by Abbi Glines
“Do you like it?” Pagan asked before wrapping her arms around my waist.
“I love it. When will you wear it?” I inquired turning around in her arms to gaze down at her and soak in her features.
“Well,” she bit the inside of her lip nervously then glanced around me to look at her dress. “I saw it at the store and I just... liked it. I guess I need somewhere to wear it...” she trailed off staring up at me hopefully. Was she asking me to take her somewhere nice? Our last few weeks had been anything but fun for her. We’d been dealing with Leif and his crap. Other than the concert that ended horribly I hadn’t taken her anywhere.
The door creaked and I lifted my eyes to see Gee stick her head back inside. “It’s called Valentine’s Day, you moron,” she announced. “If you’re going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.” Gee gave me an exasperated look before closing the door once more.
Valentine’s Day. I’d forgotten about that holiday. Holidays usually meant more work for me. Depressed people tended to end things on special occasions and party goers drank too much and then got behind the wheels of vehicles. But Valentine’s Day wasn’t too bad as far as suicides and car wrecks were concerned.
“I’m sorry, Pagan. I’m not very good at this, apparently. Can you forgive me for not thinking about the fact I need to do more than just show up in your bedroom or go with you to school? I’m a piss poor boyfriend aren’t I?”
“Ignore Gee. She just likes to give you a hard time. Honestly, I didn’t buy this in hopes you’d take me somewhere for Valentine’s Day. I just saw it and I remembered that you wanted me to wear pale pink once, for the Homecoming Dance. I thought I’d get it and maybe when we had time I could wear it somewhere with you.”
I kissed the top of her head. Leif was interfering in our lives and I didn’t like it. My mind was focused so much on him and Pagan’s soul; I’d neglected her. “Valentine’s we have a date and I definitely want you to wear that dress.”
Pagan
Dank was gone again today. He’d stayed the night with me or at least he’d been there when I feel asleep. Last night he’d played my song. I’d missed hearing him sing it.
There had been more words added this time as if he’d perfected it. The desperate sound in his voice had made me glad I was lying in my bed watching him. I was pretty sure I’d have become a puddle on the floor if I’d tried to stand up. His dark hair had fallen into his eyes as he looked down at the guitar in his hands and strummed the beginning of the song. I’d recognized it immediately. The words drifted through my head all morning as I hummed the hauntingly sweet melody.
“You weren’t meant for the ice. You weren’t made for the pain.
The world that lives inside of me brought only shame.
You were meant for castles and living in the sun.
The cold running through me should have made you run.
Yet you stay holding onto me
Yet you stay reaching out a hand that I pushed away
Yet you stay when I know it’s not right for you
Yet you stay
Yet you stay
I can’t feel the warmth. I need to feel the ice.
I want to hold it all in until I can’t feel the knife.
So I push you away and I scream out your name
I know I can’t need you yet you give in anyway
Yet you stay holding onto me
Yet you stay reaching out a hand that I pushed away
Yet you stay when I know it’s not right for you
Yet you stay
Yet you stay
I can’t feel the warmth. I need to feel the ice.
I want to hold it all in until I can’t feel the knife.
So I push you away and I scream out your name
And I know I can’t need you yet you give in anyway
Yet you stay holding onto me
Yet you stay reaching out a hand that I pushed away
Yet you stay when I know it’s not right for you
Yet you stay
Yet you stay
Oh, the dark will always be my cloak and you are the threat to unveil my pain.
So leave, leave and erase my memories
I need to face the life that was meant for me.
Don’t stay and ruin all my plans
You can’t have my soul, oh, I’m not a man
The empty vessel I dwell in is not meant to feel the heat you bring
So I push you away and I push you away
Yet you stay
Ooooooh
Yet you stay
Yet you stay
Yet you stay”
“What has you looking all dreamy standing over here all alone?” Miranda asked, startling me out of my thoughts by slapping a hand against the closed locker beside mine. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.
“Dank,” I replied.
Miranda raised her eyebrows and fanned herself with one hand, “Girl, I don’t blame you, that boy can wear a pair of jeans like nobody’s business.”
I laughed and shook my head. Miranda truly appreciated men. She loved Wyatt but that didn’t stop her from checking out the rest of the male population.
“Speaking of hotness, here comes your last drool-worthy boyfriend,” Miranda whispered.
Not what I wanted to hear or deal with right now. Peering over my shoulder I watched as Leif spoke to those who passed him until he’d managed to work his way to me. It was so easy to pretend he was normal. Closing my locker door I turned around to face him.
“Leif,” I muttered. It was the best I could do.
He apparently found this response amusing because his grin only grew bigger. “Pagan, it’s good to see you too.”
Haha. Wasn’t he a riot?
“What do you need?” I asked a little too brusquely because Miranda elbowed me hard.
“Well, I was wondering about the tutoring. I mean, now that I’m back I need to keep up my grade and you know I can’t do it without your help.”
Whatever. There was no way a voodoo spirit was dyslexic. Did he think I was an idiot?
“Ah, well, when you left I filled your spot. But I’m sure there are other tutors available if you feel you really need one.” I’d tried my best to get my point across without Miranda picking up on anything.
“But you were so helpful. I doubt anyone else will be able to help me the way you did.” He was enjoying this. The gleam in his eyes said he was thoroughly enjoying every minute. I wanted to push him away and head to class but that would only cause drama and attention I didn’t want. So instead I pulled my book bag up higher on my shoulder and stepped around him without another word. I heard Miranda apologizing for my behavior which was just ridiculous but she didn’t know that.
“What’s wrong with you? I mean, I know he broke up with you but you have Dank now. Why hold a grudge?” Miranda asked after she caught up with me.
I opened my mouth to respond when the ringing of her cell phone interrupted me.
Miranda rummaged through her bag in a hurry to find it before a teacher heard it.
“You know you should turn that thing off at school. You’re going to get it confiscated again,” I chided her.
She pulled it out of her bag and flashed me an annoyed glance before answering.
“Hello.”
“Why? What’s going on at the field?”
Miranda grabbed my arm to stop me. Her face looked puzzled. “We need to go down to the field. Not sure why but that was Krissy Lots and she said I needed to get down to the football field immediately then she hung up. There were sirens in the background.”
“Sirens?” My interest had just gone from curiosity to alarm.
“You two need to come with me, now,” Gee appeared in front of me and I really hoped I just hadn’t noticed her walking up. Appearing out of nowhere would freak people out.
“We have to go to the football field,” I explained, as Miranda ignored her and pushed past the other students
>
“I know you do,” Gee replied without one ounce of her normally snarky attitude. Instead, she sounded worried. That could only mean... ohgod.
I didn’t stand there and wait for an explanation. Instead, I took off after Miranda and we reached the door leading down to the football field at the same time. We ran the entire way toward a field that was now swarming with people and two ambulances. There was only one person we both knew that went to the field every morning to run. Wyatt.
Chapter Eleven
I was numb. Standing there as paramedics worked tirelessly over Wyatt’s unresponsive body I couldn’t seem to move. Miranda’s sobbing and begging for Wyatt to wake up seemed so far away. Nothing felt real. Almost as if I were having an out of body experience. Other than my grandmother, I’d never experienced losing someone I loved. Surely he wasn’t going to die. Wouldn’t Dank have warned me? Didn’t he know these things beforehand?
As if he heard his name in my thoughts he appeared, standing like a beautiful dark angel, behind the paramedic that was bent over Wyatt and administering CPR. They were getting the defibrillator ready to shock his heart. Nothing else had worked.
Dank’s eyes met mine and I could see the sorrow there in those blue depths. This couldn’t mean what I thought it did. He’d just come to reassure me, hadn’t he? Wyatt was too young to just drop dead. He was my friend. Not just any friend but one I’d had my whole life or as long as I could remember. We’d had hotdog eating contests and raced dirt bikes. Wyatt had been the one to teach me to ride a skateboard and I’d been the one to bait his hook with chicken liver when we went fishing. He hated the stuff. Made him queasy. He was a part of my life and I didn’t want to let him go. Didn’t Dank see that?
“Wyatt, please baby, please, open your eyes for me,” Miranda sobbed brokenly as they placed the two paddles on his chest the same way I’d seen them do to people on Grey’s Anatomy. Wyatt’s chest rose and fell in a quick jerk as they all seemed to be hovering over him begging him to respond. But nothing. I watched them do it again and with the same results. Nothing was happening. Then I watched as Wyatt’s soul lifted from his body and went directly to Dank. Wyatt never looked back as a transporter I’d never met stepped forward and in an instant they were gone. Wyatt was gone.
The horror of what I’d just witnessed felt like a knife in my chest. He’d taken Wyatt from me. How could he take someone from me so easily? Miranda crumpled to the ground as the paramedics stated the time of death as 8:02. I couldn’t bring myself to see if Dank was still here watching as our world fell apart. Instead, I walked over to Miranda and joined her on the dewymorning grass. Wrapping my arms around her body I let myself give into the pain.
The paramedics on the scene believed it was a brain aneurysm but no one would know for sure until after the autopsy. Seeing Wyatt’s body zipped up in a body bag had been the most bizarre moment in my life. Although I knew he wasn’t in there any longer it was still an odd moment. I’d fought the urge to jump up and run over to them and demand they let him go. He wouldn’t be able to breathe in that bag. He hated enclosed spaces. Once I’d shut him up in my closet and locked the door and by the time I let him out he’d gone into a full anxiety attack. Now they were zipping him up in a bag and soon he’d be underground. We’d see him lying in a casket then he’d be lost to us forever. No basketball scholarship. No NBA. Wyatt was gone.
Miranda hadn’t spoken or eaten since her mother had shown up after getting a call from the school. Miranda and I hadn’t moved from our huddle on the ground when her mother arrived. I’d managed to coax Miranda to get up and we’d both ridden in the back of her mother’s Cadillac to her house. Now she lay curled up in a ball on her pink fluffy bed with the stuffed animal Wyatt had given her for Valentine’s Day last year. It’d had a necklace around its neck with a small heart shaped diamond. He’d saved up for almost a year to buy it for her. For twelve months he’d stop me in the hall at least twice a week and whisper how much closer to his goal he was. I’d smile and shake my head because they really were sickeningly sweet.
“How long you plan on staying here?” Gee asked and I jumped, startled by her arrival. I hadn’t expected her to show up here. Frowning, I glanced over at Miranda and I wondered if she was asleep. I knew the pill her mother had given her as soon as we arrived had been to help her sleep.
“She’s sleeping but she can’t see or hear me anyway. I’m incognito,” Gee explained.
I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to leave her. And truthfully I didn’t want to see Dank. I was confused and hurt and Death wasn’t really who I wanted to see at the moment. Miranda’s room was safer.
“I’m staying the night. I’m not leaving until she’s better,” I replied in a clipped tone. Part of me was angry with Gee too. This was their job after all. Had they not considered I’d like to know about Wyatt’s death? Maybe I could have stopped it. If I’d known he had an aneurysm I could have done something.
“You’re mad at him, aren’t you,” Gee said matter of factly.
I only nodded.
“This was bound to happen sooner or later. You can’t love Death, Pagan, and not accept him. It’s what he was created for. He’s not just some sexy guy who can sing and play the guitar.”
I knew this, of course, but right now I didn’t want to talk about it. Not with her and not with him. “Just tell him I need time. I don’t want him showing up here. I don’t want to deal with talking it out with him right now. I need to grieve, alone.”
Gee opened her mouth to argue but closed it when I glared at her coldly.
“Okay, fine. If that’s how you feel.”
“It is.”
Dank
“To say that she is pissed would be putting it mildly,” Gee said as she stepped into Miranda’s backyard where I’d been waiting since she went in to talk to Pagan. I hadn’t felt comfortable barging in on Pagan while she was in Miranda’s room. So instead, I’d sent Gee.
“What did she say?” The icy cold fear that I’d damaged the feelings Pagan had for me had been eating me up inside since I’d taken Wyatt’s soul. If I’d only paid attention to the agenda and noticed his name but I’d skimmed it. This was the first time I’d missed something like this. I always noticed souls that held significance. I couldn’t figure out how I’d missed Wyatt’s soul. His death had surprised me as much as it did everyone else. If I’d known I’d have prepared Pagan.
When I’d arrived at the football field to find Wyatt’s body, I’d almost refused to take his soul. But as I stood there watching Pagan, I knew I couldn’t. I’d been given one reprieve from breaking the rules. I wouldn’t be given another. And I couldn’t leave her. My selfish nature won out. Unable to look her in the eyes I’d reached down and drawn his soul from his lifeless body. I’d met this soul before. This had been his third lifetime. Miranda’s soul was his mate. Her grieving would be deep because she’d lost a part of herself. I hated knowing I had anything to do with it.
“She’s upset, Dank. Right now, the fact you’re Death sheds a whole new light on her understanding of you. Before today she’d never really soaked in your purpose because you’d never taken anyone from her. Now, she knows. She’s battling the fact that to most humans Death is something they hate, fear, cower from and she’s in love with him.”
Self-loathing seeped into my skin and I bowed my head. This was inevitable. Death wasn’t something humans loved. Now, my Pagan had realized how difficult loving me really was. I’d ripped up her world today and left it in shreds and there was not one damn thing I could do about it.
“She loves you, Dankmar. I know she does. But this isn’t going to be easy for her to deal with. It’s a hard concept for me and I’m not human. Her human brain will have a hard time processing everything. Just give her time and space.”
Space? How was I going to give her space? I could hardly stand to be parted from her for hours at a time. How did I stand back and wait?
“How?” I asked, lifting my head to stare at G
ee. Hoping for once in my existence she had something wise to say.
“How? Well, hell, Dank do I look like the freaking Creator? I don’t know. You just do.”
“I just do,” I repeated, gazing up at the window where I could feel Pagan’s heart beating. She was safe up there. I’d have to let her come to terms with who I am. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too much time.
“You’ll stay here and watch out for her?” I needed some reassurance that while she put distance between the two of us she’d still have someone near her.
Gee rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. “You know it. I’m worried about her too, Dank. I’m not going anywhere. Since you don’t have Pagan’s desire to have you beside her weighing you down why don’t you go deal with some voodoo spirits and kick some ass.”
That was the first thing on my agenda. “I intend to. After this, dealing with Leif is the last thing she needs. I’ve got to figure out how to get rid of him.”
Letting out a relieved sigh, Gee nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, you do and this is the perfect time to do it.”
Chapter Twelve
Pagan
Funeral homes were typically places I stayed away from, because wandering souls tended to get stuck in them. Today however, I sat beside Miranda holding her hand firmly in both of mine. We were put in the family section by Wyatt’s mom. She’d said the two of us were as close to him as any of his family. Considering we’d faced every year of our lives together since preschool I’d have to agree. The Halloween we’d dressed up as the Three Musketeers came to my mind and a small smile played on my lips. I hadn’t felt like smiling the past two days. Miranda and I had grieved together. Just yesterday we’d spent hours talking about different things Wyatt had done to make us laugh over the years. It had been bittersweet to remember him. After awhile Miranda had gotten so worked up again her mother had given her another sleeping pill.