“Carolyn didn’t grow up on the ocean like Kane did. Kane could tell just by looking at the water if it was a good idea to get in or not. He was so protective of those two. Not every picnic dinner included swimming. If the conditions were even the slightest bit off, Kane got strict and wouldn’t allow them to get in.”
“Oh no,” Meadow said, piecing the rest together for herself.
“I guess Carolyn was feeling confident that she’d been there enough with Kane to know what to look for. The wind was calm that day and the waves were gentle so she assumed it was fine. Most people would have assumed the same. She and Tamara went into the ocean for a swim while they waited for Kane to finish work.”
It had been so long since I’d told the story. It felt strange to be telling it. It had become something that no one ever spoke of. That day shook the whole town. No one was quite the same after it, but soon enough, life goes on and we got on with it. As the memories came flooding back, I could feel my voice start to tremble.
“There was a massive undertow. It was nothing the untrained eye would have been able to spot. Now, no one else was there, so I’m not exactly sure what happened. Kane told us once what happened when he got there.”
“What happened?” Meadow said, her voice breaking.
“He pulled into the lot and saw her car parked there. Excited to see them, he headed down the steep, winding path to the beach. He saw their clothes, blanket, and towels on the beach. He looked out into the water to see them swimming. But he couldn’t see them swimming. He started to glance around frantically, noticing the dangerous conditions. It was then that he saw Carolyn, way off in the distance. He couldn’t see Tamara at all.”
“Oh, God.”
“He rushed into the water and swam toward Carolyn. He had always been a strong swimmer. He swam and he swam towards Carolyn, all the while scanning for a sign of Tamara. Eventually he reached Carolyn, but it was too late. She was just floating there, facedown. He grabbed her in his arms, turned her over, and knew she was gone.”
“What about Tamara?”
“He held onto Carolyn and looked for Tamara. He could feel the strong pull of the current as he tried to stay afloat but he never gave up. Not until he saw Tamara’s tiny pink water shoe. Then he knew in his heart he’d lost her too.”
By that point, I wasn’t even looking at Meadow anymore. I couldn’t. I kept my eyes down as they filled with tears. When I did look up, Meadow had the same tears in her eyes, her hand covering her mouth.
“I’ve made a horrible mistake,” she said with a look of gut wrenching regret.
CHAPTER 39
MEADOW
I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been. Kane wasn’t a cheater or an asshole, he was just a man with a broken heart. Sandra meant it when she said that Kane had one of the biggest hearts she’d ever known, and I, Meadow the Jackass, had stomped all over it like a crazy jealous ogre.
“I need to go. I have to find him and apologize,” I said, starting to panic.
“Of course you can go. I can handle opening on my own, but you might have already missed him,” Sandra said.
“What? Why? I need to see him. I said awful things, Sandra. I was horrible to him.”
“The guys are going to Big Sur today. He might have already left.”
“He said he needed to do work at the shop first. Where’s the shop? I can go there, maybe he’s still there,” I said.
I couldn’t just let it go and wait for when he got back from his trip. I had to apologize immediately or I’d die.
I needed to tell him I was sorry. Sorry for how I behaved and sorry for his loss. The second he said her name, I just jumped to conclusions and went off on a psycho rampage. I was furious with him for just sitting there in bed. Now I knew why.
“Here’s the address for the shop. I’ll take care of the café. Go.”
I looked at her like she was my savior and hugged her tighter than I’d ever hugged anyone.
“I’m so sorry. I promise I’m not normally surrounded by so much drama. Please, Sandra, I have to ask you to keep all this a secret. All of the Kane stuff. I don’t want anyone to find out about us sleeping together, and I especially would hate if anyone found out what happened this morning. I need to find him and make things right. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
I rushed through the restaurant, took off my apron and left it on the counter, before heading out the door. Thankfully, my car hadn’t been towed and I got in and sped to the shop. As I rolled my way through each stop sign, I wondered what I would say when I saw him. I had no idea how to redeem myself after my display.
I found his shop and instead of using a parking spot, I drove right up to the front door. The closed sign was facing forward, the door was locked, and the lights were all out. I went to the back where the garage doors were. I tried lifting them with no luck. I banged and banged on them, but no one came.
He wasn’t there.
I ran back to my car and hoped to God I’d find him at his place. I drove like a lunatic and was lucky I wasn’t pulled over.
I parked and ran up to the front door. I rang the bell, and after waiting one second for him to answer, rang it again and again. With still no sign, I started knocking too. I peeked in the window before deciding to run around back to the deck entrance. I ran up the stairs about as gracefully as an elephant being chased by a mouse. I got to the door and knocked again. Then, I reached to open the door, but it was locked. I put my face to the glass and used my hands to block the glare so I could see inside. I noticed his shoes that were there earlier were gone now. I also noticed that the pictures I had crumpled and thrown to the ground were now in a neat pile on the kitchen table.
I turned around and slumped to the ground. I sat there and held my head in my hands. I had made such a horrible mistake. I was so embarrassed. Mortified. I hated the thought of him meeting up with the guys in Big Sur and telling them everything I’d said to him.
It was such a knee-jerk reaction and I had no excuse. Why couldn’t I just shut my giant mouth for a moment and let him explain?
In a last ditch effort, I reached over my head and knocked on the door one last time. Still nothing. I picked myself off the ground and made my way to my car. Even though I knew he wasn’t home, I kept looking back to the door to see if he was there.
He wasn’t.
I got into the passenger side of my car and opened the glovebox to get a piece of paper and pen. In all of the time we spent together, we were too busy talking or fucking to bother exchanging numbers. I had to leave him a note so he’d know I wanted to talk to him as soon as possible. I held the pen and paper in my hands and the blank page stared me in the face.
I had no idea what to write. I had no idea how I could ever recover from the damage I did that morning. What could I possibly say that would smooth it over? I was sure I’d put myself on the top of his list of most hated people. My hand was shaking as it held the pen, nervous to write the wrong thing.
Kane,
Please call me. Sandra told me everything about how Carolyn and her daughter died.
I scribbled all over the page. Maybe I really was an idiot. I ripped the page off the pad and crumpled it up. I wrote his name again at the top of a fresh page.
Kane,
I am so so so sorry. I was out of line (again). I really can’t get anything right when I’m around you. I need to see you and apologize in person even though I’m certain I’m probably the last person you ever want to see.
Regretfully yours,
Meadow
Ugh, too pathetic. Regretfully yours? Come on. I scribbled all over that page too and threw it on the floor of the car. I wrote his name a third time on a new page.
Kane,
I messed up. Please call me so I can apologize in person.
I hope you can forgive me,
Meadow
I sat and looked at the letter. I wrote my number beneath my name. I could have written him a novel with all of the things I wan
ted to say, but I knew a letter wasn’t the place for it. I needed to see him. I needed him to see me so he would believe how truly sorry I was. I walked to the back door again, folded the piece of paper and wedged it in the door near the handle.
I felt torn between going back to work at the café or just finding a dark hole to crawl into for the rest of eternity. My anxiety said dark hole, my conscience said work. I got my phone out of my purse to text Sandra.
Meadow: I missed him. Thanks for letting me try. Heading back to the café now. See you soon.
Sandra: Take the day off, hun. Go rest. I can handle today on my own. Let’s do dinner later so I can get the full story of what happened between you two.
Getting her text was a great relief. I drove back to my motel, kicked off my shoes and crawled under the blankets. I was exhausted in every sense of the word. Not only was I emotionally overwhelmed, but I really didn’t get much sleep at his place. I lay in bed for hours, my head covered by the blanket, but my guilt, regret, and anxiety wouldn’t let me rest. I knew I had to talk to him.
Meadow: Would you mind sending me Kane’s number?
I watched my phone until she replied with the number.
Meadow: Thank you and thanks for giving me the day off. You’re amazing xo
I started typing a text to Kane without hesitation.
Meadow: Kane, it’s Meadow. Can we talk?
I turned the volume on my phone up high and put it next to my head on the pillow while I impatiently waited for his response.
I had finally fallen asleep. With my eyes still shut, I reached for my phone to check the time. It was nine thirty at night. I’d drifted off to sleep and slept through the entire day. I had four texts and two missed calls from Sandra, but nothing from Kane. I put my phone back down, rolled over, and fell back asleep.
CHAPTER 40
KANE
Diary Entry
I should have left you a message. I shouldn’t have just disappeared. I know you’ll worry.
The way we connected. The bond we forged. It meant something.
But I had to get away. I have to clear my head. What I said in your ear, the name of another woman, that’s not fair to you. That’s not right. And if I can’t move on from the loss I’ve experienced, how can I start a relationship with you?
How can I wake up in the morning and know your name is going to be the first thing from my lips? How can I know I’m able to be the man you want, the man you deserve?
I want to be there for you, darling, body and soul, and that means letting go of the past. That’s why I’ve disappeared.
But don’t worry. I’m not gone for long. I’ll come back to you, and I’ll make it all up to you.
I’ll wake up in the morning and the first thing I’ll think about is you. I’ll roll over in the bed, searching for you before I even open my eyes. I’ll know your naked body is there, close to me, keeping me warm. You’ll be tired from the lovemaking of the night before.
Because I’ll fuck you every night of our life, baby. You know it. I know it. You’ll be mine, for my pleasure, and I’ll never be able to get enough of you.
If you’re not in the bed, you’re in the shower. I walk quietly to the bathroom and peek around the corner. The water’s running. Steam is billowing out from behind the curtain.
I take off my clothes and pull back the curtain.
“Good morning, Kane,” you say.
Your nakedness thrills me. It always thrills me. The curves of your thighs, the round, heart shape of your ass, the thin line of your pussy, the soft pillows of your breasts. Instantly, I’m hard.
“Again?” you say, amazed because of the treatment I already gave you during the night.
“Again,” I say, leaving you in no doubt I’m serious.
My cock is erect and throbbing, pointing dead ahead, right at you.
I get into the shower and you start washing me, rubbing your hands over my chest and back. I pull you close against me and kiss your lips. I’m so hard that my cock is sticking into your stomach.
You look down at it and laugh. You grab a sponge and pour shower gel on it. Then you rub my cock, teasing it with the sponge as you wash me. You get down on your knees to wash my legs and I take your head in my hand.
You look up at me and your sweet, innocent eyes almost make me cum right then and there. It’s a good thing I don’t because my cum would take you by surprise, right on your face.
The water is hitting you on the back and flowing off you, giving you an alluring gleam.
I can’t resist you. Not for another second.
I guide your mouth to the tip of my cock.
“Open wide, baby.”
You obey me, opening your mouth, and I slide my erect shaft into your warm mouth. You feel like heaven. It’s all I can do to resist cumming. You’re a drug to me. An addiction. All I want is to cum in your mouth.
I slide my cock along the length of your tongue and then you pull me back into your mouth. Your tongue is heavenly, playing with the head of my cock and coaxing my pleasure. Back and forth, I slide my cock out of your mouth and then all the way back into your throat. I feel a throb of pre-orgasmic pleasure and know I’m ready to cum in your mouth.
In a flash of passion I pull my cock out of your mouth, reach down and lift you up in my arms. Instinctively, you wrap your legs around my torso and cling to me as if your life depends on it. I press you against the tiled wall of the shower and pin you between the wall and my rock hard chest. My hands are splayed against the wall as my cock finds the opening of your pussy and slides far inside you.
You cry out in shock, and your arms knock over all the bottles and soaps, sending them crashing to the ground.
Neither of us care about the mess. I drive my cock deeper into you, slamming my body into yours, and you kick out your legs and tear down the shower curtain.
Water is spraying all over the bathroom, getting all over the floor, and neither of us even notice.
“Cum in me,” you say, and I know you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
That’s why I can do this. That’s why I can cum inside you without a care for the consequences. That’s why I can make you mine in the truest, fullest sense of the word.
I thrust into you again and again, each powerful motion pressing you harder against the wall. The entire bathroom is a mess now, bottles of shampoo spilling down the drain, water getting all over the floor, and the mess matches the raw, animal passion of our lust.
When I thrust for the final time, our eyes lock. I feel the orgasm rush up from the core of my being and flow through my cock, into you. I pour my cum into you as if I’m pouring my soul into you. I keep going, the orgasm reaching into the depths of my being and finding more and more cum, more and more pleasure, more and more of my soul, to pour into you.
I can tell you’re cumming too. I scream your name and you cry out, an indecipherable moan of pleasure.
“I love you,” I pant, still holding you in my arms.
I carry you out of the bathroom and drop you on our bed.
“Holy shit,” you say, looking up at me.
“Don’t get too comfortable,” I say. “I’m going to shut off that water, then I’m really going to show you what I want to do to you!”
CHAPTER 41
SANDRA
“There she is, our star waitress,” I said as Meadow pushed through the front door of the café.
Her smile was always so big and bright and it had easily become my new favorite part of the morning. She laughed and said good morning as she made her way behind the counter. Having her arrive in Pismo Beach over a week ago was the best thing for the café. She truly was heaven-sent.
She started this job with such determination and dedication that she picked it up in no time. I really admired her strength and courage. To say she was a wreck when she first got here was an understatement. Not to mention the man drama she got herself into right away. But to her credit, she didn’t let her Kane mix
up keep her knocked down. She pushed through and put all her energy into building her new life.
Not only was it amazing to have her working at the café, but she and I had become instant best friends. Despite working crazy long shifts, we still went out for dinner and drinks every single evening. The conversation flowed so easily and we were never at a loss for things to talk about. We talked about it all, life, love, loss, fears, regrets and oh how we laughed together. She was a hilarious girl. She could bring me to tears from making me laugh so hard.
Days flew by at the café. It was always busy, but always fun. Today was no different. Before I knew it, we were already only a couple hours away from closing for the day. As I was taking a customer's payment at the register, I looked up to see someone coming in through the door.
“Paul, you’re back,” I exclaimed, happy to see him back from his trip to Big Sur.
He waved and made his way to a seat at the counter. Meadow was behind me, getting a fresh pot of coffee. I turned and quietly asked her if Kane had texted back yet. She said nothing, and hardly shook her head, but I could see in her eyes that the answer was no.
It had been a long week waiting each day for Kane to reply. He never had, but Meadow never seemed to give up hope that he would.
I went around the counter and gave Paul a big hug. He hugged me then turned to Meadow.
“What’s the deal, Meadow? I go away for a bit and when I come back I no longer get a hug? Get over here,” he said.
I could tell she was shy about it. She had been so paranoid that Kane was away with the guys and telling them how much of a psycho bitch she had been. Judging by Paul’s enthusiasm and warmth, either Kane had said nothing, or Paul didn’t let it cloud his judgement of her. She made her way around the counter and gave him an awkward hug. She was trying so hard to act normal but I could tell she was mortified.
Paul sat down and Meadow left to give menus to some new customers.
“How was Big Sur?” I asked as I held up the pot of coffee to see if he wanted any. He nodded.
“Rad. It was so rad. We had perfect conditions. The waves weren’t too monstrous, so we were able to get in some really long runs. We were out there for hours and hours each day. Most nights we were asleep by nine because we were so exhausted. It was perfect.”
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