by Suzanne Hart
I couldn’t stop myself from grinding my teeth as I watched him walk away. It was an automatic reaction for me. There was something about that man that always made my skin crawl, even when we were kids. I shuddered to think of what could happen to the company if he was allowed to stay in charge of it. I was beginning to feel less guilty about my arrangement with Nancy. Technically, I was doing this for the benefit of the company too.
Before I could dwell on that for long, the opening notes of a song by Sam Smith filled the room. A smile played at my lips as my favorite chords joined the mix. In that moment, Nancy turned to me, her eyes wide and her mouth opened as if she really wanted to tell me something. But I didn’t want to talk about George or my uncle or the company or my rivalry. I didn’t want to talk, or think about them at all. “Do you wanna dance?” I asked in a quick voice.
Nancy started, a little caught off guard. But then she smiled. “Always.”
I took her hand and led her to the sunroom, where several other people were already dancing. I wrapped my arms gently around her waist as she laid hers on my shoulders. As I gazed down at her, I could already feel myself calming down, just by virtue of those gorgeous eyes gazing back up at me. As we danced together, our bodies moved in sync, my mind turned to mush by her presence. I couldn’t help but acknowledge the way that she was making me feel. That gleam in her eye, that half-smile, all lit me on fire in a way that no woman ever had. This felt raw, real, and important. Even though technically, it was supposed to mean nothing.
Before I knew it, my mind was wandering to the possibility of dating her for real. But I couldn’t do that, not right now. I couldn’t ask her to date me while I was paying her to be my fake fiancée. And what if she didn’t feel the same way about me? She might decide that this wouldn’t work between us. We could get into a fight, like all lovers did, and it could lead to a breakup. Then where would we be? I could lose the company, she would lose the studio and I wasn’t ready to do that. I wasn’t ready to give up my dream of having Paris Inc, and I wasn’t ready to be the reason she had to give up hers.
Soon enough, the party started winding down, and we all headed back out through the terrace and down the beach. Just as the house started to fade into the distance, Nancy sighed. “What?” I glanced over her.
She just smiled. “I feel like I can finally breathe again.”
I let out a low chuckle. “What do you mean?”
She shook her head, stopping to take off her shoes so that it was easier to walk on the sand. “Just that it’s so suffocating in there, surrounded by all those people judging me… and you… and all that money.”
“You didn’t like the party?”
Her chest rose with a breath. “Don’t get me wrong, it was definitely nice… so nice.”
“So, what’s wrong?”
She glanced back at the house, her eyes going far away, before answering me. “I just don’t think I’d ever fit into this. You’re like… a world away.”
My heart sunk. As we finally got to the yacht, a large white boat practically glowing against the night, my stomach churned with the realization that she’d never find a place here. Not if she could help it. She was convinced that she was wrong for my family, and wrong for me.
So, as I led her onto my uncle’s yacht, the sounds and smells of the ocean filling me up, I knew that we were inherently wrong for each other, no matter what I really wanted. I was doing the right thing by keeping my distance from her. Something real would never work out between us.
12
Nancy
My eyes flipped open to the sight of light shining through the circular windows. I was lying in a massive, California King bed, my body enshrined in satin sheets and a fluffy, white bed spread. I hadn’t slept very well the night before. Not because it wasn’t a comfortable bed, but because I was lying next to James. And because we couldn’t do anything. It felt like torture to spend the night with him and not even kiss, to barely touch. I knew what I’d signed up for, but I hadn’t realized how hard it was going to be. The truth was that I had no idea what I was doing.
When I sat up, my head spun a little, still recovering from all that champagne the night before. I stared around the room, taking in everything from the white, sheer curtains that draped off the four posts of the bed, to the gorgeous, bright, hardwood floors. I smiled at the bright walls with little nautical themed decorations on them, just as James turned over, his eyes slowly opening. I couldn’t help but feel like I was literally in some kind of dream. “Hey,” I said, sitting at the foot of his bed.
He sat up, a smile slowly stretching across his face. “So, do you want some breakfast?”
I nodded.
He swung his feet over the side of the bed. “I’ll get dressed.” The bathroom was just beyond a low archway. It had a small window over the sink through which I could see the ocean spanning out far and wide. I reveled in the bliss of being completely isolated, in the middle of nowhere, with him. I hadn’t seen anything more beautiful than the way that the sun bounced off of the soft waves or streamed through the window. The light bounced off the jade and porcelain counter-tops with its glow. I brushed my teeth and dressed myself.
James joined me soon enough, quickly brushing his teeth. I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger on the way that his body moved, those arms clenching as he threw water over his face, the sight of his bare torso, lean, the sun reflecting off of his perfectly even skin. My mind jumped back to that night in the back room of that studio. It seemed so long ago now, but even so, I couldn’t stop my body from stiffening at the thought of our bare skin pressed against each other, at the taste of his lips on mine.
Soon enough, he had dressed in a polo white shirt and shorts. We were ready to go. In the daylight, it was a lot easier to catch all the details of the yacht. It was three stories, and right now, we were on the third deck. We came out of our suite and onto the balcony. When I leaned over the side, I could see the second deck jutting out and the first going even farther. James led me down a staircase and through two clear, French doors to the dining hall. I was amazed at the sight of gorgeous glassware, of the crew wandering through the aisles in the cozy hall, their eyes lingering on each of the guests to make sure that they were looked after.
There were about ten tables in the entire room, the minimalist pieces of furniture draped in white cloth. I couldn’t deny how special I felt when James pulled out my chair and sat across me. My heart fluttered in my chest as I glanced over the small menu, all the while, feeling his gaze on me.
Soon enough, my plate of French toast and bacon came and I ate it slowly, savoring the tastes of it all. I watched James eat, making deliberate cuts of his steak and eggs, his lips puckering over his mug of coffee. As we sat there, the room filled to its capacity. I finished my food and pushed my plate away, sitting back. He stared back at me, our eyes stuck on each other. Eventually, we both broke into a smile. “What?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Nothing, just looking at you, I guess.”
“Me too… I guess.”
He chuckled, the low sound reaching me over the buzz of voices, and glanced around the room. “It’s starting to get kinda busy in here. Do you wanna go out on the deck? We could sunbathe a little. Be alone.”
I smiled at that. “That sounds like an amazing idea.” But my eyes darted around the room. “Who are you trying to avoid?”
He leaned in. “Everyone.”
A laugh burst out of me at the sight of that semi-desperate look on his face. “Okay sure. I guess I can use a little sun.”
That smile stayed on his face as he dropped his napkin in the plate and stood up. We made our way back up to our room to change into our bathing suits, and then headed to the small pool on the second deck. We were almost there when we ran into George and Helen, their swim-wear and wet hair telling me where they had just come from. “Good morning, you two,” Helen said, smiling at me.
A weak smile spread across my face as I took a good look at her. It wa
s obvious that she was the nice one of the couple. She had actually stopped to talk to me the night before when her husband seemed completely obsessed with having an important discussion and heated up with James.
George, who was still dripping from the pool, looked even stiffer and severe than the night before. Something about him being half-naked was revealing of who he was. It was like his horrible attitude manifested itself in his pale skin and practically ghostlike body. Yet, in spite of being so disheveled, his hair was slicked back and had the impression of being recently combed. “Oh, what a surprise!” George said.
James narrowed his eyes. “I don’t see what’s so surprising about it. The pool is the best thing about this boat.”
But he just shifted his gaze from me to James and back again. “I know. I just didn’t think I’d see you two again until we got to the island.”
I gave him a tight smile as they shuffled past us. “What does that even mean?” I asked.
James shook his head as we turned the corner and finally got to the pool. I recognized one of the kids; he had been running around the beach house the night before. He sloshed around in the water but other than that, the deck was pretty empty, probably on account of the fact that it was still early in the day. I could imagine people would have rather wanted to sleep in than do anything else.
We chose two laying lounge chairs off to the side. I placed my towel down and then lowered myself onto it. With the cold, ocean breeze, the warm sun was a welcoming sensation on my skin.
“I dunno. But I have a bad feeling he has some information, or suspects something.”
I turned to my side, pulling my glasses up to the top of my head. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. “Yeah. George has always been kind of a dick… and he never believes anyone deserves something he wants. I should have guessed he’d want to fight my uncle’s decision.”
I pursed my lips. “Decision?”
“To give me the company over him.”
My eyes widened. “Oh, I didn’t realize it was a competition.” I said. All at once, I felt strangely exposed. I glanced all around me. The light bouncing off of all the white surfaces blinded me, even through the glasses.
Despite the nerves, this was all so calming. It had been so long since I had been on any kind of vacation. “This is actually amazing, James. How are you not on this boat every weekend?”
James turned his head towards me, but I couldn’t fully see his facial expression through his glasses. “Yeah well, spending every weekend with my uncle is a huge minus.”
I chuckled. It made total sense. The man was terrifying. “Were you two ever close?”
James frowned. “When I was younger. He and my dad were close… but when I got older, we kind of drifted apart. But he thinks he’s a bigger part of my life than he is.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know what that means.”
James sighed. “Just that he wants to have more control over it.”
“Like he wants the best for you, or like he wants control over your money… or something.”
He smiled. “I’d like to think it’s because he wants the best for me. But honestly, you never really know with that guy.”
I let out a short laugh, the memory of his stark figure from the night before coming to mind. The man was intimidating as hell. “So, where do you go on vacation?”
I saw James smile. “I actually haven’t been out of the country in a while. But there’s this small coastal town in Argentina. It’s quiet, tropical but not overrun with tourists. It’s my favorite beach kind of place.”
“So you like to get away?”
“Yeah. I spend a lot of time stuck in the spotlight of people. I feel… watched.”
I chuckled. “Okay Bruce Wayne.”
James smirked at my joke. “No, but seriously. I mean, you’re a dancer. Don’t you feel that way? Judged?”
I frowned, considering what he was saying. “Not really. I actually really like the spotlight. It makes me feel more alive. I like people watching me dance, watching me live. It’s like they’re validating my existence.”
I saw both of James’s eyebrows raise from behind his glasses. “Wow. Your existence is being validated? How trite.”
“I think calling something trite makes you a hypocrite. The word trite, is trite.”
James laughed. “Okay well what about you, then? What’s your favorite getaway?”
I raised my eyebrows. It seemed like he really wasn’t getting the whole, struggling-dancer situation. “Uhm, Venice Beach?”
There was a pause. We could both hear the water flowing, sloshing against the edges of the pool. There were the footsteps of people coming in, slowly gathering around as the morning turned into the afternoon.
“Fair enough. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?”
I smiled, the possibilities warming my heart. It always made me feel good to think about where my life could go, almost anywhere. “I dunno. Maybe Italy… or Greece.”
James laughed. “Italy is a huge country.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care. Anywhere. Honestly, I just wanna get out and see the world. I haven’t seen much of it yet.”
James turned to me then. “You should. There is so much to see and learn.”
I chuckled, but then winced at the heat that I felt on my arm. If I didn’t do something about this, I was going to burn sitting out there. I rummaged through my bag for my suntan lotion and started the annoying process of covering my body with it.
I glanced over at James and could see through his glasses that his eyes were closed and his arms folded above his head. “Do you want some?”
He opened one eye, his face folding into an expression that told me he thought I was silly for even asking. But then he said, “Sure. Why not?”
I had pretty much finished everything and was about to do my back when an eerie feeling of being watched seeped through my body. I glanced up, noticing a figure standing on the top deck with a cigar in hand, the puffs of his breath clouding the air above his head. I looked away, trying not to think about the strangeness of seeing James’s uncle watching us like that.
Instead, I stretched my hand over my back, contorting myself to try to reach everything. This was an essential process and the last thing in the world I wanted was to have to deal with sunburn for the rest of the trip.
James stared at me, a crooked smile on his face. “Don’t you think I should help you with that?”
I shook my head. “That’s really not necessary. I got this.”
But then something crossed my mind. I tried to see the two of us from George’s point of view, from James’s uncle’s point of view. It would look odd if I was sitting there, refusing his help. So then I nodded. “I guess I should let you, huh?”
James smiled, then got up and sat behind me, slipping the lotion out of my hand. I could practically feel the heat of his body on me. My heart thudded in my chest at the cold lotion, followed by the warmth of his touch and his soft skin. I was squirming from where I sat, goosebumps all over me and the hairs on the back of my neck standing on edge. I could feel him there, could appreciate that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I wasn’t going to get through the rest of this weekend. I could already sense myself giving in.
He leaned over my shoulder, his cheek brushing against mine. “Do you mind if I kiss you?”
I turned just enough so that I could make eye-contact with him. He was staring back at me, those green eyes deep as hell, a shadow of lust in them. As I looked back, it felt like the rest of the world had collapsed to nothing around me. I couldn’t think or breathe. I was losing myself in him.
“For my uncle…” he said, his low murmur making my head swim.
I sucked in a breath to try to stabilize myself. But it hardly worked.
I was trying to say ‘Yes’, but before I could even get the word completely out of my mouth, he drew me in, kissing me. In the next second, I was locked in his grip, locked in his
touch. I was falling into him and he was holding me up, holding me together. Our lips moved in step, as if they had known each other forever.
By the time we broke apart for air, I was in grave need of a cold shower. I let my forehead rest on his, my body turning with the dizziness.
“Nancy?” He said, his arms still firmly around me.
“Yes?” I answered, my mind clouded by his touch.
“I- … I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to stay away from you.”
“Me neither,” I said.
“I don’t know how to make sense of this,” He said, kissing me again.
“Just don’t think about any of it.”
“I won’t. I just… I don’t know what this means, but I have to have you,” he said, kissing me again. Our breath had grown rugged and raspy, both of us leaning on each other for support. Everything about him, his skin, his breath, his hair, his body, felt so good to me. He kissed me again and again and again, until I knew there was no getting out of this, until I was sure it was impossible for me to be away from this.
“I have to have you,” He growled..
“Okay,” I said as I started putting all of my things together.
We got back to the room in three short minutes, shutting the door behind us and dropping my sun-bathing equipment on the ground in front of it. He pressed me up against the wall, pinning my hands above my head as he kissed me, exploring my body with his lips. I shuddered at the sensation of him sucking on my neck, of his tongue on my collar bone, my chest.
He let my arms go, clutching my breasts with both of his hands, massaging me. My nipples hardened, poking through my bathing suit. I ran my hands all over his body, taking in the bumps and curves of his torso, his abs. I loved the way that his ass clenched with my touch. He pushed me even harder against the wall, grinding up against me. His hips moved in and out, his bulge hardening with each motion. He tugged on my nipples through my swimsuit, his lips on my skin. My clitoris gorged at the sensation. This was it; the perfect way to let go of my virginity, let go of everything, for him.