by Burke, Dez
“I make a lot of money now. Enough money to keep the farm going through a dry spell or bad weather. Enough money to help you out and make sure Dad is taken care of. Money is how I can help. You said yourself the farm might be going under. What good will it do for me to quit my high-paying job and come back to the farm? If the farm goes under, we’ll all go under with it. That doesn’t make a lick of sense to me.”
“I guess I just don’t like asking my baby brother for money,” he says. “It goes against my pride.”
“Fuck your goddamn pride!” I argue. “You’ve got to stop feeling that way because I’m getting tired of being made to feel like shit. This is Dad and the family farm we’re talking about here. My manager is always telling me to invest in things. What better to invest in than my own family?”
Cole blows out a long breath and nods. “You’re right, and I appreciate the offer of help.”
“Can we sit down soon and talk about specifics?” I ask. “We need to work out a plan. Go over everything and figure this out as a family.”
“If you’re serious, then I’ll get the farm numbers together. It would be good to talk with someone about it anyway. So how was it with Annie? Where did you go?”
“We met at the Red Barn Bar. We were having a great time until fans spotted me and ruined everything.”
“Classy place,” Cole says with a touch of sarcasm. “Whose idea was that? Was it a date?”
“I’m honestly not sure.”
“Tell me about it.”
“What can I say? Annie is still the amazing girl she always was. We had a few minutes to catch up and it was just the same as old times. When I saw her all dressed up, I felt eighteen again. She hasn’t changed a bit. Then, when we started talking, it was so easy. There’s not a lot of people I can talk to these days. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I’ve had a real conversation with a woman. All they want is to be seen with me.”
Cole is listening closely. I’m wondering if maybe he’s hearing me for the first time.
“Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for me to be recognized at the bar. After that, we were swarmed by people wanting autographs.”
Cole raises an eyebrow. “Ah, yes. I forget that you’re a big deal these days.”
“Go ahead and make fun,” I say, leaning back and crossing my arms. “It’s not easy being in the public eye. It’s the reason I don’t get many real moments with people. I can’t get a second alone. Sometimes it drives me insane.”
I wait for some other smartass remark from Cole about how bad my life must be, but he stays silent and waits for me to continue with the story.
“I asked Annie if I could follow her back to her house. She turned me down, and that’s how it went. I should’ve come straight home, but I needed a few minutes alone to think under the stars. I didn’t plan on falling asleep in the truck.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” Cole shakes his head in regret. “Annie’s a great gal. She’s strong and solid. Real wife material, not one of those blonde-of-the-month types I see you with in magazines. And she always thought the world of you. Every time I’m in the pharmacy, she asks about you. She tried not to show how thrilled she was when I said you were coming back to town, but I could tell she was excited about it.”
“She was?”
“I believe so. And clearly, you’re thrilled to run into her again, too. Are you going to see her again?”
“I’d like to. She’s going to need some more convincing to agree to it.”
“She’s a good gal,” he says. “I hope it works out. You’d be a fool to let her slip through your fingers a second time around.”
“Annie doesn’t want a quick summer fling.”
“Why are you surprised?” Cole asks. “She’s not a kid anymore. I’ve got a feeling Annie will want more than that this time. She deserves more too.”
“I can’t stay here in Monroe,” I say. “I’ve got to go back soon or risk throwing away everything I’ve worked for.”
“The problem with you, Levi, is that you never think about everything else you’re throwing away for your career.”
“Unfortunately, I’m learning that you can’t always have it all.”
“That may be true, but are you sure you’re making the right choices? You’re willing to give up a chance with Annie again?”
He says it like a challenge. Considering we’re not as close as we once were, Cole still knows how to push my buttons. He always knew how much Annie meant to me. My feelings were never a secret around the house.
“Who knows?” I say. “Maybe it won’t have to be goodbye forever. We’re older now and more mature. She’s a grown woman now. Nobody says I have to leave her behind.”
“And nobody says she’ll blindly follow you either like one of your groupies going from city to city. She’s worked hard to get to where she is, the same as you. If I had to guess, I’d say she wouldn’t be quick to throw her hard-earned college education away to chase a country music star around the country.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Money isn’t everything. She has solid roots here. A good, steady job, friends, and her family. She’s a respected member of the community. All I’m saying is don’t take her for granted. For you, a short romantic fling might be the stuff of love songs, but for her, it’s just another broken heart. She deserves better. She’s the real deal.”
“Thanks for the brotherly advice, Cole. You’re absolutely right.”
I rise from the table and walk over to pour myself another cup of coffee.
Deep down inside I know every word Cole said is the truth. I can’t ask Annie to give up the life she’s built for me, and she can’t ask me to give up my music.
I don’t know the solution or even if there is one.
How can I ask her to do something that I wouldn’t be willing to do myself?
16
Annie
Taylor rushes over to my house after work the next day, bringing all the makings of piña coladas with her. We stand together at my kitchen counter.
A few months ago, we decided to do cocktails at my house every couple of weeks. It’s a good opportunity to get tipsy and talk each other’s ears off.
Tonight, there is only one thing she wants to talk about.
Levi.
She fixes her eyes on me as she pulls drink mixers out of her canvas bag and places them on the counter. I can see a thousand questions burning inside her.
“Did you bang?” she suddenly blurts out, unable to hold the question back any longer.
“Taylor!”
She lifts her eyes to mine and grins a wicked, devilish grin. “What?”
“That’s personal. You can’t ask me that.”
“So yes, then.”
She dumps a handful of ice into the blender along with a can of piña colada mix, then presses down on the button. The sound of grinding ice echoes around the kitchen.
“I told you that man wanted you,” she says. “I called it as soon as I knew he was back in town.”
I roll my eyes at her. “Just because I don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean we had sex, because we didn’t. He asked to come back here to my house and I politely turned him down.”
Her mouth drops open. “Are you insane? Who in their right mind would turn down Levi Hamby for a good old romp in the hay?”
“Me, because that’s all it would be…a romp in the hay. In a few days or weeks, he’ll be gone again. Getting over Levi was a bitch the first time. I can’t go through that again. It wouldn’t be worth the heartbreak.”
“You don’t know that,” she argues. “You’re not giving the man a fair chance.”
“What’s your point?” I ask.
“My point is that you’re not over Levi, and I don’t think he’s over you. Why are you so desperate to believe that he’s playing you?”
“It’s self-preservation,” I tell her, opening a can of coconut milk and pouring half of it into the blender. “He
’ll be gone soon. What’s the point in reading more into things? It’s only going to make it suck more when he leaves. Then I’ll be left here reading about him and his next hot girlfriend of the month and feeling sick inside.”
“It sounds as if you don’t want to get involved at all.”
“Maybe I want to get involved too much.” I let out a pained sigh. “It’s hard. When I’m with Levi, I’m exactly where I always wanted to be. All I have to do is gaze into his eyes and all those old feelings come bubbling right back up to the surface.”
“What’s the problem then? You should at least give it a chance. How will you know it won’t work out if you don’t try? You’re pissing me off. Turning down a chance with Levi, no matter how small, is dumb. Women would kill to be in your position. You’re letting a golden opportunity slip through your fingers.”
I shake my head. “I know how much it hurt when we broke up the first time, and that’s when he was a nobody. Now, he’s a superstar. When Levi leaves this time, he won’t be so easy to forget. I’m going to see and hear about him everywhere I go.”
My eyes travel to the pile of gossip magazines on my coffee table in the living room. I know Levi is featured in no less than three of them.
“The same way you forgot about him last time?” Taylor says. “I think you’ve always secretly hoped he’d come back. Now that he’s here, you’re running scared.”
“I’m being cautious because I’d be an idiot otherwise.”
“Screw that shit,” Taylor says, waving a hand at me. “Life is too short to screw around. If you want him, you’d better throw caution to the wind and go get him before someone else does. Because trust me, they will. A man like Levi doesn’t stay alone for long. Think about that for a long minute.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Nothing worth anything in this life is easy,” she argues. “You’re making it harder than it needs to be.”
She dumps pineapple juice and coconut rum into the crushed ice and hits the blend button.
“I think this discussion calls for a double shot of rum,” she says when the blender stops roaring. She takes the top off the container and pours two more shots of rum into the mixture before blending it again.
“Here you go,” she says, pouring the mixture into the two fancy martini glasses we bought for cocktail night. She skewers two bright red cherries with a toothpick attached to a paper umbrella then drops it into my drink. “This will fix whatever ails you. Or give you courage. If you drink all of this, you’ll lose some of those ridiculous doubts and inhibitions.”
I take a big sip of the piña colada and choke.
“Jesus, Taylor! It tastes like straight rum that a coconut rolled through.”
She grins. “Exactly. That was the goal.”
“We messed up the recipe somewhere along the line,” I say. “Maybe the old line about too many cooks in the kitchen is true.” I take another mouthful, trying to find the flavor of pineapple beyond the heat of the alcohol. The cocktail immediately sends a comfortable warmth through my body and I start to unwind.
“Mmm…this is delicious and fun,” I say, once the alcohol hits my bloodstream. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”
“Aunt Taylor knows what you need.” She winks at me. “Liquor and good advice.”
She pulls up a stool close to mine at the breakfast bar and sits with her drink. Taking a sip, she blinks at the strong taste and pops a cherry into her mouth.
“When are you seeing Levi again?” she asks.
“I probably won’t unless he swings by the pharmacy to pick up his dad’s meds. We don’t have any plans to go out again.”
“Well, that sucks,” she says with a frown. “For once in your life, you need to stop analyzing things and learn how to live for today. You’re too serious. Your life is passing you by. A handsome, talented man wants to sweep you off your feet and you’re digging your heels in. You should seize the day.”
“I’m scared,” I say, the alcohol making me honest. “What if it doesn’t end well?”
Taylor picks up the pitcher of piña coladas and tops off my drink.
“A better question would be…what if it does?” she says.
17
Levi
My cellphone rings, waking me from a deep sleep.
It’s Harry again.
No big surprise there.
I wait to see if his call goes to my voicemail. It doesn’t, and he immediately rings my phone again which means my voicemail is full. I’ve avoided answering his calls for days and can’t put this off any longer.
“Hello?” I say, after hitting the accept button.
“Levi! Damn, it’s been a bitch trying to get hold of you. What’s going on down there in bumfuck Georgia? Is there a good reason why you haven’t returned my calls? Because there had better be.”
“Sorry, Harry,” I say. “Things have been crazier than I expected here at the farm. I haven’t had time to catch up on my calls.”
“Well that’s all fine and dandy,” he says. “Except while you’re trying to be the golden boy rushing in to save the day with your family, I’m up here working my ass off trying to save your career. The least you could do is take my fucking phone calls to keep me in the loop.”
He’s huffing and puffing on the phone, almost out of breath. I know without seeing him that he’s pacing back and forth across a hotel room, waving one hand in front of him while he talks.
This early in the morning, he’s probably stomping around buck ass naked, stopping every few feet to admire his dick in the mirror before pacing around some more. I hope his hotel window blinds are closed.
“Your fans are beginning to talk, and the rumors are flying,” he continues. “You haven’t posted on social media in days. They’re saying you might be in rehab for a drug or alcohol problem. Stars don’t disappear off the face of the earth unless they’re locked up somewhere. Get your ass back on social media and see if you can calm things down.”
“I’ll try to put a post up today about something,” I offer.
“How about a photo of you at the farm or with a horse?” he suggests. “That’ll show the fans you’re not sitting in a white padded room in a clinic trying to dry out. They love the country boy shit anyway. It might work out in your favor. Do you have a tractor to pose with? Or how about a cow? Those black and white cows always photograph well. Don’t use a brown one. They’re too dull to stand out. Baby chicks are good too, or ducks.”
I try to ignore his comments about country life. He’s always thrown digs at my country upbringing.
“I don’t want the public knowing where I’m at. I’ll post something today though. Maybe an old photo I have stored on my phone. Don’t worry. Anything else important I need to know about?”
“There’s a lot you need to know about,” he says. “Your band members are getting anxious about your disappearing act. They depend on you for their livelihood. If you’re not working, they’re not working. They have bills to pay and they keep calling me asking when you’re coming back. The least you could do is call them yourself and give them some reassurance. Otherwise when you do come back, all of your good musicians and backup singers will be long gone. They won’t wait for you to get your shit together. I can’t say I blame them if they split.”
“If they’re running behind on bills, give them some money and take it out of my cut,” I offer. “I don’t want to lose my regular band members and start over with someone new if I can help it.”
“Everything isn’t about money, Levi. Their ticket to fame is rising to the sky with you. Not some other singer or band. Until your disappearing act, you were all headed straight to the top. The band members right along with you. Don’t you understand you’ve let them down too? I thought you cared about them. They’re your friends.”
“I don’t know what the hell you expect me to do,” I say. “Nothing has changed here. I can’t go on a national tour while my dad is losing his fucking mind. This time tomorrow he
might not even know who I am. Here’s an idea, Harry. Why don’t you take a deep, long look inside yourself and see if you can find a tiny bit of heart or feeling for another human being in there? Maybe then you’ll understand my situation.”
“Don’t get all huffy at me,” Harry fires back. “I’m the only one who’s got your back and trying to take care of your best interests. The record label was ready to cut you when you left town without notice and headed to Georgia. You signed a legal, binding contract, which by the way they can enforce at any time and drag your ass back to work. I fought for you and convinced them to give you time.”
“I know you did, and I appreciate it,” I say. “We’ve had this conversation before, and nothing has changed. I can’t come back yet. Period. End of discussion.”
Harry lets out a long sigh into the phone while his mind is spinning, trying to think of a different tactic to try with me. I know him well.
“Let me ask you something, Levi. Is your being back in Georgia helping anyone or making a difference? Has your daddy suddenly recovered his memory? Is he better now that you’re home? If you turned around right now and came back to Nashville, could you say your time there made one damn bit of difference to him? Would he even remember you were there at all?”
I take a deep breath. I’m about two seconds away from completely losing my shit on Harry.
“You’re an inconsiderate asshole,” I tell him. “And it’s not about me fixing Dad. I want to spend time with him and just be. That’s it. I’m not dragging him around to doctors trying to fool myself that there’s a cure. Because there isn’t.”
“Does he even know you’re there?” he asks. “Or that you’re supposed to be somewhere else working? Because your fans sure as hell know you’re missing. I can tell you that. Have you read their comments? They’re crying their eyes out wondering if something bad has happened to you. They keep posting questions asking if anyone has heard from you or seen you anywhere. It’s sad.”