by Linsey Hall
“This way.” She pulled me toward a table in the corner of the room against the wall. It was fairly normal looking, and I had a feeling it was here even when the room wasn’t decorated and ensorcelled for the party. A bust of a regal woman sat on top of it, her patrician features staring in disapproval at the crowd.
“Who is that?” I asked.
“Hecate, one of their premier goddesses. I think they worship her or something.” Mac pulled a vial of potion from her pocket and dumped it on Hecate’s head.
The statue glowed briefly, then returned to normal.
“What was that for?” I asked.
“Every time I gate-crash a party, I play a prank on them. Then they play one back on me.”
“What will happen?”
“When I say the magic words, Hecate here will start screeching, and she won’t quit until they turn her off.” She grinned widely. “It’s fun for me, but it’s also insurance.”
“What kind?”
“The only way to shut her up is to get the password from me. If we get into a pickle breaking into your morgue, I say the magic words, and Hecate starts howling. When the witches call me, I’ll demand their help in exchange for the password.”
“Oh, genius.” I held up my hand for a high five, and she smacked it.
“Come on,” she said, “let’s go find them.”
9
Carrow
We bounced our way through the moon room and entered a tiki-themed space. A massive pool sat in the middle, and palm trees grew around the glittering blue water. There were half a dozen people in the pool, all standing around a floating table. Each end of the table had about a dozen red plastic cups sitting on it, each emitting colorful smoke.
Two women stood at either end of the table, tossing ping-pong balls at one another. When one of them landed a ball in her opponent’s cup, the other woman had to drink.
“Holy crap.” I leaned toward Mac. “Are they playing beer pong?”
“Potion pong. Much more dangerous.”
The dark-haired woman on the left side of the table had green stripes through her hair and a bikini that glittered like black diamonds. She swigged back a cup of potion, then put it on the floating table. She grinned and shouted to the other woman, “That’s all you’ve got?”
The blonde woman at the other side laughed. “Oh, just you wait, Coraline.”
A half second later, Coraline grew a brilliant orange beak. Her masquerade mask shifted, and she chucked it off as she squawked loudly. It sounded something like, “Bitch!”
The blonde woman laughed like a loon.
“That’s Mary,” Mac whispered.
Coraline, still sporting her massive beak, picked up one of the small white balls and threw it at Mary’s cup. It landed, and Mary grabbed it and slurped it back.
She shot out of the water, propelled by an unseen force, and landed in the top of one of the palm trees growing from the hardwood floor. She laughed hysterically, then jumped into the pool with an enormous splash, upsetting the beer pong table. The colorful potions in the red cups spilled into the water, sending purple and pink and green streaks bleeding outward.
Coraline’s beak had disappeared, and she shouted. “Hey! No fair! I had some good potions there!”
Mary surfaced, her hair wet. “It’s cool. We’ll set them up again.”
Coraline scowled at her. “You’re ignoring the point.”
Mary was about to respond, but her gaze landed on us. A huge smile lit up her face, and a shiver of unease went through me. It wasn’t an entirely friendly smile, and when I looked at Mac, I realized that she had the same expression.
They were friends, but…
It was kind of a murdery friendship.
Mary waded over and hopped out of the pool. Her swimsuit was ridiculous, bright yellow with sopping yellow feathers and an eye over each breast. She was dressed like a slutty Big Bird, and I choked back a laugh.
“Mac! Have you pranked us?” she asked.
“You better believe it.” Mac grinned. “But we need some help.”
Mary crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” She nudged me. “My friend here can read the future and the past through objects. She’ll trade you that for—”
“Nope!” Mary held up a hand. “She’s got to play us in potion pong first, and if she survives, we can negotiate.”
“Survives?” I asked.
Mary nodded. “We don’t do business with just anyone.”
“That’s not true,” Mac said. “You guys have basically no standards.”
“Ha! We have weird standards, not no standards.” She gave me a look up and down. “And I can tell this one is trouble. Her aura screams it. So she’s got to earn an audience.”
“I can do it,” I said. “In the pool?”
“Yeah.” Mary grinned. “In a suit?”
“I don’t have one.”
“You do now.” She waved her hands at me, and my glittery slum queen outfit disappeared, replaced by a bikini that was blue and fluffy.
I was the Cookie Monster.
Fantastic.
I touched the chain around my neck. At least I still had the truth serum.
“Come on.” Mary hopped back in the water.
I looked at Mac.
“Good luck,” she said. “If you can avoid drinking the potions, I would. If not…well, good luck.”
“I’m going to grow a beak, aren’t I?”
“You’ll wish.” She shook her head. “I think this will be a little tougher. Just try to keep your wits about you.”
“Got it.”
I strode toward the pool, watching as Mary and Coraline set up the potion pong table.
Coraline looked me up and down, studying me intensely from behind her pink mask. “I’ve hooked you up with some of my potions to make this fair.”
“Thank you.” I climbed into the water. It sparkled and bubbled against my skin. Colors swirled through it, and every time I walked through a cloud of pink or purple, the water seemed to tingle strangely.
The crowd cheered as I stepped up to the potion pong table.
A brief image of my lonely, lame flat flashed in my mind, along with the memory of how everyone in the London police force thought I was loony.
How the hell had my life changed so much?
Whatever, I was going to enjoy it.
As much as I could, at least. Mary’s smile was making me uneasy. She looked like a cat who was about to play with a mouse…in a way that punctured a few of the mouse’s vital organs.
I looked down at the red plastic cups full of potions. There were fifteen in front of me, all lined up to form a triangle. A ping-pong ball sat nestled against one of the cups, about to roll off the rocking table and into the water. I picked it up.
“I’ll let you go first,” Mary said.
“Get ready to have your ass kicked.”
Mary laughed, sounding slightly crazed.
Oh, she was definitely getting her ass kicked. I aimed my ball and threw it, holding my breath as it sailed through the air and landed in one of her cups.
She groaned and tilted her head back, then picked up the potion and drank it.
Immediately, her head shrank to half its size, and she screeched, the noise much higher pitched than it would normally be. “Coraline, you bitch!”
I laughed, and the sound drew Mary’s attention. Despite her tiny head, I could see the murder in her eyes, and it was enough to shut me up. She squinted her little eyes and tossed the ball. It sailed through the air, landing in a cup full of gleaming black liquid.
Shit.
“Drink up!” Mary shouted.
I picked up the cup and fished out the ball, then slugged the potion back. It slithered down my throat, and I nearly gagged. The taste was a combo of old shoes and gummy bears, and I was damned certain I’d never eat another gummy bear ever again.
I set the cup down and gasped, trying to get control of my gag refle
x. I wanted to puke.
I began to float instead, rising slowly out of the water.
“You still have to play your turn,” Mary shouted. “If you fail, you lose!”
“Crap.” I raised the little white ball and aimed. I was up to my knees now, way too aware that my crotch was at eye level with every person in the place.
Quickly, I chucked the ball.
It bounced off the table and landed in the water.
Mary laughed like a maniac and threw her ball. It landed in one of my cups, but I was floating too far above the water to reach the cup.
“You’ve got to drink it or you’re out,” Mary called.
I tried to swim through the air, but all I managed to do was point my ass to the sky. All around, people cheered.
At least it sounded friendly.
“Don’t worry!” Mac shouted. “I’ve got you!”
She stood on the edge of the pool, holding the long handle of a pool net. I grabbed the rim of the net and used it to drag myself within reach of the cup Mary’s ball had landed in. I raised the cup to my lips and chugged it, grimacing at the sour taste.
Immediately, gravity grabbed me again, and I plunged into the water with a splash. I shot upward, kicking as hard as I could. The pool water glittered blue and bright as I swam toward the air above. It took ages to reach the surface. Finally, my head broke through, and I gasped.
All around, people stared at me.
I blinked, looking up at them.
Why was I so short? And why had it taken so long to swim through a pool that was only waist deep?
I looked down at myself, seeing only a curved chest covered in feathers.
I squawked.
Holy crap, I’d turned into a duck!
“Play your turn, new girl,” Mary shouted.
Oh, how I wanted to shit on her head. If I had to be a duck, that was the only pro I could think of to this whole situation. Instead, I honked angrily at her and awkwardly flapped my way out of the water.
It took all my concentration to fish my ball out of the cup with my beak. Flapping my wings awkwardly, I flew over and dropped the ball in Mary’s cup.
She shrieked her rage, but Coraline shouted from the sidelines. “I call it good!”
Mary groaned, then reached for the potion.
Hell, yeah. Apparently, Coraline was the referee, and she was still annoyed with Mary. I flew back to my side and watched the blonde witch drink her potion. Steam poured out of her ears, and she shrieked like a teakettle.
A few moments later, I turned back into a human, and we kept playing. The game went fast, and fortunately, I didn’t turn into any more birds. Finally, we were down to two cups. Whoever landed her ball first was going to win.
“Shoot at the same time!” Coraline shouted.
Okay, I could do that.
Only problem was, I felt utterly pissed. Something in the last potion made my head spin like a top. I blinked and squinted, gripping my ball too tightly and focusing on the one cup left in front of Mary.
“On the count of three!” Coraline shouted from the side. “Shoot!”
Shit, shit, shit!
I sucked in a deep breath, blinking frantically. I’d been drunk before. In fact, I used to have a tiny plastic basketball hoop on my fire escape that I’d found in the dumpster. I’d thrown a tennis ball in it over and over again, imagining that Cordelia was my cheering audience.
Sure, this red plastic cup was a hell of a lot smaller, but I could do this. I could so do this.
“One…two…three!”
Instinct and desperation took over. My life was on the line.
I tossed the ball, holding my breath as it flew through the air. Mary’s ball shot toward me, and I wanted to knock it off track. I resisted, clenching my fists.
Finally, my ball dropped into her cup a split second before hers landed.
“Hell, yeah!” I raised my fists, victory surging through me.
Mary scowled. “I hate losing. But I kind of like you, so come on. Let’s talk.”
I looked at Mac. She raised her eyebrows and grinned, giving me a thumbs-up. I followed Mary to one end of the pool, wading through the water to the wide stairs. We climbed out, and she waved a hand at me. “Be dry.”
My swimsuit immediately dried, and I grinned at her. “Thanks!”
“No problem.” She gestured me toward a door. “Come on.”
Coraline joined us, along with Mac and another girl with glowing dark skin and braids. A pigeon sat on her shoulder. The second room was shadowed and sparkly, the walls covered in glittery fabric. A disco ball hung from the ceiling. There was a padded leather booth in the corner that looked like something out of an old steak restaurant, and the rest of the room was filled with dancers.
A few women with tiny horns scrambled out of the booth as the witches approached. The three witches slid onto one side of the booth, still in their bikinis.
I was still in mine, for that matter, but I was drunk enough off Mary’s magic that I couldn’t complain.
Mac and I sat in the booth across from them. The girl that I didn’t recognize leaned forward and grinned. “I’m Beth.”
“Hi. Carrow.”
“So I hear. And you want something from us.”
“I’m willing to trade.” I made my voice firm. Sure, this world was insane, and I felt totally outgunned by three witches, but I could at least pretend to hold my own. “I can read the history or future of objects. Sometimes people.”
The three witches raised their brows.
“Pretty good,” Coraline said.
“Pretty useful.” Mary nodded.
“But what do you want from us?” Beth asked.
“A potion to change my appearance. Or better yet, to make us invisible.”
Mary shook her head. “Nope, no can do on the invisibility. That shit takes forever to make and is, therefore, insanely expensive.”
“You mean my magic isn’t a worthy of a trade for an invisibility potion?” If I still had feathers, they would have ruffled.
Beth shrugged. “Don’t know yet. Would rather sell you something easier and make sure your skills live up to what you’re saying.”
Fair enough, and it wasn’t like I had time to wait for a complicated potion to be brewed. Time was ticking.
Jeeves appeared at the table, his back stiff and his lip curled with distaste as he looked at Mac. In his hands, he held a tray of silver goblets that emitted pink smoke.
“Jeeves!” Coraline shouted.
“Jeeves,” the other two chorused.
I expected Jeeves to look irritated or long-suffering, but he seemed to glow with pleasure.
“Ladies.” He set the platter on the surface of the table, and the three witches each leaned forward to grab a cup.
Mary whispered something to Jeeves that I couldn’t hear.
Coraline eyed Mac and me. “Drink up, bitches!”
Mac and I grabbed a glass, and I took a sip. Flavor exploded on my tongue, the most amazing cocktail I’d ever had. I couldn’t tell if it tasted like fruit or flowers or sugar or magic—probably all of the above. It was amazing, and I couldn’t get enough.
Vaguely, I recognized that maybe I shouldn’t be slugging it back like a two o’clock drunk, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. My hand kept dumping the cocktail into my mouth, and I was all too happy to oblige.
Next to me, Mac did the same.
Finally, we finished and set our cups on the table.
Mac shook her head and looked down at the cup, then up at the witches.
“Holy crap.” She scowled. “You put ambrosia in that.”
“Sure did.” Beth cackled.
“What’s ambrosia?” My voice nearly slurred.
“Witchy drugs,” Mac said. “We’ll be high off our asses soon.”
“Godly drugs,” Coraline said. “And they’re hard to come by.” She beamed. “You’re welcome.”
“Thank you.” Maybe I shouldn’t have been thanking t
hem, but everything seemed so nice right then.
It took every inch of willpower to drag my attention back to the witches and my reason for being there. I leaned on the table and stared hard at them. “Okay, what about that potion?”
“Sure,” Coraline said. “We can do that. But first, you have to tell us why you want it.”
“I’m wanted for murder.”
All three witches sat back, brows raised and mouths pursed. I was ninety-nine percent sure it was an expression of respect.
“Nice,” Beth said.
Yep, it was respect.
Weirdos.
“How’d you do it?” Coraline grinned, which looked more like a bloodthirsty grimace.
“We’re assuming the dude deserved it,” Mary said. “Nothing like murder to teach a person a lesson.”
Well, that was true.
I so did not want to get on the bad side of these witches.
“I didn’t actually do it,” I said.
All three witches slumped and scowled.
“Boring,” Mary said.
“Holy crap, you guys are intense,” I muttered.
“She’s from the human world.” Mac leaned toward the witches, her tone apologetic. “They don’t have tons of demons and other bastards running around who need killing.”
“Sure, we do,” I said. “Not the demons part. But there are loads of bastards. Not sure about the killing part, though.”
“It’s different in this world,” Mac said. “There are lots of nasty humans, sure. But supernaturals are a whole ’nother breed. Demons, for instance. Lots of them like to eat babies. Gotta kill those ones.”
“You can chop their heads off and they’ll just wake up back in hell,” Beth said. “And don’t get me started on black magic users. Some of them are so evil that hell won’t even take them.”
“Okay, well…” My mind raced as I tried to figure out what to say to get in the good graces of these witches. It was hard with the potion surging through my veins, but I slogged through and said, “I’d definitely kill those suckers.”
All three witches grinned.
Mary leaned back. “All right, then. So, you didn’t kill this bloke back in your realm, but you’re accused of the murder and you’re…wanting to prove your innocence?”
“Exactly!” I pointed at her approvingly. “You get it!”