Bake Me Crazy

Home > Other > Bake Me Crazy > Page 7
Bake Me Crazy Page 7

by Skylar Dawn


  Mrs. Dunn dropped her elbows on the table and leaned toward me.

  "And don't you think it's time to have one?"

  I opened my eyes and shook my head more than usual.

  "No way."

  "This guy, Noah, has a lot of potential."

  I smirked.

  "My friend Lou keeps saying that to me over an over."

  "He has good taste then."

  I rested my chin on my hand and stared at Mrs. Dunn.

  "And what's the problem with him being my friend?"

  She frowned.

  "None, but you may be missing out on an interesting opportunity."

  "But didn't you said a girl comes to stay with him sometimes?"

  Mrs. Dunn smiled and placed her hand on my arm.

  "But you're right by his side."

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  "So?"

  "What is close to the eyes ends up closer to the heart."

  Mrs. Davis chuckled on the other side.

  "Amelia, always romantic. My saying is quite different."

  Mrs. Wilson laughed and nudged her friend.

  "Nobody wants to know about your sayings Alma." She added more cheesecake on Mrs. Davis's plate. "Eat to scare away your evil thoughts."

  "Then it’s two times tastier," she burst out laughing.

  CHAPTER six

  Ready, Set, Pole

  My late Monday afternoon began with the biggest crisis of the century.

  "My piggy is gone, it wasn't on its house," tears ran down my face. "I won't be able to enroll in that course and the deadline is tomorrow."

  Mrs. Dunn stroked my hair and hugged me. "Oh dear, I'm sorry." That's when I cried for real, and it wasn't that beautiful movie cry, it was the ugly one with stuffy nose and all. I had been sweating so much on my workout and suffered a lot dieting to be able to have acceptable measures for the damn gym and I was going to be eliminated because of my piggy.

  It was the closest I had come to becoming an exotic dancer and it was all going downhill. My whole purpose of coming to Vegas and all the chances of teaching Brett a lesson were getting farther and farther away.

  When Lou rang my doorbell I was in a deplorable state.

  "Calm down girl, we'll find your piggy."

  I was having a full blown crisis.

  "What is going on? Noah asked from the door. "Emma, are you okay? Did something happen?"

  I sobbed so hard I couldn't answer.

  "A tragedy," Lou replied, "her piggy disappeared."

  "It wasn't in his house," Mrs. Dunn added, "and now she won't be able to enroll," she shook her head in dismay.

  "Where have you seen your piggy for the last time?" Noah's expression was one of a man with a plan.

  "At the Chinese restaurant down the street," I sobbed.

  "Where else did you take the your piggy today, dear?" Mrs. Dunn asked as if she had understood everything.

  "To the Caffé and to the supermarket."

  "Mrs. Dunn, can you keep her company?" Noah turned to Lou, "you go to the Chinese and to the Caffé. They are nearby. I'm going to the supermarket."

  "Deal," Lou clapped his hands, excited.

  "What color is your piggy?"

  "Black," I sniffed.

  "I know what it’s like," Lou was pushed Noah out the door, "I'll tell you on the way."

  Mrs. Dunn made tea for us and sat next to me on the living room couch. "They'll find piggy," she smiled, "Trust me, dear."

  "I hope so," I said, "I wanted to take lessons."

  "Not to be nosy," she put her hand on mine, "what are those lessons about?"

  I didn't believe I was going to answer that question for a lady over eighty years old, but I needed to vent, so I took a deep breath .

  "It's a gym for strip and pole dancing."

  Mrs. Dunn laughed and threw her hands in the air.

  "Why didn't you say so?!"

  I didn't understand a thing.

  "Dear," she went on, "I may no longer have the same strength of my youth, but I can teach," she smiled.

  My jaw dropped to the floor.

  "You were an exotic dancer?"

  "No," she squeezed her lips in a tight smile, "I was the best exotic dancer that this town had ever seen," she laughed.

  I opened my eyes surprised at the revelation. Now it became clear why Mrs. Dunn was so flexible.

  "Oh wow! Can you teach me? "

  "Sure, dear!" She shook my shoulders with excitement, "but I'm telling you I'm pretty strict."

  I gave Mrs. Dunn the biggest hug.

  "Thank you so much! I can't thank you enough. What can I do for you? You can ask anything!"

  "Oh don't be silly," she exclaimed. "Now if you save me a slice of Noah's cheesecake every once in a while, we're even."

  "Deal!" I was going to force Noah into making a truck loaded with cheesecakes, such relief I felt.

  Lou was the first to come back, about forty minutes later.

  "No sign of your piggy," he sighed in dismay, "but you look cheerful. Did Noah find him?"

  "I don't know," I replied, "but Mrs. Dunn is going to give me lessons," I said excited. "Did you know she was the best dancer in this town?"

  Lou's eyes widened.

  "Wait a minute, you're Amelia Dunn, aren't you?!" His voice went up three octaves.

  "In flesh, bone and sagging skin!" She was proud.

  “Oh my Saint Sauvignon!” He took his hand to his mouth in amazement, "Emma, this woman is my diva! People tell stories about her to this day!"

  Mrs. Dunn gave us a crooked smile.

  "I can assure you they are all true."

  "Even the one with an emerald in your corset?" He asked, his mouth hanging open.

  "Yes, Yes. But it wasn't an emerald," she leaned closer to Lou, "it was a red diamond."

  The rest of the afternoon was super fun with Mrs. Dunn's stories. I had even forgotten the whole situation with my piggy. Only Noah was taking too long. When Lou called him and told him the search had been fruitless it was getting dark, and it was night when he knocked on my door.

  "I couldn't find your piggy," he said upset, "but I brought you something."

  He handed me a wicker basket.

  "What is it?" It piqued my curiosity and I put the basket on the floor to peek inside.

  "Open," Noah smiled and knelt in front of me.

  I lifted the lid an inch and peered inside.

  "A little pink pig?" I held up the pet on my lap.

  "It's not the same thing, I know yours is black," he said in a soft tone, "but it was the only one I could find that small and with a deviated septum."

  Me, Mrs. Dunn and Lou burst into laughter. The little piggy grunted, he actually had a deviated septum. I laughed even harder, until my stomach ached. Poor Noah looked confused, it would be better to explain what my piggy actually was.

  “My bad,” Lou laughed and wiped a tear on the corner of his eye, "I assumed you knew this detail."

  Noah was embarrassed, his cheeks scarlet.

  "I can take it home, or return it to the pet shop," he looked down.

  I lifted his jaw and kissed his cheek.

  "It's beautiful, thank you!" I hugged the pig tight. "I'll keep him. Do you want to choose his name?"

  His face lit up and he thought for a few seconds.

  "How about Ham Solo? With an M."

  I tilted my neck and smiled. It was definitely appropriate.

  "I loved it," I rubbed the tip of my nose on the piggy's snout. "Welcome home, Ham Solo."

  #

  Mrs. Dunn took me to an empty room on the other side of the condo. It was a very large space, illuminated with huge glazed windows that gave to another area of the inner courtyard.

  "I want to turn this into a gym." Mrs. Dunn walked to the center of the room. "First I want to fix the exterior, but for now there's no rush, since my tenants aren't exactly young little sprouts."

  I looked at her with eyes full of curiosity.

  "Thi
s space is also yours?"

  Mrs. Dunn gave me a proud look.

  "The whole condo dear. I bought it piece by piece over the years."

  I whistled.

  "Wow, this place is huge."

  "Not so much, it's only twenty-two apartments, and four more rooms like this. I am fortunate that most tenants are easy to deal with, but the maintenance fee is very high."

  She told me all the plans she had for the place. The ideas of party halls, game halls. It was almost like a well-crafted resort. She also told me that it wasn't easy to acquire all the apartments, and that she bought the first one when she was my age, because she knew the career she had chosen was not long-term.

  "But you're still famous today," I argued.

  "Oh dear, fame doesn't pay the bills."

  It was true. My vlog, which was still growing, wasn't that profitable, although there were lots of people watching. She interrupted my daydream by extending two gym mattresses in the middle of the room.

  "Let's focus on your workout because you have an empire to build."

  I laughed.

  "I don't think I'm going to build a real estate empire."

  Mrs. Dunn glanced at me and giggled.

  "I was referring to your ass, it's slightly withered."

  I agreed. If I was going to compare it to hers, mine was embarrassing.

  "Can we fix it?"

  "Sure," she threw her head back in a loose laugh, "everything transforms with time."

  "Or deteriorates for good."

  Mrs. Dunn shook her head, giggling and took her place on the mattress, encouraging me to do the same.

  "Let's start with a stretch. Wake up those muscles."

  "You're not going to do those crazy poses, are you?" I threw her a look of concern. "I don't have structure to make a dog lying down, flying cow or one-legged Chihuahua."

  "Not yet," she laughed. "But tomorrow night we'll be able to try some new things. Today I only want to see your flexibility."

  I took a deep breath. All those years without exercise left me completely without flexibility. Who was I kidding? I needed scrubbing to rub my back, I hadn't touched my toes since preschool, and my idea of stretching was to throw the couch cushions on the floor and lie on them. But still, I tried to imitate her, throwing both arms over my stretched legs, feeding the sweet illusion of trying to reach my feet.

  "I don’t think I can reach my toes." My fingers barely reached my shins while she had her forehead leaning against her knees.

  "Try to take a deep breath and release the air, bending over."

  Okay, it helped. I managed to stretch the tip of my finger half an inch.

  "It's getting better," she encouraged me.

  Around the eighth exercise I was feeling muscles that I didn't even know existed and still hadn't made any movement to claim I was using them with effort. When she switched to a "light" sit-up session, my whole body was disobeying my brain, shaking more than an old washing machine. Mrs. Dunn was fine, she didn't even have a drop of sweat, but I was disheveled, panting and moaning every time a new muscle started to tremble. When she called it quits for today I had to crawl about ten feet to get up.

  "Next week you won't even feel it."

  "Am I going to die?"

  "You never know," she laughed. We walked to the nearest staircase from my apartment. "Just so you know, if you decide to die, it's a very slow death."

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  "I'm not in a hurry."

  I said goodbye to Mrs. Dunn by thanking her for today's session. I was glad I didn't have to spend all that money on a fancy gym and since I didn't find my piggy, I had to call and cancel the old one. It would be just Ham from now on. The problem is that without access to anything, my budget to food was limited to the fifteen dollars I had on my wallet until the bank issued me a new card. I was going to live on tomatoes and fried onions for about four days, but at least I was lucky enough to have Noah's cheesecake in the fridge.

  I climbed the stairs hanging over the banister, trying to balance my weight between legs and arms, but I ended up climbing a couple steps and sitting down to rest.

  "What are you doing sitting there?" Noah showed up at the foot of the stairs, coming home from work.

  "Enjoying the view."

  Noah looked around confused.

  "What view, you're facing the wall."

  "It's a very inspiring wall."

  He laughed and climbed the steps to where I was.

  "Have you been drinking?"

  "I wish," I sighed. "I'll use that tactic on the next workout session with Mrs. Dunn."

  Noah shook his head, laughing.

  "Gotcha. Come on." He bent over and wrapped my arm around his neck. "I'll help you."

  My arms were aching as much as my legs, so I was reluctant.

  "No, leave me here. It's so comfortable."

  Noah gave me a crooked smile and got me up so fast that I didn't have time to protest.

  "I'll carry you," he said, climbing the stairs. "Hold on tight."

  When we reached the hallway I wanted him to put me down, but he didn't let me go until we got to the door of my apartment.

  "You’re home." He flashed me a bright smile.

  "Thanks."

  "I wasn't going to leave you there," he narrowed his eyes. "You were blocking the way."

  I patted him on the shoulder.

  "Ha-ha, very funny."

  Noah took two steps towards his apartment and turned to face me.

  "I'm going to order Chinese food. Do you want some?"

  I took a deep breath and ended up denying it. I was going to eat whatever was in the fridge anyway.

  "No, I'm going to stick to my diet."

  Noah rolled his eyes.

  "Come on, I'll pay."

  "Since you insist," I looked at him with a mischievous smile. "I'm in. I'll take a shower and go to your place."

  "Be quick."

  #

  With Ham under my arm, I knocked on Noah's door and just for a change he said it was open and told me to come in.

  "What's your problem with locks?"

  He laughed. He was sprawled out on the couch, one leg up and one on the floor, shirtless, wearing old shorts.

  "No one's coming in."

  "What if it was the delivery guy from the restaurant?" I released Ham and sat in the armchair next to him. The little piggy ran off to Noah's feet and snuggled up there.

  Noah shook his shoulders.

  "He could come in too. In fact, I thought it was the delivery guy, not you."

  I looked at him with curious eyes.

  "Why?"

  "You were too quick, are you sure you took a bath?" He narrowed his, teasing me.

  "Of course, do you want to smell it?"

  I didn't count on him to take a huge leap from the couch and jump on me in the armchair.

  "I do!"

  Noah was sniffing me like Ham did, and I couldn't control the ticklish feeling or my laughter.

  "Stop it," I laughed."It was a rhetorical question!"

  "Let me finish inspection."

  He stuck his nose on the other side of my neck and started all over again.

  "Stop Noah!"

  Noah then decided that his inspection was over and sat back on the couch.

  "Yes, for now it smells like soap. But it can always be one of those perfumes that smells like bathing salts."

  The doorbell interrupted my answer and he ran to the door to get the food. The aroma was wonderful. There's nothing better than soy sauce to stir up the worms that lived in my stomach. I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket and I took it out to see who was texting me at this hour.

  I couldn't believe what I read on my screen.

  Muppet, where are you? I miss you.

  And then it buzzed again.

  Are you home? Do you want to go out somewhere? I’ll pick you up.

  Brett had no idea I was too far for him to come and annoy me. Not satisfied, the jerk still c
alled, and I dropped the cell phone on the coffee table as if it were a hot potato. I was staring at the device, waiting for him to stop buzzing, completely catatonic. I didn't even notice when Noah sat back on the couch with the whole Chinese restaurant in his hands.

  "Are you all right?" he noticed my nervousness.

  I shook my head away from my thoughts and took one of the boxes he brought.

  "Yes, it is. Some people can't avoid calling at inconvenient times."

  Noah wrinkled his forehead.

  "But it's 8 P.M.. "

  "It doesn't matter, there are people who are inopportune and should never call. "

  Noah smiled.

  "Like telemarketing?"

  "Worse," I returned the smile.

  "Whenever you need to talk, I'm always here."

  I nodded.

  "I know, but in that case it's a waste of time. Let's eat, that's far more productive."

  He leaned back and stuffed the chopsticks into his box. Ham snuggled back to his feet.

  "I’m starving today."

  "Hard day?"

  He stared at the ceiling for a moment.

  "Not so much, but quite busy. Wedding days are complicated, we have a lot more to do."

  "I love wedding treats."

  Noah smiled.

  "Emma, you love sweets and that's it. You don't need to have a celebration involved."

  "Your premise is correct. But I don't disregard snacks either. Or Chinese food."

  "Uh-Oh," he laughed with his mouth full. "I knew I should have ordered a lot more than this."

  "Are you crazy?" I burst into laughter. "You can feed me all week with this!"

  Noah turned on the TV and began to zap the channels looking for something to watch. He stopped on an old action movie with Bruce Willis. I stared at him for a second. Why was he always home? I'd never seen him go out, see a friend, girlfriend, no one. He was always cooking something, watching some old movie on TV or chatting with me.

  "What is it?" he asked when he realized I was looking at him.

  "You never go out?"

  He gave me a confused look.

  "Don't I go out every day for work?"

  "That's not what I meant," I dipped my chopsticks into the Chinese noodles. "With your friends, or girlfriend, or whatever. Someone."

  He frowned.

 

‹ Prev