“No. I didn’t.” Her mother said, “I just haven’t heard from you and I became… concerned.”
“Okay, you see I just don’t get that. This is not the first trip I have taken, but it is the first trip that you have expressed such concern. Once again, why is that?” Elizabeth asked, unable to hide the anger in her voice.
“I told you before it isn’t something I can’t put my finger on… it is just a feeling.” She replied hesitantly.
Elizabeth blew out her breath while she gathered her thoughts together, mentally debating if she should mention the dream to her mother.
“But anyways enough of that, you’re there now, so…well?” Her question laced with apprehension.
“Well what?” Elizabeth asked, but knew instinctively what her mother was asking.
“How is the trip so far?”
“Good. Fine. I don’t know I just got here.” Elizabeth said in exasperation, as her mother’s veiled question only affirmed what she had started to believe. That she was from here and it was here that she lost her memory. Why her mother was hiding this from her was the true question though and Elizabeth had given her mother ample time to answer that question. So with this thought in mind, Elizabeth realized she had answered her own question. That it, most definitely, was a bad idea to mention to her mother that the dream had returned and that she knew deep within herself that she had in a way returned home.
Her mother’s voice jarred her away from her thoughts, “Good. I’m glad to hear that, but I also wanted to let you know…that I’ve been thinking…maybe you’re right…” She said hesitantly.
The words slowed down Elizabeth’s heart a beat, while a low drone filled her ears from the blood rushing through her in raw anticipation. A hope consumed her that her mother would give her the answers she desired.
“Right?” The question hoarse as it came out. Clearing her throat Elizabeth reminded herself to not jump to any conclusions. “Right, about what?”
“About what we talked about. Me respecting you and treating you more like the adult.”
“Ohhh…” Elizabeth said slowly, hesitantly, while she attempted to calm her already frazzled nerves. Then she felt her temper slowly rise as she realized her mother was going to ignore the key point of their argument from earlier. “Is that all?” Elizabeth asked, forcing the question further.
“Yes.” Her mother said, a hint of hesitation in her voice.
Elizabeth took in several deep breaths while disappointment filled her, wondering why she had ever expected anything else. The silence between them heavy as the minutes ticked by; Elizabeth still waiting for the real reason her mother called.
“Elizabeth…? You still there?” Her mother asked, now a note of hurtful indignation laced her question.
Elizabeth cleared her throat once more “Yes” she said, tears just beyond her eyelids, as she understood that she was once more on her own. For a moment when she had heard her mother’s voice she had thought…that just maybe her mother had changed her mind. That her mother would tell her what she needed to know about her past… but once more she had been wrong.
Now, she could see that when she needed her mother the most, her mother had become that impenetrable wall of ignorance once more. Her mother’s favorite saying ricocheting through her head, “Ignorance is bliss.”
Elizabeth shook herself away from her thoughts as she heard her mother continue, “Good, because I wanted to let you know that I feel bad with how things were left.”
Elizabeth cringed inwardly, “Mother. Don’t do this.”
“Do what? I’m trying to tell you I’m sorry and attempting to understand what happened with us. We used to be so close.”
“No. It’s never that simple with you. You just… you just don’t get it. You have always tried to micro manage my life, tell me what I should think…feel.”
“Elizabeth. That is no way to talk to me.” Her mother said in a fit of rage.
“No. You’re right, this conversation has become unproductive, old, and tiresome. So if you can’t give me what I asked for before I left, then I’m going to have to end this endless patter of ring around the subject. So, with that being said, I’m going to go now and meet up with Aurora and attempt to pretend that I am somewhat normal. Because, no matter how long we talk or what I say you will not change. So I’m telling you that I refuse to let you manipulate this further.”
“Elizabeth?”
“What?” Elizabeth asked in defeat.
“I love you.” Her mother said, while tears laced her words. The sound filled Elizabeth with guilt and a youthful insecurity like only her mother could do.
“I know.” Elizabeth said, because with all that was said over the last few days she always knew this simple fact to be true.
“Good.” Her mother said. “I just wanted to make sure you knew this.”
Elizabeth knew that she needed to end the conversation before it got out of hand once more and she started to feel guiltier then she already did. But more importantly, she needed to figure out the secrets her mind was hiding. She needed to move beyond what she knew and what was told to her and find out the real reason her mother was hiding truths from her. She also knew the longer she stayed on the phone with her mother, the closer she came to telling her mother the true reason she had come to New Orleans and something inside her told her that if she told her mother this, her mother would find a way that she would never get the answers she desired.
“Your love has never been the issue mom and you know this. So before anything more is said I really, really need to hang up and end this before I say something I will regret. I’ll see you in about a week or so. Love you.” Elizabeth said, just before she reached over to hang up the phone, her mother voice distant as Elizabeth heard her call her name just before she dropped the phone back onto its cradle. Elizabeth’s throat tightened while she fought the urge to call back and apologize for being so rude, and for not letting her mother protect her further.
“I will not feel guilty, I will not feel guilty,” she thought while she looked over at the phone, expecting her mother to call back with a huff of anger at her audacity after all she had done for her. After a few minutes of anxious anticipation, Elizabeth blew out her breath in exasperation, as she leaned back against the headrest on the bed and wishing she could have a normal conversation with her mother without her mother manipulating the direction of the whole thing.
Elizabeth crossed her legs in front of herself just before she leaned forward to rest her forearms on them, her eyes drawn to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony overlooking the Mississippi River in the distance. A soft light was filtering through the sheer softly billowing drapes which were casting shadows on the highly polished hardwood floor while at the same time, a slightly pungent smell from the Mississippi River wafted inward.
With the dream slowly fading into her subconscious, she attempted to memorize moments before they faded, as before. Wishing she could put the pieces together and remember what she had forgotten, she absently watched the dust particles float in the rays of light, as her hand reached out to touch the warmth.
Her eyes drawn to the old scars on her arm, faint and obscure, a wish formed in her mind, that all the answers hidden from her for so many years would return and make her whole once more. Yes, this is what she wished.
A sigh escaped her lips while she looked up to the ceiling. Her thoughts wondering as she realized she was like a puppet, an actress playing a role in someone else’s life, in an attempt to fill a mold that didn’t quite fit.She realized she had always mimicked memories, not her own, but given to her by her mother, who held them to her breast like a precious jewel that revealed what Elizabeth felt were half-truths. She couldn’t quite place why she felt like they were half-truths, it was just a feeling she always had.
Elizabeth shook her head away from the painful thoughts, knowing she
needed to move forward and to do this she needed to get dressed and away from her pondering. She swung her legs off the bed and the same time brushing aside tears she didn’t know she had shed. Her hand reached for her jeans from the back of the chair next to the bed, pulling them up and over her slim hips. Just before she stepped through the French doors that separated the bedroom from the sitting area. Her eyes noting the desk along the far wall as she walked over to it, in search of paper and pen. After opening a couple of drawers, she found what she was looking for and sat down to jot a quick note to Aurora, stating she felt much better but needed to run out, and would be back in time for what they had planned.
Chapter 3
Before long Elizabeth found herself down by the Mississippi river, the smells and sounds of the river beckoning her while she stepped onto the boulevard with heavy steps and a perplexing mood. A cool soft breeze from the river blew a stray strand of her long blonde hair against her cheek. Absently, she tucked it behind her ear while pausing to watch an older man with long grayish hair play a saxophone for a gathering crowd. The music, jazzy and festive, lifted her mood. She smiled in appreciation before tossing a crumpled dollar into the sax case as she stepped around a young mother and toddler to settle down on a wooden bench just beyond the crowd. The seat warm and pleasant, the heat seeping through Elizabeth’s jeans to warm her. Lacing her fingers as she grasped the top of her knee to lean back, her eyes falling closed when she lifted her face to the warmth of the setting sun to enjoy the last bit of heat before it set for the night. A small smile curved her lips, while a contentment slowly replaced the memories of the dream.
When the heat slowly moved away from her face, she lowered her head and looked back over to watch the saxophone player once more. Puzzled when she felt her body become light, almost as if she was floating, a sense of unreal disconnect overcame her while she felt the world slow down to a crawl of familiarity. Her breath became a slow exhale while everything around her felt as familiar as an old photograph which one looks at and gets a vague recognition of the moment the picture was taken. She knew she had seen this all before. Felt it, in a place within herself, a place that she had never been given a chance to discover. Then as if time had no meaning Elizabeth felt a chuckle bubble within, her eyes absorbing everything they came in contact with before they finally come to rest on the river, content to watch the various boats and ships just off shore which had become silhouettes against the setting sun.
Her breath catching, in surprise, when an unexpected sensation of arms wrapping around her neck enveloped her and a soft vaguely familiar voice whispered in her ear, ‘Just look at it Julia.” Elizabeth closed her eyes, warmth coursed through her, while ghostly warm lips brushed against her cheek. Her hand instinctively reached up to touch the spot as a breeze brushed back her hair once more, giving the illusion of a soft fingertip brushing back a bang from her forehead, “Isn’t it beautiful and majestic, the Mississippi River, that mighty river from that Huckleberry Finn book you so enjoyed. Remember how Huck Finn had floated down this river and the adventures he had? Well, darling, that is us, we are on our own little adventure and it will be all so different for us.”
Then as suddenly as the unusual vision arrived it vanished on the warm breeze, Elizabeth’s heart catching in her throat, startled by the intensity of it all. She could still almost smell the sweet nectar from the breath that had whispered so sweetly in her ear. Her eyes looked out onto the river and boats anchored off shore. “Julia…”, she thought, the name bringing a sharp piercing pain behind her eyes. Squinting against the pain while everything in front of her became distorted, a vision as real as if it was happening at that precise moment assaulted her. It was a vision of herself as a child, her legs curled under herself while she read a Huckleberry Finn book. The woman from her dreams stood not far from her looking out a large picture window, her finger twirling a locket of hair the same way Elizabeth does in moments of distress and indecision. Then confusion filled Elizabeth when she hears the familiar voice speak to someone Elizabeth could not see “Yes, she is with me…no, I will find a way.” The simple words sent a whirl of panic through her. Abruptly, the vision was gone, leaving her cold and full of questions. Her hand reached up to rub her forehead in an attempt to massage the pain away. After a very long agonizing moment, the pain started to subside enough so she could focus once more. Her eyes drawn to a yacht with a plank connecting it to the boardwalk anchored off shore, not far from where Elizabeth sat.
Confused, by the vision, she wondered if it could be an actual memory. It had felt so real, yet it made little sense to her. Every aspect of the vision screamed to her logical mind that it could not be real, it was a make believe world her mind had created to cover the reality of her past. Yet, the woman in the vision had touched such a nerve in her, it had not provoked feelings of dread but instead feelings of love and acceptance. And the voice…had not been her mother’s. Although, Elizabeth felt a familiarity with the words and voice, it was like nothing she had ever felt before. A part of her screamed at her to see beyond what she knew, to look within herself to find the truth. Frustrated with the implication of her thoughts, Elizabeth felt her heart sink, wondering if she was truly ready for what her memories would reveal. Maybe her mother was correct and her mind was protecting her from a past that would be too horrible to recall. She had become so used to living without those years it had become a part of her. The expression “Be careful what you wish for,” flashed through her mind.
Overwhelmed by everything that had happened in such a short time, she looked back over to the yacht in an effort to distract herself. Her breath came out slowly while she attempted to still her thoughts, her eyes drawn to the plank from earlier which had couples in late 1800’s dress walking up as a small party gathered on the deck of the yacht while sounds of drums wove off.
The activity was a welcomed distraction from what had just happened. The musical rhythm steady, hypnotic, Elizabeth began thinking how fun it would be to dress up and go to such a party, which was a reminder that she needed to get back to the hotel, sure that Aurora was most likely back and ready to get the “party started,” something she liked to say. Happy that the pain from earlier had left along with the flash of memory she closed her eyes while inhaling deeply the air that drifted off the river, the sun still warm on her face as a seagull cried overhead and a riverboat sounded its horn in the distance.
The thought of her old friend, Aurora, filled her with a comforting peace as she thought of her energy and spirit for life. A contented sigh escaped her lips while she lifted herself to get up, at the same time a sense of dread weighed her back down, a knot formed in her stomach, simultaneously the hairs on the back of her neck rose in an unexplainable fear. At that moment, she knew what people meant about a sixth sense. Her arms hugged her midriff while she looked anxiously around. Her nightmare was brought back to the forefront of her mind as she shivered in apprehension, searching the approaching night for the source of her fear.
Then once more her eyes were drawn back to the yacht, which earlier had the drums beating off its deck. Her heart caught within her throat, when a figure on deck stepped forward, the face obscured by a top hat, his body lean, his stance casual, the setting sun painting him as a silhouette. Bile rose in her throat as she leaned forward, the figure lifting a hand to tilt the hat forward, before he stepped back away from the railing. The action brought forward, deep within, where the dreams and memories haunt and tease her, a sense of foreboding. Elizabeth knew this innocent interaction was much more and her life would no longer be the same.
Elizabeth jumped slightly as she suppressed a scream of surprise when arms wrapped themselves around her. For a moment, she felt like the vision from earlier had returned. Then relief surged through her when she caught a familiar soft floral scent obscuring the rivers pungent smell while a chin rested on her shoulder. Aurora’s throaty voice warm and full of laughter as she spoke into her ear, “Sorry for startling
you.” She said in apology, “What are you looking at?”
“Nothing.” Elizabeth answered casually as she attempted to get control of her emotions before Aurora noticed, watching Aurora swing her leg over the bench so she saddled it.
Elizabeth smiled, the action felt right and good, when she noted Aurora had already changed from earlier. Her full figure prominent in form fitting boot cut jeans with red cowboy boots peaking out from the cuffs. A colorful peasant blouse skimmed her large breasts, as one side of the neck draped halfway down her shoulder and three-fourth sleeves hugged her arms just above the elbow. Elizabeth had always wished she had Aurora’s curvy figure, in place of her own slim boyish frame.
Aurora was, Elizabeth’s bit of reality, from all the insanity that had just happened. This Elizabeth could see as she smiled over at Aurora, happy for the pleasant distraction of her friend. Of anyone in her life, Aurora was the only one that Elizabeth could trust as she found herself having a hard time wrapping her mind around the last few hours. She blew out her breath while she felt a rush of indecision fill her as she looked up towards the sky, then asking before she could stop herself, “Aurora? Have you ever gotten a feeling that something evil was watching you?”
“What?” Aurora asked, her eyes wide in surprise. “Where is all this coming from? I leave you for a few hours and return to questions of evil.”
Elizabeth chuckled as she realized how truly irrational the question actually was. “You know what? Just forget I asked.” Elizabeth emphasized with a small smile. “It was a silly question.”
Aurora pursed her lips in puzzlement as she looked at Elizabeth. “Well, something brought it on. So, girlfriend just spit it out. Because you know I’ll just keep asking until you finally give in.”
Elizabeth laughed as she raised her shoulders in doubt before she looked back out to the water where the boats glide past. “My mother called.” She said simply. “I guess it got me thinking about what she said just before we left.”
Secrets of the Weeping Willow Page 2