by S. J. Bishop
Jamie made a face. “I don’t like that guy,” she said. “Have you seen his Instagram account? He’s out with a different girl every night, practically.”
“Don’t hate the player…” Caz started, but Jamie smacked him across the arm, and he shut up.
Caz pulled out his phone. “You think he’s out tonight?”
“It’s a Saturday, isn’t it?” said Jamie, acerbically.
“Yup. Sure enough,” said Caz, staring at his phone. He handed it to Jamie, who made a face. “Ugh. ‘You know what’s up!’” she said, deepening her voice in a poor imitation of Ryan.
“Since when do we get to judge him for life choices that don’t affect us?” asked Caz, sagely. “Besides. He’s got good taste. That girl’s ass is second only to yours…”
“Give me the phone.” I stuck my hand across the table, and Jamie made a face at me.
“Rude,” she admonished.
“Jamie, give it to me.”
“Bro, don’t talk to her like that,” Caz warned, but Jamie had already handed over the phone. The snap had a filter on it, which made the shadows super dark, but Ryan had taken a selfie with his thumb up. The picture of the girl had been taken from the back, but she was slender, medium height, with honey brown hair pulled back in a low pony tail, and a red dress that hugged every single curve, especially the two round globes of her…
“I’m gonna kill him.” I stood up abruptly, tossing the phone back to Caz and then realizing I needed it. “There’s a geotag on that,” I snapped at him. “Where are they?”
Caz stared up at me, blankly. “You know her?”
“FUCK. Where are they?” I demanded ready to grab the phone back from him.
“North End. Leandra’s.”
I left the bar in a hurry. I couldn’t even see straight. What the fuck? What the hell was she thinking!? She wasn’t out trying to get back together with Andrew! She was out being wined and dined by Ryan. Rage clouded my vision, and before I even knew what I was doing, I was jogging. We’d been out over by the harbor, which meant it wasn’t that far of a walk to the North End. I kept seeing Ryan with his hands on Sarah’s waist, Sarah with her clothes off… I ran faster.
Knowing that toolbag, Ryan, he’d driven to the North End. Dude drives a red Mercedes convertible, which sticks out like a sore thumb. I spotted it parked a street over from Leandra’s, sitting between a few valet cones. Without pausing a beat, I knelt down and picked up a rock from the side of the road. As I passed Ryan’s car, I looked left, looked right, and – because no one was around – I hurled the rock at the driver’s side window. It didn’t shatter the class but it left a huge system of cracks. The car alarm went off. I kept walking.
Ryan’s bragged about that car so many times that I know if the alarm goes off on the car, it also goes off on his phone. Idiot. No doubt he’d be leaving the restaurant now, leaving Sarah sitting there by herself…
Sure enough, as I rounded the corner, he came sprinting past and didn’t even notice me. I smiled to myself. It was a dick move, but I didn’t feel bad about it. I’d never been to Leandra’s myself, but I knew well enough where it was. The North End was not that big, and it had some of the best restaurants in Boston.
I entered Leandra’s through the front. It was a fancy, expensive place, and in my jeans and t-shirt, I stuck out. The hostesses headed for me, but I spotted Sarah in the back. She was staring at her menu, absently twirling a piece of her hair.
That she looked hot only made me angrier. She’d gotten dressed up for that prick! She was wearing a bra that made her breasts look terrific and a body-hugging, gorgeous, red dress that was cut low. She wore matching lipstick, too, and I had the sudden, unwelcome thought of those lips kissing Ryan. I could barely see straight, I was so angry.
She spotted me before I got to the table, her eyes going round, but I didn’t give her a chance to ask questions. I dropped down into Ryan’s seat and confronted her. “What the fuck are you doing out with Ryan!”
Sarah gaped at me a moment before seeming to find her composure. Her head shook back and forth a moment, as if she was building up momentum, then, “What the hell are you doing here!?”
“That’s a helluva question to ask me,” I snarled. “I think it’s relatively obvious what I’m doing here but a lot less obvious as to what you’re doing here!”
Sarah narrowed her eyes at me and hell if she didn’t look hot when she was angry. “You have two seconds to get the hell out of here!”
“Oh!” I said, sitting back. “I’m not going anywhere. You are! For God’s sake, Sarah, you’re going to be a mother! You should be trying to get back together with the child’s father…”
“Don’t you DARE tell me what I can and can’t do with my life,” Sarah said, her voice raising. “How dare you come in here and interrupt my date! You made it quite clear the other night that you weren’t interested! Well, Ryan is! Get out, and don’t talk to me again.”
“You’re not listening,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not telling you what to do…”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing…”
“I’m telling you to think about someone other than yourself! Fuck, Sarah! Think about your child. Don’t you think you owe it to your child to give your relationship with Andrew a shot?”
Sarah’s face went frighteningly calm, the anger banked behind an implacable mask. She swore beneath her breath and stood up, her napkin falling to the floor.
“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You have no right to talk to me about selfishness. What were you doing a few nights ago, Burke? Being selfish? Sleeping with me when you weren’t over my boss!” Sarah snorted with disgust and looked at me as if I were dog shit she’d just stepped in. “You don’t know anything about anything. It’s not even Andrew’s baby.”
I reeled back. What? Not Andrew’s baby? My mind reeled with the new information, the scene between her and Andrew in the museum starting to make sense…
“That’s right, Burke. It’s not Andrew’s. It’s yours.”
I’d been punched in the stomach before. Gotten in my share of fights on and off the football field, but never had the wind left me so effectively. For a moment, the room spun and I gaped at her.
“The night of the ring ceremony. The night you don’t remember,” said Sarah. Her eyes were moistening, and she looked furious. Her back was ramrod straight, and one single tear trickled down her cheek, breaking my heart. Her voice didn’t change, though, it was steel as she continued. “You kissed me on the dance floor. You took me back to your place and, we slept together. And I knew what I was doing! I was drunk, but I liked you, Burke. A lot! And in the morning, I felt terrible about it because I knew you were interested in Yvette, and I didn’t want to ruin things for either of you. So, when you conveniently blacked out, I went along with it. Told you nothing happened. But something did happen. And every day after? I had to see you with Yvette. I had to hear all about your sexual prowess in bed when she came into the office the next day. Can you imagine what that’s like?! And the more I saw you, the more I fell in love you. And a few nights ago – hell, I thought we had something. I thought you’d finally come around, that you finally saw me. But no. You don’t see me. I’m someone’s assistant, or I’m a hot piece of ass in a turquoise dress, or I’m a vessel carrying someone’s child. Well, you know what, Burke? It’s your child! And you fucked up with me. And that’s something you get to live with for the rest of your life.”
Sarah spun on her heel and left.
I sat there a moment, trying to breathe, trying to regain my wind, and it was as if, with her gone, the air returned. I sucked in great gulps of it, gaping like a landed fish. Her child was mine? We’d slept together?
I tried desperately to remember that night, to think back to what I remembered. Yvette leaving the bar, and Sarah talking to Ryan…
Oh God. I had danced with her. Flashes of that night sparked. The dance floor, holding Sarah’s hips to mine. Fuck.
Fuck! Hope welled in me like a balloon. Swelling until my chest was overfull with it.
“What the hell are you doing here!?”
Ryan towered over me, his face black with anger. I stared at him a moment. Why was he here? Oh. Right. He’d been on a date with Sarah. On a date with Sarah because I’d been the world's biggest idiot. King of the idiots. Meathead. Small-minded and short-sighted and…
“Where the hell is Sarah?”
I stood up, and Ryan backed up a step or risk getting nailed in the jaw by my cranium. “Do you remember the night of the ring ceremony?” I asked.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Do you remember that night?”
“Yah.” Ryan looked irritated, his eyes scanning the restaurant for his date. For the mother of my child.
“Did I kiss Sarah?”
“Dude. You were all over Sarah. Everyone saw you. And that was months ago. So get over it already. She’s out with me tonight…Where are you going!?”
23
Sarah
I wasn’t going to cry. The tear that had escaped in the restaurant was the only one I was going to shed. I was going to get out of here. No Ryan, no Burke. Fuck them both! Fuck everyone!
Oh hell, I was crying. But not because I was sad. I was furious, and sometimes emotions just come out as tears. I balled my fists at my sides and strode through Paul Revere Mall toward Hanover Street. The usual touristy area of Boston was dead now. Friday nights were big in Boston, but on a Saturday, most people were either dining inside or out near Faneuil hall. I stumbled a bit on the brick walkway but didn’t let that slow my stride.
“Sarah!”
Oh no! Oh hell, no! No. I dabbed at my eye, trying to get rid of the evidence of tears, and I didn’t turn around. I kept walking. I did not want to talk to Burke right now! I didn’t want to talk to Burke ever again!
“Sarah!” He was closer, right behind me. I whirled to tell him off but found myself quite literally swept off my feet and spun around. Burke let out a loud, joyous whoop and set me down, righting me as I stumbled. What the hell?
“Sarah, why didn’t you tell me?!” Burke towered over me, the street light shadowing the expression on his face, but his blue eyes burned bright enough.
Was he kidding? Why hadn’t I told him!? I opened my mouth to give him hell, but he waved a hand before I could speak. “Never mind!” he said. “It doesn’t matter. Oh my God! Sarah!”
He shook his head, grabbed my shoulders, and gave me a hard, passionate kiss before letting me go again. Breathless, I stared at him. What was he on?
“God, Sarah. Why didn’t you tell me?” I opened my mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. Not now. I’m an idiot. I’m a complete and total idiot. I can’t believe I pushed you away, thinking that you’d be happier…Sarah: I want you. I don’t want Yvette, I want you. I have wanted you since that night in my apartment. And that night after the gala, when you were in shorts and a t-shirt, and I looked at your photos, and you spoke so passionately about your writing… God. You were so beautiful, and relaxed, and sad, and passionate, and smart.” He tipped his head back and laughed. “And pregnant, and dating another guy, and totally unavailable. And the other night, I thought I was such a jerk. I’d acted on impulse. I’d been selfish. I was so mad at myself. God, if I’d known…”
He reached out, took my hand, and pulled me into another deep and passionate kiss.
He wanted me? My mind was whirling, spinning, and wobbling like a top. I gasped when he let my lips go, and I just stared at him.
“Burke. What are you saying?” I managed to get out.
Burke took a step back and dropped to his knees, keeping my hand in his. I gaped at him. “Sarah. I’m a bigger idiot than the world can even begin to suspect. And I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. But Sarah, if I’d have known, I’d have been by your side every step of the way. I am on my knees, Sarah, because I know I don’t deserve a chance with you. But I’m hoping you’ll give me one. I want you in my life, Sarah Forte. And in my bed. Or bent over my bed, or on the kitchen counter, or in the back of the…”
“Stop!” I said. The images weren’t helping. “Burke.” Tears pricked my eyes again because…was I dreaming!? Or was everything I wanted coming true right then and there?
“You’re right,” said Burke. “Not here. Let’s go…” He grabbed my hand and started to tug, but his legs were too long to keep up. I stumbled, so he whirled around and swept me up into his arms, heading down Hanover Street toward the wharf.
“Burke! Put me down! Where are we go…” He silenced me with a kiss, his long legs eating up the ground beneath us, and when he stopped kissing me, my head was spinning again, but I heard him when he said, “Hotel. Because I’m not going to wait another minute. I’m not going to waste another fucking minute of our time.”
The Marriott Long Wharf loomed up ahead, and Burke put me down once we hit the pavement, but he didn’t stop his momentum, and I was half-jogging as we entered the door.
Burke smooth-talked the concierge, using his black card to get a room and some discretion. I was still breathing hard by the time we hit the elevator, excitement and lust sizzling electric in my blood. When the elevator opened, we were on the eighth floor. Burke had gotten us a suite overlooking the harbor.
I stood there, trying to get my bearings, but Burke wasn’t going to let me. He was on me the moment the door closed, crowding me against the wall and kissing me for all he was worth. And trust me: as many endorsement deals as Burke had, he was worth a lot.
“Burke,” I said, pushing at his chest. “Burke, please! This is all so fast! Just let me think for a moment.”
Burke groaned and backed away, “Fine,” he said. “Think all you want. I’m going to be over here…” He stripped his shirt off in a move from a slow motion film scene. His abs rippled, his pectoral muscles flexed, and his biceps bulged as the shirt came off. My mouth went dry.
“Sarah,” said Burke, his voice a deep and sensuous rumble. “What’s there to think about? I love you. You’re carrying our child.”
“Burke…” I held up a hand. “I love you, too,” I said, my voice breaking slightly with the admission. “I’ve loved you for so long now… but I don’t want to have my heart broken again. And I don’t know if you know it, but you’ve broken it so many times…”
Burke strode forward, taking my hands in his. “Never again, Sarah. I swear it. I swear, I’ve not felt like this about anyone. I’m not going to break your heart. I promise. Let me show you. Let me worship you.”
He fell to his knees in front of me, his eyes on mine, waiting for my say so. God help me. I nodded, biting my lip on a moan, and he slid his hands up the outsides of my thighs, grabbing my dress and sliding it up, revealing my black lace thong.
“Oh, baby,” he said, his breath warm at my crotch. I gasped as his teeth gripped the top of the thong and peeled it down until my flesh was bare to the air. There was no teasing. He put his mouth on me, his tongue sliding between my lips and lapping at my clit.
My knees buckled. I cried out, and he held me steady, licking, his tongue swirling until I was keening, begging him to take me.
There was little foreplay. He was ready, and so was I. In one move, he ripped my panties from where they’d tangled around my thighs, and he stood, unbuckling his belt, hauling me into his arms, and kissing me fiercely. His fingers probed my entrance, delved twice, swirled, and then he was in me, pressing me down atop him and filling up every inch of me.
“Fuck, Sarah, oh, fuck me.” So I did. I used my quads, and I rode him, up and down, watching as his head fell back in ecstasy, tilting my hips forward so that I got all of him. When I paused on an upstroke, he growled, his hands on my hips as he whirled us away from the wall and onto the bed.
He was in control now, and he grabbed my legs, hoisting them up to his shoulders, until our angles shifted. He bore down, sliding deep, and I screamed, the change in penetration almost too in
tense to bear.
“Come on, baby,” he grunted, slamming in again and again. I was screaming now, my orgasm building into something extraordinary, and he was hollering too, his pace quickening and thrusts deepening. I could feel him hardening inside me, pounding relentlessly… my orgasm exploded upon me with the suddenness of an oncoming train. Burke’s, too. He hollered and jerked against me, his hand crushing itself in my hair, and his lips finding mine and branding me with a hot kiss of promise.
We had sex twice more that evening. The third time was so gentle, I almost cried – both from emotion and because I was extremely sore! Seriously. You should see the size of him. When I awoke, it was still dark inside our room. I had tucked myself against Burke’s side, and he lay on his back, hands behind his head. I stared up, expecting him to be asleep, but his eyes were open. He was staring at the ceiling.
“Are you okay?” I asked. His stillness unnerved me, and I was suddenly aware of all that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours. He’d broken up with Yvette and, on the same day, learned he was going to be a father. Fear was a cold weight in my gut. Was he going to tell me that he’d made a mistake?
Burke shifted, rolling so that he faced me. “Sarah,” he said, his voice soft, “Sarah, why didn’t you tell me about the baby. When I asked what happened that night after – after you went back to my place. Why did you tell me nothing had happened?”
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. It was best to be honest. “I guess I should have told you,” I said. “But… I don’t know. I was disappointed in myself. You may have blacked out, but I knew what I was doing, and I did it anyway. In the aftermath of it all, I didn’t want to burden you, or be the reason you and Yvette didn’t work out. I really, really liked you Burke. And I guess I was proud. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to be in my life.”
He rolled back onto his back and was silent a moment. Then he said, “Part of me wants to defend myself and tell you that you should have trusted me. But I can’t be angry. Why would you have trusted me when I was being the world’s biggest idiot? You were right in front of me the whole time, and I looked right past you. I don’t deserve you now.”