In answer, she put her arms around him and said but one word. "Please."
He couldn't believe she was being so generous and he wished he thought he could worship her with his body the way he wanted to, but he had been much too long without her, and his body was not going to cooperate with any further delay.
Instead he did his best not to batter into her the way he wanted to. He wanted desperately to brand her as his, somehow, especially since he had just found her again and hadn't really had the time to show her just how sorry he was for what he had done. Things were so tentative that he wanted to do everything he could to solidify whatever was left – whatever he could resurrect – of what had once been their very tight bond.
And so he made love to her for an embarrassingly short amount of time, but keeping his eyes locked with hers for every second of it. And when he knew it could hold back the tide no longer, he screamed at the height of his pleasure, "I love you!" and then, as he eased back down to Earth from Heaven, he found himself chanting her name over and over again.
At last he buried his head in the pillow beside hers, panting and heaving and trying gather the pieces of himself that always flew apart when he took her. He knew he was more – and less – of a man with her than he had ever been with anyone in his life, and that he could settle for nothing less than having her as his wife.
But that was a conversation for another time, as was the questioning look in her eyes that said she had noticed what he had ranted as he poured himself into her and was heartily confused by it. His body, having found a release so complete in her that he was practically nonsensical, was demanding sleep, and nothing else would be accomplished until he'd gotten it.
So he gathered her to him in the spoon fashion they'd often slept in, whispering into her ear, "We'll talk more tomorrow. Sleep now. We're both exhausted."
Although Anna's head was filled with a million questions, she found herself doing exactly as he bid, however much she didn't want to.
The next morning, she was surprised to find when she opened her eyes that he was already awake and staring down at her with tender eyes.
"Good morning, Miss Anna," he said, pressing his lips to her bare shoulder.
"Morning," she said, and then yawned hugely.
"How do you feel? Is your head better?" He adjusted them so that they were lying on their sides, facing each other this time.
"Yes, thanks. Much."
"Anna, it's early, and we need to get on the road, but I want to talk first about last night."
Anna figured she was as clearheaded as she was probably going to get. "All right."
He gathered her into his arms, unable to bear even the slightest separation between them any longer. "I want to tell you why I did what I did. Not to absolve myself in any way – I expect no absolution, ever, for what I've done. But so you'll have the background and stop having to wonder and blame yourself." Remy lifted her chin so that she had to look in his eyes. "And you are a complete innocent in this. I want you to try to take that to heart. There was nothing you did, or said or didn't do or didn't say. And I know saying that it was all me is a cliché, but in this case, it's true."
Anna could hear the anguish in his voice, and reached up to cup his cheek. She never could bear the idea of him being in any kind of pain. It shook her to her very core.
Remy took her hand and pressed his lips to her palm, sighing deeply. "You were right. We were supposed to go out to dinner that night. But we couldn't have."
She looked puzzled.
"The ranch was inches away from going under. There was about a dollar ninety-eight in our account, so I couldn't have taken you out anyway. I had always kept the truth away from you and Libby because I didn't want to burden you with it, and I didn't want to be a failure in your eyes or hers. I'm the big brother. I had the honor of basking in your love and taking care of you. I know it's an antiquated idea, but I was raised to believe that it was my job to provide for my family, like my father did and my grandfather did . . . So not only was I a failure in the here and now, but I was going to be letting down all of my ancestors who had kept that land in the family for so long."
Anna's eyes were overflowing with tears that rolled down her cheeks and onto his chest. "Oh, Remy, you could never be a failure in my eyes or Libby's or your parents'…."
"I know that intellectually. But that's not how I feel; it's not how I'm built. The loss of the ranch that had been in my family for so long was imminent, I believed, and I just couldn't bear to fail the ones I loved the most so badly.
"So I decided that the best thing to do was to drive you away from me. To get you to leave and find someone who could be what you needed, who could take care of you and provide for you like I obviously couldn't."
Anna gathered him into her arms, holding him as tightly as she could manage.
"In the end," he said, his words muffled by her arms, "in the last second of the eleventh hour, I did something that I know to this day has my father spinning in his grave: I found a partner. Or rather, he found me. And his money saved the ranch from foreclosure. It's been a long road back, because what he gave me kind of left me back at square one. Not imminently going to be foreclosed upon, but still not a thriving, moneymaking operation. But I've managed to revive most of it and we're pretty much where we should be now. A growing concern. We've branched out into a good breeding program and I'm even looking at maybe adding horses to that plan. I don't have to count every single penny I spend any more, although I still do, usually, out of habit."
He leaned back, looking into her eyes. "There are no words for how sorry I am about what I did to you, and I know it's too soon to ask this, but I'd love it if you'd give me a chance to spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
Anna wasn't quite ready to make that kind of a commitment yet. She needed some time to digest the information he had given her. So she played it off a bit. "Excellent. You can start making it up to me by," she ticked the items off on her fingers, "not spanking me any more, not hounding me about eating, divorcing my cat so that I can reclaim his affections—"
Remy smiled, but consolidated his position, holding her instead of the other way around. "Too soon?" he asked, hoping she wasn't going to just shut him down entirely.
Anna nodded, biting her lip. "Yes. It's too soon."
"Well then watch out, honey, because I'm going to make sure that I don't lose you again, and I'm going to ask you every five seconds until you say yes."
They made it to the ranch a little late, having taken a few sidesteps during their journey as they luxuriated in each other. There would be no more separate rooms as of that morning, Remy declared, looking at her as if he expected a fight. But Anna readily agreed. She wanted to be with him at least as much as he wanted to be with her.
Topher, of course, in true cat fashion, was horrified at the neglectful and shameful way they had treated him, locking him in a room all by himself all night. He didn't deign to talk to either of them much until the last night on the road, when Remy hauled him against him – very much like he hauled her against him, she realized – and began to forcibly pat him. Seconds later, all was forgiven and the walls reverberated with the sounds of his purring.
Their arrival at the ranch caused a bit of a hullabaloo, because Remy hadn't kept in touch with Libby about how his campaign to get Anna to come down there for her wedding was coming, so she had no idea who it was that had driven into the yard in a huge, new car. Both of their cars were clunkers; Remy drove a thirty year old Ford truck nearly everywhere. Cal was the only person in the family – soon to be anyway – that had a new vehicle, and this wasn't it.
She came out of the house and saw her brother get out of the vehicle, and then her best friend. Libby ran to Anna and glommed onto her like she hadn't seen her in six years, and she hadn't seen her nearly enough. She kept chanting, "I can't believe you're here! I can't believe you're here!"
She gave her brother the hug of a lifetime, too, for getting Anna down
there.
A family dinner was hurriedly arranged, at which even Cal was in attendance. Remy cooked steaks on the grill, and the girls whipped up the side dishes while the men talked on the patio. Dinner was a wonderful conglomeration of wonderful food, vehement discussion about politics – no surprise that Cal took Remy's part in nearly everything against the girls – and laughter. It darned near broke into a food fight, but each of the men issued the same order to cease and desist to his woman at the same time, in the exact same tone, when Libby raised a buttered roll to throw it playfully at Anna, and Anna had a piece of steak on the end of a fork, poised to launch it at her friend in retaliation.
The women frowned at having been reigned in in stereo, no less. "Spoil sports, the two of you," Libby pouted, and Anna agreed heartily.
"Nevertheless—" Cal raised his eyebrow at his soon to be bride. "There will be no food fights. Got it?"
"And the same goes for you, over there, trying to look innocent and not achieving it," Remy added, eying Anna determinedly and catching her close to his side.
The women desisted, but only because they didn't want to waste any of the luscious food. They already decided while doing the dishes that they would wait for a time when the men least expected it and get them good, to hell with the consequences.
Libby was ecstatic to have her friend back, and was even more excited at the idea that she and her brother were sort of back together. Because of how tentative their relationship still was, she took every possible opportunity to talk up her brother and point out his good traits, "like a used car salesman trying to get a lemon off his hands," her somewhat less than patient best friend told her baldly one day.
Libby was far from contrite. "Well, I can't help it. Cal and I are so happy that I want you to be happy, too."
"We're happy," Anna informed her in a lackluster voice, a deadpan expression on her face. "Can't you tell we're happy? Happy, happy, joy, joy!"
That just earned her a swat on the arm from her friend.
The two months before Libby's wedding were chock full of preparations – getting the invitations, the wedding dress and Anna's maid of honor dress, the flowers, cake tastings - which was a favorite pursuit for the two of them, no doubt. Poor Cal didn't even get a taste or a vote, except that he wanted a chocolate fudge groom's cake.
It was to be held at the ranch, in what had been his mother's garden, near the pool. Anna immediately took the landscaping into hand, and began planting flowers that would be in bloom right around the perfect time for the wedding.
Cal fit right into the family, and the four of them enjoyed spending a lot of their time together, although it seemed somehow that she and Libby always ended up having to drag the two of them out of Remy's office.
That sparked a suspicion in Anna's mind, and when she and Remy were snuggling beneath the covers after a night spent learning how to play bridge, which Cal loved and played really well, she confronted him with her hypothesis.
"Cal is your partner in the ranch, isn't he?"
Remy was taken aback. No one knew that except himself and Cal. "What makes you think that?"
"The two of you are always holed up in your office at some point whenever he comes over, and that got me suspicious. Unless you're secret lovers, you've got to be discussing the ranch. I'm surprised Libby hasn't figured that out. She's been around the two of you more than I have."
He nearly broke a rib laughing at the idea of Cal and him being involved. Neither of them was in the least ambiguous about his sexuality. It oozed from every pore. "Yes, I've been kind of surprised too, but as much as I love her, she can be a bit oblivious sometimes. She doesn't see things other people see because she's so concentrated on what's in front of her."
Anna nodded.
"I figured it was all in the family anyway," he couldn't resist prodding her just a bit. "I've been thinking of asking them if they want to build a home on the ranch somewhere. They don't have to be right next door, but I think it would be nice to have the whole family on the ranch together."
"I think that's a wonderful idea. I bet Libby would love to do that."
"So, when are you going to marry me and make the family complete?"
He had switched from "can I spend the rest of my life making it up to you" to "when are you going to marry me" within forty-eight hours of their night in Knoxville. He'd even gone so far as to suggest that Cal and Libby would love the idea of a double wedding, but Anna was doubtful. In her opinion, every woman wanted to be a princess for a day, and have all eyes on her, and her wedding day is the one day that that was going to happen.
"I'd be glad to ask Libby."
Anna had looked appalled at that idea. If anyone was going to ask her, it was Anna, not him.
Tonight, when he asked, though, she merely cupped his cheeks in her hands and said what she usually said, "When I'm damned good and ready."
Remy sighed. That wasn't going to be anywhere near quick enough for him, he knew. He heartily wished he didn't think she would kill him – or possibly even leave – if he finagled around her a bit, but he decided that he'd take her with him any way he could, and resolved to keep asking whenever he remembered to.
On her birthday at the end of July, after they had crawled into bed after a sumptuous meal at a phenomenal Italian place in the city, he asked her again, but this time with more of a financial investment. He started out innocently enough, holding her tight against his side after having made slow, sweet delicious love to her, then asked at a time that had become the usual for him, "So, will you marry me?" Only this time, he put a jewelry box on top of his stomach, right in front of her eyes.
"Remy!" Anna stared at the light blue box as if she was afraid to touch it lest it explode in her face.
"Go ahead. Open it."
He must have asked Libby what she liked, because the gorgeous diamond ring inside was just perfect – exactly what she would have picked out herself. It was probably about three carats, pear shaped and in a marquis setting that made her small fingers look longer than they were.
It was unbelievably beautiful.
But when she went to put the ring on the finger, he moved the box away from her. "Oh no. You don't get to wear this ring until you say yes, Miss Anna."
He'd never seen such a comically fierce expression on her face.
But instead of saying yes as he'd intended, she said, "You didn't have to get me such an expensive ring, Remy. I don't care about that kind of thing and I hope you know that."
He bent and kissed her lips with exquisite tenderness. "I know, sweetheart. I know. It's one of the things that I love most about you."
She bit her lip, and asked, "And the next time we face a financial crisis?"
Remy hated that she felt she had to ask him that question. "You'll be right there in the thick of things, I promise. As soon as Libby gets married and I can get more than three seconds with you to myself, I'm going to sit you both down and show you how the ranch is run – scars, scabs and all – and I'll always keep you informed of whatever's going on, good or bad, I promise."
"I'd help in any way I could, you know. It's not like I have any money of my own, but I'm pretty good at being frugal."
Remy's eyes were filled with tears. "Yes, I know, my love."
"But," she put on a fake serious look, "can I get another look at that ring before I decide?"
Remy found himself laughing and kissing her at the same time, which he often did.
When he pulled away a little, she said quietly, "Yes."
For a moment he couldn't believe it. "Yes?"
"Yes."
"YES!" he screamed so loudly he was bound to have awakened their neighbors, who were miles away. "Really? You'll marry me? Say it. I need you to say it."
He sat up, so she did to, catching his chin and looking into his eyes as she repeated the words back to him. "Yes, I'll marry you." She was giggling at how he was acting like a schoolboy, which was a first for him, as far as she knew.
He loo
ked wild-eyed and amazed and bursting with happiness, and she thought he was going to go outside, buck naked, to shout it to the world, but instead he came back down to Earth and to her, asking in a voice so tender it brought tears to her eyes, "When? How soon? I don't think I can bear more than a few days without knowing you're completely mine, now that I've gotten you back."
Anna chuckled a bit at his enthusiasm. "We'll have to look at a calendar, but soon."
"You promise? Soon?" He spread his length out on top of her, and she could feel how aroused he was again.
Tipping her lips up to his, she murmured, "I promise."
Carolyn Faulkner
Carolyn Faulkner
The words "spanking" and "discipline" have always sent a shiver up Carolyn Faulkner's spine.
She knows she's not alone.
Writing started as a way to explore her feelings. Soon short stories flowed from her pen featuring reluctant heroes taking the leading lady in hand, but always for her own good.
Today Carolyn is the author of dozens of books. She writes from her home in Maine, where she lives with her husband and leading man.
You can read an interview with Carolyn here:
http://www.blushingbooks.com/blog/?p=175
You may check out her website while it’s under construction here:
http://www.carolynfaulkner.com
Don’t miss these exciting titles by Carolyn Faulkner and Blushing Books!
Series books:
Adored series:
Adored
Tessa’s Wedding
Priceless Love trilogy:
Priceless
Love’s Possession
Thornton Brothers trilogy
Promises Kept Page 11