when she tries to pull away, I don’t let her.
From out of the blue, the sudden and inexplicable urge to marry her is back with a vengeance. Furthermore, I most likely already have, or will, knock her up this weekend.
I’ve never been so damned conflicted in my entire life.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
CHAPTER 15
After my shower, I walk out of the bathroom and nearly run into Simone.
“Oh, Hadley. Sorry! I thought you and Finn were in bed—asleep, I mean.”
I notice her wearing a jacket and carrying her purse. “Um, no. We were outside and now…we’re not.” I laugh nervously. Had long has she been here? She didn’t see us or rather, hear us, did she? She regards me amusingly. I’m guessing because of the panicked-look displaying on my face.
Her gaze falls and she nods with a smirk. “Cute PJ’s.” I glance down to my matching top and pants covered in brown teddy bears. My dad got them for me. They’re one of my favorite sets. “I bet they get Finn hot.” She snickers. I haven’t worn them around him before, but since he only sees me on the weekends, a snowsuit probably would rev him up.
Her amusement quickly morphs into suspicion. “What did my brother have you doing out there? It’s cold!”
I nervously play with strands of my hair. “We were just talking,” I say most definitely unconvincingly.
“Talking? Jeez. He couldn’t have talked to you in the
house?” Simone isn’t sold on that. What a surprise.
“We were watching for shooting stars.” That was so dumb.
She shrewdly grins. “Did he also show you his Little Dipper?”
I suck in my bottom lip and avoid looking at her, trying not to laugh at Finn’s expense, yet exposing me as an obvious liar. Deciding not to shoot fish in a barrel, Simone instead asks, “Did you have fun at Easter Vigil?”
I smile and give her a sideways glance. “It was a riot. I especially loved the mosh pit.”
She nods and crooks up her lip. “Righteous.”
Crossing my arms, I avert my gaze to her purse and jacket. “It was really nice. Where’d you just get back from?”
“I was with my friend, Sharla. I haven’t seen her in a while. We went out for dinner and a movie.” Simone peers over my shoulder into the bathroom and then behind her to Finn’s door. “So, where’s my loser brother anyway? Is he continuing his piss fit tour?” Nope. He’s good now, aside from the fact that I turned down his request for me to take a shower with him; declining since I didn’t want anyone hearing us talking in the bathroom together, in which he replied with his new motto of not giving a fuck. He still lost that argument.
“He’s in his room. He might be asleep.”
She takes a step past me, jerking on my shirtsleeve. “Why don’t you visit me in my room then? We can chat for a bit.” I inwardly sigh. I really want to snuggle up with Sparks and go to sleep.
“Maybe for just a bit. I’m kind of tired.” Having wild, outdoor sex will do that to a person. “Let me drop off my clothes in his room.”
“No prob.”
When I open his door to go in, I see my Prince Charming already crashed out on his usual side of the bed. I set my clothes down next to my suitcase and walk quietly over to the full-size bed. He takes up most of it, which doesn’t leave me much room to sleep. I miss his king-size and my queen beds.
Climbing onto the bed and kneeling next to Finn, I stare at his slightly parted lips and his sexy scruff, appearing as if he doesn’t have a single care in the world, and my pulse soars. He’s so unbelievably handsome that it’s hard to comprehend why he picked me when he can have any eager Finnatic that catches his eye. At the race, I saw so many gorgeous women drooling over him and apparently, he even received some marriage proposals. Will he even accept mine?
Holding my hair to the side, I lean down to kiss his cheek. He doesn’t flinch, so I know he’s definitely down for the count. I whisper into his ear, “Thank you for my Easter gift, Sparks. I love you more than my own life, too.”
As I raise my head back up, he softly hums, which makes me smile.
Finn incredibly shocked me when he said he didn’t care if I get pregnant this weekend. Why did he suddenly do a 180 on the subject? He said he didn’t want kids. I’m dying to ask him why he changed his mind, but I’m also afraid that he’ll change his mind again if I do ask.
Did he do it because he actually had a change of heart or did he do it because I made him feel bad? I don’t want him to change how he feels out of obligation to me. My hand flies to my stomach and I look down at my teddy bear shirt. Did Finn get me pregnant last night? Tonight? Will he regret it if he did? I think he’d be an awesome daddy. I can already hear us arguing about him wanting to take our son or daughter bridge jumping.
Now grinning at the idea of us having a baby, I give him another kiss before I scoot off the bed and shut off the lamp on the nightstand. I creep out of the room and down the hall to Simone’s room.
I tap on her door with my fingertips and hear her tell me to come in. The first thing I notice when I walk in is her canary yellow bedspread and the candy pink walls. It aptly reminds me of Easter Peeps.
Simone grins and beckons me to sit next to her on her bed. I take a seat across from her and fold my legs underneath me as she reaches over to her nightstand for a bowl, offering me some potato chips. I take a couple and she asks, “So?”
Not knowing what she wants me to elaborate on, I raise an inquiring eyebrow in return. “So?”
“Are you going to tell me what you and my brother were really doing outside?”
I glance down at my chips. “We were talking.” Morgan’s right. I’m a horrible, horrible liar.
“About?”
Examining the bright bedspread, I shrug and bite a chip. “Stuff.”
“Are you two still fighting?”
I shake my head. “No. We’re good.”
“How can you be good that fast? The subjects are huge!”
I fleetingly peer up at her. “We’re good. That’s all.”
“Did he change his mind?” She’s unbelievable.
Trying to stall as I think of an answer to the question I know she’s going to throw at me, I ask, “Change his mind about what?”
She impatiently prods, “Getting married? Chrissie seems to think he was going to propose Friday.” He’d more likely spend the day hanging out with Rod than propose to me. He wouldn’t do it even if I gave him a free pass to skydive again.
Wincing, I reply, “I highly doubt that.”
“Well, then has he changed his mind about putting a bun in your oven?”
Suddenly feeling uncomfortable talking about this with Finn’s little sister, I move my legs out and slide to the edge of her bed. “Um, I don’t really want to get into it. We just want to keep our talk to ourselves.”
Her eyes pop open and a chip falls out of her mouth. “Holy shit! He did change his mind!” I scowl at her. How in the hell does she come up with these conclusions, albeit the right ones, but nevertheless…
“Which one, though? Did Wilderness get down on his knee?” She eagerly glances down to my left hand, but is disappointed to see nothing there. “He didn’t give you a ring.”
I hide my hand under my thigh. “Simone.”
She inclines towards me and pulls at my shirt over my stomach. “He’s giving you a baby, isn’t he?”
“Simone!” I cringe and wrap my arms around my abdomen. This is way too intrusive for me.
She laughs at my uneasiness. “What?”
I slowly uncurl, guardedly eyeing her as I do. “He hasn’t agreed to either one, so please just let it go.” I’m not telling her about Finn’s offering. That’s too private. It inevitably would somehow bite me in the ass if I told her. I’d like to keep it quiet until we find out for sure. There may be nothing to tell anyway. Plus, if Julie found out we were trying for a baby, she’d be all over us, asking very personal questions as if it wasn’t a big deal. She’d probably even ask what position we used to conceive. That thought causes my body to shiver nervously at having to dodge that question. Well, Julie, we fucked next to your azaleas. I hope you don’t mind…
Are we even trying really? If I don’t get pregnant, would he want to keep trying until I am? Yet another question I’m afraid to ask him. He did say to forget about it this weekend. Does that mean we go back to using birth control when we get home? What about his wanting me to go on the Pill? I’d have to see my doctor for that.
So many questions…
Simone says, “I either want to see you marry my brother or have a baby with him. I’d love to be an aunt. I just want to be excited about something and take my mind off the shit storm happening here. I guess I was just hoping for too much.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want you to be upset if he doesn’t change his mind.”
“Will you be?”
I look around her room to avoid her seeing into my soul, open like a gaping wound for anyone to see. “Well, I can’t deny that I do want those with Finn. I love him more than I’ve loved any man. I’ve waited so long to be in love like this and now that I have it, I want more and more of him. I feel so selfish and greedy.”
“You’re not. Apart from this weekend, I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot how grouchy he used to be before you came along.”
My face shows my bl
atant confusion. “Grouchy?”
She nods. “He used to appear to be a happy-go-lucky guy, but really, he wasn’t.”
“Why?”
“I’d like to blame our mom’s divorce from his dad when he was a kid. I obviously wasn’t around, but I think that really affected him. You should ask my mom about Finn as a kid. She told me that they had to put him in counseling for a while.”
My heart drops. “What? He never told me that.”
She frowns. “Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have then.”
“Was he in it because of the divorce?”
“Yeah, pretty much. He was depressed.”
“Finn was depressed?”
“He got into trouble at school some. I think he was on medication for a time, too.”
“Wow. Why didn’t he tell me this?”
“Probably not one of his shining moments.”
“I guess not, but still. Why didn’t he tell me? I’m here for him.”
“I know you are. That’s why I love you so much. You’ll take care of my big brother. You’re exactly what he needs. He’s so different now, so happy and in love that it makes me want to gag.” She laughs and scoops up a handful of chips. “Before he met you, he was only happy in front of the cameras. During that weekend I was visiting him and he met you in the ER, he took me to work with him. I got to see him in action at the news desk. He’s such a different person when the camera is on or when he’s with his fans. When he’s not, he keeps to himself, except for talking to you, Chrissie or his BFF, Rico Suave.” I smirk at her dead-on reference. “That’s another person who has changed him. Ricky has helped Finn in ways that I cannot figure out.”
Me neither. “Ricky? How?” I believe Ricky wishes I weren’t in Finn’s life. He probably wants to see Finn whoring around so he can live vicariously through him, reliving his single days.
“Yeah. Contrary to popular belief, Finn doesn’t have a ton of people he hangs out with. I mean, he has a lot of friends and then there are his fans, but he doesn’t truly talk to many of them.”
“He has a few friends at work he’s mentioned.” I sweep my hair to the side and twist it anxiously with my hand. Finn said he has a deep, dark secret. Is it his depression and counseling? He’s never mentioned them to me before, yet he said he’s told me all of his secrets. Shit. He’s probably been trying to tell me and I just haven’t caught on. I’m “denser than a lead coffin,” as Rod would say. I’m such a horrible girlfriend!
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