by Kira Blakely
Chapter 21
Jude
Something was different about the sex this time. I gazed down at Ava to watch her eyebrows furrow in concentration. Her cheeks were flushed a pretty pink color from our lovemaking. It was as though she was memorizing details, soaking in the moment. I dug my fingers into her ass cheek as I slammed into her again. She let out a throaty moan of pleasure. Her neck arched back, and I took the opportunity to nibble there, the way she liked.
Those inner muscles contracted and squeezed down on me. I pounded into that flesh as hard as I possibly could without teetering over the edge, but the pressure of it was too much. I released with a grunt before collapsing down on top of her, barely catching myself on my elbows so that I wouldn’t crush her. I could feel the pounding of her heart against my bare chest.
We laid there for a long moment as night creeped in through the windows. Neither one of us moved from the tangle of our limbs. It wasn’t long before I felt Ava’s breath even out as she drifted off to sleep. The previous night, we had spent it making love whenever we both woke at the same time.
Exhaustion tugged at me, too, but I held off to watch Ava’s breasts rise and fall steadily in her sleep. I didn’t want to drift away just yet, with her body exposed so beautifully in the dark—all soft curves and smooth skin. She was exquisite. Nothing fake about her. I would never be able to love another woman the way I loved Ava. The realization hit me as I pressed a kiss to the side of Ava’s head before tucking the blankets around her naked body. I made sure to set the alarm for tomorrow morning and then settled into bed next her. I draped an arm around her waist to her pull her close. Sleep took me the second that I closed my eyes.
The arena in Las Vegas was nuts as usual. I scanned the arena seats with interest. Every single seat was occupied. We had a full house tonight, from what Chuck had gleefully told me the second the bus had pulled up to the arena.
The energy was intense as I pulled on my padded gear to grab my helmet from where it was seated on the bike. Three years ago, I had been at the back of the entrance as a nobody. No one knew my name. I barely had a hundred dollars in my bank account to cover the costs of everything. I was at the front of the line now at the entrance, while I half-listened to the announcer do his usual spiel about the merchandise being sold in the parking lot and to purchase the Games tickets while they were still relatively cheap. It was going to be an action-packed exhibition, with no one besides me and a few other racers in the entrance.
“There are going to be even more sponsors there,” Chuck was telling me excitedly from where he stood next to me. “Think about it, kid. You’re going all the way to the top this year. I can feel it.”
“Yeah, that’s great,” I muttered, pulling on my helmet to fasten the clips under my chin. “Where is Ava?”
Chuck sighed. “I don’t know. Does it matter?”
“It matters to me,” I snapped, scanning the crowds in the entrance. “Make sure that she gets to the arena okay. I don’t like the idea of her taking a cab out here in Las Vegas by herself.”
I swung a leg over the seat of my bike to sit down in preparation for my first run. My wrist ached horribly from two nights ago, but I focused on the stunts I planned to do while I was out there. Something that would really get the crowd cheering. Something to show Ava that I wasn’t just some stupid little kid hoping to pull off big air. I was a trained professional now. I knew what the fuck I was doing. I was in my element.
I couldn’t help the unease in my stomach, though. Something had been very different about the night before. I wasn’t sure if it was the realization of my own feelings for her, or if it was something else. Ava had insisted on staying behind to finish up an article earlier in the morning when we both rose, well before our alarms. We drank coffee together and watched the sun rise above the city skyline. She promised to be at the arena before the show started but I couldn’t spot her through the crowds streaming around the entrance while I waited for my cue to race out first.
“Your career is at a real turning point.” Chuck grasped my shoulder to gain my attention. “I’m serious, JJ. You are nearly at the top of this sport. Your brand is selling hot out there.”
“What’s your point?” I asked. “I’m aware. I’ve seen the same numbers you’ve seen.”
“I’m just saying that you should be careful about the decisions you make after Las Vegas. As in, don’t worry about what Ava James is doing too much. She’s a grown ass woman. She can find her way around here.”
Anger rushed through me, but I couldn’t say anything. Not with the flash of cameras and fans all around me. I didn’t want my personal life smeared across the headlines even more than it already was. I revved up the engine when I heard the announcer call out my name. I drove around the arena for my usual routine, while scanning the lower seats for the press and for private members only. Nothing. I couldn’t find Ava anywhere in the sea of people.
I pulled up to the starting line with a pounding heart. I flexed my stiff wrist to work the kinks out of it, while I tried to keep focus on the counter in front of me. There had to be a reason for Ava’s absence, or she was somewhere I couldn’t see. That little thought was comforting as I took off for the first hill when the green light flashed for me to go.
I couldn’t focus, no matter how hard I tried. It was impossible because I constantly wanted to search the crowd for Ava. The only thing that seemed to go right for me was my muscles remembering how to do the stunts. I was on autopilot while I drove around the arena, completely numb to what was going on around me. My wrist ached horribly by the time I drove back around for a victory lap. Chuck was practically dancing in excitement when I pulled back into the entrance.
“Good fucking job, man,” he said, thumping his hand on my helmet. “Good riding. Very good riding.”
“Where’s Ava?” I asked.
Chuck didn’t get a chance to answer. A swarm of fans excitedly surrounded me for photographs and autographs. I tried my best to get through the next couple of hours with the meet and greet, along with an interview on live television. I couldn’t blow my fans off, even if it was tempting to rush outside to the bus to see if Ava was there like I hoped. I forced a smile on my face every single time a fan came up to me.
After making sure that the bikes got locked up in the trailer, I darted up the bus steps to find it dark and empty. The bunks were empty. My back bedroom was empty as well. I pulled my phone out to call Ava’s number while fans surrounded my bus, with Chuck trying to steer them in the opposite direction. After six rings, my call went straight to her voicemail.
“It’s me,” I said, glancing at the clock above the small kitchen sink. It was just after midnight. “I hope you are asleep at the hotel because I couldn’t find you out here tonight. Give me a call if you get this message or wake up to it. I’ll be at the hotel in a few minutes.”
Chuck climbed up into the bus as I pocketed my phone. He shut the bus door behind him to block out the frenzy of cameras that followed him.
“It looks like I’m driving Big Bertha to the hotel tonight,” he said. “Our driver retired for the night at the hotel after I told him we would take a cab back.”
“Hold on a second,” I said, pulling the shades up to look outside. Camera flashes nearly blinded me in the process. “You’re positive that Ava didn’t come to the arena tonight, right?”
“Positive.”
I sat down on the edge of the couch while Chuck started up the bus to pull out of the parking lot. I didn’t hear a damn word Chuck said the entire time he drove back to the hotel. Blabbering away about more sponsors after returning to Chicago for a brief break. There wouldn’t be a break for me, though. Not until I figured out where the hell Ava was.
I didn’t even wait for Chuck to park the bus. I jumped out when he slowed down in front of the hotel to hurry through the quiet lobby in the direction of the elevators. I waited impatiently for the doors to open before jamming my thumb into the fourth button. My heart pounded an
xiously in my chest the entire time. I knew she wouldn’t be there, even if I didn’t want to believe it.
The lights were off when I pushed the door open. I clicked them on. Anger coursed through me as I walked through the hallway to the master bedroom to click on the lights there. Nothing. Ava’s suitcase was gone. Her purse. Her personal belongings that had been spilled on the bathroom counter this morning. Her laptop was gone from the dining room table. Gone.
I sank down into the chair that Ava had been sitting in earlier that morning. The maids had come through the room to clean because I no longer could smell her sweet vanilla perfume. I pulled out my phone to call, but it went to voicemail again. I texted her this time. Where the hell did you go? Is this honestly how you want to play this out? Wtf, Ava?
Minutes ticked by until it was two in the morning when I checked my phone. The text message had been delivered but not read. I decided to call down to the front desk, just to make sure that she had left of her own free will.
“She left around eleven this morning, sir,” the clerk told me. “That’s when my staff members noted that she had left the room, but you were still checked in. She took a cab from what I was told.”
I set the phone down after thanking the clerk for the information. It occurred to me that our night before had felt different because Ava knew ahead of time that she was going to leave me. She had planned this all along. I grabbed the phone from the table and tossed it angrily at the wall. She had planned to leave me all along.
Chapter 22
Ava
The sound of my parents’ voices talking quietly downstairs over their morning coffee echoed up through the floorboards of my room. They were trying to be quiet. I had called them from the airport a few hours away to tell them that I was coming home in a rental car so they wouldn’t freak out when they heard the front door open.
I didn’t dare keep my phone on throughout the night. I didn’t want to hear Jude’s harsh words because I already felt like shit. He was right, though. I was the fucked-up one. I couldn’t get over Andy’s death. Seeing it…
How could he expect me to get over it, though? While watching those stunts of his, day in and day out? I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the sound of those fans cheering him on. There were camera flashes all the time. It was a bunch of fantasy and bullshit. They didn’t understand how it felt to watch someone die pulling one of those stunts they all loved to watch so much.
I pulled the blanket over my head with the intention of falling back to sleep after a weeks’ worth of fighting with Jude, traveling around… and the sex, too. My stomach twisted pleasantly at the thought. I would miss that for the rest of my life. Jude had an effect on my body that I didn’t even understand.
The smell of coffee brewing from downstairs drew me out of bed an hour later. I passed by Andy’s room—his door forever shut as usual. I rested my fingers against the cold wood. This was the reason why I had to get away from Jude. I couldn’t stand another room full of dust and stale air in my life because of those tricks.
I spent the next week avoiding Jude’s phone calls and text messages, even though I knew he would eventually figure out where I had gone. Guilt lodged in my stomach as the anger in his text messages eventually changed to sadness. Then, nothing. It was a full week of silence before my phone finally went quiet as well. The only time I picked it up was when Andrew called me from New York to inform me that he was cutting me from his writing team.
“I can still write it, though,” I said, blinking back tears. “Please, Andrew. I just had to get away from it all. That’s all I’m doing right now.”
Andrew sighed heavily into the phone. “Ava, I just got a threatening email from Chuck Ambrose telling me that you breached the contract by leaving. I can’t have this type of shit on me right now. I can’t weather it like some other papers can.”
“Just let me write the draft today,” I said pleadingly. “You can decide from there if you want to fire me, or if you want to publish the article. I don’t need to travel with them to the Games to figure the rest of it out. I’ve been around it long enough.”
“Fine, but you have to turn it in by tonight. If it isn’t in my inbox by nine, then consider yourself out of a job.”
“I understand, sir. Thank you.”
I left my phone to charge while I showered. For an entire week, I had avoided writing this because I knew it meant having to face my own feelings for this sport, and for Jude as well. I had to face the demons of my past to write this damn article if I wanted a good reputation as a freelance writer. I had to write it.
And it had to be damn good.
Tucking my computer into my satchel, I left the house to walk along the sidewalk in the direction of the one place where I needed to be at. School had started early, with the summer weeks waning. It would be fall soon. The trees would change colors, and I’d be stuck in Gypsum to watch the world let go of everything while I tried to figure out the chaos of emotion in my heart. It was utterly quiet as I walked along the flat stretch of dirt road. No one was out here in the middle of the day.
The blood in my veins went cold as I came to the edge of the quarry to look down at the sharp rocks and steep hills. There were a few more places to catch air than I remembered last. Various messages were spray painted along the rocks as I walked slowly along, with the hot air pushing down on me. I could still smell that crisp night air when Dean had informed me that Jude was going to race for the first time since Andy’s death. I had rushed down there to confront of him. I remembered it vividly still…
Various lights were strung out across the quarry. The sound of generators echoed in the night as I rushed down the winding road in the direction of the bikes.
What the fuck was Jude thinking?
Cold rage filled me as I reached the bottom to jog over to where Jude was standing with his crew. All of them were laughing, carefree, while I approached them with fists clenched tightly at my sides.
“Yo, JJ. Your girl is here.”
Jude turned around on the heel of his riding boot to look at me in surprise. His eyes were sparkling wildly as he swept a gaze along my angry face. Guilt flickered along the dark shadows of his face. He knew it, just as well as I did, that this felt like a slap to my face.
“What the hell are you doing?” I shrieked, coming to a halt in front of him. My hand reeled back and I slapped him hard across the padding of his chest plate. “Huh? Jesus, Jude! Andy is dead, and you’re riding again!”
The cold night air blew around us. I glanced up at the sky, expecting to find snowflakes at any moment. Moonlight tried to peer down through the thick clouds. This would be my first Christmas without Andy. Thinking of that brought a fresh wave of grief over my heart.
“It’s not a big deal,” Jude said. “It was just a small race. Andy—”
“Died here,” I shouted, tears streaming down my cheeks. “He died out here trying to impress the fucking lot of you.”
Jude shook his head at me as he took a step forward. He tried to reach out to touch me but I shrugged his hand away with an angry cry.
“This is what I want to do with my life,” Jude said, eyes glittering with anger. “I live to race. Your brother knew that, too. Get fucking used to it, Ava. I’m not going to give this up because of what happened. I actually know what the hell I’m doing out here.”
Smack!
My palm tingled after I drew it back from Jude’s cheek. He reached up to touch his cheek with his fingertips.
“Fuck you,” I whispered. “Go to hell. Never talk to me again.”
“Ava—”
I pushed away from the circle of his friends to run back up the sharp rocks. They cut into the palms of my hands as I climbed up. I could hear their laughter, their encouragements to Jude as I climbed up to the top again. They weren’t going to change. Jude would never change because he didn’t think there was a problem.
And I couldn’t spend the rest of my life watching this stupid shit.
; My palms tingled as I came back to the hot summer afternoon. I glanced down to find that my fingernails had cut into my skin. Blood dripped down to the dusty ground on some rocks. I picked up one of the rocks to toss it down into the quarry. A scream, deep from within my chest, escaped as I sank down to my knees, and sobs wracked my body.
I was in love with Jude Jacobs. I knew that I was, but I couldn’t sit back idly while he continued to risk his life every single night. Andy’s death had placed a black mark over my soul. It followed me around wherever I went. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I couldn’t understand it, even now as an adult. My brother had died doing this. They were just tricks for amusement; no one needed this stuff. It was unnecessary, and he was risking his life for it. Why couldn’t Jude see that?
Wiping the blood from my palms, I tossed one last rock into the quarry before going back down the long dirt road. I went to the small coffee shop on Main Street to sit down in a small booth that needed to be refurnished because of the cracks in it. I ordered a hot cup of coffee while I cleaned the blood from my palms and fingernails.
I came back out of the bathroom to find Emily sitting at the booth in front of my computer. Two large cups of coffees were placed in front of her by the barista as I approached the table. She smiled up at me when I slid into the booth across from her.
“How did you know I was here?” I asked.
“Your mother told me,” she said, shrugging. “I just wanted to stop by for a cup of coffee to talk. She said you might need a friend.”
I picked up the cup of coffee with a sigh. “What is there to talk about? It was over before anything could begin.”
“So, you slept with JJ? I’m assuming numerous times?”
“It was amazing, too,” I said.
I spent the next two hours venting out everything to Emily. She listened to me talk patiently. Emily handed back my phone after scrolling through the photos I had taken.
“I get your point,” she said. “I mean, I don’t blame you for feeling afraid. That’s a lot for a person to deal with.”