Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  Chaz shook his head. “No, you don’t.” He tapped his bump. “Too soon a change after attacking me, but it’s still a huge improvement.”

  “I’m sorry for attacking you.”

  Chaz made a sound at the back of his throat. “I bet you are, considering you’re tied to a bed with only your gruds on.” He ran a finger down Ash’s stomach, stopping at the top of Ash’s underwear. “And you know how much I wanna fuck you.”

  Ash felt like he’d stopped breathing, everything hanging on what Chaz would do next. Chaz’s hand drifted up to Ash’s neck and clamped around it, making Ash think he was going to get strangled instead, but he stayed still, although it was killing him.

  Chaz continued, “I used to take what I wanted in prison. Though, I didn’t like them struggling. I’m not really into getting off roughing up guys unless they deserve it, I prefer them placid. I prefer you placid too, but not drugged. Still, I’ll take ya anyway I can get. How long do ya think it’ll take before you’d lemme fuck you?”

  Never. “I don’t wanna be fucked, I’m not gay.”

  “You don’t hafta be gay to like it. I had a mate who said he went to a male doctor and got a finger up his arse for a check-up, and he popped a load off. He wasn’t gay, but still liked it, so you might too.”

  “I hated it when you raped me.”

  “I didn’t warm you up, cos I thought you had passed out, but if I went slower it will feel good.”

  “I still don’t want it.”

  “C’mon, just say you might, then I’ll let up.”

  “No!”

  “You hafta say yes otherwise I will think I’m never gonna get any, then I’ll just take it now, cos it’s gonna happen either way.” He grabbed Ash below.

  “Yes!”

  Chaz let go with a smile. “See, that wasn’t so hard.” He glanced down at Ash’s groin, then back up again. “At all. Pity, but I can make you hard if you lemme. So, how are we gonna do things?”

  Ash breathed in and out, his chest pumping fast.

  “Looks like you’re a bit too excited to say anything. Maybe you liked me touching you, but think it’ll make you less masculine if you admit it.”

  “I didn’t like it, I hated it.”

  “You still don’t know how to handle male affection, do you? No, don’t answer that, I know you have daddy issues. Now, answer my question: how are we gonna do things?”

  “You can’t fuck me— No, no, please listen,” Ash said, panicking as Chaz’s hand lowered. “I-I can’t handle it right now, I’m still too sore. Please, lemme get better first.”

  Chaz removed his hand. “Okay, I can take things slow, but it also means you hafta lemme touch and hug you without whining like a scared bitch.”

  Ash pulled a face.

  “C’mon, Ash, you liked it yesterday.”

  “I wuz drugged, I thought you were Tiana.”

  “You liked the comfort, and considering I don’t wanna sleep on the couch you hafta agree to share the bed.” Chaz held up a hand. “Before you cut me off, it’s just hugging, nuthin’ else, and of course, sleeping. Though, you’ll still be tied up until I know you won’t attack me.”

  “The bed’s not big enough.”

  “It’s bloody King-sized, so stop fobbing me off and agree.” Chaz glanced at Ash’s underpants again. “Or I’ll forget your name.” He frowned, then lifted a finger to his lips. “Um, which one are you? Dante or Ash?”

  “Don’t threaten me.”

  “Then tell me the correct answer. Can I sleep in this bed?”

  “Yes,” Ash said, wondering whether he could use the chain to strangle Chaz in his sleep.

  “Good boy. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “Stop patronising me.”

  “Only when you stop acting like a child.”

  Ash gritted his teeth so he wouldn’t snap at Chaz.

  Chaz lowered his hand to Ash’s left pec, then moved it over his shoulder, tracing the tattoo that finished above his elbow. “Your tattoos remind me of that Polynesian star. What’s his name?” Chaz looked up. “You know; the Samoan American guy who used to wrestle.”

  “The Rock,” Ash said automatically.

  “Did he inspire the tat?”

  “No.”

  “When did you get them done?”

  None of your fuckin’ business. “Those ones at eighteen and the neck one at sixteen—”

  “But, I thought eighteen was the legal age for getting tattoos.”

  “Hunter’s friend did the neck one for me.”

  “Typical. I knew Hunter was an irresponsible bastard. It looks great, but you were still too young.”

  But not too young to be raped? “I needed it.”

  “Why?”

  “So men,” like you, “didn’t think they could take from me.”

  “What men?”

  “Men in general, thugs,” rapists.

  “Did someone try to hurt you?” Chaz lifted a hand. “And I don’t mean me.”

  “Yes.”

  “Who?”

  “My boss, or his thugs, and an ex friend.”

  “Who was the friend?

  “Someone who got squashed like his name.”

  Chaz’s blond brows pulled together. “There was Joel, but it couldn’t be him cos he’s your cousin, plus that kid was your best mate, then there was Marko, but he was a nice boy so it couldn’t be him either, then there was... Squashed like an ant. Was it Ant Torres?”

  “Yes.”

  “What did he try to do to you?”

  “Like what you did to me.”

  Chaz frowned. “He tried to rape you?”

  “Tried, but didn’t succeed.”

  “I wouldn’t have guessed he was gay, but he was certainly a right shithead.”

  “He still is; he’s a pimp now for male escorts. The prick must be raking in the dosh too, cos he lives in Herne Bay.”

  “You’re kidding?”

  Ash shook his head, remembering what Dante had said about Ant. A chick had taken his brother to a party without Dante realising it was Ant’s place. The bastard had cornered Dante, asking if he wanted to work for him as a male escort, offering him a motherload of money. Dante had replied with a punch, followed by a few more before Ant and his mates threw him out with a party-bag of bruises to take home. Ash frowned, thinking karma was a bitch for not giving Ant his dues. Yeah, Ant had lost his mates over what he did in high school, but the prick always seemed to bounce back.

  “Looks like you went into the wrong business,” Chaz said.

  “I wouldn’t sell people’s bodies.”

  “Selling drugs is shit too.”

  Says the rapist and murderer.

  “I think being with me will do you good,” Chaz said. “It’ll get you away from all that nasty crap.”

  Ash remained silent.

  Chaz patted Ash’s chest and smiled. “I definitely like you better placid. It’s like when you were at fifteen. You were so sweet then.”

  “I wuz never sweet.”

  “Yes, you were.” Chaz pushed off the bed. “Now, you must be hungry, cos you didn’t eat all of your porridge.”

  “I don’t wanna be drugged again.”

  “I only did that so I could wash you, otherwise you would’ve gone berko.”

  “You’re lying, you didn’t wash me; I smell the same.”

  “O-fuckin-kay! You caught me out, Einstein. I had some fun with you. Didja really wanna know that?”

  Ash felt sick. “I don’t feel anything.”

  Chaz rolled his eyes. “I didn’t fuck you; I promised I wouldn’t, didn’t I?”

  “But you said—”

  “I did other stuff.”

  “Like what?!”

  “Calm down, it was nuthin’ you should get upset over. And after what you did earlier, I wanted you to sleep longer. You woke up too soon.”

  Ash yanked on the ropes, his plan to play it cool gone in an instant. “I’m more than upset, I wanna fuckin’ kill y
ou!”

  “Then you’ll never get outta those ropes.”

  The rumble of a car came from outside, the sound heaven-sent. Before Chaz could stop him, Ash started screaming, “Help!” at the top of his lungs.

  Chaz grabbed the duvet and shoved some into Ash’s mouth, almost making him choke. He tried to spit it out, but couldn’t, his breathing now panicked at the thought that someone could be outside and not know he was here.

  Chaz peered through the curtains, then ran out of the room. Thuds and banging sounded throughout the house, then the front door slammed. A gunshot followed, then another and another...

  Ash’s gaze stayed riveted to the door, praying that it was the police. His heart-rate picked up as another door closed followed by footsteps approaching the room. Then a figure appeared in the doorway. Ash cried out at the horror of seeing Chaz, his voice muffled by the duvet.

  Holding a gun, Chaz walked over to Ash and pulled out the duvet from his mouth. “Two people are dead now cos of your big gob.” He looked down at Ash’s underwear. “And since you yelled for help, those will be coming off after I bury them.” He left the room, closing the door behind him. A few minutes later an engine fired up, then the sound of tyres crunching over gravel disappeared.

  Ash closed his eyes, the thought of more people dying because of him tormenting his mind. He wished Chaz had spared them, and killed him instead, because there was no way he was going to survive if Chaz started raping him.

  Creaking floorboards caught his attention, the sound of someone sneaking through the house. He opened his eyes, praying it was someone who could help him—and not Chaz, which it couldn’t be, because he hadn’t heard him return, everything outside quiet.

  The door pushed open, then a figure stepped through. Ash gasped at the sight of Sledge’s mate.

  “What the fuck?” Tama said.

  ***

  Ash didn’t know how long they stared at each other for, both Tama and himself equally shocked: Ash at seeing Tama alive, and Tama no doubt seeing him tied to the bed almost naked.

  “I thought you were dead,” Ash finally said.

  “Why the fuck for?”

  “Juliet told me you were killed in the prison riot.”

  “Well, obviously, the ugly slag got things wrong.”

  “Shut your mouth ’bout Juliet!”

  Tama ran a hand over his tattooed head, the curls of the Māori pattern giving the impression of hair. “I can say what I bloody like ’bout her, cos you can’t do anything ’bout it.”

  Ash tugged on the ropes, aching to wrap them around Tama’s neck and string him up. “Free me before Chaz comes back.”

  “Nah ah, you look like you wanna kill me.” Tama came closer, the guy’s swagger over emphasised, like he was doing it on purpose to taunt Ash. Stopping next to the bed, his gaze swept Ash’s body, but without Chaz’s hunger, only curiosity colouring the kid’s face. “Man, Chaz is a sick motherfucker.” He smirked. “Or an Ashfucker.”

  Ash yanked on the ropes again. “Untie me!”

  “Again, nah ah, I’m not a dumbarse. So ... how did he get ya here? Cos I’ve gotta say, I didn’t expect you to go down against him—” Tama smirked again. “Go down, get it?”

  “He drugged me, and you can’t leave me like this.”

  “I’m not leaving, cos I owe the fucker death.” Tama turned to the window. A blood stained bandage covered the back of his head. He peeked through the curtains. “Damn lucky I came round the back way through farmland, otherwise he might’ve shot me too. I wonder who he killed.” He glanced back at Ash. “Do you know?”

  Ash shook his head.

  Tama looked back out the window. “I don’t really care, none of my biz, though better not be any of my relatives.” He frowned. “No, Chaz wouldn’t shoot my cuz, and anyway, Mikey doesn’t know ’bout this place, so all’s good. It wuz pro’bly just some poor schmuck turning up at the wrong place. Ha! Wrong place, wrong time. Never been truer—”

  “Stop talking and untie me before he comes back. He’ll kill you.”

  “Nope, I’m safe for now, I saw him drive down the creek track. He’s probably gonna dump whoever he killed, so my guess is he’ll be back anywhere from ten minutes onwards.”

  “Then untie me.”

  “Nah, I got a diff plan.”

  “At least untie me partially.”

  Tama turned back to him. “Untie me, untie me... Man, you’re like a broken record.”

  “But you hafta free me.”

  “I don’t hafta do nuthin’, and you can bloody stay like that. Call it payback for you trying to bash me when your ugly-arse sister jumped my dick. She’s the one who wanted a good fucking, not the other way round. That bitch looks like Sledge in drag, and there’s no way in hell my cock is goin’ anywhere near her willingly.”

  Ash grimaced. Juliet hadn’t lied about Tama hurting her, it may not have been physical, but the insults Tama had thrown at her did more damage than any punch would have.

  “I’m sorry for gettin’ things wrong,” Ash said, although he wasn’t. “I won’t hurt you, just lemme free and we can take care of Chaz together.”

  “No, I’m killing him myself. And you can shut the fuck up if you wanna keep your arse cock free. I’ll call the pigs for you after I finish the prick off.” Tama ran a hand over his face and swore. “Man, why did he hafta come here, this is my stepdad’s place, not his. Now I hafta find another pad to hole up in.”

  “Do ya have any weapons?” Ash asked.

  Tama pulled out a switchblade from his track-pants.

  “Don’t you have sumpthin’ better, like a gun?”

  “Nah, I don’t know how to shoot, so I’m taking him down with this beauty.” Smiling, Tama flipped the knife in his hand. “Maybe when he’s trying to fuck you, I can stab him in the back.” He flipped the knife again, then nodded at the wardrobe. “I can wait in there and see what he tries to do to you, it might be amusing.”

  Ash yanked on the ropes. “Lemme go!”

  Tama sneered. “I wuz having you on, cos there’s no way in hell I’m watching a fag bang. And anyway, your bro wouldn’t forgive me if I let that shit happen, no matter how much you hurt him. Instead, I should give you a smack around for what you did to Sledge.”

  “He attacked my mate,” Ash said, feeling guilty.

  “So? Your mate is more important than your bro?”

  Ash went quiet.

  Tama shook his head. “So big bad Ash feels bad for bashing his li’l bro. Didn’t expect that. Kinda thought you had no fuckin’ feelings. Guess you do care ’bout Sledge after all.”

  “Of course I care ’bout him.”

  “Then the next time he does sumpthin’ you don’t like keep your fuckin’ fists to yourself, shithead!”

  Ash dropped his gaze. “I won’t hurt him again, no matter what.”

  “Good. Looks like you aren’t a heartless bastard after all. So, this is the plan. Before Uncle Homo returns I’ll hop into the wardrobe, then when he’s on top of you...” Tama held up a hand as Ash swore. “Wait a mo, I didn’t say I’d let him fuck you, just said when he’s on top of you. I need him distracted or I won’t be able to stab him. I’ve already tried once, and failed, I can’t afford for him to turn on me again. He almost killed me the first time.” Tama pointed to the bandage at the back of his head. “He bloody bashed my head against the ground, and it still hurts like fuck, so you hafta distract him.”

  “Why can’t you hide behind the door and stab him when he walks in?”

  “I already told you why.”

  “I don’t see what difference it’ll make if you come up from behind when he walks in the door or when he’s on top of me.”

  “Are you stupid? There’s a huge diff. It’s harder to move when you’re lying on someone, and he’ll be thinking with his cock, not his brain.”

  “I don’t want him touching me.”

  “Don’t blame you, but it’s what’s happening, so get with the plan or get fucked�
��literally.” Tama walked over to the wardrobe and kicked the broken pieces of mirror on the ground. “Looks like that nasty-arse bruise on your forehead came from this. Did he smash you against it?”

  “No, I rammed it.”

  Tama’s gaze flicked back to Ash, his expression surprised, then a smile lit up his face. “That’s so fuckin’ cool; I would’ve given anything to have seen it. I always did think you were a crazy motherfucker. I could never do sumpthin’ like that, I love life too much.”

  “Life’s overrated.”

  “But, aren’t you scared of death?”

  Ash shook his head.

  Tama laughed, “You’re cool, man. If you didn’t wanna kill me I would so love to be your mate. Maybe since I’m helping you out, we could be now.”

  Ash glared at him. “No.”

  “Shit, why the fuck not? I’m cool, and you’ll be able to get me more chicks than Sledge. They swarm round you and Dante. Go on, I’m helping you out big time here, which means you owe me.”

  “Sure, you can be my mate,” until I get free, then I’ll bash your fuckin’ head in.

  “Chur, bro.” Tama smiled, then pulled the wardrobe open, giving it a look in. “Good, it’s big enough.” He turned back to Ash. “When he’s completely focused on you, call out: Don’t hurt me. When that happens I’ll come out and stab him. Okay?”

  “Can’t you—”

  “No, do as you’re told.”

  Ash nodded reluctantly, then tensed at the sound of someone walking over gravel outside. Tama got into the wardrobe, giving Ash one last look before shutting himself in. A door banged, then less than a minute later Chaz walked into the bedroom, looking worn out.

  “Fuck, that was a bitch to do,” he said. “I drove the car further into the woods so we should be good for now, but someone might come looking, so best pack up. I’ve got another safe house up in Hokianga—” Chaz stopped talking, a frown spreading across his forehead. He glanced back at the door. “I know I shut that.” Pulling out his gun, Chaz locked the door, then checked under the bed. Once finished, he leaned over, whispering in Ash’s ear, “Was...” He glanced at the wardrobe. “Is someone here?”

  “Not anymore. Tama showed up, but left. The bastard wouldn’t untie me, said I deserved to get fucked,” Ash replied, scared that Chaz would look in the wardrobe.