“Tell them I am sorry.”
I really am sorry, from the bottom of my heart. But I cannot work for people who have goals that are different than mine. I know they would like the people of the safety zone to join their fight against the Legion, but I cannot let that happen. Maybe these people are not capable of feeling emotions like the rebels do, but the fact remains that they are people as well. Nobody has the right to take their lives away from them.
04. LOYALTY REWARDED
It is easier to survive the day with one goal in mind. If you know what you’re going to do from the time you get up in the morning, the day has meaning. Earlier, my goal was to achieve a good ranking. While I was kidnapped, my goal was survival. Then when I went back to the Legion, my goal was to help out the rebels as much as I could. But now, I have no more goals. I have turned my backs to the rebels. My job and my life is now to work in the food allocation division. There is no way out of this. No matter how well I do my job, the highest achievement I can receive is to become a supervisor of the department. The only purpose in my life is to distribute food rations, though even this task is unnecessary as the system does not make mistakes. There is nothing that makes my life worth living. I feel trapped inside my own shell.
These thoughts creep in like a fog in my head while sitting in front of the monitor mechanically confirming various residents’ pills and tablets. My vision becomes blurry. That always happens when you stare at a screen too long. My ears begin to itch. How long will it take before I become one of the soulless masses? Days? Weeks? Months? I cannot wait; I hurt with every feeling and every thought.
Even when the signal sounds for the end of my shift, I feel no relief. In the safety zone, the people have no free time. There are no hobbies. No one talks to each other. Of course not, communication is unnecessary.
Although I wanted to adapt to Legion life again, I do not manage to leave the food allotment center in the same deleterious fashion as the other workers. I have to force myself to put one foot in front of the other. I would love to throw myself on the floor and scream, cry, and sob. They would lock me up in the sickbay. It doesn’t matter where they take me, I’m already a prisoner.
I walk with the others through the atrium. The moving images no longer interest me. They are only an illusion. Suddenly someone steps into my path. I raise my head and see Clyde.
“Are you all right?” He asks, worried. People rush around past us on all sides.
“I am functional,” I answer with an emotionless voice. But Clyde seems to be able to look behind the walls I built. He sees the pain and despair I carry in my heart.
“I did not ask about that.” He is silent and we look each other in the eyes. It is an intimate moment. We barely know each other and yet we connect so much.
“I saw you,” he says suddenly and I do not understand what he means.
“Outside.”
Incredulous, tears form in my eyes and I stare at him in horror. How is that possible?
“I was there during the operation, when the rebels discovered the electric wall. You took refuge in the caves. I followed you.”
He was there. He was the C-Class who dropped his gun in front of me. The fighter Finn fought off.
“I recognized you immediately, even though you looked different.”
But the memory of Cleo, the person I was then, brings a tear to my eyes. “What did I look like?”
“Happy.”
The word hovers between us like a cloud. This is what every human being longs for. I am unable to say anything.
“After that I started to talk to Zoe. I wanted to understand you, because you were one of them. I needed to know why you joined the outcasts.”
“They kidnapped me,” I reply sheepishly.
“You stayed with them voluntarily. You fought at their side,” replied Clyde. He’s right. I was a rebel, if only briefly.
I do not say anything and he continues: “Zoe told me about her life. Her parents, her brother, the food, the animals, the plants, and her favorite place, the garden. I never heard someone speak before with such a passion. Her words were like a melody. I cannot get it out of my head. I long to see all of the things she described with my own eyes. I want to taste cakes and feel the wind in my hair. Is it really as beautiful as Zoe says?”
I can feel my hands start to shake. He has already seen the world outside the safety zone as a fighter, yet after meeting Zoe he longs for a different kind of life. Her words awakened a yearning for freedom. A longing that will always remain a dream.
I reach for his hand; it’s as cold as mine. I do not think about the cameras I know that are watching us. I ignore the people around us. To them, we are invisible. They do not care about us. It does not matter what we do.
“It’s beautiful, but the price that freedom costs is too high.”
Irritated, he looks at me. “What kind of money?”
“The outcasts are not interested in people like us. We are a means to an end for them. They do not see us as human beings. To them, we are robots without the ability to feel.”
Clyde shakes his head in disbelief. “But then why were you one of them?”
“Because I did not know the truth. They killed three of the other people who were abducted with me, just because they could not adapt. The outcasts are ruthless.”
Shocked, he looks up to me and withdraws his hand. “Zoe is different.”
“As long as she is here, but if given the choice between us and her family, she would not hesitate for one second. She would stop at nothing to gain her freedom.”
Clyde looks shaken. “Why are you talking like this? What did the Legion commander tell you?”
“She opened my eyes.”
Urgently I look at him. “Forget what Zoe told you. Forget what you saw in my eyes out there. It was a lie.”
Clyde shakes his head vigorously. “No! You know that’s not true. Eyes cannot lie.”
With that, he leaves me standing there and leaves. Now I’m really alone. The atrium has emptied. The other residents are already in their rooms. I’m sure several cameras are looking right at me. I look at one defiantly. Are you satisfied now? Was that what you wanted? I belong to you. My will is broken and all hope has died.
My eyes feel heavy as I stare at the screen in front of me. A hearty yawn escapes and I place a scared hand over my mouth. What’s wrong with me? I used to not get bored like this at work, though at that time Zoe sat next to me.
Bored, I look around at the other workers but no one returns my gaze. Everyone is absorbed in the monitor in front of them. Nobody yawns or stretches. Instead, they all sit with an upright posture as if there was something interesting to see or read on the monitor.
Restless, I drum my fingers on the table. I change the rhythm and try to play a song I heard Jep and Pep play. I realize too late that I’m drawing attention to myself. I look upwards, only to see the supervisor look down on me disapprovingly.
“What are you doing?” He looks at me blankly. In his eyes I can clearly read what he thinks about me: Crazy!
“Music,” I reply simply and knock a few more times on the table.
“I’m going to report you,” he threatens. What should I care? It does not matter if they keep me here or lock me up in the sickbay. The time when the rebels took me destroyed me completely. I am no longer the same person, and never will be again. I almost wish that the Legion took my memories. It would be so much easier.
Suddenly, a loud siren blares and the speaker starts to crackle. Worried, we all face upwards. It is followed by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Finally, the voice of a male Legion commander sounds: “There is no reason for alarm. Please stop your work and assemble in the atrium.”
That has never happened before. Did something happen? Did the rebels attack?
I am excited, something new! I would like to run to the atrium, but instead I am obedient and follow my group briskly. Once in the atrium, the sight overwhelms me. I have never seen
so many people in the safety zone before. Everyone is here, even the toddlers. I knew that we have to be seven hundred and ninety-nine people, that’s ninety-nine people per generation, but I have never seen them all together.
On the stairs to the forbidden transition, all twenty Legion commanders have gathered. Their faces are serious, but that does not mean anything. They are always serious.
Among them, I see A350. Is it just me, or does it seem like she was looking for me? When our eyes meet, I see some kind of flash in her eyes, as if to encourage me. Why should she? She should not even recognize me with the naked eye; we’re all supposed to be the same.
One of the older Legion commanders steps forward. I remember him from the classification exam. He was the one who announced the decisions.
“The world is changing. It changes a little more each day. Whether it is a positive or negative change is, to a certain degree, in our hands.”
He observes a brief pause while his words sink in. He continues: “Only if we are willing to work together in our environment do we have a chance to survive. Changes do not happen overnight, but in small, predictable steps.”
His gaze glides over the entirety of the safety zone population. What changes is he talking about? What happened? Does it have anything to do with the rebels? Although I have decided to no longer be a part of them, my heart beats violently at the thought that they might be up to something and it starts to hurt. Iris. Finn.
“Today is the day on which we are ready to take the first small step. It is a day that will go down in the history of the Legion. This is a day we will talk about for a long time, but it is also a day to celebrate.”
Again he pauses and I want to slap him for it. Why does he have to make it so damn exciting? A day to the delight of the Legion rarely means something good for the rebels. Did they destroy their camp? Or perhaps killed them all? But why should they do it now? They always knew of the rebels’ existence. Did Finn, who did not want to wait any longer for his little sister, attack by himself?
“We announce today for the first time in the young history of our community a classification change.”
An excited murmur goes through the crowd. My heart skips a beat. Can this be? Is there a possibility that they mean me?
“The system does not make mistakes. Each classification was, at the time it was made, right. But people change just as the world around us does. This is a constant change and we have the task of adapting ourselves to it.”
Who could have changed more than I? I was afraid to become a Legion commander when I left the rebels. It felt like it would be a betrayal, both to the rebels and to the Legion. But now I yearn so much to hear my name. It would be a change. There would be meaning to my life. I clench my fists and dig my fingernails deep into my skin. Please, please, let it be me. Please, I implore internally.
“D518, please join us on the stairs.”
I freeze. Did they really call my name or were my ears playing tricks on me? Excited, I look around. No one approaches the stairs. I look to A350. She nods quickly in my direction. Her lips silently forms the word, “Come.” I quickly put my feet in motion. My heart beats faster. Although the path to the stairs is just a few meters, it seems like the longest passage of my life. I dreamed of this since I was a child. I always wanted to be one of them.
When I reach the bottom of the stairs, my knees tremble so much that I can hardly keep my legs still. I raise my head and look into the light blue eyes of the Legion commander in front of me.
“On behalf of the Legion, I appoint you, D518, from this day forward shall be A518 and wear the white suit of a Legion commander.”
I feel my lips trembling and barely hear the applause which broke out around me. A350 confronts me and places a carefully folded white suit in my hands. Our fingers touch for a brief moment. Her eyes are just as wet as mine. I look into her eyes and see boundless joy and pride. “Welcome,” she whispers almost tenderly. Why is it so different? What did I do to now become a Legion commander? I no longer took my work in the food allotment division seriously.
I know that I should be disturbed with this development, but for now, I will celebrate. It’s almost as if I had never spent time with the rebels.
05. NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
When the white doors slowly open, I slowly enter the passage with the other twenty Legion commanders. My heart pounds with joy. At the end of the hallway is another door, a door that can only be opened by a Legion commander’s thumbprint. Would the door now open for me? I have no time to try as another had already put his finger on the sensor. Only now I realize how young he is. Most members of the A-Class are significantly older than me, most of them are from the second, third, or fourth generation, but this one seems to be my age.
“Access Granted,” proclaims a computer voice as the doors slide apart. Behind is a small room, barely bigger than my former cell in the sickbay. But, the walls are made of glass. Successively we enter until the doors close again. It is an elevator. It reminds me of when I was abducted by the rebels. We used an elevator and then I woke up in the caves. After this ride, my life will change again.
Bright light penetrates into the chamber from above. It is so bright that I have to squint my eyes. When I open them again, we are practically floating in the air. As far as I can see in every direction is the red expanse of desert. I can see the safety zone and the many vehicles of the Legion, as well as water and fuel tanks. But I cannot break my gaze away from the red mountains. I press my palm against the cold glass. There is the mountain from which Finn showed me the Legion one night. The stars were in the sky above us while we crept up the hill on all fours and looked down into the valley. Of course we quarreled, even then. We were always fighting. But something he said, something I can remember as though I heard it yesterday reverberates in my head, I can almost hear him say it. They were the words that made me want to be a rebel.
“Not everyone has a choice in how they live. We want to make sure everyone is able to make that choice.”
At the time I believed him. But when I think of it today and how they killed the other prisoners, I only feel anger. Did those people choose to die? Lies.
I detach my gaze and look around at the Legion commanders. Only now do I realize they are all watching me. Not obviously, but out of the corner of their eyes. I can tell they disapprove. While they appeared solemn at the announcement, they now seem petrified. Their mouths are narrow lines and their eyes are as cold as ice. It almost seems as if they do not want me here with them. I was just an annoying intruder who had no place in their world, but then they appointed me as a commander. Why would they have done that?
Slowly the elevator slides in and snaps at a floor. Hastily the commanders flock out, while ramming me with their shoulders or pushing me in the stomach with their elbows. While accidental, not one word of apology comes from anyone’s lips. Apologies and excuses have no place in the Legion.
Uncertainly I step out of the elevator and hear the last short snatches of a conversation.
“You wanted it; you also take care of it.”
Curious, I look up to see the commander who was speaking leave. Next to the elevator I see A350. Was he talking to her? Was she waiting for me? Her strange and peculiar smile is on her face.
“Welcome to your new home.”
I cannot help but return her smile.
Undeterred, she continues. “I suppose this is not as new to you as it should be. You rode in the glass elevator already, right?
I nod gently and wonder how she knows so much about my time with the outcasts.
“Come on, I’ll show you your new room.”
With energetic steps, she runs off, there’s nothing for me to do but follow her. “What will happen now? What are my responsibilities?”
With raised eyebrows she turns to me. “Well,” she replies, almost amused. “First of all, you need to be introduced to the secrets of the Legion.”
“What secrets?” I’m curious, I want to kno
w immediately. Is she talking about the invisible wall the rebels and I saw? Will they trust me with this kind of information? Would I be able to turn the wall off if I wanted to?”
“One thing at a time,” A350 says coolly. We stop in front of a door.
“Try it out,” she says to me, pointing to the door sensor. I eagerly put my finger on the cool surface. A red light illuminates under my thumb. Shortly it turns green and a computer voice announces, “Access granted.”
The door slides open. The site before me leaves me speechless. While the wall and door are made of steel, the opposite wall is made entirely of glass. I look straight into the setting sun, it seems as though the mountain is ablaze.
I turn to look at A350. Her eyes are closed and she points her head toward the sun, as if she can feel the warming rays on her skin.
“Were you ever outside the Legion?” I suddenly ask.
“No,” she replies without opening her eyes. She looks totally relaxed.
“Do you long to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin?”
She opens her eyes. “Of course I do. But the price is too high.”
“What price? The outcasts practically live in the sun. Do you not envy them?” I want to know what she knows. Why are we hiding in here when freedom is just a few feet away, just beyond these walls?
“The outcasts are a failed experiment. There was an error.”
“What kind of experiment?”
A350 shakes her head with a hint of a frown. “We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
To me, it feels like she’s making an excuse. Will she really tell me the truth tomorrow or will she pretend we never talked about this.
“Shower and get dressed. I will pick you up to eat in a half hour.”
Before I could say anything else, she leaves. Obviously the food allocation department here feeds the Legion commanders differently than in the rest of the safety zone.
I realize how different when I enter a large conference room with A350 later. In the center is a large round table. All of the Legion commanders are gathered around it. In front of them are plates and glasses and cutlery. They will certainly not be swallowing pills. A350 sits next to me on my right and on my left is another woman from the third generation. This room, like most I have seen here, has a large glazed window with a steel wall. There is the door I walked through to enter this room, but there is another door in the back. Soon it opens. Two brown-suited women walk in and start serving the Legion commanders steaming food on silver plates. No pills or tablets can be seen.
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