Then one night as I sat silently in the dark dreaming of you, my parents had come home, pausing outside the room in which I sat. Their voices soft as they discussed the gentleman they had seen that night. My ears perked as I strained to hear their words. Then a panic filled me as the words soaked in, seeping down into my soul. They were planning the sale of my baby to the highest bidder. Terror filling me, I realized I had no say in what was going to happen. I was insignificant, another money opportunity to them. My heart broke, as I understood that they didn’t love me, or even care about me. Feeling desperate and alone, I sat in that darkened room and thought of all the years I tried so hard to capture their love. Striving so hard to earn their respect. Suppressing my tears, I felt my heart harden, a wall forming, protecting. Turning to your father never an option, I considered what I needed to survive, a plan formed
It had been easier than I thought it would be. My parents never suspected I would do what I did. I had always been so eager for their love. I had never once defied them. Since they didn’t trust banks, they had stockpiled stacks of cash all over their apartment. Each night I would take just enough that I felt wouldn’t be missed. Until, one night when I felt I had enough, I left and never turned back. Using the knowledge they had given me, I found a counterfeiter who could change my identity and paid a little extra to keep him quiet if my parents came searching, which, I knew they would since I was the heart and soul of their little operation. With the new identity I bought a bus ticket and traveled across country to sunny California, hoping to find a new life. Vowing that I would never, ever go back to doing what my parents had taught me so well and you would know a different life than mine. But unfortunately, life isn’t always what we want it to be. And once more reality bit me hard. As the months grew with no job, no one wanted to hire a heavily pregnant girl. It didn’t take long before the money started to run out. Then when you were born, the medical costs drained what little funds we had left. Not wanting to live on the street corner begging for money. I decided to temporarily do what I knew best to get us by. Using the little money I did have left, I bought some nice clothes for my business and set off to use my talents on unexpected wealthy men who were easily manipulated. I am not proud of this, but a person does what needs to be done to survive sometimes. And survive we did.
Many years later, when you were about six, I decided to go back to New Jersey. determined to swallow my pride and let your father meet you and see what a wonderful young girl you had become. Down deep hoping I would find him pining for me and be overjoyed at my return. He would take us into his arms and we would live happily ever after. Instead, I found him married, his new wife heavily pregnant. I had watched them from afar for a few days feeling an unsettling bitterness toward his wife. Anger for a woman I had never met. But she had what I wanted and could not have. After my visit back to New Jersey I became bitter and jaded.
It was at this time that I met Roger, a smooth talking handsome man who swept me off my feet. He played on my insecurities and craving for love and used it against me. I fell easily to his charms, blinding me from reality. Wanting to forget my old life and start anew, I immersed myself into his, giving up my petty cons for more lucrative dealing, becoming his partner in crime. The dangers we took only excited me. He had become a drug to me, the more I had the more I wanted. The adrenaline rush was the one thing that made me feel alive.
During this grey time in my life, I lost sight of what was import- ant-you, my precious Julia. Until, I came home one night and found him with you. The reality was enough to slap me cruelly in the face. Now understanding I was no better than my parents. I was unable to protect my little girl from the cruel, mad world. In that moment, I saw Roger for exactly who he was. We fought violently that night, but I was no match to him. To prove a point to both of us, he beat me until I was unconscious, all the while making you watch. When I had come to, I found myself lying on the floor, your young face contorted in pain and fear as you pressed a cold washcloth to my face. I realized I became what I vowed I would never become. My mother.
Watching you, I then knew we needed to get away from the madness that was destroying us. But with all that he and I had done, this would be difficult at its best. Trapping me within his world of lies and deception, he had me where he wanted. You see, he had told me that night that if I was to leave him, he would not kill me but, instead, use evidence he had gathered against me from our crime sprees, using it to kill me slowly as I watched from a prison, my own personal iron box. Watching as he had what I treasured the most in this world, you. To prove that he could and would. He had documents made up, forcing my signature. Giving up custody of you if anything should happen. With all that I had done, I knew he spoke the truth. So to survive, I played the game. Until I uncovered the truth about him and his own horrific past so that I could destroy him and all he had strived to hide from the world. I had enough on him to take him down, trapping him in his sadistic mental game. I also made a security net along with this information I had found, so that the evidence which would convict me would also convict him. After I had all that I needed to save you, along with the forged documents. I turned to the one person I knew could help, your father.
Which brings me back to what you have found in the box I buried under the willow. You should have found along with the money and passports a small key. This key unlocks a safe deposit box I rented at Commerce Bank on First Street in New York City. It was rented under the name of Julia Willows. In it, you will find all the information I have on Roger. Along with this information you will find an account I have set up for you. In this account is enough money to keep you comfortable and safe. I want to reassure you the money is legal and unsoiled. This I made sure of. You will also find information on your father, which you can use or choose not to. But remember, he is a good man who saved us when our days were the darkest. In time, I hope you will understand why I have done the things I have done. You had made me a better person. Without you in my life, I would have been just a shell of existence, with no purpose.
Always remember we are not a product of our existence. It is what we do with our existence that makes us who we are.
My deepest love. Your mother,
Lily
Chapter 36
Elizabeth rested her head back against the wall, her eyes gritty from all the tears she had shed; her mind now exhausted. Unable to shut out her thoughts, she chuckled at how much both of the women who raised her were so vastly different, yet so much the same. Their lives they had lived essentially different yet almost parallel from one another. Both had strived for love from the one place that every child should receive it, yet it was eluded from them. So, instead, they had lived lives of lies to obtain the love they craved. No wonder she fell so easily into the life Rita had made for her, it was so emotionally similar to the life she had been living in already.
Elizabeth swung her legs off the bed, walking over to the window overlooking the pond. Her hip rested on the edge of the window frame as she hugged the quilt around her, the moon reflecting off the smooth black surface next to the Weeping Willow. The vision of Roger tossing the area rug with her mother’s body inside filled her thoughts, she could still remember how the ripples had moved out from it, lapping softly at the shore.
Elizabeth sensed his presence rather than heard it, much like on the boardwalk the first day in New Orleans; his mere essence in a room filled it with malicious energy, something she had felt as a child but her mother never could. She continued to look out the window, not bothering to turn around, a strange calmness coming over her; she wasn’t surprised that he was here, she had felt it would come to this on some sort of molecular level within herself.
Her voice was soft with sadness, “I’m just looking at my mother’s watery grave.” Her parched lips cracked as she lifted them into a small smile of regret, her head turned slightly so she now was looking indirectly at Roger. “And wondering why all I can think of is how fascinatin
g the ripples were as they moved out from where she landed. How they had expanded outward, growing in size until they touched shore. Then returning only to mingle with the ripples still coming ashore… How they reflect my own life.”
Roger leaned against the doorframe his eyebrows lifted in question, as he asked her what she meant by that statement. His voice surprisingly pleasant on the ear; What did she expect, she thought, he wouldn’t be so good at what he did if he didn’t have a somewhat charismatic personality with a deep masculine voice that could ripple through a girl’s defense.
Elizabeth turned around so she could fully face him as she sat back on the window frame to wave a hand towards the room. “When you killed my mother that night and threw her body into that pond, I became one of those ripples. My ripple expanded out and touched Rita, who then became my mother. Which then sent my ripple far beyond its original location, touching many lives as it grew. Until finally, I hit that metaphoric shore, sending me back to where it all began. Affecting others who touch our lives whether directly or indirectly.”
Roger smiled coldly at her as he pushed away from the wall, “Fascinating. Aurora never told me you were so philosophical.”
Elizabeth felt her heart drop with his words, confirmation that the man Aurora was seeing was Roger. She involuntarily shrank into the window seat when he took a step towards her. Angry that she had done the action when she saw him catch the slight movement, a deep chuckle escaped him, cutting through her like a razor.
Elizabeth swallowed her panic, determined not to show him the fear she felt, the calmness from earlier eroding with the passing minutes. She attempted to think of the best way to keep her calm, aware that she was alone in a deserted house on a deserted lane with a man who she had seen, first hand, murder her mother without hesitation, her heart jumped madly. “Leave Aurora out of this.” She said, surprised with the strength in her words.
His lips curled further up into a cold smile, as his eyes reflected a coldness that pierced through her, his steps loud on the hardwood floor, the sound vibrating through Elizabeth as he came within a few paces of her, his voice deep. “Too late. She is a part of it already-your ripple, as you so elegantly pointed out, expanded out to touch her. Then when it came back, you so gracefully brought her along for the ride.”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what it means. She became a part of this game when she stepped off that plane with you that day.” The smile on his lips curved down as he pouted sarcastically, “She is so full of innocence and concern for her poor pathetic friend.”
Elizabeth’s jaw clenched in anger and fear as tears gathered, the calmness she felt earlier disintegrated under the thought of him hurting someone else she loved. “If you hurt her...”
Roger raised his hands in mock fear, “You will what?”
“I’ll kill you,” Elizabeth said, the words forced out through her clenched teeth.
Roger smiled as he took a step back, laughter laced his words with his reply, “It really is a shame you know...”
Elizabeth cleared her throat when he paused mid-sentence. “What is a shame?” She asked hesitantly.
His handsome good looks and his smile belying the cold evil Elizabeth saw reflected in his eyes, surprised that it wasn’t so easily seen by others. He answered calmly, “That it all seems so anti-climactic.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Why, I thought this moment would be much more.... spirited. I believed you would be more like your mother, Lily. I mean you certainly have her beauty.” His eyes coldly scanning her body, as he slowly looked back up to her face. “But, I just have a feeling that you’re going to make my anticipation of this moment so....” His eyed looked up to the ceiling as though he was searching for a word, before he continued, “disappointing.”
“Well. I would hate to disappoint,” Elizabeth said as she leaned back against the window, her hands grasping the ledge as she lifted her legs to kick him. The impact ran through her legs as she watched him stumble back, a surprised look passed across his face, just before she ran towards the door.
Her escape was halted by a hand in her hair, pulling her back painfully, against his hard chest. His breath was harsh against her ear as he held her tightly against him, a sick pleasure lacing his words, “Now that’s my girl.”
The simple words brought back so many memories and feelings that seared through her like a knife in a raw open wound. She remembered all the times she fought him so fiercely, begging him to stop. His actions had been so callous, unfeeling. He had only wanted to control her, even back then, she knew that.
But, she had felt so powerless against him. His strength immeasurable to hers and the more she fought the more he seemed to enjoy it. She had felt trapped and unable to say anything when Roger had threatened to harm her mother if she told. Knowing he was more than capable of what he said, she had kept quiet. She had seen his evil eternally; she always had that ability to sense what was hard for others to see.
When her mother had first met Roger, she had begged her to run, turn and don’t look back. But her mother had been bitter and reckless back then, choosing instead to believe that Elizabeth was just jealous of Roger.
At first, Elizabeth was able to steer clear of him, she had become a shadow within her mother’s life, whispering within her ears, hoping her mother would finally hear her pleas. When her pleas had fallen on deaf ears she had instead attempted to shrink even further within the background, hoping her sense of danger was unfounded, that it was instead her jealously, as her mother believed, manifesting into something more; until, her assumptions were proved right and the shadows became her prison of Roger’s pleasure.
Now to survive this moment she knew she had to find strength deep within, use what she has learned and remember to fight the battle of her life.
She felt his fingers loosen slightly, using the opportunity to twist free, her body falling against the vanity as her breath was released in a sharp gasp. Her eyes turned up to him, as she pulled herself back up, standing tall as an anger replaced her fear with the memory of what he had done to her as a young child. Building up her saliva, she spat it straight into his face. Her words sharp, “You sick bastard. I’m not that little girl anymore whom you can so easily manipulate.”
His movements deliberate as he slowly wiped the mucus from his face, his pupils dilated in anger. The back of his hand striking out with lightening speed against her cheek, sending her flying back once more into the vanity, striking the back of her head against the glass, tears sprang to her eyes as pain shot throughout her head, the taste of blood strong in her mouth.
Her hair had fallen forward over her face, her eyes watching him through the veil, as she lifted a cold hand against her quickly swelling jaw. Moving it ever so slightly to see if it was broken, relieved with her ability to move the painful jaw. Her anger quickly faded into fear as she realized that her keys for the rental car were down stairs on the hutch. She almost wanted to laugh at the irony-almost.
Her eyes shifted around the room, looking at anything she could have missed to get past him. She needed to stop acting so impulsively and more cleverly. If she didn’t, she would end up like her mother and wishing once more that she had told someone what she knew and where she was.
She watched him wipe the rest of her saliva off his face, his voice calm, “So, you do have your mother’s spirit.” His smile cold, as his eyes skimmed her body, pausing pointedly at her breast before he continues, “I just love a good ride on a wild filly.” He said, as he lifted his eyes back up, his shoulders shrugging in mock apology, “But unfortunately, business before pleasure.”
She ignored the implication. Her mind flew wildly, attempting to bide more time to figure out the best way out of the situation.
“What do you want?” The question pointless, she knew what he wanted. He wanted what she found buried under the Willow tree, wondering
if he already knew she had dug it up. Remembering the charm and key her hand reached up to the necklace. Thankful when she felt only the chain, realizing they had slid to the back of her neck during her struggle with him. She was relieved when he didn’t seem to notice her slight panic.
Roger’s smile widened, “Why Julia, you know what I want.. Oh I’m sorry. It’s Elizabeth now isn’t it? You don’t need to play coy and innocent with me. I know where you come from.”
“How the hell do I know what you want?” Elizabeth asked sarcastically, attempting to buy more time with fake ignorance. Her heart dropped when she saw his pupils dilate in anger once more, a fear filled her when his hand snaked out to dig his fingers into her upper arm pulling her forward so her face was within a breath of his, an involuntary cry of pain escaped her with the action. His words sharp, and deadly cold, “I’m a patient man. Julia. But even I have my limits. You will tell me where I can find what your mother stole from me or you will never see your friend again.”
Secrets of the Weeping Willow Page 26