“Not even when I’m drunk. Honestly. I actually find it attractive when women eat. I never want to see my girl pick at a salad when she wants a cheeseburger.”
“It’s not about food.”
“I know. It’s about everything. I was a jerk. I admit it. Please can you give me a second chance?”
She looked at me and again, the rush of emotion came pouring over me. I winked at her.
Winked!
Me!
I don’t wink at anyone. I’m the guy who’s supposed to be suicidal. I do not flirt.
She turned pink with embarrassment and looked away. When she looked back she was blushing.
“Hah,” she said, “Yeah. Whenever I order salad, I’m always disappointed and end up eating a bag of chips or something afterward.”
I smiled. I could picture girls doing that. I should have left things there but I took a step closer to her and reached out my hand.
“My name is Kane,” I said.
“Meadow,” she said, taking my hand.
I gave her a look, asking if it would be okay to sit with her, and she nodded.
“I was actually hoping I’d run into you again,” she said.
“So you could kick me in the nuts yourself?”
She laughed.
“Yeah that, but also because I wanted to apologize too.”
“Oh, you don’t need to apologize.”
“Well, I had an awful day yesterday and I probably could have handled myself better.”
“You handled yourself just fine. I was the one who attacked you.”
“Well, just so you know, ordinarily I wouldn’t have reacted so harshly.”
I let out a sigh.
“Truce?” I said.
“Truce,” she said with a smile like I’d never seen before.
Looking into her face was like looking at the sun over the ocean. It was the most beautiful thing imaginable.
“So Kane, you’re a surfer?”
“Yeah, you can tell huh?”
“Well, I went for a drive this morning and I stopped to take in the view of the ocean. I recognized you down on the beach, heading out in the water on your board. You were carrying two wild flowers. I watched as you paddled out with them and placed them in the water. It was beautiful. A really touching moment. Like a scene out of a movie.”
A knot formed in my throat. Oh God. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t ready for this.
“Kane?” she said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just.”
“Just what?”
I stood up but I rushed and accidentally knocked over my seat behind me.
“Here we go again,” Meadow said, looking up at me in complete surprise.
“It’s …” I stammered, trying to think of something to say.
“What’s wrong with you?” she said.
“That moment was private.”
I couldn’t breathe. I had to get out of there. I picked up my chair but it got stuck under the table and I couldn’t get it free. I pulled and pushed at it harder as the leg pulled the entire table and Meadow’s coffee spilled.
She leapt up to avoid getting burned.
“You’re a loose canon,” she said.
I couldn’t believe I was creating another scene. I looked into Meadow’s face and she was crying. Great. Second day in a row I messed up her life.
“Kane, what the fuck?” Sandra called across the room.
Everyone was looking at me again.
“What are you even doing in this town?” I said to Meadow.
I wasn’t yelling but I was close to it.
“You should go back to wherever the fuck you came from.”
I stormed out of the place before Sandra had to kick me out, slamming the door behind me.
CHAPTER 15
KANE
Diary Entry
I see you sitting at a table in a restaurant and you know what I imagine doing? You want to know the truth? It sounds crazy, but I think, what if that table had a tablecloth? A long, white tablecloth.
Something that goes from the table, all the way to the ground.
I’d like to see you sitting at that table in broad daylight, in a busy, public restaurant. Lots of people around. There’s a waiter coming to your table to take your order and bring your food. There’s another waiter who brings you a bottle of wine. There’s a couple sitting at the table next to you, having a date. They’re talking to each other but every now and then, the guy looks across at you and checks you out.
It’s a fancy restaurant and you’re dressed to impress. You’ve got on a white blouse. A navy blue blazer. And a very short, very tasteful skirt. You’re sitting at the table, your legs crossed under the tablecloth, and you’re trying to mind your own business and not draw the attention of the other people in the restaurant.
Of course you don’t want to draw their attention. You’re a woman eating alone in a fancy restaurant and it’s awkward for you. You’re shy. You’re not used to being in this situation.
And then something happens that gives you the fright of your life. You feel a movement beneath the table cloth. Something brushes against your bare leg. Something’s down there!
You stifle a cry, still worried about drawing attention, and peer under the tablecloth.
I don’t know what you expected to find down there, but what you see is me!
That’s right. You’re sitting in this fancy, formal restaurant, there are people everywhere, and I’m beneath your table.
You don’t know me. You recognize me, you’ve seen me before, but you don’t know me. You don’t know what I’m doing down there, how I got there, or what it means for you. All you know is that I’m there, dressed in a black suit with a white shirt, and I’ve got my finger in front of my lips, telling you to be quiet.
“What’s going on?” you say.
“Shh,” I say.
I take the tablecloth from your fingers and pull it back down so it covers your legs perfectly, concealing everything beneath the table. I notice you squirm a little but that’s all part of the fun. You’re uncomfortable. You’re shy. You have no idea what I’m doing down there or what’s about to happen.
Slowly, I run my hands along the bare skin of your legs. Your skin is smooth and soft. So perfect. So tempting.
I force you to uncross your legs. You resist at first but I know you’re still afraid of making a scene in the restaurant. You don’t want anyone to know something’s going on. You’re too proper. Too polite to create a stir.
You uncross your legs so that you’re sitting with your feet flat on the floor, your legs going straight down. Just the way I want you.
I recheck to make sure the table cloth is perfectly straight, concealing me. Then I wait. I wait for the waiter to come back.
I know he’s back because your posture changes. You sit up straight, always the good, polite girl, and you talk to him just the way you’re suppose to.
“Is everything all right with your meal, madam?” the waiter says.
“Yes, perfect.”
“Can I bring you anything else.”
There’s a pause and I hear you return your wine glass to the table. You’ve obviously just taken a very big sip.
It’s time for me to take a sip too. I put my face between your legs and inhale your scent. The anticipation is already getting to you because I can see you’re getting wet. You know what I’m going to do to you and you can’t hide your excitement.
You want me. I know it, even though you’re trying to squeeze your legs shut as hard as you can. You put your hand on my head and push me back. I grab your wrist and force you to let me in.
“Is everything okay, madam?” the waiter asks.
Immediately, you stop fighting me, mortified that he might find me. I take advantage of the moment to force my head between your legs and slide my tongue right over the wet lips of your pussy.
“Oh,” you moan.
I slide my tongue into your pussy and make a beckoning motion with it in
side you, curling it up and licking the roof of your pussy.
“Madam?” the waiter says.
“I’ll have a bottle of this wine,” you say, probably just to get rid of him.
“Very good, madam,” the waiter says.
I can tell he’s left because you start trying to push my head away again and close your legs. It’s easy for me to keep them open and continue fucking you with my tongue. You’re far too worried someone will notice what’s going on to properly resist me.
You squirm in your seat and I feel your pussy begin to gush with pleasure. I suck on it, fucking it with my tongue and making out with it. I slide my mouth over your clit and suck on your tender folds.
You lean back in the chair and raise your legs off the ground so that you can wrap them around my head. I reach up and slide my hand between your legs, fingering you with first one, and then two fingers as my mouth sucks and toys with your clit.
You’re getting close to orgasm. I can sense it. The muscles in your body are contracting in pleasure and you squeeze my head tighter between your thighs.
“Your wine, madam,” I hear.
The waiter is back.
I pull my fingers out of you and slide my tongue deep inside you, as far as it can reach.
Your climax begins to tear through you in a wave of pleasure.
“Madam, are you all right?”
I can feel your orgasm flowing through every muscle of your body. Your pussy gushes and I swallow every drop of you. When the pleasure finally subsides, you sigh in pleasure and I release you from the torments of my mouth.
“Oh, yes, I’m fine,” you say to the waiter.
“Very good, madam,” he says back.
CHAPTER 16
MEADOW
Go back to where I came from?
If only I could.
I don’t have a home anymore.
I slouched in the booth and continued to sob. What was going on with me and everyone around me? Maybe he was right. It felt like all I had done since I arrived in Pismo Beach was cry. I was getting all kinds of attention since I got there, but all the wrong kind.
It was like the universe had it in for me.
“Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry. What just happened? Kane came over here to apologize to you, what went wrong?”
I was startled when Sandra sat down in the booth with me. I was so embarrassed, but there was something comforting about her.
“That guy is awful,” I said. “For some reason he seems to be out to get me. Every time I bump into him it’s a disaster. I don’t even know what I said.”
“Trust me. It’s not you. He’s been through some heavy things and he doesn’t have the best handle on his emotions.”
“You can say that again.”
Sandra sighed. “I know. I can’t make excuses for him, but he’s a complicated guy.”
“Everyone’s got their issues,” I said. “What makes him so special?”
“Well, you want the long version or the short?”
I looked at Sandra with an expression that said I wanted to know why this guy seemed to be trying to singlehandedly ruin my life.
She took a deep breath.
“A couple years ago there was a tragic accident in town that shook everyone, but it destroyed Kane.”
“What kind of accident?” I said, thinking about the ways Kane had acted around me and trying to make sense of things.
“He had his heart broken in the worst way imaginable. I shouldn’t say more though. He’s very private. You saw that for yourself already. He’d be livid if he knew we were talking about him. Especially what happened that day.”
“Yeah, I mentioned I saw him surfing and he flipped out.”
“Well, trust me on one thing, Meadow. It’s not you. Try not to take his behavior personally.”
“It’s kind of hard when he’s calling me fat, blowing up in front of me, losing his shit.”
“I know. I know. You’ve really seen the worst side of him, but he’s actually got a good heart.”
“I’ll have to see it to believe it,” I said, and knew I sounded harsher than I felt.
“Actually, he’s got one of the best hearts I’ve ever known,” Sandra said.
That made me feel kind of bad. It’s never a good sign when a guy with a good heart seems to hate your guts. It made me wonder if maybe he was right. Maybe it was me who was the problem.
“Well, I’ll have to take your word for it,” I said. “Because clearly he’s not making an effort to show me that he has a heart at all.”
I forced myself not to cry any more. Sandra had already put up with enough emotion from me. She hardly knew me and was being so kind. I poked at the food on my plate and gave her a weak smile.
“You really seem to be have having a rough go. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it? I don’t mean to pry, but it seems like maybe you could use a friend.”
I looked at her. I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk about things, especially with someone I’d just met. She was kind, she had trusting eyes, but I’d been through a lot with Matt and it was a long story. I didn’t want to burden her with my tale of betrayal, crushed dreams, and a broken heart.
Why would she care? I was just a random customer.
“I’m sorry, Sandra. I really didn’t mean to create a scene in here this morning. I already feel bad enough about what went down at the brewery last night. Let’s just say, it’s been a very interesting couple of days for me.”
Sandra nodded but said nothing, leaving a silence between us that, combined with the kind look in her eyes, made me feel safe enough to say more.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start, honestly. Yesterday, I walked out on my cheating husband and just started driving. I had no plan. I didn’t know where I was going. I still don’t know where I’m going. But I know I can’t go back. I refuse to. If there’s one thing I know, it’s that I deserve better than the life I had with my husband. Kane told me to go home, but the reality is I don’t have a home.”
Sandra reached out and put her hand on my shoulder.
“Wow. No wonder you’re feeling so emotional.”
I nodded.
“I can’t help but notice the giant engagement ring on your necklace. You keep playing with it.”
“Nervous tick,” I said.
I stopped fidgeting with my necklace and clenched the engagement ring in a fist. I hadn’t even noticed I was playing with it. She caught me off guard by bringing it up. In the whirlwind of the last twenty-four hours, I didn’t realize I still had it around my neck. I had given the wedding band off my finger to those bikers, but I didn’t give them my engagement ring.
Had I really forgotten about it in the rush of the moment?
Or had I subconsciously held onto it because I didn’t want to believe the marriage was actually over?
Did I still have it around my neck because deep down, I hoped I’d end up back with Matt? Was it my way of staying attached to him? I’d been married to Matt for so many years. The engagement ring was all I had left to show it had ever even happened.
Sandra looked at me like she was worried she’d gone too far with her questions.
“I hate cheaters,” Sandra said. “Getting news like that is the worst pain the world. It must have been such a shock.”
I nodded. “I guess I’d known for years, but I never fully admitted it to myself until yesterday.”
“I’m really sorry, Meadow.”
“I just feel like such an idiot, you know? I should have left him years ago. The marriage was over almost before it even started. What does it say about me that I stayed with him so long?”
“It says it was a difficult decision to make.”
“I threatened to leave before, and I meant it. Last time I caught him I was sure I was done with him. But he begged me to stay. He begged and begged. He made so many promises, gave me so many gifts, even said we could start a family. That was when I stopped wearing my engagement ring. I was too upset
with him. I kept the wedding band on, but I put the engagement ring around my neck. I said it would stay there until we had a marriage I could believe in again.”
“Your poor heart. You deserve better than that. Good for you for leaving him.”
“He betrayed me, he broke all of my trust. He broke my heart. He broke me, Sandra. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fix myself.”
I could feel my eyes begin to fill with tears again. Sandra took my hand in hers.
“The first time I caught him, we were just newlyweds. I never told him I knew. I kept it a secret and tried to forgive him because we were young and I was desperate to be a good wife. But he did it over and over and I started to wonder if it was my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Meadow. Don’t believe that for a single second.”
“I thought about leaving him for years, but I could never find the courage to do it. I had become so dependent on him. I thought I needed him to survive.”
A bell rang above the door and Sandra looked up.
“Shoot. I’m sorry. I have to get back to work. We’re so short staffed. It’s only me running the place today. I want to hear the rest of this, Meadow. I really hope you stick around. Don’t listen to Kane. Pismo Beach is a great place for you to start over, and you have as much right as anyone to be here.”
I smiled. It was nice to feel wanted for a change.
“Oh, and don’t worry about the bill. This one’s on me. And not because I don’t think you can take care of yourself!”
I laughed. She was making a joke, but the truth was, I really was scared of proving I could fend for myself without Matt. I’d never in my life earned a single dollar. I wanted to think like Sandra, I wanted to believe that Matt was wrong about me, but I was scared.
I thanked her and packed up to leave. Before walking away, she stopped and asked one more question.
“I have to know, Meadow. What was different about yesterday? What finally gave you the courage to leave?”
I paused to think about it for a moment.
“I guess you could say I finally felt I had protection. Matt cheated on me with a girl who had something I never had. She had a Brotherhood of guys who were willing to stand up for her. They opened the door to a new life for me, and showed me I had the strength and courage to walk through it.”
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