Taking Control

by Danielle Dickson

  “Alrighty then,” he replies, before pulling his gloves on and spraying my skin with a solution. He shaves the area before drawing a rough outline of a bird on my skin. I grit my teeth, watching him and waiting for the buzz of the machine. As soon as it sounds around us, my nerves calm a fraction.

  The sweet sting of the needle going into my skin helps me relax my muscles. It’s all about control, it always has been ever since the day I decided to take mine back. Since then, I haven’t felt so out of control until now, and it needs to change.

  Whatever it is I’m feeling, I know I can’t ignore it. If I do, I’ll slip, and I won’t let that happen. I won’t go back to a point where I let one single thing rule my life.

  I’ll forget about Taylor for tonight. I have my release right here, this I can control if not my feelings that have crept up on me.

  Taylor

  Kai seemed to lose a little wind in his sails after Zander left so I was expecting him to send me home, but he didn't. I’ve been sitting between his legs for the last hour watching a movie. I can’t concentrate on it though, and neither can Kai by the way he keeps picking up his cell and checking it every five minutes.

  “Everything alright?”

  “Hmmm? Oh, yeah, just waiting to hear back from someone.” He sighs and puts his cell facedown. “Sorry, I’m being rude.”

  “That’s okay, I’m not exactly riveting company at four in the morning.”

  He chuckles. “You’re exactly what I need right now. I’m not into spilling personal details so I prefer when my… sexual partners don’t ask me a million questions.”

  I sit up, turning to face him. “You’re lucky I’m tired. My dad calls me chatterbox.”

  “Lucky me then,” he replies jokingly with a grin on his face.

  Smiling back at him, my gaze travels over his features. He’s not classically handsome but his flaws make him more attractive. He has a couple of scars dotted over the right side of his chiseled jaw and a slight dent in his nose that looks like it could’ve been broken a time or two.

  I want to ask him if it’s true when his cell beeps and he looks away from me, frowning down at it. “Do you mind if I make a quick call?”

  “Of course not, I’m getting tired anyway.”

  He nods and I watch him walk away in just boxers, admiring his muscled back before climbing under the covers when he disappears. I lay my head on the soft pillow and close my eyes, trying not to listen to the voice down the hallway getting a little louder and more aggravated than it was a minute ago.

  “Everyone is counting on you… I’m not putting anything on you, Zander. You know as well as I do they want you there.” I know I shouldn’t be listening, but Zander’s name garners my attention. The look he gave me scorched me all the way down to my soul, and I can’t take my mind off it—or maybe I just imagined the moment we had after our release? “Yes, she’s still here, Dad.” My eyes snap open and I strain to hear what he has to say as he lowers his voice. “Did you want me to kick her out?” There’s a few beats before he adds, “I’ll let you know how the tea is in England, asshole… alright… yeah… fuck you, too.”

  I shut my eyes again as I hear footsteps moving toward the room, staying still as Kai slips into the bed beside me. I want to pretend I’m asleep, but he moves in behind me. “You heard that, didn’t you?”

  “Not everything,” I murmur.

  His chest moves up and down against my back in a chuckle. “He said no to kicking you out, that was a joke by the way.”

  “Why did he leave?” I find myself asking.

  “Don’t take it personally, he’s not very sociable.” He yawns and kisses me on the shoulder before rolling over. “Get some beauty sleep, sweetheart. God knows I need all mine.”

  I stare at the wall ahead of me. “You don’t need beauty sleep. You’re doing okay on your own.”

  A loud laugh shakes the bed. “Goodnight, Taylor.”

  “Night.”

  I’m wide awake, there’s no way I’m getting to sleep anytime soon.

  Taylor

  I yawn, stretching out my aching body and feeling another next to me. It takes me a moment to look over, but when I do, Kai is fast asleep, one arm under his pillow and the other curled into his body.

  The heat of a blush flows into my face at the thought of everything we did last night—including the hot sex with Zander. Although both men’s sexual preferences are the same, they couldn’t be more different.

  Sure, they’re both protective and radiate power without trying. But whereas Kai is light, Zander is dark.

  Kai is the type of person you could see yourself settling down with. Well, that's if he wasn’t having threesomes left, right, and center with random women.

  But Zander? He’s the mystery all women want to solve, yet I’d bet my life on it none have gotten close enough to even get a sniff at what he’s about.

  I slip out of bed in search of a bathroom, trying not to wake Kai. Finding the room has no en suite, I pull on Kai’s shirt from last night, breathing in his masculine scent before venturing into the apartment.

  Making my way down the hallway, finding a bathroom and doing what I need to do before washing my face of all traces of makeup, I breathe into my hand, my eyes widening. Oh, God!

  Squirting toothpaste onto my fingers, I try and brush my teeth with them before I knock Kai out with my breath. Looking into the mirror afterward at my wild sex hair, I try and tame it with my fingers to no avail. I wish I'd brought a hair tie—my clutch bag!

  I creep out of the bathroom and tiptoe down the hallway into the living room. I stop short at the view the floor-to-ceiling windows are showing. You can see the whole of Boston from up here; it’s incredible.

  Finally tearing my gaze away, I turn around to find my dress neatly folded on the kitchen counter, my clutch placed on top. I open it, pulling the hair tie out and tying my hair in a messy bun before leaning back against the counter, looking out over the expanse of the city again.

  Yawning, I let my gaze wander around the kitchen. I could really do with some coffee right about now.

  Spotting the coffee pot, I decide to make me and Kai a cup and walk over to it, trying to work the thing.

  When it’s whirring and finally brewing a new pot, I open all the cupboards finding two cups and setting them down on the counter.

  “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

  I jump, spinning around with my hand clutched to my chest. “Jesus, Kai, you scared the shit out of me!”

  He bites his bottom lip, his gaze running the length of me before glancing up. “You look good in my shirt.”

  He stalks toward me and I stand stock still, taking in the low-riding sweatpants hanging precariously on his hips. “I… couldn’t find anything else so—”

  “Lucky me,” he interrupts, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing his lips against mine. “Good morning, or afternoon should I say.”

  He pulls out of the hold—not mentioning that I never reciprocated the kiss—and takes over making the coffee, handing me a cup as I say, “I never knew Boston could look so pretty.”

  He eyes the windows before looking back at me. “I can think of prettier views.”

  I blush under his intense gaze. “After last night? I don’t think so, I look a mess.”

  His deep laugh sends tingles down my spine. “Mess is not a word I’d use to describe you. You’re beautiful, Taylor.”

  I clear my throat, looking down at the floor feeling awkward compared to last night. “I’d better get going. I have a lot to do before work.”

  He shrugs, draining the last of his coffee. “If you get all your stuff together, I’ll drive you home. I’m going away on business later this afternoon so unfortunately I can’t take you to lunch.”

  “Lunch?”

  He passes over my dress and smirks. “You didn’t think I’d hump and dump, did you? That’s not my style.”

  I have a million questions running through my mind, but
I ask only one. “I thought this was a one-night thing?”

  “Sure… one night.”

  5

  Taylor

  D's mouth gapes open at my admission while I chew on my bottom lip, anxiously waiting for her to talk.

  “I... it’s… Holy shit, Tay!” she exclaims, her arms thrown out beside her.

  Covering up my face, I groan out, “I know, I’m such a whore!”

  D arrived back from the ski trip two hours after Kai dropped me off. She was so excited to tell me about her secret kiss with a guy when the ball dropped at midnight. It’s safe to say I win the hookup lottery after telling her every nitty-gritty detail of what went on last night.

  “I had no idea you were such a sex pest!” I throw my pillow at her but she catches it. “Seriously, I told you to have fun, but you took it to a whole other level.”

  “Ergh! What am I supposed to do?”

  She narrows her eyes at me. “What do you mean? You just had hot one-night-stand sex with two incredibly sexy men. You smile like you mean it and have hot dreams about them.”

  “I meant about my job.”

  She shrugs. “The ball’s in your court as far as I’m concerned. Besides, you've always been far too good to end up as someone’s assistant. You should totally blackmail him for job perks and a raise.”

  I groan. “I can’t blackmail my boss, D. I don’t have it in me.”

  Smirking, she climbs off my bed and stretches out her long limbs. “I didn’t think you had it in you to go home with two strangers, but you did.” She laughs as I cover my eyes in shame again. “Stop worrying about everything. You don’t go back to work for two days, let’s go out and enjoy ourselves!”

  I watch her doing the running man in front of me, my mood lifting. “Fine, but you need to get me wasted to take my mind off being a jobless whore.”

  She starts rooting through my tiny closet, presumably looking for something for me to wear. “You are not jobless.”

  “A-ha! So you admit that I’m a whore!”

  She throws out the dark denim jeans that hug my ass like nothing else ever has. “Can I borrow a shirt? I don’t think any of mine are clean.”

  I roll my eyes but tell her, “Sure.”

  She comes out wearing a black halterneck. “What about this?”

  I twist my head to the side, pretending to study her but really, she looks good in anything. Bitch. “Hmmm. What about the blue one I got for Christmas?”

  Her nose scrunches up. “Hell no, it’ll clash with my skin tone.”

  “I’d love to be as tan as you.”

  She raises a brow. “I’m not tan, I’m mixed race. Big difference.” She smooths out the fabric over her slim stomach. “Oh, and you’re not a whore either, but if you do end up jobless, at least you have a backup plan.”

  She runs away as I swat at her. “You’re going to end up friendless.”

  “Get ready!” she shouts from her room, laughter in her tone.

  I don’t know what I’d do without her. Humor has always been her way of getting me out of my funks. That and tequila—lots and lots of tequila.

  Taylor

  Lights blinding—check.

  Mouth sandy as a desert—check

  Small man dancing in my head—check.

  I vow to never drink again.

  Sitting up slowly, I swivel around, draping my legs over the side of the bed without opening my eyes. “Errgghhh,” I groan, standing shakily and having to steady myself on the wall to my right.

  I brave opening an eye again, having to peel it apart because the fake eyelashes D made me wear are sticking my eyes together. I go through the same process with the other eye, squinting at the brightness of the room burning my retinas. Apparently I never closed my blinds when I came in last night.

  I’m still fully clothed so I undress and wrap my fluffy robe around my body. Sufficiently warm, I walk out into the living room of the small apartment D and I have lived in for the last three years.

  “Good afternoon,” I hear a husky voice say, and when I turn toward the body that's relaxed on my sofa, I let out a little squeak.

  “Zander?” I smooth down my hair in vain, cringing at the fact I look like this while he looks like I’ve peeled him off the cover of Inked Magazine.

  “I’m guessing you feel how you look?” His question is playful and the fact he bites his lip after saying it has my body humming for him despite my nasty hangover.

  “I…” I motion between us. “Did we…?”

  “Fuck?” he states, standing and making me take notice of the black ripped jeans he’s wearing. My gaze moves up to a khaki shirt, the sleeves rolled up showing the tattoos on his forearms. “Baby, if we fucked you’d know about it.”

  I gulp at the intensity in his eyes, pointing behind me. “I… I’m going to go and hide in the bathroom before the ground swallows me up from sheer embarrassment.”

  He chuckles, deep and low. “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

  His statement sends tingles through my nerve endings as I step inside the bathroom. I blow out a breath as I press my back against the door, leaving him on his own in my living room. Zander is in my freaking apartment. What the fuck is he doing here and why can’t I remember past the seventh shot of tequila I poured down my throat last night?

  Stripping off, I turn on the shower, climbing in and scrubbing my body within an inch of its life before toweling off and applying cocoa butter everywhere. I brush my teeth as I wipe off the mirror, gasping at the sight of myself.

  Mascara is running down my face and one of the fake eyelashes is stuck to my forehead acting as a third eyebrow. And can we not mention the smeared red lipstick across my cheek and chin?

  I groan, wiping everything off with makeup remover, wrapping my hair in a towel, and putting my robe back on.

  Taking two deep breaths, I open the door, running across the living room and into my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me on the deep chuckle sounding outside, I dig in my closet for a pair of leggings, pulling them up my legs and putting on an oversized gray sweater.

  I only partially dry my hair and twist it up on top of my head in a messy bun before blowing out a breath and taking stock of how I’m feeling: like ten tons of shit, but at least I don’t look it anymore.

  Opening my door, I watch Zander in my kitchen making coffee. His movements are so fluid it reminds me of how it felt to be touched by him. He stirs each cup exactly five times before washing the spoon, drying it and placing it back into the draw robotically.

  “Are you going to come say hi or stand there staring?” He glances up at me, dark-brown eyes connecting with mine, rendering me speechless. “It is your thing after all so no judging.”

  “I…” I make myself walk toward him, taking the cup he offers me out of his hands and blowing on it. “What are you doing here? I thought the point of a ‘one-night stand’ was to not see each other again?”

  He leans back against the counter on his hands, not taking his focus off me. “Beats me, Taylor, it really does.”

  “Erm, okay...” I wrack my brain to find an explanation as to why he’s here, coming up empty because I can’t remember a freaking thing. “I think after D—shit, D!”

  “Your friend?”

  “You’ve seen her?”

  He motions toward the door. “Yeah, she left after I got back here this morning.” A chuckle starts to fall from his beautifully crafted lips. “She said to tell you you’re not a whore."

  I shut my eyes, not wanting to look at him as his chuckle turns into a full-blown laugh. “Oh my God! I’m going to kill her.” I’ve known D since I was in sixth grade, but she is seriously testing our fourteen-year friendship.

  He steps toward me, his hand whispering down my cheek, making my eyes flutter open. I stare into the dark depths of his as he asks, “Why did you try and find me last night?”

  His tone is serious and it takes me a minute to realize what he said. “Find you?”

 
At my confusion, he takes a step back. “You don’t remember?” I shake my head and he looks away before glancing back at me. “You went to Kai’s apartment building last night, but you were asking for me.” I groan. Why would I do that? “Kai went away on business, but the doorman knows me and called telling me there was a drunk girl calling my name.”

  Swallow me up, please, ground, open and swallow me whole!

  “You weren’t our first rodeo of course so it could’ve been anyone until I got him to describe you.” He paces into the living room, bracing his hands on the back of the sofa, his muscles tense. “I don’t know what it is about you, Taylor, but—” He freezes in place, his hands clenching and unclenching before shaking his head. “I have to go.”

  “Wait!” I call, wanting answers, but he’s already out the door and closing it behind him, leaving me standing in my kitchen wondering what in the hell just happened.

  Zander

  I sent Kai to England on his own because I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the business with Taylor occupying my every thought. He wasn’t happy when I messaged telling him I wasn’t going. I said I wasn’t up to it, keeping my reasons vague, but he’s not stupid. We’ve known each other for seven years and he’s always been there through all the shit I’ve struggled through.

  But I couldn’t leave well enough alone with Taylor. I had to ask him if she was still there. When he said she was I almost threw my phone across the room and marched over there, but Reg stopped me from making a huge mistake.

  Or what I thought would’ve been a huge mistake.

  So when I picked up a call in the middle of the night last night to Kai’s doorman telling me there was a woman outside calling my name, I had to go see if she really was a mistake or the beginning of something real no matter how much it scared me.