by Honor James
She turned and looked at him, surprise evident. “You’ve, you mean I’m…” She couldn’t think. “I like being here. I like being able to feel like a woman instead of a dominant force of nature.” She swallowed and said very quietly, “I like giving up the control to you, but I think only you could ever be given that control. You are the only one I have ever wanted to acquiesce to.”
“I like that you’re a force of nature, Desmonda, otherwise we’d never be able to make this work. I’m not one to ever lay down and just take anything. I’ve been the one making the decisions and best choices that I could for too long as I’ve protected my family.” Lifting a hand, he stroked his fingers lightly down her cheek. “But with you I don’t feel that continuous need to try and prove who I am. You give me a sense of…” He paused and frowned as he tried to find the word that would best work. Shaking his head, he smiled faintly. “I hate to use the word, it’s a little too girly for me, but I’ll say it anyway since I’m secure in my manliness. You give me peace,” he told her and put his fingers to his chest. “In here. Something I’ve rarely felt.”
She sighed and nodded. “I feel it, too. I’m sure there will be arguments.” Likely down and dirty fighting just shy of bloodletting. “But I have a feeling that this,”—being with him, just with him—“being together, just us, will be what we both need.” Forever. “Why didn’t you change me?” she asked suddenly, the topics shifting gears like a race car driver on the fly.
“Because it’s not my choice to make for you, and besides, I thought you might want to know more about it and what’s going on before you agreed to ‘forever’ in Wolf terms,” he said. “You might decide you will be bored after the first hundred years with me.” He shrugged, as though the very thought wasn’t one of his personal nightmares. “We’ve got time for that decision and for finding out some information. I’ve only seen two changes and they were very different in nature so I want to gather some information before we do this to allow you the time to think on it as well as to know everything possible.”
“All right.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “I wanted you, too. Remember, Harker Collins is my best friend and she was changed by Miklos. I know what it entails. I know how hard it is and how much it hurts.” Rubbing her cheek on his shoulder, she let the subject go. “Sleep sounds good, though.”
Damn, he seemed to think, he’d actually forgotten that detail. Odd for him, he never forgot anything. Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he breathed her in slowly. “Sleep, Desmonda, we’ll talk more later,” he promised as he rested his cheek to hers.
“I’m always here for you, Laszlo, but yes, sleep sounds good because I have work to get back to.” How she was going to accomplish that with wolves out to kill her, she didn’t know, but she would figure something out. Eyes too heavy to hold open, she closed them for the last time and sighed as she slipped off into sleep.
Holding her to him, Laszlo’s mind turned to the problem of the wolves that wanted the Royals and all they knew dead. He needed to put out feelers, and soon, if only to ensure that they all knew just what would happen if any one so much as harmed a hair on his mate’s head. Squeezing her a little closer, he let out a breath and slowly let sleep pull him under, but he didn’t go willingly, he went only because his body needed some rest.
Chapter 4
Desmonda woke in his arms. Sometime during the night he had shrunk enough to slip out of her body and she had turned in his arms. Her arms now wrapped around his waist and, head under his chin, she had rested better than she had in years. It had been forever since she had slept in a man’s arms and even longer since she had opened herself like she had to him. She had let herself feel something for him that scared her more than she could ever express.
Desi’s eyes closed as she recalled the past hurt, the past pain. While she really, really wanted to have the love that she was sure she deserved, she was terrified of opening that wound again. Unlike Robert, her ex, Laszlo could destroy her. She had thought she was in love with Robert, but that was a pale and laughable excuse for an emotion compared to how she felt for Laszlo after such a brief time.
“You’re thinking hard enough that I can practically hear you, Desmonda,” Laszlo murmured without opening his eyes, his voice sleep-roughened and deep. Spreading his hand to cover her lower back, he lightly rubbed at her soft skin. “Do you want to talk about what has your face scrunched up so?” he asked her, quietly cracking an eye to see what he could feel against his chest. The look in her eyes, though, had him waking up completely. “What’s wrong, Des?” he asked in concern, shifting so he could see her better.
Desi looked at him and, biting her lip, she breathed in and out and ducked her head under his chin once more. “How do you feel about children?” No, that wasn’t the right question. “How would you feel about my children, children with me?” Not someone else, but her. Was she worth having a child with, or was she really and truly the unlovable woman that she was led to believe? Was she really not worth loving, or too selfish to have a child?
“Love kids,” he told her, as if he knew this was important to her, like he could see shadows in her eyes from her past. “I would love to have children with you, Desmonda,” he said, gently lifting a hand to stroke his fingers over her cheek. “You would be the very best of mothers.” He smiled. “Fiercely protective of her young just like a good she-wolf should be and generous of heart as the woman inside of you demands.”
Something inside of her shifted and she nodded, tears leaking out of her eyes as she spoke softly. “Thank you for that.” She looked up at him and nodded. “I have always wanted children. I almost had one.” And then she had gotten rid of it because she had believed in the man who she had thought she loved. She couldn’t think, so she just hugged him closer, she was feeling all mushy inside, feeling softer than she ever had before and it scared her. “You could destroy me, Laszlo. I feel more for you than I ever have before felt for anyone, and you alone could destroy me.”
Rolling them over, he settled between her legs and cupped her face. “Tell me, Des,” he requested softly. “No secrets between mates, it just hurts us too much.” Stroking her cheeks gently, he watched her. “I’ll never hurt you, Desmonda. I may get angry, I will have my bad days when I’m a complete and utter asshole, but I will never, ever lift a hand to you. I will never hurt you emotionally if it’s within my power to stop or control.”
She closed her eyes and breathed in and out. He wanted to know about the worst part of her life, a time that had molded her into the woman she was today and what was worse, she couldn’t deny him. “I was fourteen when my father died.” She breathed out simply, in and out. “He had married a woman named Cassandra Delavan, who had a daughter of her own. Her daughter, Serena Delavan was twenty when daddy married Cass.” She had closed her eyes because the haunting was there, if she opened them, he would see all the banked pain and sadness and she didn’t know that she could force that on him.
She was hurting and hiding from him. “Honey, look at me, sweetheart,” he said softly. “Don’t hide from me please, I’m here for you but you need to open your eyes. Please,” he said again, gently stroking her soft skin.
His gentle persuasion to open her eyes, to look at him and continue had her nodding and she opened them. “Daddy was a wealthy man, Cass and Serena were greedy, however. Anyway, daddy died when I was fourteen and he left everything to me.” She hadn’t wanted it, she had never wanted it. Her father had her working when she was thirteen. She had to make her own money. He had never simply given it to her, seeing how too many of his friends’ children had turned out. “I worked, he had always insisted I work, ‘the value of a dollar means nothing to you if it’s not one you earned,’” she quoted her father’s saying.
“When I was fifteen I became a legally emancipated adult and moved out on my own. I had a savings of money that I had earned from my job in a small shop and I had used it to get my own house.” She sighed and shook her head. “I had a diploma from high scho
ol and was attending college at a local school.” She had inherited her father’s intelligence and school had been easy for her. “Anyway, I had moved into my own home, and not two weeks after I met him.” And her life changed.
Laszlo stayed silent and still as she spoke, just his fingers lightly tracing over her skin moved. His eyes stared into hers and he likely bit his tongue. He seemed to know that whatever was coming was bad, like he could feel it, his beast could smell it. Her body was tensing under his, her tension palpable.
“He was everything I had wanted, I had thought myself in love and he moved in within two weeks.” He was a lazy piece of shit, but she hadn’t seen it then. “The beatings started within six months, but I was young, stupid and didn’t want to be alone, so I believed him when he told me that he was sorry, that it was my fault.” He had a way of making her feel that everything was her fault. “I was seventeen when I got pregnant.” She swallowed and closed her eyes, unable to see the anger in his eyes any longer. “I had thought I was in love, I had thought that I was going to have his child, until I told him.” That had been a fight for the record books.
“I went to the abortion clinic the next day with two broken ribs and a black eye.” They had wanted to call the police, but she refused and they relented. “So I did the unthinkable and got rid of a child that I had wanted because I believed him when he told me that we were simply too young.” He was twenty-seven, but that didn’t matter. “He had said we were too young and one day as soon as I was out of college and had a job I loved and wanted we would have our family.” Between his words and the beatings, she believed him.
“Oh, honey,” he whispered, his voice echoing the ache he must have heard in hers. He evidently didn’t know what to say, so he fell silent once more. There was more for her to tell, and it seemed to make him even angrier that it had all happened to her. It was clear from his expression that he felt no one should hurt a woman or a child, let alone a child that hadn’t even had a chance to be.
“So a few weeks later I came home early from work. I had gotten a promotion and was excited.” And then her world fell apart. “I heard his voice in our bedroom so I walked quietly in case he was asleep but if he wasn’t I wanted to surprise him.” And she had, all right. “I paused by the door. Even now I don’t know why I did, but I didn’t go in right away.” And that was when she heard it.
“Serena laughed, told him what a wonderful daddy he was going to make their daughter.” The pain was there in her voice. “She had been sleeping with him the whole time. She had made it clear to him that he needed to marry me so that he could get his hands on my cash and then a little ‘accident’ could happen and I would be out of the way of their happiness.” She snorted. “What the bad part was, I didn’t want the money. I never had wanted the money. If they had asked, I would have given it to them. To my stepmother and Serena.” She shrugged. “They had been using me, and so I confronted them.” She had the hell beaten out of her and woke up in the hospital with a warrant out for his arrest, thanks to Harker, who was fifteen years old but far wiser than Desmonda had been. “I had thought I loved him.” She opened her eyes and looked up at him, pain there as well as tears falling. “But it was nothing compared to what I feel for you. I survived and became stronger because of him. I would never and could never survive if you hurt me like that.”
“I’ve given you my word, but it’s nothing really but air,” he said softly as he stared at her. Sighing, long moments later he rolled away and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Time will tell, I suppose,” he told her quietly as he sat up and looked to her. “Either you’ll learn to trust in me or you’ll always be waiting for that one day to come. It won’t, Desmonda, but you’ve been hurt in the worst of ways so, as I said, my words mean nothing, my actions will never mean anything. You have to either live life to the fullest or live in fear of life.” Reaching out, he touched her cheek lightly. “I’m going to shower if you want to join me.” Sliding from the bed he stood looking at her and held out his hand. “Come on,” he murmured, as if knowing she was feeling raw right then. She’d bared her soul and he had nothing to give her to soothe the ache, nothing but time. Time he had plenty of, more than enough, and he had patience, another trait he’d learned and cultivated over his two hundred plus years.
She watched his hand for several long moments and then rose from the bed and moved to him. Her hand slipped into his and she squeezed it as she whispered, “Your actions mean more to me than you can know, Laszlo.” She smiled and nodded. “It’s hard for me to trust and to feel, Laszlo. However, I do both with you. I trust you and I feel a great deal for you.” Far more than she ever thought she could. “I feel so much for you that it has me scared to death, but I want to know more about it, about how I feel and I want to hope and dream that you could possibly feel for me, too.” She let him tug her close, felt his body warm against hers and relaxed against him, letting him soothe her.
Wrapping his arm around her, Laszlo stared down at her. “I’ll take whatever I can get, Desmonda,” he murmured softly. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he closed his eyes as he rested his chin to her hair and just soaked in her presence. Soon he’d have to go back to being who he normally was, but at least he had this time with her and he’d have her each night, as well. “Come on,” he said again, moving back a step. He took her hand once more before leading her into his bathroom.
She followed him, her hand in his and trusting him completely. “You do know that one day I will go back to work and when I am there I am not this person that I am with you.” She was the fake person for everyone, everyone but him and Harker. “I can be me with you, but only you and Harker.” She shrugged. “I’ve known her for more than half my life. She helped me pick up the pieces afterwards.” She sighed and stepped up against him once more. “You I can love, Laszlo, I can be me with you.” Please don’t take it away, she thought to herself.
Smiling faintly as he started the shower and adjusted the temperature and flow, he looked to her. “I was thinking almost the exact same thing. Except on rare occasions with my brothers I’m nowhere near this civil to anyone. Well”—he chuckled—“except my assistant and that’s because she makes my coffee in the morning.” Letting her go into the large stall first, he shut the glass door behind them. “For you, though, I think I could be more than civil, especially since you are licensed to carry a weapon,” he teased with a grin and wink.
“And know very well how to use it.” She winked at him as she allowed her hands to move over his chest and down to his stomach. “I really think that I want to face you this time.” Her hand closed over his already hard cock again. “Make love to me here in the shower, Laszlo, make love to me here and let me face you please?” She needed to watch him, wanted to watch him as he took her, made love to her.
Jerking in her hold, Laszlo let out a small warning growl, the kind that usually makes the hair stand up on the back of one’s neck. Moving closer to her, he lowered his head to press his lips to her ear. “Are you sure you’re not too sore?” he murmured. Placing his hands on her waist, he let his thumbs stroke her soft skin at her belly as he inhaled her scent.
“I’m very, very sure, Laszlo, and in fact if you don’t take me soon, I think that I am going to attack you,” she said in a growl that matched his perfectly. “I need you, Laszlo, and you need me so you need, no, you’d better take me now.”
Tightening his hands for a moment, he shuddered right before he slid his hands down to her ass and lifted her up fast. Pressing her back against the wall of the shower, he spread her legs and slid into her pussy hard. “All you had to do was ask,” he commented dryly as he looked into her wide eyes, pleasure sliding over her features.
Her long and lean legs wrapped around his, holding onto him she nodded and smiled. “I will always need you, Laszlo, if I asked you every single time I would never stop asking you,” she admitted as she arched back against the wall of the shower. “You won’t break me Laszlo, gods you won’t brea
k me but please, harder.” She was bucking against him as hard as she could, needy in every movement.
Sliding his arms under her legs, he broke her hold on his waist to spread her wide. Shoving against her hard, he pressed her to the wall. “I may not break you, but I may bruise you, Desmonda. Are you prepared to walk funny in front of everyone tomorrow?” he asked quietly as he repeated the hard movement.
“Yes!” she shouted, need warring with the hunger. “Yes, I don’t care how I am walking tomorrow, but dammit you need to take me harder, dammit.” She growled and let her nails scrape over his shoulders and back, marking him as he had marked her. “Bruises will fade, and they are good when they come with pleasure.”
Growling in pure pleasure at her roughness, he began to move in and out of her dripping wet pussy. Taking her harder and faster, he kept her hips to the wall as he pumped his hips. Leaning closer, he nipped at her throat before licking slowly over her skin.
She loved the nips and the roughness he was giving her and so seeing how he acted with her nails raking his skin, she allowed them once more to scrape and score his skin. “You are mine, Laszlo.” He had marked her, and she was marking him.
Fucking her harder, Laszlo scraped his teeth over her breast, knowing he’d scored her skin and that it would smart for a day or two. But it made her rougher with him, and that seemed to be exactly what he wanted. He’d heal fast, and he clearly didn’t care what she did to him, just that she did it. Slamming into her hard one last time, he came hard and fast, his yell of her name loud in the tight confines of the shower.
Her nails bit into him so deeply that she drew dark, long lines of blood. She screamed his name as she came as well, clenching his releasing cock tightly with her pussy. “Gods,” she panted, the feeling of him jettisoning streams of seed into her body sending her into another orgasm, not even realizing how deeply her nails had cut into his skin.