“Is that what this is really about?”
“What?”
“You being good enough to be a solo artist. Because I’m okay with the Jordyn charade as long as you come home to me after the show, Caleb.”
He turned the water off. Then he turned and leaned back against the sink and sighed. “Maybe it’s both. I don’t know.”
“Well, the show might be bullshit, but the money’s real. And so is the recording contract. And the exposure. Go for it if you want to. I’ll be here supporting you and cheering for you, and so will everyone else. But if you want to stay, stay. You have to decide, Caleb. One way or the other. You can’t keep torturing yourself, and you can’t keep torturing me.”
He reached and pulled her to him, then wrapped his arms around her. He wasn’t wearing a shirt and she pressed her cheek against his naked chest. He felt warm. He felt safe.
“Will you come with me?” he asked.
“You know I can’t, Caleb. I need to be working. We need the money right now.” She lifted her head to look up at him. “I’ll make you a deal. If you get to the finale, I’ll find a way to get a few days off and I’ll come then. Fair?”
She could see in his eyes that he was thinking, the gears of his mind working in those deep pools of green. Then he subtly nodded and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead.
“Okay, baby. You got a deal.”
She hugged him tighter and snuggled her cheek against his chest again. He couldn’t see it, but she was smiling. “I love you, Caleb.”
“I love you too, Jane.”
A few seconds later, she looked up at him again. “You want to take a shower together? Like we used to?”
“It’s a pretty tight space in there,” he said.
“Duh,” she responded. “That’s the point.”
He grinned. “Okay, I’m in for a shower duo. But only if you rub yourself down with coconut oil and coffee grounds.”
She pushed him away and stripped off her shirt. “Fine, but I’m rubbing you down with it too.”
“Hmm . . .” he said, pondering this with a finger to his temple. “Maybe we should switch out the coffee grounds for maple syrup instead, and you can apply it with your tongue.”
“I don’t know,” she retorted, smiling playfully. “I’m not sure Dr. Oz would approve.”
He grinned and unzipped his pants and pulled them down. “That’s okay,” he said, “because Dr. Cock approves.”
She looked at him and bit her lip and nodded. “Jane approves too.”
The day Caleb would leave her again seemed far away to Jane, hardly even a reality, until suddenly the eve of his departure had arrived. Time, she thought, sure had a funny way of changing up its pace if you weren’t looking.
She had the afternoon off from work and they went shopping together. Jane picked him out two new pairs of jeans, a half dozen discounted designer T-shirts, new boots, and a leather cuff to wear on his wrist. He stepped out from the fitting room, looking to Jane like a real rock star, missing only a girl on each arm and a guitar.
“This is really fun,” she said, rubbing her hands together. “I feel like I’ve got a life-sized Ken doll to dress up.”
Caleb looked at himself in the mirror. “I don’t know. I feel silly.”
“You look hot. This is game time, baby. You’ve got to wow them in every way. And if you’ll just drop the moody artist persona and smile for the camera, you’ll win America’s heart just like you’ve won mine.”
He smiled at her in the mirror. “We could trade all this in right now for a three-piece suit and go and get married.”
Jane wagged her finger at him and shook her head. “No, no, no, my love. I’m holding out until you’re rich and famous, and then I want a Tristan-and-Isolde-themed wedding at a castle somewhere.”
“Tristan and Isolde? Didn’t he die a sad and tragic death before they even got married?”
“I don’t know”—Jane shrugged—“I only saw the movie once. But the costumes were to die for.”
“So you’d cast me as the doomed prince for the dress?”
“And a castle,” she said. When he rolled his eyes at her, she added, “Hey, a girl’s got to have her priorities.”
She left him to look at socks while she went to the MAC makeup counter and restocked on the things she needed. Night cream, foundation, blush. The saleswoman was ringing her up when she asked Jane if there would be anything else.
“You know what,” Jane said, “I could use some eyeliner. What’s your best smoky look?”
The saleswoman turned to look at the selection. “I’d say MAC Eye Kohl in Smolder. The color really lasts.”
“But is it edgy?” Jane asked. “Like the young kids wear.”
“Are you kidding me? It’s pure rock and roll in a pencil.”
“I’ll take two, then.”
They lunched at a mall café and each tried to push their leftovers off on the other, arguing playfully about which of them had lost more weight. Jane blamed walking all over town; Caleb blamed nerves. After lunch, Caleb pulled her into a mall arcade and bought tokens for Dance Dance Revolution, then challenged Jane to a dance-off.
“You want an eighties remix or nineties?”
“Do you even have to ask? The eighties were so much more fun. Wait, you weren’t born yet, so you wouldn’t know.”
He just grinned at her and set the machine. “Prepare to go down,” he said.
The music started, the arrows lit up at their feet, and they were dancing to an electronic mix of “Do It Right.” But Jane knew without a doubt that she was doing it wrong. Caleb was busy busting a move beside her like a pro, but while he racked up points, all Jane saw on her side of the screen was red. She was still laughing and having fun and by the time the song ended, they fell into each other’s arms, both out of breath.
“You could have been a gentleman and let me win.”
“I was trying, baby. But there’s no way I could have lost to you unless I’d sat down.”
Jane punched him in the shoulder. Then she noticed a boy standing in the corner watching them. He was very short and very heavy for his age, and he had a funny hat pulled down almost to his eyes. Jane got Caleb’s attention and pointed.
“I think you’ve got a fan,” she said.
“I’m not signing any autographs,” he told her. Then he nodded to the kid. “Hey, kid. You wanna play a round?”
The kid nodded and stepped forward without a word.
“Let him win,” Jane whispered in Caleb’s ear. Then she stepped aside and let the kid take her place on the dance platform.
Caleb pumped tokens into the machine. “You got a song preference, kid?”
The kid shook his head.
“How about a level?”
The kid stepped forward and pointed at Expert.
Caleb chuckled. “How about we go with Difficult, okay?” He set the machine and took his place on the dance pad. Then he sized up his young competition.
“Don’t think I’m going easy on you because you’re a kid.”
The kid dismissed his comment with a shrug and pulled his hat down tighter on his head. Then the music began and the kid’s feet took off as if he were standing barefoot on hot coals. He had one hand up on top of his hat to keep it in place, and he was dancing like some cartoon kid version of Fred Astaire, his feet moving so wildly and crazily that Jane could hardly take her eyes away. When the song ended, the kid had a near-perfect score.
Caleb shook his head. Then he shook the kid’s hand. “You got a name?” he asked.
The kid pointed to the high-score player list. The top name read Tommy Two Shoes. Then he drifted back to his corner again, presumably to wait in the shadows for his next victim.
As Jane and Caleb left the arcade, Caleb must have heard the chuckle that Jane was trying despe
rately to contain.
“Knock it off,” he said. “You told me to let him win.”
“Yeah, right,” she said, letting out her laugh. “That kid danced the pants off of you.”
“He sure did,” Caleb admitted, adding, “You’d think he’d be more fit, though, wouldn’t you? Dancing like he does.”
Jane elbowed him. “What’s wrong with you? My Caleb doesn’t go around insulting kids about their weight like some kind of caveman.”
Caleb scooped her up and carried her through the mall, her legs dangling along with the shopping bags.
“Put me down,” she said, kicking. “What are you doing?”
“I’m carrying you home to my cave so I can dance the pants off of you.”
When Jane emerged from the bathroom after her shower, Caleb had candles lit and music playing. He took her hand and led her into the bedroom. He sat her on the bed, then crawled up behind her and massaged lotion into her shoulders. The lotion smelled of lavender, and his hands were warm.
“What’s all this for?” she asked.
“I just want our last night together to be special.”
“You make it sound like you’re going away for good.”
“No, baby. Not for good. But it’ll be five weeks if I go to the finale, and even a day away from you is too long.”
She turned her head around to look at him. “I’m going to miss you.”
He kissed her, pulling his lips away just long enough to softly say, “Shh . . . let’s not talk about me leaving. We have tonight, and tonight can last forever if we want it to.”
Then he peeled away her towel and laid her back on the bed. She shimmied up until her head was resting on the pillow.
“This isn’t fair. I’m naked and you’re still dressed.”
“I’ll be naked plenty later on, trust me. But I want this to be about you right now. So close your eyes and relax.”
She did as he asked. She lay on the bed with her eyes shut and her heart open, doing nothing and feeling everything. His hands roamed her body, gently massaging lotion into her skin. He slid his hands down her arms and worked the insides of her palms with his thumbs. He moved to her legs, massaging from her thighs to her toes. He was attentive and patient, as if he wanted to commit each section of her body to the memory of his touch, as if he wanted to leave some mark of his love on every inch of her flesh. It was nurturing and sexual, and it turned Jane on.
Caleb’s hands roamed back up to her inner thighs, and she raised her hips to signal that he should work a little higher between them. Then his hands left her for a moment and the next thing she heard was vibrating. She smiled but kept her eyes closed. Whatever he had, when he put it between her legs, it sent shivers up her spine to the crown of her head and down to the tips of her toes. She let out a little moan to let him know she liked it. She could feel the warm lube, the silicone vibrating, and she could feel the fingers of his free hand working in tandem with the toy. He must have been watching with his face close because his hair grazed her thigh.
She reached down and showed him how to position it, and together, hand in hand, they worked it until she was lying there quivering with pleasure, with just the soft sound of the vibrating audible beneath her moans.
He crawled up and kissed her. When he pulled his lips away, she opened her eyes and looked at him.
“Where did you get that?” Jane asked.
“It’s a little going-away gift I picked up for you. I’ve got another going-away gift for you in my pants when you’re ready. Only this one doesn’t vibrate.”
She shook her head. “It’s my turn to pleasure you. Get undressed.”
Without getting off the bed, Caleb peeled off his shirt and shimmied out of his pants. Then he flopped down onto his back with his arms behind his head and smiled at her. She let her eyes roam the length of his naked body. Then she straddled him and uncapped the lotion.
“Close your eyes,” she said. “And just relax.”
Jane worked the lotion into his chest first, kneading his pecs. His muscles seemed larger when they were beneath her small hands. She worked up to his shoulders, marveling at the striations in the muscle there. She worked down to his legs, his thighs, his calves. He laughed when she reached his feet.
“Does that tickle?”
“Yes.”
“Good. How about that?”
“Stop it.”
She was working her way back up between his legs when her eyes caught sight of the pink toy sitting on the edge of the bed. She snatched it and turned it on.
“Hey now,” he said.
“Just close your eyes and relax, baby. I’m in control.”
She heard him suck in his breath the second it touched his skin. His legs kicked a little. She knew he had lube somewhere, but she didn’t want to look, so she set the toy down and squeezed more lotion into her palm. Then she picked the toy back up and brought it to his most sensitive place, then wrapped her other hand around him and began to stroke. Caleb was like warm stone in her hand. She laid her head on his thigh and enjoyed the close-up view while she worked—one hand sliding up and down, the other working the toy, slowly inching it lower. She thought she heard him say her name above the sound of the vibrating, then his quad muscle began to twitch beneath her cheek. She expected him to protest, but instead she felt his legs spread slightly more.
She worked her other hand faster, enjoying seeing him lose control, and when he came it was in a flood that shot so heavy and high that she watched it rise into the air and turn to fall again. Some landed on his belly. Some landed on her cheek. She tried to reach it with her tongue. Then she just lay there, feeling him pulse in her hand and listening to the toy vibrating where she had dropped it between his legs.
Eventually, she picked it up and switched it off, then scooted up to join him at the pillows. She thought he looked more content than she had ever seen him, as if he had no care in the world. Smiling, she laid her head on his chest. She could hear his heart pounding in his breast, the thunder of a life she loved more than her own, a life she would do anything to protect. She stretched her arm over him and hugged him tight. Without intending to, she sighed.
“You okay, babe?”
“I’ve never been better.”
“Then why the long sigh?”
“I’m just going to miss you. That’s all.”
He caressed her hair. “I’m gonna miss you too. But I’ll be home soon. And lose or win, either way, it makes no difference to me as long as I have us to look forward to. And we’ll find a way to have your big Tristan-and-what’s-her-name wedding and live happily ever after.”
“Do you think there is an ever after?”
“I suppose we all die someday. But until then, sure.”
“But what about after we die? Do you think there’s anything then?”
“Are you getting all existential on me again, baby?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I should go back to doing Sudoku. It kept my mind off stuff like this.”
She played with his fine chest hair, lifting it in her fingers, then blowing it away with her breath. “I guess sometimes I just miss Grace. And I miss Melody. All the time, I miss her. I wonder if I’ll ever see them again.”
“I’m sure you will, baby. I’m sure you will.”
“You really think so?”
He kissed the top of her head, softly saying, “I do.”
A few quiet minutes passed, and then she said, “I saw that you packed your bag already. I have to work the morning shift tomorrow, so I can’t take you to the airport.”
“I know. I plan to catch the bus.”
“I can leave the car and have Marj drive you.”
“I’m fine with the bus, baby. I like Marj, but not enough to sit in traffic with her.”
Jane looked up at him, then glanced theatrically at th
e wall and held her finger to her lips. “Shh . . . remember, she can hear through these walls.”
“I thought you got her earplugs.”
“I did, but I have a suspicion she likes to listen.”
“That’s creepy.”
Jane shrugged. “Wouldn’t you if you were all alone?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
She laid her head back on his chest and almost on cue they heard Buttercup bark. Both of them started laughing. When Caleb wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, she closed her eyes and let the love in. She was right where she wanted to be. Right here. Right now. Forever. With him.
Chapter 16
She was gone when Caleb woke. He wandered into the kitchen and found the coffee already made, and next to the coffeepot he found a note:
You looked too peaceful to wake, so I whispered in your ear that I love you more than life itself. And it’s true. I do. You smiled in your sleep. So cute! Go get ’em, superstar.
He drank his coffee and reread the note. The apartment was quiet; he missed her already. He flipped the paper over and wrote her a response:
To the angel who whispered in my ear, I smiled because I was dreaming of you. Thanks for the great send-off last night. I love you. Signed, your man in la-la land.
The airport was crowded and the security lines were long. He was exhausted when he finally boarded the plane. Nothing seemed right. The number of the seat he sat in was printed on his ticket next to his name, but he felt all wrong. As if he were the wrong guy in the wrong clothes heading to the wrong place to live the wrong life. Shouldn’t he be excited? he asked himself. After all, he was going to be on live TV with a chance at a cool quarter-million dollars and a recording contract. Shouldn’t he be thrilled at the opportunity?
He watched out the window as the tarmac slipped away beneath them, and all he could think about was Jane. His entire life he had felt edgy and alone, but when he met Jane, everything had fallen into place. And when he was around her, he felt fine. His breathing slowed to synchronize with hers, his mind got quiet, and his entire being opened in a fundamental way. It was as if their hearts beat a rhythm that rhymed, their souls strolling together forever in some place beyond space and time, step for step, humming a sweet tune of hope, her voice and his, a harmony neither could deny.
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