This Stops Today

by Gwen Carr

  The videos that Ramsey and Taisha took really put that front and center, and people got to see with their own eyes what things can be like for some people. That level of awareness and education is so crucial to getting any kind of change. People first need to understand the issues, and then they can help come up with a solution.

  So, if me being in a music video or doing another interview on TV would help do that, then that’s what I was going to do, and I was going to do it the best way for me. I might not dress perfectly or say just the right things, but I was determined to get my point across and let people know that some of the treatment people have to deal with is not acceptable.

  At the end of 2015, I took stock of all that happened to me that year. There had been lots of disappointments, but also some small victories. There had been a lot of press and media events. Some went very well, and others were just a mess. Folks were not organized or there were other issues coming up or I felt the questions were not on point. I realized that going into the new year, I wanted to learn from any mistakes I’d made and build on the momentum I’d had. I was putting all my energy into this mission, this new vocation, this new lifestyle, and I wanted to be smart about it.

  I took out a piece of paper and wrote down some of the ups and downs of 2015. I had learned long ago that it helped me to lay everything out on the table and then deal with it, the good and the bad. So I listed the highs—like the special grand jury prosecutor and the amazing fellowship at the cookout celebration in Eric’s honor. Another highlight was meeting so many other mothers who were dealing with similar situations. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it did help to talk and share with them. It was like we all spoke the same sad language, the language of loss.

  I didn’t even write down any of the low points. There was no need to dwell on the negative. I knew what I had to do.

  Chapter 8

  Putting Hope in Hillary

  For when people get caught up with that which is right, and they are willing to sacrifice for it, there is no stopping point short of victory.

  —Martin Luther King Jr.

  AFTER FINISHING THE BEYONCÉ VIDEO, I circled back with Nadia to talk about the upcoming year and how I was going to handle everything, especially with Hillary Clinton’s campaign ramping up. I had taken my personal assessment of where I was and where I wanted to be. My plan was to start 2016 as organized and informed as possible. I knew things wouldn’t be perfect and that I’d probably still mess up sometimes or do things that I wished I hadn’t, but that’s all part of the journey. I felt confident that Hillary was going to win the Democratic nomination, even though other family members were supporting Bernie Sanders. I just felt like she was the right person for the job, and my number-one priority that year was to do everything I could to make that happen.

  Nadia was helpful because she basically acted as a sounding board for me at first. She would tell me how I was doing and guide me as far as which opportunities I should pursue and which I should turn down. Like Sybrina told me, sometimes it’s OK to say no to opportunities. Just because someone makes an offer that doesn’t mean you have to take it. Nadia said that she liked the way I carried myself and agreed that I should use my soft-spoken nature and calm demeanor to my advantage. Those were my strengths, and that’s what helped people feel at ease with me. It was good to hear someone provide an objective assessment of how I was doing, because it helped to validate my approach and I knew she was looking out for my best interests.

  It had been difficult doing things on my own. I could ask Cynthia or even Reverend Sharpton or family members for their opinion, but it felt good to finally have someone there to guide me and keep me on the right track. Nadia gave me the nickname “Julio.” She said it came from a low-budget TV show similar to Chico and the Man. I didn’t know what she was referring to, but I thought it was sweet, and our friendship was off and running. Before we got started, I shared with her more insight about Eric so she would understand what I was doing and why I was doing it. I told her how he loved his family and his children and fought so hard to try to keep everyone together. I told her about his sense of humor and shared stories about him, like how he loved to work the grill at the family barbecues as he told jokes.

  To me, it was important that she truly know who my son was and what he stood for. I wasn’t sure what she had heard or what conclusions she had come to on her own, and I had found that the best way to level the playing field and make sure everyone was on the same page was to lay things out at the beginning. If we were going to be working so closely together, I wanted her to know Eric and understand him and why I was devoting myself to his memory. That was crucial.

  I would get emotional talking about him, especially with her, because I knew that she had done a lot of work with young Black men who were incarcerated. She had already heard countless stories, and she knew like I did that behind each of those stories was a son and brother and father, a real human being. Those men were more than statistics or stereotypes; they were real people with real families. She knew what the struggle was like and how unfair the system could be. I wanted her to understand that if we were working together, everything that I did, every opportunity I accepted, was in honor of my son.

  We didn’t have too much time to strategize because Hillary’s campaign was kicking into high gear, so if I wanted to be a part of it, I had to jump right in, and that’s what I did. One of the first events was on February 23, 2016, in Columbia, South Carolina. I was there with Sybrina, Lucy McBath, Geneva Reed-Veal, and even Gabby Giffords and her husband, Mark Kelly. We were at Central Baptist Church, and Hillary was speaking about how gun violence was tearing apart our communities. Sybrina was one of the featured speakers because of the horrible tragedy that took her son Trayvon’s life.

  It was a real whirlwind keeping up with that pace. We went from city to city, traveling with the campaign and making speeches and meeting people along the way. It was an unforgettable experience, and I met so many amazing voters. There were lots of dignitaries, but also plenty of regular folks too. They were my favorites because they often shared their own stories, and I knew that no matter where we lived or where we were from, we were all part of the same human experience. They often shared with me their own tragic reality, stories about children who had been the victims of senseless violence. That hit home for me, and I understood their pain. I also understood that we all just wanted it to stop. So I continued to share my story with all of them.

  The interesting thing was that I never got tired of telling it. Sometimes when you tell a story too many times it gets old and repetitive, but that was not the case with me and my Eric. It was almost like it had its own life and I was just a small part of it, a physical representation of what they had all seen and heard. It was interesting to learn about some of the assumptions people made and the conclusions they had drawn. I was never upset or judgmental. Like Nadia had told me, I stayed on message and focused on sharing because I could actually see the impact it was having.

  All across the country, people were relating to me and understanding and sharing their concern and condolences. They all agreed that this was the most important thing I could have done for Eric, and I got lots of encouragement from them. It felt good being out of New York and finding out that so many people felt the same way, that things had gotten out of hand and the police were going too far all across the country. There needed to be some kind of checks-and-balances system. That would only begin when there was better education and more accountability.

  I won’t say that it was always perfect. I did meet some people who didn’t say nice things, or said something based on ignorance, but it was strange because I thought that would upset me. Instead, it only helped to reinforce that my work was not done, that I needed to keep talking and educating people on what was happening in other communities. I realized that almost any time there was a negative it was because someone just didn’t understand all the facts. That was one of the problems with social media and those v
ideos.

  When something is so public like the video of Eric’s death, it’s open to interpretation and comments and commentary by all kinds of people. With all the social platforms, people often feel free to share their opinions and ideas, usually without thinking about the families involved. If they realized Eric’s mother or stepfather or sister was reading their comments, I wonder how free they would be with their theories and accusations and assumptions.

  It was truly exhausting talking to all those people over and over again, but I realized that it was the best way to reach them. Television interviews were great and appearances on CNN and other news programs reached a wide audience, but there was nothing like being face-to-face with a potential voter and explaining my side of things. I could tell when there was a real connection and when they understood what I had been through. I knew they would never truly know what I’d experienced, but I knew that if I could just reach them, touch their soul, and make that connection, I could help to spread the message of my son and how important his life was before he was taken from us.

  That gave me a new appreciation for what politicians go through when they are campaigning and talking to so many people. Speaking to large groups is great, but it’s those individual connections where you make the most impact. It’s just incredibly draining. Not only does it take a lot of physical energy, but, because of Eric’s story, it was also emotionally draining. No matter how much I talked about it, it never got any easier. I suppose if I didn’t talk about it at all, if I let that day fade away like the morning fog, then it would be easier to handle. I wouldn’t have to handle those emotions over and over.

  However, that was my sacrifice. That was the price I was willing to pay to help get Hillary elected because I felt in my heart that she would work hard to make changes in our approach to law enforcement in this country. She could come up with a solution that allowed the police departments to do their job but do it responsibly. And when there were mistakes or bad decisions, there would be accountability and consequences. That didn’t seem like too much to ask, and when we met in Chicago she gave me her word that she would make that a priority.

  I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that a candidate for the presidency of the United States, and one who had a good chance of winning, was interested in what I had to say and was promising her support. I never imagined that I would be in that position. I didn’t like the reason that I had to be there, but I really did appreciate what she was willing to do, how she was willing to put herself on the line to do the right thing.

  As we continued to make our way around the country, we spoke in churches, at town hall meetings, rallies, and concerts. I sat on endless panels discussing the importance of accountability, of ending gun violence, and of improving conditions for Black folks, particularly Black men. I talked to many people and stood at so many microphones that I was getting tired of hearing my own voice. Sometimes when I was talking I’d hear myself and think, Who is she? What is she talking about? Then I’d realize it was me. It was like an out-of-body experience as a result of the grueling schedule. I was determined to see it through and show up to every event that I was asked to attend, but I can tell you it was exhausting.

  In addition to the in-person appearances, I went on local and national TV programs to talk about why I was supporting Hillary Clinton for president and how I thought she would be a positive influence on our community. I participated in campaign commercials and discussed how I felt that she was looking out for us and how she was concerned about something very important to me—police reform. Sybrina would often discuss the issue of gun violence prevention, and the other mothers would talk about other “common sense” reform policies.

  It was my first time getting involved in a political campaign and there was a learning curve for me, but once I got the hang of it, I think I did a good job. Just like every other opportunity, it was a real learning experience, and it helped for me to see politics at work. I was constantly impressed with how Hillary connected with people and how she handled those who disagreed with her. Despite some of the ugliness that was going on with some of the other candidates, she stayed away from that, and I appreciated it. That was one of the reasons I was proud to be associated with her. She conducted herself in a way that was presidential but also felt real and authentic.

  Maybe working this closely with her I was able to see a side that a lot of people did not see, because people often mention how she comes across as cold or aloof. What I experienced was just the opposite. She was surprisingly open and candid with me and everyone she met. Had she conducted herself differently, I probably would not have been so closely associated with her because I found that it was important to align myself with people who I thought were positive and inspiring. I had faced too much disappointment and negativity in my life. At this stage, I was not about to invest time and energy in people who did not have values similar to mine. I just don’t have the energy to do it. I’ve got too much work ahead of me to allow that kind of foolishness into my world.

  By June 2016, everyone was talking about how Hillary was the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, and while it wasn’t official yet, we all felt a surge of energy and excitement. It was fulfilling to see that all the hard work was paying off. Keeping up that pace was very difficult, but I promised to do it and I didn’t waver from that. We spent most of June on the West Coast going to Los Angeles and other California cities, working hard to ensure that such a large state threw its support behind Hillary as the Democratic nominee. That state would be very important for her to win the nomination.

  Being so far from home was not easy, and I did miss everyone, but I also knew how important this campaign was, not only to me but also to the country. I made myself available for any rally or focus group they wanted me to attend. The saving grace for me was having a cell phone because I could keep up with the family and what was going on at home. I would call and give updates on how things were going. Ben would tell me how he had seen me on the news or read about Gwen Carr and the other Mothers of the Movement. Talking to everyone made me homesick, but I stayed the course, intent on fulfilling my commitment to Hillary.

  I was learning a lot about the political process. Before that, I’d voted for presidents before, but I’d never been so involved in a campaign at the ground level. I was learning about primaries and polls and town halls. It was a lot to take in, and I did my best to keep up. That campaign energy and enthusiasm helped to keep everyone’s spirits up, and with each supporting poll we would get more and more excited about the possibility of having our first female president.

  Sometimes, when there was a little downtime or just before I went to sleep at night, I’d think about what it would be like to have a woman running the country. I had already witnessed the transformative power that we had as Mothers of the Movement. I could just imagine what it would be like if a woman, a mother, was making decisions that would affect an entire country and even have a global impact. It was exciting to imagine the possibilities, and it felt like we were so close. I knew Eric would be proud that his mother was out there every day telling people to get out and vote. He would be shocked too, because I’d never done anything like working on a campaign before, but he would have loved it. He was always encouraging me to do things for myself, to enjoy myself and stop worrying so much about the family, especially after the children were grown and on their own.

  As a mother, there is not a switch that you can just turn on and off. You can’t just stop caring because your child is now an adult. To me, Eric would always be that little boy who brought random friends over for dinner and stuck up for the underdog. Having those memories of him made everything else I did possible. When I needed some inspiration and motivation, I could focus on those times spent around the Christmas tree or the silly jokes he told or the way he and Emery would pick on each other or the way he would try to protect Ellisha. That was the Eric I would always treasure.

  That July marked the second anniversa
ry of my son’s passing, so, as she had promised, Nadia assisted my daughter Ellisha and others with organizing everything for the remembrance event. I had put the first one on myself, and this time I wanted to really make an impact, a big splash. That way we would get a lot of press, and it would continue my mission to keep Eric’s name out there. So I was glad to get a fresh perspective. I was hoping Nadia would be able to help us attract some well-known people to help build a buzz.

  When everything came together, the ERIC Garner Way Foundation presented a peace walk, a unity fest, and a day of worship. The peace walk kicked off at 9:00 a.m. on July 16 in Prospect Park in Brooklyn. The unity fest followed the walk, and we arranged for transportation to take folks to the New Hope Baptist Church in Elizabeth, New Jersey. At the unity fest, we had speakers like Al Sharpton, radio personality Doug Oliver, and minister Kirsten John Foy.

  The highlight was when Nadia was able to arrange a video message from none other than Beyoncé. Apparently, she was on the European leg of her Lemonade tour, but despite that she had contacted Nadia to find out whether there was anything she could do for the event since we had worked together on the video and she knew about the anniversary of Eric’s death. She sent a representative named Bill to help coordinate everything. He made sure to get JAY-Z’s mother there, and he arranged for all the audiovisual technology needed. Of course, they wanted to make sure everything was on point.

  It was amazing that she was able to take time out of her touring schedule to do a live greeting like that. She was a beautiful black-and-white image on a huge monitor as she delivered an emotional and powerful message of support for Eric and for all that I was doing in his name. She went out of her way to send us that message, and it was so appreciated. She continued to amaze me with all that she did to help us with our mission.