He buried his face in her hair as he thought of how to continue.
'I admire you Ella and I care. There is no shame here. Okay?' Ella refused to lift her head, shrinking further into his chest.
'If you can't talk about it, how about letting me tell you what I think and you can nod or shake to tell me how I'm doing?'
He kept a light tease in his voice. 'That needs a nod just now, okay?'
*
Ella gave the slightest nod of her head against his chest.
Matt really hoped he was doing the right thing here. He had no experience of what she had gone through or continued to go through. He just knew her behaviour every time he'd wanted to move beyond kissing hadn't been healthy. He was using his past experience of dealing with his sisters, he just hoped it served him well and didn't make matters worse for her.
He took a deep breath.
'Right. You knew Carl Miller when you were younger, yes?'
A nod.
'Was it about the time you left the school?'
Another nod.
'Did he violate you Ella?'
At that she tensed and instinctively drew her knees up into the foetal position. That was no more than Matt had already guessed given what Miller had said and what Azzam had since found out about him. He'd been wondering why Ella had been taken out of their school, and last night he had pretty much put that together too.
He stroked her hair and cuddled her into him.
'Since he's been in custody for what he tried to do to you, word's spread like wildfire and by the time we'd left this morning other women had come forward with their stories. The previous accusation I mentioned had been unproven as it was the word of a white man against a lowly serving girl so she wasn't believed. But since last night, many women have come forward, including one who was beaten by her family for being single and pregnant. Azzam now thinks he'll receive either a long-term prison sentence with a flogging or be sentenced to death. Personally, I think the latter would still be too good for him.'
'I felt so alone, so dirty.' The news that he would never be free was the catalyst that enabled Ella to finally speak of that time. She spoke so quietly Matt had to strain to hear her.
'What was he to you Ella?'
'No-one - my mother's latest boyfriend.'
'Did any of the others…?' Ella shook her head. Matt sighed in relief. Abuse was bad enough but at least it had just been the one man.
'I take it your mother didn't know?'
Again, a shake of her head.
'Why didn't you tell her?'
Ella shook her head fiercely. 'Couldn't,' she sobbed. Matt comforted her as, slowly, she told him all that had happened that one summer. She left nothing out about what he'd done, how he'd threatened her family and how she'd felt, every single second of that long summer holiday.
Ella felt empty once it was all out there. Her tears had stopped. She no longer felt this huge ball of fear in her stomach, she just felt empty and exhausted.
Matt felt a huge rage against the man. If he had been near them at that moment he may well just have killed him himself. He fought to keep his voice level.
'So was that why you changed schools? What did Mr Brown know?'
'Everything. He wheedled it out of me a few weeks after we'd gone back to school. He called in the police. Mum never forgave me for that. My sisters didn't understand what had happened but they never really forgave me for losing them their home.'
That explained a lot to Matt about why her sisters behaved towards her the way they did - long held resentment, topped off with jealousy for the woman she had become.
'Didn't the police do anything?' Matt struggled to keep the anger out of his voice this time. Anger for the innocent girl who'd been treated so shamefully. He could remember his sisters at fourteen. What if it had been one of them? He would have moved heaven and earth to bring the pathetic excuse for a man to justice. Hell, he'd been hot-headed enough back then to have definitely killed the man.
'My mother refused to bring charges - told them I was lying because he'd caught me with a boy and punished me.'
'But why didn't Mr Brown….'
Ella finally looked up at him, her face streaked with dried on tears. 'I told him not to. I didn't want him to make things any worse. Anyway, my mother threatened to spread the rumour that he'd been interfering with me if he said any more.'
'God Ella, I'm so sorry for the family you've got. Why do you keep doing things for them?'
'Because they are family. I bought my mother a house with the royalties from my first album but other than that I have next to nothing to do with her now. I keep hoping that if I do enough for my sisters, one day they might love me,' her voice broke on a sob.
Matt rocked her to him as he kissed her hair. 'You've got Daniel now. I know it's a new relationship but he seems to love you as a father should love his daughter.'
'He knew! Mr Brown told him. He knew Matt and he didn't come for me!' Tears were once again streaming down her cheeks.
Oh crap!
'But they both watched out for you after that. Maybe after what your mother had threatened they felt that was all they could do without making things ten times worse.'
Matt wasn't sure she'd taken that in. She just lay in his arms and cried.
He held her, offering what comfort he could until he noticed her breathing settle into a steady, quiet rhythm that signified she had fallen asleep. He gently lifted her and carried her back to her tent, hoping that after tonight she could start to heal the emotional scars.
'Don't go.'
Matt had laid Ella on the bed and removed her shoes. He was just turning to leave when she woke up.
Chapter 10
'Please stay.'
'Ella.' Matt sighed with frustration. Holding her in his arms and not acting on it had just about done him in. He wasn't sure he could spend another moment in her company just now without doing something he'd regret. He wanted her, more than he had any other woman, but she wasn't ready. When they came together he wanted it to be an act of beauty and not something she might associate with the sordid story she'd shared tonight.
'I need human company Matt. Please, I don't want to be alone just now. Just until I fall asleep?'
Matt accepted his fate. 'Okay. But as you're awake, why not get into your night clothes. You'll be more comfortable.'
As Ella settled herself under the sheet and silk cover, Matt stretched out on his side on top of it and rested his head in his hand.
'How are you feeling? Or is that an insensitive question?'
Ella shook her head. 'No. I'm not sure I have a simple answer. I felt so embarrassed about what you and Azzam would think of me. But now, I just feel drained. Exhausted. Empty.' She continued to think about it. 'Less dirty, if that makes sense. I never cried, never let it out. I bottled it up for so long, it became this enormous monster in my head. I've steeled myself all these years to not show hurt, to not cry.' She mocked herself. 'That's all I seem to have done since we met! It's a huge relief to have talked it out.' She held Matt's gaze.
'Bet you now wish you'd just turfed me out of your kitchen all those weeks ago?'
'I'm just sorry you had to go through all that Ella, on your own, with no help. No child should ever experience that. Now perhaps you can start to heal and eventually have healthy relationships with men.'
Ella turned away, hurt. It had been too optimistic to hope that Matt would want her after what he'd just heard. Maybe she could now heal, but she thought it would be a long time before she would get involved with anyone - Matt was going to be a hard man to get over.
Matt leaned over and kissed the side of her head. It felt more like a kiss he would bestow on one of his sisters than a lover. That action just sealed the deal. Ella closed her eyes and feigned sleep.
She started kicking out. She couldn't get her legs free - they were entangled. She forced them out of restraint and lashed out hard.
'Oomph!'
She'd got him. S
he kicked out again. Nothing. Ella froze wondering where he'd gone.
She fell back into a fitful sleep.
'No. No! Get off me! GET OFF ME!' She thrashed around to no avail. Her arms and legs were tied. She couldn't move.
'Ella!'
'Ella!' Matt yanked the bedclothes from around her, unable to prevent her tumbling back onto the bed.
Ella woke up, her eyes wide with fear.
'You were having a nightmare and got tangled up in the sheet.'
She looked unsure. 'But I got him. I kicked him. I heard him.'
Matt shook his head. 'No sweetheart. You kicked me. I must have fallen asleep on top of the bed.'
'Oh.' Ella's head fell back against the pillows, her breathing still laboured.
'Come on, I'll remake the bed.'
As he refreshed the sheet and cover he tried to keep his eyes averted from Ella's body. She had on a sleeveless, pale yellow top with large buttons all the way down the front. Below that was a pair of short silky looking shorts, exposing the length of her smooth legs.
Once Ella was back under the sheet Matt lay down and took her in his arms. 'Try and go back to sleep sweetheart.'
Ella relaxed into his arms. This was the place she wanted to be, the place she felt at peace.
'I don't want to sleep just yet.' Ella looked up into his face, her eyes asking the question she couldn't express with words.
'You're not ready Ella. I don't want to make things worse for you.'
'You won't. I need this Matt. I want you to kiss me.'
'It's two in the morning. I should go back to my tent and let you rest.'
*
Ella reached up and kissed him. Her tongue reached out and ran along the seam of his lips.
Matt was fast losing his ability to control his response to her.
'You don't know what you're doing. Don't do this Ella, you're not ready.'
Ella put her arms round his neck and drew him closer. She rained kisses along his jawline and down his throat.
'Ella.' His voice came out on a thread of desire.
'You're playing with fire. I've wanted you from the beginning. I'm going to combust if you keep that up.'
That comment thrilled her, excited her. She silenced him with her mouth as her tongue sought entry. She loved the taste of him.
The lightness of her tongue as it glided past his teeth and flicked across his own broke his resolve and he kissed her back. Their mouths fused and clashed as they both became overwhelmed with desire.
They remained locked in the embrace. It was the most erotic kiss Matt had ever experienced. He couldn't remember a time when he'd just kissed and not explored a woman's body at the same time. He felt his sense of touch and taste heightened as he concentrated on using his lips and his tongue.
Matt finally came up for air and studied her eyes for any hint of uncertainty or fear. 'Are you sure?'
'I want new memories. I don't want to be a hostage to the past anymore. I don't want to be a victim.'
'You're not a victim, you just never got shown the way out from the darkness.'
Ella stroked the side of his head. 'Show me now Matt. Show me how it can be.'
With that invitation Matt's mouth came crashing down forcing her lips apart. Ella felt it all the way to her soul as it started to paper over the cracks. Whilst one arm continued to support her, the other hand stroked her body through the silkiness of her top. He moved to the buttons and slowly worked his way down them, pausing at each one to give her time to adjust and halt him. When she didn't, he continued to the next one. His tongue continued to explore the sanctuary of her mouth as she matched him kiss for kiss.
With all the buttons undone, he pushed away both sides of the top to expose her breasts. He stopped exploring her mouth and lifted his head to gaze at her.
Ella had revelled in the delicate brush of his hand against her skin as he'd gently undone each button, but her exposure had briefly thrown her back to the past and she tried to cover herself.
Matt gently stilled her hand. 'Let me look at you. You're beautiful.' He spoke the words so softly, so reverently. His voice matching the look she saw in his eyes. She believed what he said - she was beautiful. She removed her hand and forced herself to relax, reminding herself that this was Matt and it was what she wanted.
Matt gloried in her naked breasts. They were a perfect, rounded size for his hands, with rosy pink areolae and dark tipped nipples that puckered under his gaze. He ran his hands over them, feeling their firmness, learning the weight of them. He loved the way her nipples stood proud. He captured one and rolled it between his thumb and forefinger.
Ella gasped in shock as she felt the sensation shudder through her body. Moistness pooled at the juncture of her thighs.
Matt felt her body tense and pulled his hand away. Ella grabbed it back.
'No! I'm sorry, I wasn't ready for how that would feel. It never felt like that when he….'
Matt kissed away her memory.
'This is how it should feel Ella. When two people want each other, desire each other.'
Slowly Matt lowered his head and took a nipple between his teeth. He nipped and sucked, soaking it with his saliva. Gently he blew across it, cooling the wet glistening tip. He moved to the other one and repeated the action. Ella found it hard to stay still, unable to believe how much she was affected by his touch, by the feel of his mouth and teeth on her nipples.
'You're so sensitive. I love your breasts. I could do this for hours.' Matt pressed light, butterfly soft kisses across the rise of each before taking a nipple back into his mouth. He flicked it with his tongue, loving how hard it turned to his touch. He felt honoured that Ella trusted him enough to give her this. He wanted to make her feel good, to be proud of her body and her sexuality.
Ella's hands moved to either side of Matt's head in a silent request to continue loving her breasts. Matt needed no encouragement and continued sucking on one, whilst caressing the other with his free hand. He physically ached he was so hard and aroused but he wanted this experience to be about Ella.
He kept his hand on one breast while he explored her body, kissing and licking his way down the slight swell of her tummy to the waistband of her shorts, telling her between kisses how beautiful she was, how much he liked her body.
With one last caress he moved his hand to her shorts and started to lower them over her hips. Ella's hands jumped down over his to stop him as she froze in place.
Matt moved his hand away and looked down at her. 'I won't do anything you don't want me to. I want to make you feel good, but not if you're not ready.'
Ella coloured at her foolishness. She wanted this so much. She didn't want to be frozen anymore and really didn't want to freeze under Matt's caresses. He made her feel warm and desired. It was her memory forcing her to forget it was Matt each time he did something new.
'I'm sorry. I want to be ready. I want to do this, if you want to continue.'
'Oh I want to continue, make no mistake about that.' He captured her mouth again in a long, drugging kiss that left her breathless.
She was almost mindless with desire and instinctively she wrestled with Matt's tee-shirt, wanting to feel his skin against hers. Matt shrugged off his top and lifted her to remove hers from her arms. He pulled her on top of him, giving her a level of control he guessed she would never have experienced in the past.
'Mmm,' Ella sighed. With her eyes closed, she rubbed herself across Matt's chest, loving the feel of his coarse hair against her nipples. Matt caressed the smoothness of her back and helped her body writhe over his. He couldn't get enough of Ella's soft, full breasts, in such contrast to his own chest. He caressed the sides of them, his fingers finding her nipples each time she lifted slightly above him before coming down and rubbing herself again. Watching the look of unadulterated pleasure on her face was almost enough to send him over the edge. Sex had never been like this for him. Before, it had always been about release for both him and his partner. Neither he n
or his partners had wanted to spend much time on foreplay, but this slow, passionate tasting and touching was arousing him beyond any satisfaction he'd experienced in the past.
He adjusted his posture so Ella was lying between his legs and on top of his pulsing erection. She stilled. Matt saw a flash of fear in her eyes. He rolled to his side and took her with him so they were facing each other on the bed.
Without saying a word, he kissed away her fear.
He went back to caressing her nipples until her body bucked with her building arousal. He could feel Ella's fingernails scrape down his back. His hand moved to the outside of her thigh where he rested it there. He was wound so tight he wasn't sure he could hold off. All he wanted to do was thrust into her over and over until she screamed her release, but a fine thread of control held him back. He didn't want to spook her.
He kissed her mouth, swallowing her mewls of pleasure. Gradually, he moved his hand up and down her thigh and under her shorts, until his fingers felt the curve of her bare cheek. Her skin tensed slightly under his touch but she continued ravishing his mouth.
He stroked her across the top and back of her thigh, slowly moving over the roundness of her cheeks. He felt her arousal with every new stroke.
He swept round to the underside of her thigh and she moved her legs apart. It was the slightest of moves but it gave Matt encouragement to caress between her legs.
He kissed her along her jawline, down her throat and round her neck to the spot under her earlobe. Ella threw her head back allowing him greater access. His fingertips brushed her vaginal lips and she gasped out his name, widening her legs for more.
Matt parted her lips. The slick wetness he found there drove him wild with longing and he captured her mouth again in a frenzied kiss.
He thrust his finger inside her entrance and thumbed her pulsing clitoris. Ella broke the kiss and threw her head back against the pillows. He sucked and tweaked her nipple as he continued to finger her. Her body bucked against him encouraging him deeper. He used a second finger and as he hit her most sensitive spot she convulsed around him. Ella screamed out as her body exploded with new sensations that rocked her from the aching tips of her breasts all the way down through her tight depths.
Heat in the Kitchen Page 13