by M. N. Forgy
I look down at my nails scratching into the wooden arms of the chair anxiously. Red stains the cracks of my nails and I furrow my brows. I bring my fingers closer, the smell of metallic lacing up my nostrils and breathing sin into my lungs. It’s blood.
My eyes widen into saucers. Where did I get blood on my hands from?
“Do you remember hurting anyone?” the doctor asks.
My head snaps in her direction. My eyes filling with tears as my lungs burn for air.
I look at the lady like she’s lost her mind.
“Hurt? I hurt someone?” I question, a tear slipping down my face. I would remember hurting someone, and I didn’t.
She sighs, setting her things on her desk before sitting on the edge of her seat.
“You were at a gas station with your dad and some friends…”
“Benjamin… I remember him being there, and Viper. We went on a beer run for the club and Viper was inside buying cigarettes with Benjamin,” I explain, but that’s all I remember. Everything after that is a vision of darkness.
“A woman bumped into you and spilled a slushy or some kind of drink on your feet, do you remember that?” I don’t reply because I don’t remember that happening at all. I look down at my feet and see a sticky residue all over my black boots. When did I put those on? “There were some words spoken, and you grabbed a beer bottle from the case Benjamin was carrying and… well, you broke it and stabbed the woman.”
My eyes flutter as my hands try and smother the gasp spilling from my mouth. I stabbed someone with a beer bottle? That doesn’t even sound like something I would do.
“No, I didn’t do that. I would remember.” I shake my head, my world crashing around my feet. They must have the wrong person.
“Do you black out often?” She continues with squinted eyes.
I can’t breathe, let alone speak so I just nod in reply. My life bleeds from blackout to blackout. I wake up in odd places, around people I don’t know.
“I see. Do you know anyone named Farrah?”
I lift my head slowly from my palms. She said my name. How does she know my name?
“I’m Farrah,” I whisper confused. See they do have the wrong person.
“I see, and are you aware of Harley then?”
“Who?”
“Farrah, you have a disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder—”
“What is that?” I sneer, anger pummeling through me like a hot knife.
“It’s where, well, multiple people live within you, or Harley. I’m not sure which one of you is in control as I’ve just met you.”
“That’s… that’s insane.” I shake my head. None of this is making sense, I’ve never even heard of that disorder before. It can’t be real. This is a nightmare, it has to be. I grab my arm and pinch the skin between my nails, I feel the pain and I’m still here. In this confusing, scary scenario.
“It’s a lot more common than people think. It usually happens from trauma, or an abusive past, it’s a coping mechanism. Has anyone hurt you or Harley before?”
“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” I scream with tears raining down my cheeks. She jumps from my outburst, but I continue to stare at her with hostile eyes.
I’m so sick of people calling me Harley. We’re different people, with different lives. No wonder they think I killed someone, they think I’m Harley. God, what has she fucking done this time?
Clearing her throat, she settles herself back into her leather chair as if I didn’t just scream at her.
“It’s common for you and Harley not to be aware of each-other—”
“I know of her, I’m just not her!”
“I see.” She writes things down on a notepad, and I feel like I’m being judged.
“Where is Benjamin?” I demand. I can’t take this anymore. I look around me, thinking of running out of here. I didn’t hurt anyone, I shouldn’t be in here.
“Tell me, Farrah, where is your family? Who is Benjamin?”
Closing my eyes, I breathe through her questions.
“My family is gone. A club adopted me, and Benjamin is, I don’t know… a friend,” I reply with a shaky voice. What is Benji to me? I’ve never had someone ask me that before. He’s… always there for me. He’s like a brother.
“So, you and Harley are different people?”
My head throbs, my vision funneling in on the stupid doctor in the chair. What does she mean different people. Can she not tell I’m different, that I’m not Harley? Is she not listening?
“I WANT Benjamin!” I scream, done with these stupid questions. Done with her.
The lady sighs. “I’ll go get him if it will make you calm down—”
“BENJAMIN!” I scream so loud my face turns red, my heart pounding in my ears to the point all I hear is ringing.
The lady quickly stands and leaves the room with haste. I sit back in the chair, close my eyes and try hard to remember what happened.
But all I see is black. The depths of hell burning fire and ash as I press my fingers into my eye sockets.
“What is wrong with me?”
8
Benji
Grudge holds me back as I hear Harley scream from the room.
“She’s fine, let them do their job, son!” he breathes into the back of my head.
Closing my eyes, all I see is Harley covered in blood with a shocked look on her face. A young woman with short red hair bleeding out on the parking lot from Harley slicing her across the chest.
The door finally opens to her room, and I feel like I can breathe again. The doctor steps out and swallows before speaking.
“She insists her name is Farrah, and is really confused. To be honest, I’m not sure who I was talking to in there, but I’m almost positive she has Dissociative Identity Disorder—”
“What the fuck is that?” Grudge asks almost as if he was insulted. The lady pulls a pamphlet from the wall next to us and hands it to him. The whole wall is littered with pamphlets of different mental disabilities. Glancing over Grudge’s shoulder, I see something about multiple personalities or some shit.
My jaw ticks as I think back about how Harley has pretended to be other people since we’ve known each other. Farrah has been one of them on numerous occasions. Her dad and I knew she was different, we just didn’t know it had a name. That there were other people with the same condition.
“She wants to see you.” The doctor looks directly at me with a pointed look.
Pushing past her and Grudge, I rush to Harley before her father can stop me.
Stepping inside the room carefully, Harley is standing in the middle of the room, her body shaking.
“Babe?” I ask cautiously.
She turns, makeup smeared around her eyes from crying.
“Where am I? Am I going to jail, Benji?” she mutters, her face hard and cold. She doesn’t have panic in her eyes like before, and she doesn’t seem to be scared.
“Harley?” I ask.
She rushes to me and hugs me so tight I never want her to let go.
“I just snapped, I couldn’t hold it back,” she cries in explanation. I pull her head into my chest. “I think I might be sick, Benji,” she whispers. “They’re going to take me away.”
“It’s okay. I won’t let anyone take you from me,” I mumble into the top of her head.
9
Benji
Present
“We got word of where Harley is.” Viper walks out of the clubhouse, lighting a cigarette. I toss my bag in the back of my El Camino parked right in front of the club. I decided against my motorcycle just in case I need to clean up a mess or bring Farrah back hogtied. “You going to spit it out, Viper?” I scowl. Viper is my best friend. My brother regardless of our DNA or brotherhood. He knows how much I care for Harley, in fact, he’s the only one who knows how bad I got it. I broke his nose to be exact.
One night Farrah came forward, and Viper was new to the club. He was just about to be patched-in from prospect. She started fli
rting with him and when Viper hooked his arm around her waist with that fucking playboy look on his face. I lost all control. I took him to the ground and punched him in the nose until it broke.
That’s when he learned about Harley and her sickness, and with a blood-stained rag against his face he told me, “You’re lucky I like you, or I wouldn’t have let you kick my ass.”
We became instant friends, and he’s been behind me in protecting Harley ever since.
“A club called the Bastard Makers has a son attending the college, said he saw a girl that looks like Harley but with dark hair. She had your ring on her finger though.” Viper runs his hands through his dirty blond hair.
My skull ring, Harley wanted to wear it and it got stuck on her thumb. She’s had it ever since.
Her credit card was swiped at Best Buy near the college too, I was going to go look around the area but now that I know exactly where to go, that makes finding her a lot easier.
“Why would she go to a college?” I ask with a frown. I know she’s always wanted to go to school, but she’s always been hell-bent on being a part of the club, that’s what she was upset about when she left.
“The governor’s daughter volunteers there,” he answers grimly. Our eyes lock, she’s not there for school, she’s on a mission.
“Fuck, she knows about him owing us money. I was right, she’s trying to prove herself to the club.” Tight-lipped, I slam my fist into the side of my car. The black paint dents from the impact, and I shake my hand out. The pain pulsing through my knuckles. If she fucks up, the governor could have her killed.
“She’s there to grab that bitch, isn’t she?” Viper puts two and two together.
“Yeah, or his son-in-law. He teaches there too doesn’t he?” I look to Viper.
“Yeah, he does. You think Farrah will fuck him?” he asks.
My neck cracks with that question. I can’t even begin to think about that.
“I don’t fucking know, but standing here talking to you ain’t going to find her.” Stepping past him, I jerk the door open to my car and slide in behind the wheel.
“You couldn’t find some bitch with a drug habit or a slutty stripper with two kids? You had to fall head over fucking heels for the female version of Jekyll and Hyde.” He shakes his head, an arrogant smile on his face.
“Fuck you. Wait ‘til you come across a woman that has you doing the chasing for once. It’ll make you see things differently.”
He chuckles, blowing smoke into the wind. “Pretty sure it doesn’t matter, they’re all fucking crazy at the end of the day.” If I wasn’t so scared for Harley right now, I’d laugh in agreement. “You want me to go with you?” he asks, hovering over my window, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth with ashes about to spill into my lap.
Starting my old car, I shake my head. “No, I can take care of her.” I always have. Let’s just hope Farrah hasn’t opened her fucking legs to some college prick… because that’s one thing I can’t handle.
I’ll lose my shit and the dead bodies will stack up.
She’s my disaster, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone walk in the wake of my club’s princess except me.
10
Benji
Eighteen Years Old
“Benji, I know we’re just friends, and if you want to say no I completely understand. It’s just that, I don’t know anyone else, and with me being… different—”
“Spit it out, Harley,” I laugh, swiping the bottle of Jack we stole from the club from her hand. She jumps down off the mound of parts thrown out by the brothers in the biker graveyard. Mine and Harley’s usual go-to for a chance at freedom.
She runs the back of her hand along her forehead as she stares out into the night. Goddamn, she’s beautiful. She has a ripped tank top on tonight, showing off her belly button ring and cut off shorts that are two sizes too big, making my mind run wild with what I could do to those exposed hips. I’ve always loved Harley, but she friend-zoned me. There’s nothing worse than wanting to fall to your knees for a women, who only see’s you as a friend.
“I want to have sex,” she blurts out. Mouth full of Jack, I freeze. Surely, I didn’t hear her right.
I swallow the liquid fire. “Sex?” I confirm.
“Yeah, with you.” She kicks at a few bolts laying around on the ground. “I’ve seen it enough around the club, and it scares me that one day… Farrah is going to take the choice away from me.” I grit my teeth thinking that her split personality takes away a lot of her life. “You’ve been with girls before, so you know what you’re doing.” She shrugs innocently. I actually haven’t been with any girl, but Harley doesn’t know that. She thinks I’ve been with tons because I tell her I have. It makes me feel better to throw it in her face because she won’t let me have her. I could easily be with the girls around the club, but I want only Harley. The forbidden flower inside my own club.
“Yeah, I mean. If you’re sure.” I try to play it cool, but my dick is so hard I can feel the veins in my shaft throbbing.
Her eyes shoot to mine, her teeth nibbling on her bottom lip.
“Yeah?” the question falls from her mouth so perfectly, it has me drop the bottle of jack to the ground, and slide off the mound of bike parts a little too eagerly.
Quickly I make my way to her. My hands hesitating before falling to her bare hips. Goddamn her skin is so soft, like fucking silk. I feel high, my body vibrating as I touch her bare skin. I want to fuck her bad, so fast but slow at the same time, my mind is racing with what to do.
She places both of her hands on my chest, her eyes closed.
“If I say stop… you’ll stop?” She looks up at me with doe eyes.
“Of course,” I whisper. But honestly, I’ve wanted this so long… I’ll never stop. I’m slamming my dick in that pussy and placing my claim on her before anyone in this fucking world can.
Pushing up on her tiptoes she closes her eyes, her lips pursing. Grabbing the nape of her neck with one hand, the other grasping her left hip, I pull her close and press my mouth to hers.
I want to be everything a first time should be for a girl like her deserves. But I’m going to show her I’m no fucking friend…
I demand her lips apart, and I take what I’ve been longing for, for far too long. Our kiss is rough, greedy, wet, and goddamn perfect. Her mouth tastes of cheap bubblegum and I can’t get enough of it. She’s always leaving Double Bubble wrappers around the club, and I’ve come to love the smell.
She’s a curse and a blessing. Wild, but caged inside of her own mind.
My hands slide up her soft curves, and her head falls back as she offers herself to me like a lamb to a wolf. Under her shirt, I grasp her bare breast, her pebbled nipple pressing into my hand. The feel of them in my callused palm.
“Fucking perfect,” I groan. Pushing my hand along her spine, her body bends just right and I lower my head. I flick her nipple with my tongue, swirling it in my mouth before nipping it gently.
“Oh God,” she mews.
One hand on each of my cheeks, she looks up at me with glossy eyes.
“I’ve wanted this for so fucking long,” I confess, kissing her tit.
Her eyes widen like this is news to her.
“Fuck me, Benji. Fuck me like one of your club whores.”
Snapping upright, I fist her hair.
“I’ll fuck you, but I’ll never disrespect you like a club whore. Do you understand?”
Her lashes flutter before she nods softly.
Lacing my palm with hers, I lower her to the dusty ground, my knees straddling her body. The mounds of used parts and broken motorcycles from over the years conceal us from everyone at the club. It’s just me and Harley. She looks up at me with scared eyes, not sure what to do next.
I take charge, leading the way.
My fingers hook into each side of her shorts and pull them down her thighs. Her arousal drips from her pussy making it glisten against the moonlight. Woman walk around the club naked, but
I’ve never had a cunt this close up before.
I inhale a deep breath, the smell of Harley turning me on even more. I knew she didn’t wear panties. One day when she had on some baggy sweatpants with holes in them, I swear I saw pink pussy when she was sitting on the couch. She’s wild, free, and mine tonight.
Using the pad of my finger, I slide it through her wet lips and her body arches as if a jolt of electricity circuited through her limbs.
Leaning over her, I kiss her, taking her moans and pleasure. My elbow pressed into the hard ground I jerk my baggy jeans down to my knees. My dick falls free, brushing against the ground.
“I want to see,” she presses on my chest, her eyes narrowed in the direction of my hard-on.
Using my knees, I sit up, and my hard cock throbs as she looks at it with curious eyes.
Her fingers reach out, her fingertip slightly caressing the tip of my cock. My dick jumps, and she startles.
What can I say, my cock knows who it wants, and it’s been wanting Harley since before I learned how to jack off.
My balls squeeze, needing to be inside of her. Now.
“Show and tell is over,” I rasp.
I push her back down onto the ground and push her knees as far apart as I can.
Her eyes widen by my sudden control.
Fisting the base of my cock I press it against her entrance. Her eyes locked on mine, and I slowly push myself into her tightness.
Oh my God, it feels so fucking good. She’s so warm, so wet, I push further inside.
Her mouth parts, her eyes furrowing with unease.
She whimpers, and my restraint busts. I thrust into her a little harder.
She envelops around me, her body tense. I make myself slow down, letting her adjust to my size.
“You okay?” I whisper into her ear. The intense tingling in my cock causing my hips to rock on their own. I can’t stop, I knew I couldn’t once I was inside of her.