Bake Me Crazy

by Skylar Dawn

  "Thank you Emma!" Noah shouted from the counter as I closed the door of his apartment.

  "You're welcome," I smiled. "If the demon resurrects, you know where to find me."

  #

  I left the pool session late this morning. It was my fault for gossiping with the girls longer than I should have, and to top that, my hair delayed me even more because it was extremely difficult to tame. I was going to be late and Lou would freak out, since the last few days at the Caffé were super busy. I locked the front door and I was about to cross the hallway and go down the stairs when I smelled something burning coming from Noah's apartment. I took three steps and I was going to ring the doorbell, but he opened the door at once and put a bucket of flames and black smoke on the floor outside.

  "Watch out! I'm coming through!"

  He put the bucket on the ground and stepped inside it, trying to put out the fire. The flare ended up spreading even more and the smoke was so strong that it clogged my nose and made my throat itch.

  "What on earth are you doing?" I shouted. "You're going to burn down the whole building!"

  As soon as I closed my mouth, all the sprinklers in the hallway spilled water everywhere. I turned around and jammed myself with the keys to enter the apartment, unable to fit the right key into the lock and dropped the whole keyring on the floor. It was exactly what I needed, a shower when I was already very late. The amount of water was so great that the flames of the bucket ceased within seconds. The floor was all wet, looking like a pool, more slippery than okra and I realized it was a bad day to wear high heels when I fell on my butt on the floor.

  "I was trying to put out the fire!" Noah apologized and stretched out both hands, pulling me up. He was as soaked as I was.

  "What the hell were you burning in the first place? A bucket doesn't catch fire on its own!"

  Noah took a deep breath and his face blushed.

  "The spider."

  "Spider? What spider?" I shouted.

  "The one you killed." He looked at the floor, embarrassed.

  My blood boiled.

  "That was three weeks ago! Why didn't you throw it away?"

  "I told you I wasn't going to touch that thing!"

  "Turn off those sprinklers! I'm already late and now I have to change!"

  He walked dragging his feet and making ripples in the downpour, trying not to slip on a half-robotic walk. The electronic valve was at the other end of the hall, next to the stairs. Noah opened the blue box and spun the dial, but the sprinklers made a weird peep and gushed even more water.

  "Turn it off!" I whined.

  "I. Am. Trying!" He spun like a maniac and the water was flowing like rain. Until the whole thing popped and finally stopped.

  I took a deep breath.

  "What the hell was that?"

  Noah slid to the door of his apartment, his hair covering part of his face and the blue T-shirt he was wearing was completely glued to his body.

  "Sorry. I read on the Internet that you have to burn the eggs. "

  “What? What eggs?”

  "Of the spider. To keep them from being born." He whispered.

  "Noah Cook I swear I'm going to kill you!" I clenched my fists and stared at the beige ceiling, the sprinklers still dropping water on us.

  "It was an accident," he mumbled. "I had to get rid of it, it smelled."

  "Your wits will smell when I get you!"

  Noah pressed his lips in a line, but his cheeks were filled with air and he burst out into the biggest laughter I have ever seen. I went for him and hit his arm.

  "Ouch," he laughed and tried to escape. "Stop it."

  "It's not funny." I hit him until we reached my doorstep.

  "Of course it is. You look like a nervous wet kitty."

  "And whose fault is that?" I shouted.

  Noah held my hands and smiled. His eyes locked on mine.

  "It's my fault. I'm sorry."

  He was so sincere that it made me lose my breath for a second.

  "Fine. I forgive you." I sighed.

  "I have an idea," he took my keys from the floor and stretched it out to me. "You go change and I'll drop you off at your job. How about that? "

  It was a fair apology.

  "Okay."

  I turned the doorknob and my shoes creaked from the living room to my bedroom. I wasn’t going to have time for dressing up after all this mess, so I slipped on the first jeans I could find and took one of the blouses that was still in my suitcase, as incredible as it may seem. My hair, at this point was going to be untamed, but with Noah's ride my delay wouldn't be so big and maybe the fight at the Caffé would be more restrained.

  Noah was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and motioned to his car. An old black Chevrolet, but it certainly had many more miles to run. It was well maintained. He left the passenger door open and ran to the driver's side, already turning the key and making the engine rumble. The radio was on, playing something from AC / DC.

  "Do you like classic rock?" I asked as I closed the door and fastened my belt.

  "I always liked it, got it from my mother. Sundays in the kitchen." He hit the gas pedal. "So? Where are we going?"

  I gave him Lou's address and he nodded when I asked if he knew where it was.

  "What do you do there?" He tilted his neck in curiosity.

  "I help Lou when there's a lot of movement, but my job is to keep the place busy."

  He looked at me from the corner of his eyes, without taking his hands off the wheel and smirked.

  "That sounds hard."

  "Not so much," I smiled. "I have to use guerrilla tactics on social media."

  "Got it. I don't know anything about social media."

  “You have to be patient. What about you? What do you do?”

  "I work in the kitchen of that new hotel that opened at the end of the Strip."

  "Now it makes sense!" I concluded.

  Noah looked at me with curious eyes and flashed me a corner-of-mouth smile.

  "What do you mean?"

  I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath, feigning impatience.

  "That's why those cookies were so good."

  He smiled, eyes narrowed, and again the dimples reappeared. It matched his blue eyes.

  "I’m glad you liked it."

  #

  "Don't you want to come inside for a cup of coffee? I didn't eat anything after the pool. " I asked before I opened the passenger door.

  Noah looked at his watch.

  "I spent the morning burning down the house." He stopped the car in the parking lot, right at the front door of Lou's Caffè. "I'm starving."

  "And of course," I put my feet outside the car and I peeked through the windows, "If you come in with me, Lou isn't going to flip out."

  He laughed and saluted.

  "Got it."

  We crossed the door and luckily it wasn't crowded yet, it only had two busy tables. One with a couple examining a huge map and the other with a group that was visibly hungover. Both the two girls and the three boys were holding their temples like they wanted to squeeze their heads until it disappeared, and nobody said anything.

  I directed Noah to a table near the glass windows, and went behind the counter to apologize to Lou for being late.

  "I forgive you, if you take care of the couple holding that freaking map. If I answer another question about casinos and itineraries, I'm going to flip out. And let me warn you beforehand that your detox juice is extremely special today."

  I frowned.

  "Can't you just take it easy today? My morning wasn't exactly a piece of cake."

  Lou passed behind me and went towards the cashier, closing the tab of the silent group.

  "I doubt it." He looked in Noah's direction and flashed me an ironic smirk. "A day starting with that one is far from bad. Can I go get his order?"

  "Of course you can," I rolled my eyes. "It's not what you're thinking."

  Lou made a duckface and shook his head as if he had unders
tood everything.

  "We'll see. Drink your juice."

  I opened the fridge to get my detox killing juice of the day, it was a thick thing that was either yellow or orange. I took a sip expecting the worst and in fact Lou was right, it was the worst of all so far. The thing was salty and tasted like chickpeas and pineapple peel. That was going to leave me with wrinkles for the rest of the week, I was sure. Lou came back wearing a naughty little smile and prepared a tray full of croissants, two slices of cake, a cappuccino and a latte. When I thought he was going back to Noah's table, he handed me the tray instead.

  "Eat. And take care of your neighbor, let me handle things," he whispered. "And make sure you don't embarrass me with croissant on your chin. Or worse... "

  I laughed.

  "Jam." I finished his sentence.

  I crossed the cafe, carrying the tray so casually that even Lou frowned in disbelief. I was clumsy to carry whatever was handed to me. Let alone that had the potential to spill all over the place and make a gigantic catastrophe. I attracted disasters from miles away.

  "I don't know what's yours," I put the tray in front of Noah, "but I'm going to guess it’s the coffee and half the rest."

  I sat on a chair in front of him and took a sip of my latte.

  "Actually, the two cakes are for me. Lou said you're always on a diet." He laughed.

  "Who doesn't?!" I rested my chin on the back of my hands.

  "Me." He took a huge bite of his cake, teasing me.

  I took a bite of the croissant, enraged. First he gets me soaked. Then late. Messes up with my hair and still has the guts to tease me. A real outrage. He looked at me and giggled.

  "Hey, what's up with the ugly face. I'm kidding, you know?!"

  "You are defying danger today," I smirked. "You don't know what happens to people who has to drink Lou's detox juice every morning. They go crazy."

  He raised an eyebrow, curious.

  "That yellow goo you were drinking was a juice?"

  I nodded.

  "Especially designed to increase my metabolism."

  "Women and their crazy diets." Noah ran his hand through his hair and shook his head.

  "It's the price to pay," I sighed.

  "Because you want to," he bit a croissant and a little drop of jam got stuck to his chin. "You don't have to."

  I grabbed a napkin and gave it to him.

  "You've got jam on your chin."

  He ran the napkin on the other side. I smiled and crossed my arms.

  "What? Is it out?"

  "No," I asked for his napkin back and carefully wiped his chin. "Now we're talking."

  "Thank you." His cheeks grew scarlet just like the strawberry jam I cleaned.

  I focused back on my croissant, but I stopped eating after the first one. The last thing I wanted was to spend more time melting these calories and I would hate if my next detox juice actually had the potential to poison me for real. I pushed the tray to Noah, after all, the one thing he didn't need was a diet.

  “Help yourself. I want to survive my next detox juice.”

  Noah wiped his mouth and drank a good sip of coffee.

  "I have an idea. I'll cook dinner tonight. This way I can apologize and you can eat without worrying about your longevity. How does that sound?"

  “Deal,” I smiled.

  "But now I have to go, I'm getting late." He stood up, opened his wallet and left cash on the table. Then he walked towards the door and waved to Lou.

  It took twenty seconds for Lou to sit exactly where Noah was.

  "You're smiling."

  I frowned and shook my head. Why would I be?

  "Of course I'm not."

  "What a stubborn woman," he crossed his arms, irritated. "I can see it. You're number one when it comes to frowning and yet I'm seeing sparks in those eyes and a smirk that doesn't seem to be leaving your mouth anytime soon."

  “You’re seeing way too much,” I dragged my chair to its proper place and took the tray back to the counter. "What? Have you been drinking the same juice as me? You're delusional."

  "I see things girl, and you're keeping an eye on this neighbor. I can't criticize you, he's quite handsome."

  Lou hopped after me, just like those poodles that keep barking on your foot until you turn around and pay attention to them.

  "You're noticing too much. I barely know him, and I never even noticed him with those eyes."

  He let out a sigh right behind my ear and poked my waist.

  "Maybe, but there's something going on. And that one's a brioche."

  I looked at Lou with the most confusing expression I could conjure up and then he completed it.

  "Classy, smooth and with the potential to be buttery."

  I burst into laughter.

  "Where do you get these things from? Buttery? I've never heard this one before. "

  "Yes," he chuckled. "Kind of sexy, kind of wet."

  "That doesn't make any sense, but I'll write it down." My belly twitched from laughing so hard. "And wet he was this morning when he flooded the hallway of our building."

  “Sounds delicious.”

  Lou was so funny that I decided to tell him my whole saga that morning. I skipped the dinner party that was coming up later, because the last thing I needed was Lou bothering me with all this talk about keeping an eye on my neighbor. I wasn't looking at anything! Being new to the city, what I needed was friends, and Noah was becoming one, even in that crazy clumsy way. Besides, I believe the world would be a much better place if everyone had a friend who was an expert at making cookies.

  I focused on my chores, and the rest of the day was so hectic and it went by so fast, that when Lou turned the sign to closed door, I sat down trying to catch my breath. I was exhausted, but the sun was still up, so I made a mental note to stop by the supermarket and buy something to drink for dinner. It couldn't be wine, after all I didn't want to send the wrong message to Noah, not that he was even paying attention to me like that, but better safe than sorry, right?! That's crazy! I knew this whole talk with Lou was going to put crazy ideas in my mind, it was pure nonsense, he was my neighbor and that was all.

  I bought some beers and came home thinking about the theme of my next vlog. That's right, Emma, I encouraged myself. Stop thinking about such nonsense.

  #

  When I got home I found Noah leaving his apartment trying to balance three huge bowls. I ran to help him before he caused another incident on the same day. I grabbed one of the bowls and he adjusted the weight of the other ones, carrying one on each arm.

  "It's dinner," he winked. "I'll use the pool grill."

  I lifted the bag from the supermarket and the bottles clinked.

  "I bought some beers. You drink, right?"

  His face lit up in a wide smile, showing all those perfect teeth.

  "Thursday is almost Friday, so, sure."

  "I like the way you think," I smiled. "I'll get us an ice bucket and meet you there. I'll take this bowl with me."

  He took a run for the stairs and gave me a good-humored look.

  "Don’t be late."

  I went home quickly, decided not to keep Noah waiting for too long. I wore a comfortable T-shirt and one of those knitted shorts, an attempt to get some UV rays on my legs, even though it was almost sunset. I grabbed the ice bucket from the top of the refrigerator and packed the bottles in a circle, spreading several layers of ice cubes on top. Noah's bowl was covered with a dishcloth, so I adjusted it under my arm, grabbed the beers and left the house on the same foot I entered.

  Noah was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, and he was standing right next to the grill. He wielded a huge spatula and had a yellow dishcloth hanging on his shoulder. The table was filled with condiments in custom pots, lettuce and tomatoes cut into slices, and he also had a chopping board and a chef's knife in case he needed to chop something else.

  I put the beers on the table.

  "What's in here?" I motioned to the bowl covered with the dishcloth.
<
br />   "Hamburger bread. Can you take the dishcloth off?" He shook his head. "They need to air."

  I took the dishcloth off the bowl and the smell of fresh bread dominated the area, making my stomach roar so loud that I'm sure someone heard it from the other side of the ocean.

  "Are you that hungry?" Noah chuckled and I blushed, my cheeks on fire.

  "The day was so busy that I didn't have time to eat my lunch." I apologized, arranging a stubborn hair strand behind my ear.

  "That's great, because I'm going to cook a lot for us to try."

  Noah gestured to the loaves and giggled.

  "But if you can't wait, chew on a smaller bun."

  I liked the idea and picked the smallest one, dividing it into two parts. It was very soft and I felt it warm in my fingers. The bread was fluffy and slightly moist. I took a bite and it melted in my mouth, absolutely delicious.

  "What wonderful bread is this?" I gestured with the bread in Noah's direction and he took it from my hand, taking a bite.

  "It's okay," he concluded. "It's a brioche. I finished baking before you got here. "

  I burst into laughter. If I told Lou I was eating Noah's brioche, he would be a pain in the ass until my next incarnation. Noah stood there looking at me and scratched his head, curious.

  "Did I say something?"

  I finished swallowing the bread and I shook my hand denying it.

  "I'm sorry," I smiled. "I remembered something that Lou said, it's silly and I won't know how to explain it."

  Noah narrowed his eyes and twisted his mouth.

  "Sounds funny."

  I felt guilty, I didn't want him to think I was laughing at him, although to a certain degree I was. But I wasn't mocking or anything, I found the coincidence very funny. I thought it best to divert the subject.

  "What are you doing?" I walked to the grill and stopped by his side.

  He smiled, which was an indicator that the tense moment had passed. He pointed the spatula towards the grill.

  "This first one here is a smoked hamburger. Topped with sautéed peppers, caramelized onions and sealed with smoked provolone cheese sauce." He said satisfied.