by Kira Blakely
He held out a hand for me to take, but I kept my hands tucked behind my back. Hurt flashed in his eyes. Once in the privacy of his room, Jude buried both his hands into my hair to kiss me deeply. I couldn’t resist it as our tongues tangled together in a heated passion. He smashed me up against the door.
I managed to pull away and catch my breath. Jude trailed hot kisses down the side of my neck, while his hands pulled at my bra impatiently. “Jude, we don’t have time for this. We’re going to be pulling up to the arena any minute now.”
“Fuck,” Jude groaned out, lifting his head to gaze at me with frustrated eyes. “This is the first time I’ve ever wanted to skip out on all this shit.”
“So I’ve been told.” I ignored the strange look he gave me by nodding to the bag on the edge of the bed. “Is everything in there?”
“Most of it is at the arena,” Jude said. “There’s a shirt here, though, that I think you’d like to wear.”
He motioned for me to sit on the bed. I perched myself on the edge while he rifled through the bag and pulled out a black tank top. He held out for me to look at. Team JJ was written over it in scrawling bright silver ink that I recognized as his own handwriting. It was simple but also appealing at the same time. Impressed, I took hold of the light cotton fabric and smiled up at him.
“I have to say that I’m actually impressed with you,” I said. “Not that I really doubted you before but you’re doing so well with your life, Jude. You should be proud.”
Jude grinned, visibly pleased with my compliment. He motioned for me to put it on, so I slowly peeled out of my shirt to tug it on over my head. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun while Jude raked his eyes over me. They glimmered with appreciation.
“Sexy as usual,” he whispered, resting his hands on the curve of my waist. “I want you to walk with me, wearing that tonight.”
I stiffened at that. “What? No way. Jude, I can’t do cameras. Not like you can.”
“Just modeling it, Ava. I didn’t say that you had to talk to the press. Speaking of that.” He pulled out a lanyard for me from his bag. “New press pass for you. This will get you in for the rest of the shows.”
“Thank you,” I said. The pit of my stomach tightened when I looked down at my lanyard. Chuck’s words echoed in my head. “You’ll be sharing him with millions of fans.”
I looked back up as Jude zipped the bag and tossed it onto the floor. The bus pulled up into the arena where a field of fans were already waiting around JJ’s camp. I glanced out the bus window and took all of them in with a sinking feeling.
“Your fans are here,” I said.
Jude came up behind me to look out the window as well. He rested one hand on my lower back as he leaned over me. He smiled down at them as they waved posters up at the bus. A genuine smile, too. Not a cocky or smug smile.
“This is one part of my job that I love,” he said. “The fans. They’re the greatest. The things that people write me sometimes…”
“What do they write you about?”
“Various things. Mainly life stories. Achievements.” He flashed a grin at me as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “I’ve also gotten a few marriage proposals in the mail, believe it or not.”
“I believe it.”
“You okay?” Jude pressed a kiss to the side of my temple as the bus came to a stop. “What’s going on with you this morning?”
I reached up to trace one of the tattoos on Jude’s forearm. “It’s just something that was said to me. It’s not a big deal.”
“It is a big deal if you are thinking about it like this,” Jude said. “Tell me what was said to you.”
“Well, it—”
“JJ. Ava.” Chuck banged on the bedroom door. “Let’s get rolling. We’ve got an hour to get suited up and ready to ride.”
Jude’s arms loosened from about my shoulders. “I’ve gotta get going. Do me a favor, Ava. Sit and actually watch this time.” He pressed a quick peck to my lips when he turned me to face him. “We’ll talk about what’s bothering you later.”
I forced myself to nod as I followed him out of the bus. Jude darted out into the mob of excited fans and cameras that waited for him. I walked around the large crowd to take in that charming smile of his. He answered questions patiently and signed autographs while making his way toward the arena. This was his element. The commotion was unreal while Jude walked confidently into the arena. He didn’t spare me another glance.
I could never ask him to leave this sort of lifestyle when he thrived on it. Neither one of us wanted to give up our careers for one another. It was way too early to be thinking about that anyway. One night didn’t mean we had to spend the rest of our lives together.
Maybe it was our past that made me think about our future, but I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be with him for real. Would I constantly feel neglected? Would I be jealous of his fans, the way I was feeling now? Could I deal with the crowds when all I wanted was to be alone with him and have him all to myself?
I shook away the millions of questions and took in the table near his bus that had his merchandise neatly placed on it. A group of teenagers spotted my tank top as I headed to my seat in the stands.
“Cool shirt!” one of them exclaimed. “Where did you get it?”
“It’s Jude—I mean, JJ’s new line. Go check it out near his bus.”
They hurried off in that direction while I climbed the concrete steps. This would never get easier with time. I settled into my seat, lost in thought until it was Jude’s turn. His ride and stunts had me on the edge of my seat. My heart pounded with fear. Not adrenaline like the rest of the crowd. I couldn’t stand the sound of that damn bike. It brought back memories.
The stands were vibrating with energy when I finally gathered enough pictures for the article. I hurried down the stairs with a churning stomach, heading in the direction of the bus. My fear stemmed from that damn butterfly feeling I got whenever Jude kissed me these days. For years, I had convinced myself that I hated him for what happened to Andy. All of that had turned out be a lie to myself.
I was in love with him. I had been for a long time, since that night we had spent together on the lake shore. The closer I got, the closer I got to losing him. Those stunts could go horribly wrong. If that happened again, I didn’t think I would ever recover.
The night was balmy and hot when I trekked through the crowded parking lot to the privacy of the bus. I was glad that Jude had given me a tank top to wear but I took it off quickly in the back bedroom to wear a different one. I forced myself to write down a draft of the night on my computer. The click of buttons felt familiar and comforting over the noise of the roaring crowd outside. It was 1:24 a.m. when the door to the bus opened.
Thrumming with energy, Jude leaned over the table with a grin and kissed me. He tasted of salt and dirt as he swept his tongue inside my mouth. I pulled back to gather my composure and stared up into his eyes that were wild with excitement.
“What did you think?” he asked breathlessly. “Damn good ride, huh?”
“From what I saw,” I managed to reply, closing my computer. “I’ve been writing this article and I think—”
“Hold on,” Jude interrupted, holding up a hand. He frowned at me when he realized that I had changed out of my tank-top. “What’s going on?”
“I’ve had some time to think about what happened between us last night,” I said softly. “I just think it would be a good idea if we kept things professional from now on. I don’t want my boss to think that I slept with you to get a good article. I don’t want that sort of reputation.”
Jude’s eyebrows furrowed in disbelief. “Who would say that?”
I didn’t want to go into my conversation with Chuck earlier or what he had threatened to do if my relationship continued with Jude. I was a distraction in his world, just as much as he was in mine. We couldn’t afford that.
Clutching my computer close to my chest, I shook my head at him w
ith a sad smile. “No one, I’m sure. You’re doing great things, Jude. You don’t need me here to distract you. I’m here to write an article about you, so let’s keep it at that.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. I resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, to apologize for the words. I wanted to tell him the truth. That was I scared to fucking death that I would have to watch another person I loved get crushed to death beneath a bike.
He brushed by me then to slam the door to his bedroom shut. I sucked in a breath to keep the tears in my eyes under control as I went to the bunks. Pulling the curtain closed, I curled up in the darkness with the sound of motorbikes and music thumping in the distance. This was the right decision. It was another lie to tell myself, but it helped. That was all I cared about. I couldn’t watch another one of these damned shows.
Chapter 15
Jude
“I like it,” Chuck said happily. “I like it a lot. Don’t you, JJ?”
I didn’t even glance down at the typed draft that Ava had handed over to Chuck the next morning after staying in the bus all night. Ignoring my phone calls. Ignoring my text messages.
“I don’t care,” I said coldly. “Whatever the fuck you think, I guess. I don’t care.”
Ava cleared her throat. “I tried to include a good piece in there about your new product line. Once you get the website up, I can insert the link in the article. I’m sure your business will take off like your career.”
I couldn’t tell if that was a hidden insult, but I didn’t care, either. I stared moodily out at the passing scenery as we rode closer to Austin, Texas. We had stopped in some shithole town the previous night before to eat and rest. Ava had insisted on sleeping in the bunk because she needed the quiet to sleep and write. She just didn’t want to be close to me for whatever reason, after the amazing night we had spent together.
I was growing tired of this game. I lived on the thrill of games, too. Ava just knew how to play this one a bit better. For now. I knew what I could do to get underneath Ava’s skin.
“You should read this,” Chuck said, and he nudged me in the arm. “Fact check it. Make sure that everything is fine.”
I shrugged him away with an aggravated sigh. “I already told you. The woman knows me better than anyone else in the fucking world. I don’t care about the damn article anymore.”
The bus pulled up into a hotel parking lot as scheduled. An awkward silence hung as Ava slowly closed her laptop with downcast eyes.
“If you don’t care, then why is she here?” Chuck asked. “There’s no free rides here, if that’s what you’re trying to get at, JJ.”
I ran an aggravated hand over my face. The stubble of a beard poked my fingers. I needed a hot shower and a good shave.
“That’s not what I meant,” I snapped, rising from my spot across from Ava. “It’s fine. I’m sure. I just don’t want to read the article right now, is all.”
I didn’t even wait for the bus to come to a full stop when I pushed the door open to hop out into the hot Texas afternoon. A few excited screams caught my attention on the edge of the parking lot. I turned in their direction when I heard them call out my name eagerly.
“We love you, JJ!” one busty blonde cried out, waving at me. “We’re going to your show.”
I forced a smile on my face as I nodded to them. That was something I had gotten plenty of practice with over the years—faking a damn smile for people who wanted something from me. A photograph. A signed something. An opportunity to shake my hand like I was the best damn role model their kid could ever have. What was the world coming to if a parent thought I was a good role model for their kid?
Chuck caught up to me in the hotel lobby a few minutes later as I waited to be checked in. He pulled me off the side and out of sight of the fans. There were tons of them everywhere.
“I want to know if there is going to be a problem,” he hissed quietly. “If Ava is going to be an issue, I have no fucking problem leaving her ass here in Austin.”
“Don’t do that,” I snapped, shaking my head. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I just need to get upstairs, have a drink, and just take a breather, is all.”
“I’ve never seen you like this, JJ. All the years that I’ve had you as my client, not once have you ever let someone sink into you the way that Ava is.”
I turned to look out the window at the tour bus where Ava remained. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where’s my hotel key?”
“There are four keys here,” Chuck said, handing me one with a frown. “Where’s the extra key coming from?”
“It’s for Ava,” I said. “You get to tell her that she has a hotel room for the night. No more sleeping on that damn bus. Lock her out if you have to.”
My suite was on the very top floor. A security guard stood outside my door, even though I didn’t find it comforting or necessary. Fighting had been the other skill set I developed in my youth. I could pummel anyone’s ass if they messed with me. It was that simple.
I tossed my bag onto the king-sized bed that I had no intention of sleeping in. I stalked up to the window that overlooked the hotel parking lot to watch as Chuck and Ava exchanged heated words down below in the parking lot. She threw up her hands in frustration as he locked the bus door.
She wanted heartbreak. The damn woman was stuck in a cycle of heartbreak. I was damn tired of letting the past control our future. That was why I poured every ounce of my life into my career. I thrived off the pain and thrill of moving forward into the unknown. There was only one place in the past that I would return to, but she was firm on keeping that door locked and closed.
I raided the minibar over the course of the next few hours, until there was nothing left besides empty bottles. My fingers tingled pleasantly as I wobbled out the door of my suite with the intention of raiding the bar down below in the hotel restaurant.
“JJ?”
I gritted my teeth in aggravation at the sound of Chuck’s voice floating down the hallway. Using the wall to steady myself, I turned to look back over my shoulder at him as he entered the hallway dressed in a robe.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he hissed, taking in my disheveled clothes and face. “Have you been drinking?”
“Don’t lecture me,” I replied, surly. “I can do whatever I want. Excuse me but I have to—”
“Hold on a minute! Where the hell are you going?”
“To the bar,” I snapped and pushed the elevator button. “I ran out of alcohol in my room, so I’m going to enjoy it down there.”
Chuck placed a hand on my shoulder. “Look, JJ, this isn’t a good idea. We have a big day tomorrow. Tons of press. More interviews. You can’t afford to look like a drunk douchebag.”
The elevator doors pinged open. I pushed Chuck’s hand off my shoulder and stepped inside. Hitting the lobby button, I ignored Chuck’s angry face.
“I already am a drunk douchebag,” I said. “That’s my image, remember?”
“No,” Chuck said flatly. “That isn’t your image, JJ. It’s—”
The doors slid shut. I rested my head up against the mirrored elevator wall and looked at myself through blurry and bloodshot eyes. My hair looked wild and sleepless. A shadow covered my jaw. There were dark circles underneath my eyes.
“Shit,” I grumbled, running a hand over my jaw. “I do look like a drunk tool bag.”
A crowd of people surrounded the bar when I entered the restaurant. I sat down on a barstool next to a group of young women and men in their early twenties. They all turned to look at me with wide eyes.
“Are you Jude Jackson? As in JJ?”
“Yep,” I said and motioned for the bartender to come forward. “Can I have a shot of whatever you have that is strong?”
“Sure thing, sir.”
“We’re going to your show here in Austin,” a blonde chick told me. “I think it’s great what you do up there.”
“Most people don’t think it’s great,” I replied, downing the shot
without hesitation when the bartender set it down. “Another one, please. What are you all drinking? Give them whatever the fuck they want.”
The next few hours passed in a haze of beers and shots at the bar with a crowd surrounding me. I followed the group out to the poolside when the hotel staff and security told us that the restaurant was closed. I tossed a credit card at the hotel manager’s face when he tried to explain why none of us should be swimming so late.
“Put it on my bill,” I slurred, pulling my shirt off to a chorus of cheers behind me. “I don’t give a fuck if I drown. I won’t sue you. I can buy this damn hotel if I want to.”
“Mr. Jacobs—”
I kicked out of my pants to jump into the cool pool water without waiting to hear the rest of his reply. I surfaced with a relieved sigh, feeling the cool water against my hot skin. A pair of delicate hands grabbed my waist. I turned to find that same blonde from the bar, wrapping her arms around my body. A pair of hard tits pressed up against my back. Boob job. I didn’t bother hiding my displeasure, and I tried to loosen her hands from around my waist. She didn’t let up, though, and I fell back into the pool stairs.
My head spun wildly, and I felt her swim her way around to wrap her legs around my waist. She nestled against me while grinding suggestively.
“I like a little danger,” she whispered, nipping at my neck. “And you’re just bleeding the stuff.”
I put my hands on her thighs with every intention to push her the fuck away. I hated chicks like this. They were too easy. And they weren’t Ava.
“I’ve been trying to get him out of the pool,” the manager said from somewhere behind me. “They won’t leave. I know that you checked in with him so…”
I twisted around in the water to see Ava standing at the edge of the pool in a pair of sweat pants and a sleeping shirt with her feet bare. I squinted up to look up at her face, but it was too dark for me to see her expression. I shook my head, and instead of pushing the blonde away, I pulled her flush against me.