In the Wind

by Lilliana Anderson

  “Oh, god, I really did tell you everything, didn’t I?”

  Pressing his lips into a smile, he whispered, “You did,” as he reached up and brushed some of my hair back behind my ear. When he did it, it felt nice. It felt natural. Luke leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead as he inhaled the charged air around us. “You deserve better in your life, Dawn. Don’t settle for other people’s games.”

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Stay. Right here. Stay with someone who wants what’s best for you. Stay with someone who wants to protect you. Stay with someone who… who loves you.”

  He loved me? My eyes flew open and met his. I could see his soul in them, open and exposed, risking everything by saying those words. How could he love me? How could he be so sure? We’d never even kissed. We’d barely touched. I’d done everything with Zeke, I’d given him my virginity and he still didn’t know how he felt. But Luke knew. He’d been there for me more times than I could count, and he loved me. He loved me.

  “Oh, Luke,” I said in a quiet gasp, my eyes filling with tears as I reached out and took his hand.

  “You don’t have to say anything back. It’s OK if you don’t feel the same, just…don’t go back there.”

  Nodding, I blinked, letting my tears spill down my cheeks as I lifted my hands and placed them on either side of his cheeks, running my palms and my fingers down the coarse stubble in his jaw. I could feel the heat of his breath on my face as I hesitated and shook, scared by what this all meant. My lips brushed against his, and it caused me to gasp and tremble as I kept touching his face as if I wasn’t sure if he was real. Could this possibly be real?

  “Dawn,” he gasped, my name so soft on his lips it sounded like a sigh.

  “OK,” I whispered. “OK. I’ll stay.” Then I pressed my lips to his and the resulting surge of emotion through my body was unlike anything I’d ever experienced or was likely to experience again. It was the kind of kiss they wrote songs for, the kind of kiss that changed lives. The kind of kiss that outdid all kisses before it and made me sure of where my path was heading. It had been leading me to Luke. I never thought it was possible. I never thought a man like him could love me when nobody else seemed to care or want me. But he did want me, and honestly, I wanted him. So much. I just didn’t believe it was possible until now. It was always Luke.

  24

  The street looked like a warzone when Luke dropped me off to get my things the next day. Churned up brown earth and wilting flowers replaced the lush green lawns and vibrant gardens that had been there before. All around, white papers torn from books blew around like the white peaks of the breaking waves in the distance. Broken bottles. Broken garden statues. Broken car windows.

  Several residents stood in a group, their features set in grim lines as their heads shook from side to side while they directed angry glares at ground zero – Shea’s house.

  Tut, tut, tut. That girl was out of control…

  Based on the reports from the local radio station, police had been called in and broken everything up, making several drug related arrests in the process.

  I didn’t know if Shea and Zeke were among them. Although, I kind of hoped at the very least that Shea was one of them. Perhaps being charged and forced her to take responsibility for her own actions would make her see that the games she was playing were hurting her more than anything.

  One could only hope.

  “I can wait while you get your things. I don’t mind taking the day off work.”

  I shook my head and unclasped my seatbelt, taking a deep breath before I opened the door to Luke’s car. “I need to see this through,” I told him. “I need to talk to them.” We’d had a long talk after the police had come to take my statement about that night, during which I explained to him that I needed to talk to both Shea and Zeke and explain to them why I wasn’t going to continue my relationships with them anymore. I’d spent a lot of the summer hiding from my feelings, and now that I finally knew what they were, I wasn’t going to run away anymore. I was going to stand up and tell them that I was done. They were hurting me by toying with my feelings, and I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I didn’t want to play sharing games either. I wanted Shea out of my life, and I wanted Zeke to be nothing more than a friend. Most of all, I wanted a relationship with Luke. I wanted something real and meaningful with him. No games. No deception. No sharing. Just us.

  “I really don’t want to leave you alone,” he said, and I placed my hand gently on his forearm.

  “Scott is still being held by the police and they said he’ll be convicted with my testimony. I’ll be OK. I promise that I’ll get my things, say my peace and then I’ll come and meet you at The Palms, OK? I won’t let them mess with me anymore.”

  Taking my hand, he pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “OK.” Releasing my hand, he looked around the street, taking in those few residents who were now trying to repair some of the damage. “This is crazy.”

  I let out my breath. “This is Shea. She’s like a storm.”

  “More like a hurricane. Listen, if don’t hear from you within an hour, I’m coming back to get you. Here, take this.” He pulled his mobile phone from his pocket and handed it to me.

  “Luke,” I objected.

  “Please, Dawn, just humour me. I’m already of half a mind to lock that door and get you out of here. I’ll feel better if you have it. The number for the bar is in there if you need me. Please.”

  Taking the small device in my hand, I held it against my chest then leaned across and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. I saw his eyes flash as I pulled away, feeling more cared for than I ever had in my entire life.

  He loved me…

  “I won’t be long. I promise. Besides, I haven’t told you what I thought of the The Shining yet.”

  Grinning, he ran his hand over the smooth surface of the steering wheel. “You watched it? What did you think?”

  “I’ll tell you later.” Smiling, I got out of the car and headed to my front door and punched in the code to get in. Never before had I been so grateful for the keyless entry. But never before had I been drugged and lost my clothes, either.

  Giving Luke a wave as I went inside, I watched through the window beside the door until he drove away. It took him a while, and for a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to go. But, after a couple of minutes, he pulled away from the curb and did a U-turn to get out of my street.

  A nervous feeling filled my stomach as he left my sight, and I headed straight upstairs to shower and put on some fresh clothes. While in there, I did my usual self-analysis of my most recent disaster. I wished I could forget all about it and pretend it hadn’t happened. But, I was so grateful to Luke for being such a comfort to me. He’d been more understanding than I would have given him credit for under sober circumstances. I’d thought for sure that he’d be disappointed in me for letting Shea put her ideals on me and compromising my own. Getting involved in her world ended up leading me into the most terrifying of circumstances. I could only thank the heavens that Luke was there to save me. He was like my guardian angel. Always there when I needed him. Always ready to help.

  He loved me…

  The thought had me smiling on a day when I should have been rocking in a corner crying my eyes out.

  Luke loved me…

  I’d thought Zeke was my best friend. I’d thought we were destined to be together because of all of our shared history. Unfortunately, I was quickly realising that he wasn’t much different to the other guys our age. They all seemed to think with their dicks, and I was obscenely disappointed in Zeke for being a cliché when I’d thought that he was somehow more enlightened. Perhaps that was just me romanticising our friendship. Perhaps it was just me seeing what I wanted to see instead of what was really there.

  What was there, was a guy who while spending time with me was going through his Instagram feed looking at models. A guy who while eating out with me would hit
on the tourists and get their numbers to hook up with later when I couldn’t see. A guy who left me alone at parties to hook up with a girl he’d sworn he wasn’t interested in. A guy who couldn’t complete his hang gliding course because he was too busy fucking the girl from next door. A guy who let the drug take over then left me on my own. If I could fight it, why couldn’t he?

  And Shea, well, it saddened me to admit it, but she was obviously never my friend. She continued to prove that over and over again with her actions. Luke was right, friends would have respected my wishes. Friends wouldn’t have pushed when I grew uncomfortable. Friends wouldn’t have slept with the boy I was interested in. My ideals may have been romantic and a little old fashioned, but they were mine. I wanted to fall in love. I wanted my relationships to mean something. But, instead I’d managed to enter into something entirely meaningless with two people who obviously saw nothing wrong with that. And really, that was my fault. I should have been stronger. I should have said no. I should have walked away. I should have stayed away when I did.

  I felt worse when I got out of the shower, weighed with my own confusion and regret over my continual poor decisions, and upset about what happened on the beach. Biting on my knuckle, it took me a moment to regain control as my sorrow got the better of me. It had been a near miss. I’d been lucky. But, it didn’t change how frightening it had been.

  Pulling on a pair of black leggings and an oversized jumper, I twisted my damp hair into a knot and went around my room to collect the things that were most important to me. I needed to get out. Luke was waiting for me. I needed to completely end things with Zeke and Shea, and I needed to remove myself from a life I never really fit into.

  “Just fuck off!” I heard the slamming of a car door, followed by the slamming of the front door of a house.

  Closing the zip on my suitcase, I stood and went to the window, watching as Noa said something to my mother and they parted ways; him going inside his house, and her coming to ours. She didn’t look happy.

  The fighting continued. “I told you to fuck off. Get your stuff and fuck off with your goddamn fiancée.”

  “What stuff? Everything is ruined, Shea. Your childish behaviour saw to that. What in heaven’s name was going through your head? Did you think I’d somehow see the error of my ways and decide to marry you instead of her?”

  “You promised to take care of me! Now you’re dumping me for her? She’s old.”

  “I did take care of you, Shea. Had you been capable of behaving like an adult, I’d have continued to do so. But your asinine jealously and reckless behaviour is not only tiresome, but it’s becoming a burden.”

  I heard my mother call my name at the same time Shea began to scream at Noa and call him every name under the sun. I stepped away from my window and met my mother as she made it to the top of the stairs.

  “What were you all thinking?” she demanded the moment she set eyes on me, her eyes wide and angry, her mouth set in a straight line.

  “Excuse me?” I was shocked that she was attacking me.

  “With that party. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for Noa and myself to go to that police station and see all the other parents in the area bailing out their children for taking part in a sex orgy next door? I can’t believe you were involved with something like that. I thought I raised you better.”

  “You’re not even going to listen to my side of the story?” I couldn’t believe she was speaking to me that way, after all I’d done for her, after all she’d put me through… She wasn’t even asking if I was OK.

  “Don’t even try to deny it, Dawn. You may be against mobile phones, but the rest of the population isn’t. There are videos and photos up everywhere. I have never been more embarrassed or ashamed of you. Honestly, I think your father was right to cut you off. We’ve given you far too much, and you seem to think you have some kind of privilege to behave in whichever way you choose. It’s time you found your own way, Dawn. I won’t be helping you either.”

  “I was almost raped last night, mum.”

  “Raped? That’s not what it looked like to me.” She folded her perfectly manicured hands across her body and looked at me sternly. Feeling as though a knife had been pushed into my gut, I had to fight with myself not to cry. This was the ultimate betrayal.

  “This is really rich coming from you, mum. The woman who has slept with probably half of the men in Sydney to try and assuage her lonely heart. The woman who came home drunk and vomiting for years while her daughter cleaned her up and sat there making sure she didn’t choke on her own vomit in her sleep.”

  “How dare you speak to me like that? I am your mother.”

  “And I am your daughter. How dare you. How dare you! You checked out of motherhood years ago, and I’m the one who picked up the pieces. I’m the one who kept things going, who made sure there was food in the house, and the bills were paid. You are a complete mess of a human being, who can’t seem to function without the acceptance of some man you can be a trophy to. Thank god you’re still pretty, mum, because god help you when your face wrinkles beyond the help of surgery, and your arse falls so completely you can’t get the crease line out. Because Noa will do exactly what dad did, and he’ll find another woman to run around with. Someone prettier, someone younger. And he’ll let you go. And you’ll be alone next time, because I won’t be there to look after you.”

  “Pack your things and get out of my house,” she hissed.

  I walked into my room and picked up the bag that was already packed and sitting on my bed. “I’m already one step ahead of you,” I said as I pushed past her and headed down the stairs. “Have a nice life, mother.” They were my parting words as I walked out the door, stepping into an environment that was charged with electricity as the wind picked up and pushed dark clouds across the sun. Across the road, Zeke’s mother pulled into the driveway. Zeke got out of the car and called out to me.

  “I don’t care how old you are, Ezekiel Harris. You are grounded indefinitely. Get inside.” He gave me an apologetic look, while his mother gave me a disappointed one. I returned their stares with a blank expression as the first drops of rain touched down, hitting the skin on my arms, slapping against my face. The weather felt ominous, like the chaos of my life.

  I took the shortest route to The Palms, along the beach. And as I passed Shea’s house, she stepped out the front door and dropped down on the front steps with her head in her hands. I’d planned to go to her and tell her that I didn’t want anymore to do with her. But she was already broken, I didn’t need to break her any more. And as for Zeke, I’d get the chance to talk to him when things calmed down, but for now, I needed to carry on. I needed to walk away.

  It was just a pity they didn’t let me…

  25

  “Where are you going?” Shea came running after me as the thunder rumbled overhead.

  “I’m leaving,” I responded, squinting my eyes as the rain hit heavier, cold hard drops of water, slanting sideways, leaving their mark with each stinging slap.

  “Don’t leave, Dawn. You’re angry with me, aren’t you? Please don’t be. I was just having some fun. No one got hurt.”

  “I got hurt, Shea. You destroyed whatever little trust I had in you with the drugs and trying to get me involved in that…I never wanted that. Never…”

  “It was just meant to free your mind so you could enjoy everything your body could experience.”

  I stopped walking and turned to face her. “Was it supposed to get me almost raped, Shea?”

  The smile fell from her face. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I tried to leave. I didn’t want to be there. Then Scott Jennings offered to help me. But he didn’t help me. He dragged me down to the beach and…” I shook my head as I looked out at the angry sea. “If Luke hadn’t saved me…”

  “I’m so sorry, Dawn. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen.”

  “And what was supposed to happen? You had ecstasy floating around tha
t place as party favours. What the hell did you think was going to happen?”

  She shook her head, her mouth moving, her eyes wide. “I…I don’t know.”

  “You’re actions have consequences, Shea. This isn’t just some game between you and Noa. It’s the lives of everyone your destruction spills out onto. You go around and you make people fall under your spell then you tear their lives apart. There are fucking consequences, Shea. People – people like me – they get hurt.”

  She grabbed a hold of my hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Dawn, please. I didn’t mean for you to get hurt. And it wasn’t a game. I was upset and I said things to hurt you. Please don’t be angry with me. Especially not now. You know he’s leaving me, don’t you leave me too. I couldn’t bear it. I care about you. I do. I care about you.”

  I pulled my hands from hers. “I don’t believe you, Shea. You say now that it wasn’t a game, but in your mind, I think it was. You just do whatever you want and you don’t seem to think about how you’re hurting people.”

  “Dawn!” The yell came from down the beach, and we both turned our heads to see Zeke running after us.

  Shea turned back to me and grabbed my hands again, talking quickly. “Please, Dawn. Wherever you’re going, take me too. We can be together. Just you and me if you’d like. Or you, me, and Zeke. It can be all three of us. We can all live together and love each other. It could be beautiful. You could have everything you’ve ever wanted, and I promise, I promise I’ll teach him how to be an amazing lover, and if not, at least we’ll know what to do, right?”

  Rain was dripping off the end of her nose, plastering her hair to the side of her face as she was trying to pull me toward her. It seemed as though she was completely losing her mind. “No, Shea. What you need is some kind of professional help to sort out whatever is going on in that mess of your mind. You need help.”