by Burke, Dez
Marking her forever as only mine.
Saliva drips from her full lips as she widens her mouth further to take me deeper. She lets me thrust into her faster without pulling back, taking everything I give. Suddenly I tug her off me.
“Fuck!” I say, struggling to catch my breath. “I need to be inside you now.”
Pushing her back on the blanket, I spread her legs wider, burning with the need to be with her fully. I know she’s already soaking wet and ready for me. I don’t wait and enter her in a long, smooth thrust, sinking deep into her hot, tight pussy.
Annie gasps as I begin to move. She’s so fucking wet and hot wrapped around my cock. I grit my teeth and force myself not to lose control yet.
It’s not going to work.
Not after already having her sweet lips sucking my cock.
Drawing out slightly, I push in again harder all the way up to my balls, stretching and filling her. Moving now with long, deep strokes, I’m touching all her secret spots that only I know intimately.
Beads of sweat break out on my forehead from holding back. I move slowly for as long as I can, burying myself in her tightness and rocking in and out with slow, steady movements.
She moans again and I lose it. Shifting gears, I let my body overtake me, and I pound into her fast and deep.
“Do you like that?” I ask, reaching up with one hand to caress her breast.
“Oh yes!” she cries out.
I feel her start to ripple around my cock, her muscles spasming in release. Her entire body jerks uncontrollably underneath me as she keeps calling my name. If she’s trying to drive me insane, it’s working.
I completely lose it.
I ramp up the depth and speed of my thrusts. She grabs my hair and drags my face up so that our lips clash at the very moment I cum deep inside her. I groan against her mouth as she holds me tight with her pussy muscles until the very last shudder is gone and I’m spent.
“Oh Annie,” I whisper against her neck. “How can I ever make it without you? What are we going do to?”
40
Annie
Levi’s last day…
I’m regretting my decision to swing by the farmhouse to see Levi off. We said our goodbyes last night and that was heartbreaking enough. To see him tell his Dad goodbye, possibly for the last time, might be more than I can handle.
My heart is already breaking before I pull up to the farmhouse and step out. Levi told me he needed me here for support, so I didn’t have a choice. I can’t let him down, or the rest of his family either. For Levi’s sake, I need to put my own emotions aside and help him get through this.
I go inside the farmhouse and find Lily sitting at the kitchen table with a box of crayons and a drawing pad. I greet her with a bright smile, same as always. There’s no point in letting her see how upsetting Levi’s leaving is for everyone else.
“Hi Lily,” I say, reaching down to smooth her thick head of curly hair. “What are you drawing?”
She points to the crude drawing of a stick figure man holding an oddly-shaped guitar. In the background is a tiny red house with a single yellow flower beside it.
“This is Uncle Levi,” Lily says, pointing to the man. “And this is your house. Yours and Uncle Levi’s when you get married. Do you like the flower?”
Tears spring to my eyes and I quickly brush them away with the back of my hand where she can’t see.
“I love it,” I say brightly. “You’re doing a beautiful job. I love the house too.”
She smiles shyly at my praise. “I’m glad you like it. I’m giving it to Uncle Levi for a present. He’s leaving today. He’s a singer.”
“Yes, I know, sweetie. He’ll be back soon though. In the meantime, you can keep drawing pictures to give him. Okay?”
She nods happily, completely oblivious to my sadness.
I’m glad.
Children are tough and resilient. Lily has dealt with more than enough in her life. I take a deep breath to gain control of my emotions.
Levi calls down to me from the top of the stairs.
“Annie! Is that you down there?”
“Do you need help, Levi?” I yell up to him. “I’m here.”
“No, I think I’ve got everything,” he says. “I didn’t bring much. I’ll be down in a second.”
I almost burst into tears when I see him coming down the stairs with his guitar slung over one shoulder. His packed suitcases are already sitting at the bottom, ready to be carried out to the truck.
We’ve done this before.
It’s all I can do not to sink down in the middle of the floor and sob.
But I don’t.
It didn’t help to cry my eyes out the first time Levi left town, and it sure as hell won’t help this time either.
I’m more mature this time around, and stronger.
Levi tries to catch my eye and I turn away, unwilling to let him see my tears until I can blink them away.
“Lily, come on over here and give your Uncle Levi a big hug,” he says. He kneels down on the kitchen floor and opens his arms wide for her. She runs over to wrap her little arms around him. “I love you, baby girl. You be good, okay? And take care of Cole and your Grandpa. You’re the lady of the house so you have to keep them straight.”
“I will,” she says solemnly. “I made you a present to take with you on the airplane.”
She runs back over to the table and grabs the drawing. Levi glances at it, then at me.
“Is that me in this picture?” he asks, pointing to the stick figure man with the guitar.
“Yes, and the house where you and Annie will live when you get married,” Lily replies. “Annie plants flowers. I drew a yellow one for her. That’s her favorite color.”
“It’s perfect,” Levi tells her. “I’ll take the picture with me on the tour bus so I can see it every night before I go to sleep. Thank you. I love you, baby girl.”
I wonder if Lily realizes it might be a long time before she sees Levi again. She’s growing up so fast with the time flying by.
Levi made me promise to send him photos of every time she loses a baby tooth or has a special program at church. I told him I would, knowing it will only be a cheap substitute for being here in person.
Nothing can take the place of real life.
Edward is sitting in his favorite chair in the living room watching television. He hasn’t shown any indication that he knows Levi is leaving town even though we’ve talked about it occasionally at meals.
Edward’s short-term memory issues prevents him from being able to recall recent conversations for more than a few minutes before they dissolve into nothingness.
Levi goes over to him and pulls another chair closer.
“Dad, I’m going out of town for a few days,” he tells him. “I’ll be back soon.”
Edward doesn’t take his eyes from the television game show he’s watching. He smiles and pats Levi’s arm absentmindedly with hands gnarled by arthritis.
“Have fun and drive careful,” he says. “I’ll see you at dinner. Tell your Mama what time you’ll be home, so she won’t worry about you. She might need you to pick up some milk from the store too. Check with her before you leave.”
Levi starts to say something or correct him, then changes his mind. He stands up slowly and wipes his eyes. Grasping his father’s bony shoulder, he gives it a gentle squeeze.
“Okay then, I’ll see you at dinner,” he says, choking on the lie. “I love you, Dad.”
He’s emotional and barely holding it together. I turn to gaze out the kitchen window, unable to watch the sad, heartbreaking scene in front of me.
“Love you too, son,” his dad replies.
After a long moment, Levi walks up behind me and slips his arms around my waist. I turn and pull him into my arms, holding him tightly. For a long time, we hug without saying one word.
At this point, there’s nothing left to say.
I drink him in, desperately trying to memorize every
thing. The feel of his hardened muscles beneath the palms of my hands, the smell of his cologne, the rhythm of his steady heartbeat beneath my fingers.
I cling to him as if it’s our last embrace, because it might be.
Anything that will help me get through the long, empty nights ahead.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers in my ear where only I can hear. “I love you, Annie.”
“I love you too, Levi,” I reply, pulling back to gaze deep into his eyes one last time. “Always. Stay safe.”
“You’ll watch after my family?” he asks, already knowing the answer. “And send lots of photos?”
“I will, don’t worry,” I say, trying to be cheerful and reassuring. “I’ll come out to the farm often and I’ll see them every Sunday. They’ll be taken good care of.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I get settled in,” he says. “We’ll talk every night, I promise. Don’t be so worried. We can get through this.”
I nod, pretending to him that I believe everything will be alright when we both know it won’t.
It can’t be.
I’m relieved when Cole steps into the kitchen, interrupting our conversation. The stress over Levi’s departure is showing in the lines around his eyes and the dark bags underneath. Cole’s load will be heavy without Levi around to help.
“Are you ready to go to the airport?” he asks Levi. “I had to run out and do a quick temporary patch on the section of fence that a tree took down. I shouldn’t leave it long. I’ll need to work on a permanent fix this afternoon.” He rubs his tired eyes with the back of his hands. “Those damn cows always find the one spot where they can get out. We could have forty acres of pasture for them to roam around on and they’ll find a three-foot spot where the fence is down to escape.”
“I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” Levi says with a long sigh. “I hate this.”
He turns to give me one last quick kiss on the lips then steps away from my embrace. I feel empty the moment I’m no longer touching him.
“Help me carry out the bags, Cole, and we’ll be on our way,” Levi says. “I know you’ve got a ton of work to do here back at the farm. It’s too bad I couldn’t turn the rental truck back in at the airstrip. It would’ve saved you a trip running me around and wasting your time.”
Cole walks over to pick up the suitcases sitting on the floor by the staircase. “It’s not a problem,” he says. “It’ll give us a few minutes to catch up on the way out there. I appreciate Annie coming by to stay with Dad and Lily while I’m gone.”
“You know I’m glad to help,” I say to the two brothers. “Take your time. I’ll fix lunch for Lily and Edward while you’re gone. I’m not due at the pharmacy until three since I’m working the evening shift today.”
“I’ll call you if it’s not too late tonight when I get in,” Levi says to me as he goes out the door.
I manage to hold back the tears until the door closes behind him with a loud thud.
We had our one last summer.
And now it’s over.
41
Levi
Cole and I are both quiet on our way to the airstrip. I try not to think about the overwhelming sadness on Annie’s face when I kissed her one last time. Or my own heartbreak in leaving everyone behind.
Cole glances at me across the truck seat. “How are you holding up?” he asks. “Are you okay?”
“No, leaving is harder than I expected it to be.”
“You still love her?” He says it as a statement more than a question.
“You need to ask? I’ve always loved her. My feelings for Annie never changed. Not in all these years. Love doesn’t change the situation though.”
“I wish I could offer you words of comfort,” Cole says. “To tell you things will work out if they’re truly meant to be.” He lifts his hands from the steering wheel and shrugs. “I don’t know if that’s true or it’s a bunch of bullshit to make us think we don’t have to put the effort in to make things happen. I’m not sure I believe in destiny. You make your own fucking destiny and don’t leave anything to chance.”
“Do you think I made a mistake by leaving?”
He pulls his baseball cap down lower to shield his eyes from the sun. “No, we all knew this was the only thing you could do. Besides, I’m the last person who should be telling someone else how to live their life. I’ve made a ton of mistakes too. Some that I regret, and others that I don’t. If I hadn’t married Sheila, I wouldn’t have Lily now. If I hadn’t chosen to be a farmer, Dad would be all alone with no one around the farmhouse to take care of him. We all have choices to make. It’s not my job to say if your choices are right or wrong.”
“Thanks, Cole. It means the world to me for you to say that.”
“I’ve been too hard on you,” he confesses. “We both know that. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since you came home. I was full of resentment about Dad getting Alzheimer’s and I’ve been so fucking angry. I took my pain out on you.”
“I don’t blame you,” I say. “The pressure you’re under would crack the toughest man. You have a ton of responsibility with Dad, Lily, and the farm. Some of that responsibility is mine to bear too, and I wasn’t here to do my part.”
“I’m beginning to realize that now.” He glances over at me again. “Is that offer you made to hire some help and renovate a downstairs bedroom for Dad still good?”
“You’re willing to let me do that?” I say, relief flooding through me. “Yes, absolutely, the offer is still good. I can hire a caregiving service and have someone out at the farmhouse twenty-four hours a day. Annie has been researching the different options we have. If you want to draw up the plans for an expansion and find a reliable builder, we could add a whole wing on the lower level of the house. It wouldn’t take long.”
“You’re sure you can spare the money?” he asks. “It won’t be cheap.”
“What else am I going to spend it on? Please, I want to help. The house addition should be handicap accessible in case Dad gets worse. Annie keeps telling me that we need to plan ahead. Things are only going to go downhill from here. We should be prepared.”
Cole nods in agreement. “That’s what I was thinking too. Maybe a shower where a wheelchair could be rolled in and ramps on a couple of the outer doors. I don’t know how much longer he can continue to sleep upstairs. I can barely shut my eyes at night, worrying about him wandering around and falling down the stairs. A broken hip would land him straight into a nursing home, and there wouldn’t be a damn thing I could do about it then.”
“If you’re willing to let me, I could make your life a hell of a lot easier,” I say. “Money can’t fix everything, and it can’t make him well, but it can sure keep him out of a nursing home.”
“It would kill me to see him locked up in one of those places,” Cole says. “Dad wouldn’t last a week. The farm is everything to him. He’s spent his entire life there. He was born in the farmhouse.”
“Then we need to make a pact with each other not to move him,” I say. “There’s no reason we have to. If you’re willing to let me hire outside help and fix up the house, then we can keep him in his home. It takes money to do that and luckily, I have plenty.”
“You’re a good brother, Levi,” he says. “I’m stubborn and have too much pride. For no good reason really. Pride is a curse sometimes. I watched Dad care for Mama when she was sick with cancer. He didn’t bring in outside help and did it all himself without complaining, along with taking care of the farm. I was deep in my own shit at the time with Sheila leaving and a little baby to take care of. I always thought that if Dad could do it, then I should be man enough to do it too. It wasn’t until you came home that I realized I’m hurting everyone by not accepting help. Your coming home has opened my eyes to the reality of the situation.”
“I know it’s hard for you to accept help,” I say. “It’s time to think about Lily and even yourself. You deserve happiness too, Cole.”
He glances over at me. �
��And you’ve got to think about yourself too, Levi.” He signals left and turns down the narrow road leading to the airstrip. “I’ve been an ass, and I’m sorry for that. You never wanted to work on the farm. We all knew it. You made that decision long before Mom or Dad got sick. I know you’re only trying to live the life you’re meant to live. And as it turned out, your career will give Dad a chance to spend his last days at home, surrounded by family and everything he loves. That says a lot right there. It’s the way things were meant to be, I guess.”
“That means more to me than you know,” I say.
“Just don’t get so busy and caught up in life that you forget the people here. We’ll all miss you. Lily adores you and Dad is happier with you around. I’m even learning to like hearing you sing in the shower every morning again. Not to mention Annie. I don’t know how she’s going to handle you being gone.”
“I won’t forget about everyone,” I say. “We’ll talk every day. Maybe once we get a caregiver settled in at the farm, you and Lily could come to a show sometime. I’ll fly you out wherever I am. I’ll miss you all.”
Cole nods at me. “I’d like that. I’ve always been proud of you even if I never said it. Mom and Dad were too. She kept a scrapbook of clippings from every newspaper and magazine article about you. No matter how big or small. Dad would tell everyone he saw in town that his son was Levi Hamby, the country music singer.”
“I didn’t know they felt that way,” I say.
“Country men don’t always show their feelings,” he says. “They’re tough, hard on the outside. It’s not manly to show emotion. Dad is proud of you. You’re a good son and brother.”
“Damn, Cole,” I say, almost choking up. “It’s hard enough leaving as it is. You’re killing me here.”
“No, you go on to Nashville and don’t look back,” he says. “I just wanted you to know it’s okay. We’re all good here and we’ll be fine. You’ve got a job to do. Now that Dad’s depending on the money for his care, you don’t have a choice.”