by S. J. Bishop
"My family's out here. My dad was in a really bad accident a few months ago, and it sort of made me reevaluate my priorities, you know?"
"Is he okay?"
"He is now, but for a while, it was touch and go." We finished our food and checked the time. We still had a few minutes left before we had to head back.
"Do you miss Colorado?" Emily asked.
"Sometimes. But I never had anyone really special there, so it wasn't too hard leaving it behind."
"No boyfriend?"
I hesitated. A flash of Jax ran through my mind, and I pushed it away, just like I always did. "No. At least no one serious. How about you?" I asked, trying to change the subject.
She shook her head, her cheeks coloring. "Not anymore. There was one guy... I thought he might be the one, but..." I lifted my eyebrows, waiting for her to finish. "I guess he just didn't feel the same way."
"It gets easier."
She lifted her eyes. "I thought you didn't leave anyone behind?"
I hesitated. It was never easy talking about Jax. "I didn't. There was a guy... once upon a time. We were high school sweethearts. It was silly to think it would last."
"What happened?"
I shrugged. "He was a year older. He left for college. I texted, emailed, called… all that sort of stuff, you know? It seemed fine at first. We talked almost every day." I took a sip of my coffee, remembering too easily how things had all gone wrong. "Then... it just stopped. Gradually at first. Almost so slowly that I didn't even notice. One day, I realized it had been three weeks since I'd last heard from him. That was it. No goodbyes. No explanations. It all just stopped."
Emily reached out and patted my hand. "Love sucks."
"It sure does."
"I'm seeing someone new," she said suddenly, blushing furiously. "He's a cop. It's still new, just a few months, but... I don't know. We'll see."
I giggled, the dirty girl in me surfacing. "You could probably have a lot of fun with two sets of handcuffs."
Emily's cheeks turned a deeper red, and she pinched my arm. "That's so wrong. Besides... I've tried. He's not into it." We both burst into giggles as we pushed our chairs back and made our way to the exit. It felt good to laugh.
"Hey, my sister and I are going out to Jon and Buddy's later. Wanna come?"
"Jon and Buddy's?"
"It's like Dave and Busters but without the alcohol. Perfect for cops, minors, and drunks."
"I don't want to be a third wheel."
"Oh, please. It's just my sister. She'll love you. Besides, you're the first friend I've made in New York."
Emily smiled, "Okay. Thanks."
Back at the station, we went our separate ways after exchanging numbers. I promised to text her later with the time we were meeting. Anderson came walking up beside her. I thought he was gonna yell at her for going to lunch with me like she was some sort of traitor, but he leaned close to her and whispered something in her ear and she smiled.
Another detective whose name I couldn't remember was standing near the water cooler talking to an officer. They were watching Emily and Anderson. "I guess I can't blame Keith; Emily's hot. But what the hell does she see in him?" the detective asked.
"Beats me. Maybe she's got a thing for cops."
"Maybe she's hoping he can help her make detective."
"By sucking his dick?"
The detective finally seemed to notice me and quickly moved away, looking annoyed. I was shocked to hear that Emily and Anderson were an item, especially since officers and detectives in the same department weren't supposed to date. It took me about two seconds to decide I didn't care. Emily was the only person who'd treated me decently all day. She could fuck the whole department for all I cared. A friend was a friend.
5
Jax
Penny was alternating between bouts of maniac laughter and soul-crushing sobs. Right now, she was sobbing in the entryway. I'd been here five minutes, and already it felt like five years. Her dark blonde curls were matted to her face, which was red and blotchy. She was only twenty-five, but she could have passed for forty when she was on a bender. The alcohol had a way of sucking the moisture from her skin and the light from her eyes. She was half-dressed and kept flashing her bra at me every time her robe fell open.
"I've made a mistake," she said as tears streaked over her cheeks.
I shook my head. I should have known better than to come down here alone. There was too much history. I had bought this house just before meeting Penny. It was here that I'd courted her, proposed, and regretted my decisions ever since. If I'd had any sense at all, I would have listened when my friends had tried to warn me about her. At times, I wondered if I'd ever really loved her. Cared about her... yes, but love? I thought there was only one woman I had ever really loved. And it was because I'd loved Treena that I'd cut her out from my life so long ago. How could I let her see the mess I'd become after going off to college?
"I'm sorry," Penny cried, trying to wrap her arms around my neck and kiss me. I pushed her away, and she glared at me. She grabbed her drink off the table and gulped down half of whatever was still in it.
"It's too late, Penny. You've made your decision. The divorce is final. I'm just here for my stuff."
She swung her arm in a wild arc through the air. "Not that!" she cried, laughing again. "I don't care about that."
"Then what are you sorry for?" I asked. Her dried-out, pink lips curved up into a smile. "I have a secret."
"A secret?"
"Yep. Do you want to know?"
"No."
She giggled. "Ask and you shall receive." She shoved her glass into my hand. I sniffed it, inhaling the smell of straight vodka like it was the scent of an old lover, then set it aside.
I hated it when she played games like this. If she had some big secret she wanted to tell me, then I wished she'd just tell me. Instead, she wanted me to drag it out of her. I opened my mouth and immediately shut it. This was all a set-up. A way for her to reel me back in.
"Penny, I'm getting my stuff and going." I paused as a whiff of her vodka-laced breath filled my nostrils and realized that I had to get out of here now before I did something stupid. "Actually, forget it. I'll just take my Player of the Year trophy and get the rest later."
"I'll throw it all out!" she shouted, angered by my rejection.
"Fine. Do whatever you want with it." I thought Caden would be proud of me for getting my priorities straight. My father too, if he were still alive. My mother had walked out on us when I was still a baby, so I had no idea what she'd think of all this, nor did I care.
"Fuck!" Penny screamed as she followed me down the hallway to my trophy room. I grabbed the one award that meant the most to me and turned to leave. She grabbed ahold of my jersey, staining my number twenty-three with fresh tears as she clung to me like a life raft.
"I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I don't know what to do." She looked up into my eyes, pleading with me for answers I couldn't give, and for a moment, I felt a rush of sympathy for her. For a moment, she was the beautiful model I'd met at a party, the one who'd drunk with me and made love to me and almost made me forget the one girl from my past I'd been trying so hard to forget for the last seven years.
"Goodbye, Penny," I said, gently pushing her off me. She grabbed a trophy off its shelf and flung it across the room as I exited with my Player of the Year award. The trophy left a dent in the drywall and fell to the floor with a crack. I didn't stop. If I didn't leave now, I'd regret it later. I called Caden from the car as I drove away from the house.
"Hey, man," he said. The familiar voice stilled my nerves, like a patient talking to their therapist. I knew I was right to leave Penny's just now, but it wasn't easy for me.
"Hey. I need to talk to you."
"You okay?"
"Not really. I just left Penny's."
He let out a low whistle. "I'm still in Boston. I'm due to catch a flight back to Manhattan tonight. I'll stop by as soon as I'm in."
&nbs
p; "Thanks. I appreciate it."
"Hey, Jax," Caden said. I could hear the care he was using when choosing his words. "You gonna be okay ‘til then?"
I shrugged and realized he couldn't see me. It was probably a good thing. "I think so."
"'Think' isn't quite good enough, man. Not if you want to stay sober. Do you?"
"Of course," I said, startled by the question. It had been almost a year since I'd touched anything, even a beer. I had no intention of breaking my streak.
"Good, then get yourself to a meeting. I'll be back by seven and meet up with you by eight."
"Yes, Commander," I said, trying to lighten the mood. Caden didn't laugh. "Fine," I told him. "I'll go to a meeting."
"Now?"
"Yes. Now."
"Good. I'll see you tonight."
6
Treena
Jon and Buddy's was jumping. A healthy mix of teens and adults saturated the place from wall to wall. The teen crowd chowed down on nachos and stuck mostly to the newer arcade games like Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero, while the adults mixed it up, eating full meals inside the restaurant portion that held a full view of the arcade, before heading off to play Pac-Man or Frogger.
"Got you!" I cried out triumphantly as I sank Clarissa's puck. The air hockey table we were at rattled as the scoreboard declared me the winner. Clarissa's mouth dropped open, and her eyes got a crazy look.
"Oh my God," she cried.
"You don't have to look so surprised," I told her. I turned to Emily, "Clarissa always thinks she's gonna win. It never happens."
"It's not that," Clarissa said. She was looking over my shoulder. "Is that who I think it is?"
Emily and I turned to see where my sister was looking. I felt the breath instantly choke in my lungs. It felt like I was being strangled.
"Oh my God," I said, echoing Clarissa, "It's Jax." I would have recognized him anywhere, even after seven years. I tried not to panic as the man I'd lost my virginity to sat in the front of the restaurant section engrossed in deep conversation with another man. "Of all the places in New York, what the hell is he doing here?"
"He's on the Jets," Emily promptly said. "He's the quarterback. He lives in New York."
"I know," I said, trying not to sound irritated. "He's... Jax is the one I mentioned earlier at lunch."
Emily's eyes widened. "The high school sweetheart?" I nodded. Her lips tightened, and her whole face turned white. "We should go," she said.
Clarissa swung her purse over her shoulder and started walking. "I second that." She and Emily were six feet away before they realized I wasn't following. Clarissa walked back over to me. She was talking, but it was like I was in a tunnel. All I could see was Jax. He was sitting at a table with a good-looking guy with bronze hair and eyes almost as blue as Jax's. My heart had stopped. I counted the seconds until it would start again, uncertain that it ever would. This was the moment I had both longed for and dreaded.
Suddenly, Jax turned in my direction. There was nowhere to hide.
"Shit," I murmured. "You're right, let's go." I spun away from him and hurried toward the door, almost sprinting. I was almost to the exit when I heard the familiar deep voice. The one I never thought I'd hear again.
"Treena."
I stopped, trying to get control of my breath. I plastered a smile on my face and turned to face Jax.
"Hi," I said, much too brightly.
"Hi," he replied. We stood staring at each other. He looked good. Real good. I licked my lips and tried not to picture his naked body. The memory of our first and only time together was still as fresh in my mind as if prom night had been one week ago instead of almost a decade.
"How are you?" he asked.
"Fine."
Clarissa and Emily stood staring. I could see Clarissa's mind whirling. She was an actress and a singer, and I'd accepted long ago that meant her emotions were always turned on and ready to express themselves. She did not approve of this meeting with Jax. Of course, she was the one who'd had to listen to me cry myself to sleep every night after he left.
"We were just leaving," Clarissa finally said, grabbing my arm and spinning me back toward the door.
"Wait," Jax said. "Please!"
I stopped and forced Clarissa to turn back around.
"Can I talk to you a minute?" Jax asked.
"No," Clarissa answered for me. I glared at her.
"You remember my younger sister, don't you? Miss Bossy, also known as Clarissa. She's only gotten worse since she became a big Broadway star," I stuck out my tongue at her to let her know that I was only half serious. "And this is my friend, Emily."
Jax's eyes shifted to Emily, and I saw something register on her face. Recognition? It was probably because Jax was an NFL superstar, but I could have sworn I saw the same recognition on his face too. Jax opened his mouth, but Emily cut him off.
"Nice to meet you," Emily said, then turned quickly to me. "I'm sorry, Treena; I have to go. I just remembered that I, uh, need to finish some paperwork before work in the morning."
"Okay," I said, worried that she was upset by Jax's intrusion into our evening.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
She ran out of there like the place was on fire. "Thanks for scaring my friend off," I spat at Jax.
"Listen," he said. His friend lingered behind him, watching us with an odd mixture of curiosity and caution. "I'm not trying to butt into your night, I just... this is Caden Scott. He's a friend of mine and... my AA sponsor." Jax motioned to his friend who stepped forward, his hand outstretched.
"Nice to meet you," Caden said. "I've heard a lot about you."
I raised one eyebrow. "You have?"
He nodded assertively and glanced at Jax, nodding his head almost imperceptibly. Jax took a deep breath. "I don't know if you know, but um, I'm in this twelve step program..."
I knew exactly what Jax was talking about. Even without following sports too closely, it had been impossible to miss. Jax's alcohol addiction had been plastered all over the internet and tabloids not long ago. Including a messy divorce to some bimbo model. I pushed the thought away before it could sink its teeth in.
"I know," was all I said.
"Well, part of the program includes apologizing to people you've hurt because of your drinking. And making right any wrongs where I can."
I nodded, not quite getting his point.
"Well, that includes you," he said. "In fact, you're the only one I haven't apologized to yet."
I couldn't hide the surprise on my face. When I knew Jax, he hardly ever touched alcohol. I wasn't sure what his drinking could possibly have to do with me. "Please," he said again. "Can we talk alone? Just for a few minutes?"
I glanced at Clarissa and saw that she was accurately reading my expression. "I guess so," I said. A range of emotions were snowballing inside me. I couldn't decide whether I was happy, sad, or too confused by this whole situation to know how I felt.
Jax said something to Caden, and I leaned into Clarissa. "It won't hurt to give him a minute. I'll call you later."
She whispered back to me. "If he breaks your heart again, I'm killing him."
I smiled reassuringly and tried to suppress my giggle. "That won't happen. He just wants to talk."
"Fine. I need my beauty sleep anyway. I have a show tomorrow night, and they're making a live video recording of it." Her eyes gleamed brightly.
"Go then. I'll be fine."
Caden and Clarissa walked out together, leaving me and Jax alone for the first time in seven years. I hoped I hadn't just made a huge mistake.
7
Jax
I couldn't stop staring at her. I kept looking away, but it was no use. Every time I glanced to the side and pretended to stare at one of the arcade games, Treena's hair would shift or her arm would scrape against the table, making it wobble. Something kept drawing my attention back to her.
I moistened my lips and tried to think of a way to keep her from leaving. I couldn't believ
e how strong a pull she still held for me all these years later. I guess you never forgot your first time.
"So, what do you think?" I finally asked her.
"You mean do I accept your apology? For cutting me out of your life without so much as a word and acting like a selfish jerk?"
"Uh, yeah..." I said, my heart flopping in my chest like a dying fish. I attempted a smile, but it fell flat.
"Sure," she said, a little too quickly. "The past is the past."
"Do you mean that?" I asked, careful not to get too excited.
"Why would I lie?" She blew out a long breath and started searching for a waiter. "Don't they have any alcohol in this place?"
"Uh, I don't think so. This place just has food and arcade games. If you want alcohol, food, and arcade games, that's Dave and Busters." She shot me a scalding look, and I knew I was blowing this.
"I'm not stupid," she snapped, pushing her chair back.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm a police officer now, remember? That means I can't stay out late listening to fake apologies from bullshit sports stars."
"Wait," I said, jumping out of my chair.
"I've already waited. I've heard what you had to say. I have work in the morning." She turned to go, and I grabbed her hand. Instant warmth spread up my arm, flushing my face and making my head feel like I was standing under a heat lamp.
"You should let go before I arrest you," she snapped. I tried to suppress a chuckle. She'd always talked about becoming a cop, but I still couldn't believe she'd gone through with it.
"I don't want you to go," I told her, still gripping her hand.
"Why not?" She was still angry, but at least she had stopped moving. I knew I had one chance to keep her here. If I blew it now, I'd never get this chance again.
"Because I haven't beaten you at skee-ball yet," I finally told her.