Anne was the closest and she got there relatively fast. She tried hitting the Zed in the head with the stock of her rifle but she wasn’t hitting him hard enough. He wouldn’t let go. She dropped the rifle and started pulling him by the arm, trying to get Tanya free, but it wasn’t going well. Adam and I were the next closest but there were bodies everywhere on the floor and the ground was slippery from all the bloods and guts. It slowed us both down as we tried to get over there and help.
As Adam stepped over one of the bodies I saw it reach up for his leg and grab him by his ankle. It tripped him up. I was close enough to help so I stepped over a body and started to hit the Zed that had a hold of Adam in the back of the head with the tire iron until it let go. I helped Adam off the ground and looked up to see Tanya and Anne still fighting, still trying to get free.
I looked around to see that the others were getting closer to shutting that door, but they were still fighting hard to keep the zombies out. I tried to get to Tanya, but as I moved my way through the obstacle course of bodies on the floor I tripped and fell. I looked back to make sure that nothing had grabbed me or that nothing was moving around me. I pushed myself back up onto my knees just in time to see Anne loose her grip and fall back against the wall. Once she let go, the Zed and Tanya were propelled forward and they both fell over one of the bodies on the ground. They landed right next to the oil pit and were wrestling when I saw the hands and arms that were reaching out grab a hold of both of them and pull them in.
I tried to run over and grab her but I was too late. I screamed for someone to help, but I had already lost sight of her. With so many of them in such a confined space they were on her fast, so fast in fact that I don’t remember even hearing her scream. Trevor arrived and swung his axe at the head of any zombie that he could reach. He smashed one of their heads between his axe and the sidewall of the pit. He swung again and again until he realized that there was little he could do to help. I just stayed there on my knees looking around for answers. I saw Derrick had closed the door and was sitting on the ground leaning against it trying to catch his breath.
The others just stood around the pit looking down knowing that there was nothing more that we could do to help. Truth is she was gone the second she fell into that oil pit. There were at least a dozen of them still moving around in there not counting the bodies that were on the bottom. We couldn’t see what happened to her or where her body was but I just hoped that she didn’t suffer. I hope that she hit her head or died quickly and wasn’t subjected to the agony and pain of being eaten alive at the bottom of that pit. Tanya was an incredibly sweet person. She was a person who didn’t deserve something like that to happen to her.
What happened right after that is kind of a blur. The others entered the garage and Anne informed them of what had happened. Cody wanted to go and get more ammo to finish off those Zeds that were still inside the pits but Paul stopped him. We needed to conserve ammo then more then ever. Unfortunately that meant that we needed to take care of them by hand. We would draw their attention and once they reached up, Trevor would drive the axe into their head. One by one we eliminated those that were still alive down there except for those that were still down laying on the bottom. We would just burry those Zeds underneath the rest of the dead that littered the floor of the garage.
It felt like it took us hours to drag all of the corpses off of the floor and into the pits. We stacked the bodies high that afternoon and it was disgusting work. Funny thing is that don’t remember feeling sick like some of the others did. I guess what I was doing wasn’t registering with me. I was in a haze the entire time and I don’t think that I was the only one. Once the last body was in there I remember hearing Paul say something that caught me off guard and then he struck Derrick in the back of the head with the stock of his gun.
Paul was furious. What Derrick had done had cost Tanya her life and put all of us at risk. I think if he had any bullets left he would have shot him right then and there. Thankfully he didn’t but I could at least understand why he wanted too. The blow had left Derrick dazed and confused, so much so that Jacob and I had to help him out of the garage. Once we got him out there the arguments started. Emotions were running high and people were angry. Paul and Trevor would have killed him if they had gotten their way. But some of the others were able to talk some sense into them. Instead we settled on tying him up to a computer chair with some rope from the camping department.
The aftermath of that disastrous afternoon was a short funeral service for Tanya and a whole lot of questions. Paul wanted to know why Ray was missing in action as everything happened, Trevor wanted to know why we hadn’t killed Derrick yet, and some of the others just wanted to know what to do next. Ray explained that he and Sandy had been busy holding back Shannon, Amy and Kerri from running into the garage and that was probably a good decision on his part. I still have a hard time understanding how I made it out of there alive and looking back we were lucky to have only lost one of us.
But all of that was in hindsight, and everyone had questions about what had happened and what to do about it. I think we all knew what Derrick had done was wrong and even though it had resulted in Tanya’s death we couldn’t kill him. As he regained consciousness and everything started to sink in he cried and tried to apologize. But it was too late for that. Despite his regret and remorse we still had to restrain him. He didn’t fight it. He understood why we were doing it and actually agreed to it. We promised that it would only be for a while or at least until we believed that it was safe to let him go.
Trevor was still pushing for us to get rid of him. He wanted him gone. But Jacob and Amy fought hard for him, he had saved them several times while they were out there and I guess that was their turn to repay the favor. I was pissed off about what had happened, but I knew Derrick had lost it and wasn’t a terrible human being and as it turns out the majority of the others felt the same way I had.
We tied him up in the entertainment department because there was usually always someone there who could watch him. In the rare occasion that Ray wasn’t there, people always gathered around the televisions to watch the news so it was the perfect place to keep him. Ray sat down next to him and I could see that he had clearly been shaken by either what had happened or the accusations that had been cast in his direction. But he volunteered to watch Derrick for a while and with that I left for the roof.
I grabbed the hunting rifle once I got up there and through the scope I found Hal once again. He was still trying to work his way through the wooden boards with everything he had. That was around the time Kerri came up there and surprised me. She was just looking for someone to talk too I guess. We both sat back and looked up at the stars and discussed what we thought was going to happen next. Kerri had her heart set on leaving, she wanted to be somewhere else and I couldn’t fault her for that. All I wanted was to go to sleep and wake up somewhere else away from this outbreak and everything it brought with it.
But I knew that what had happened in that garage was only a small sample of what we would see out there. I told her about how dangerous it would be to try for the coast and that we were at least safe where we were. But it didn’t matter what either one of us wanted because the one thing that we could agree on was that the worst was yet to come. Little did I know that we would be right?
DAY TEN
Growing up I had always dreamed of being a hero. It started out when I was just a child and fantasized about being a superhero and saving the world from costumed villains and giant monsters. As I got older the dream changed from flying and fighting evil to scoring game winning goals and touchdowns, hitting home runs and winning championships for my favorite teams. I wanted to be a sports hero, a superstar. But later in life those dreams fell by the wayside and I grew older only to realize that I lacked either the ability or that my efforts needed to go towards more obtainable goals like college and a career. That’s what happens in life you grow old enough to realize that dreams are just that.
None of that mattered anymore. Some would say that the outbreak offered ample opportunity for new heroes to emerge. There were plenty of chances for people to step outside their comfort zone and do something spectacular. But I am not a hero. I was old enough to realize that. Tanya was a hero. Bruce was a hero. They put themselves in harms way trying to save others and although I always liked to believe that I could do something like that I knew that like so many dreams of my youth, that one would go unrealized as well. Surviving was the only dream I had anymore and as the days went on it became apparent that to fulfill that dream I might have to do a few things that would never be considered heroic.
It was on the tenth day that we finally lost power. Sometime in the middle of the afternoon the lights went out and for a few seconds everything went dark. Lucky for us the emergency back ups turned on almost immediately and they would provide us with enough light to get bye. But we knew that they wouldn’t stay on forever and that eventually those lights would go out as well. But at least we had already come up with a plan for just such an occasion.
We had already gathered all of the flashlights and the lanterns days before. We met downstairs in the back room where he had put them all along with every battery we could find. From there we split up and went and placed the lanterns in pre-determined areas of the store where they would be the most effective. At that point we didn’t turn them on. For that we would wait until the back up generator died on us.
Funny story. I remember Derrick offering to help. He would have had better luck asking Paul for a gun at that time. People were still upset and I think that he knew that. I think he just wanted to do something to try and redeem himself in our eyes. We only untied Derrick a few times and that was when we needed to take him to the bathroom. He never tried to escape or resisted when we tied him back up. He was trying to earn our trust again and he was willing to wait.
The emergency lighting kept the store well lit for the most part but without power we had lost the televisions. More importantly we had lost the news. We wouldn’t be able to follow any instructions from the government or keep tabs on the rescue mission that was taking place along the coast. We were in the dark until Sandy reminded us that once upon a time people used to get their news from a the radio. We had plenty of clock radios that worked on batteries and so with that he had found a solution to at least one of our problems.
Once the lanterns were in place I spent the rest of the afternoon on the roof enjoying some natural light and fresh air. Well as fresh as the air could be. I found Hal again and it was easy because he never went too far. The boards that had blocked the door were almost completely smashed and huge pieces of what used to be a barricade were on the ground. I could see through the rifle’s scope that most of his fingers were either broken or dislocated and his forearms were covered in large gashes and wounds. But that wasn’t surprising considering he had been pounding on solid wood for the better part of a week. But the one thing that I did find surprising was that Hal wasn’t alone anymore.
Another Zed had joined him. Only one, and the two of them were pounding on what was left of the wooden slabs that were still in place. That zombie looked like he had been younger then Hal and was wearing an incredibly dirty hockey jersey. From the moment I saw him I didn’t like him. Okay now that sounds really strange I know because I hated all of the Zeds. Well all but one. Thing is I actually started to wonder if Hal was happy to have the help or if he even wanted that thing there with him. He had made a lot of progress by himself. He had put a lot of work into doing whatever it was that he was doing and why should that latecomer share in the spoils. That was if there were any spoils to be had I told myself.
I continued to watch them for some time, my warped imagination debating whether or not Hal wanted the help or not. Eventually, with the Zed in the hockey jersey lined up in the rifle’s scope I pulled the trigger. My first shot struck him in the shoulder and the impact propelled him forward into the storefront where he stayed for a second or two before trying to regain his footing. I lined him up again and that second shot was bang on. Hal didn’t even flinch as the zombie in the hockey jersey fell to the ground beside him. Somehow in my twisted mind, I knew that was what Hal would have wanted.
I find it amazing that I can remember all that. But apparently it’s very hard to forget. Those were difficult times and as strange as it might seem now, it was incredibly important to me then. But even though I would like to forget some of it, I remember it all too clearly.
Even though Hal hadn’t paid much attention to the two gunshots that I had fired, it had caught the attention of everyone else in the building. I couldn’t blame them after what had just happened the day before. So it wasn’t a total shock to see them come charging up through the hatch of the roof with weapons in hand. I fully expected a lecture as well as plenty of questions and boy did they come. Anne shouted about wasting bullets and acting like a fool. She couldn’t understand how I could do something so reckless after what Derrick had done and she went on and on. I let her finish. I never fought back knowing that it would only make things worse.
Instead once she was finished saying what she needed to say I lied. I told everyone that they had no reason to worry and that I was just still having a hard time dealing with what happened to Tanya and was just blowing off a little steam. I knew that it wouldn’t get me completely off the hook, but I knew it would get a better response then if I told them the real reason I had fired that gun. If I had told them that I probably would have been tied up in a chair next to Derrick.
So after that I had to go into damage control. That meant that I needed to go back downstairs and spend some quality time with the group and try and prove to them that they didn’t need to worry about me. So I joined the others around the clock radio and I listened for a while. The radio broadcast was very similar to the woman I had seen on TV that one night. It was more instructional then it was news and it basically had nothing new to offer us.
What I had done had worried the others and for me that meant that I was going to have to play it safe for at least a little while. It also meant that it would be a lot harder to go and check on Hal whenever I felt like it. It also meant that I was basically forced into spending most of that day with the others as I tried to win them over again.
I won’t waste time writing about the meaningless conversations that we shared or how we disposed of the meat in the freezers that was sure to rot without power. The entire afternoon was uneventful and the worst part of all of it was when people would come up and ask me how I was doing. Now how in the hell was I suppose to answer that question after everything we had been through.
Telling people that I was fine didn’t seem like a suitable answer given what was going on around us. Maybe I should have told them I thought we were doomed and that I found it really depressing. Maybe I should have told them how I was struggling with the fact that my entire family was most likely dead and that chances were that I would never see anyone I cared about again. I should have told them that I thought they were idiots for wanted to leave the store and race out into incredible danger for a slim chance at safety, safety that we already had. But instead I told them that I was fine.
That afternoon I realized why I kept trying to escape to the roof and avoid long periods of time with the others. I was irritable and tired from not sleeping, drinking too much and well the whole zombie apocalypse thing. When some of the others started talking about their families I would start to feel my blood boiling and I remember just wanting to shout in their face that they were gone. You have to understand that I was trying to come to terms with the loss of the world I had known and hearing others talk about it like it would all just go back to the way it was didn’t help matters.
Thing was that I was usually a pretty relaxed individual and I realized that if I was feeling the way I was that at least a few of the others must have been getting close to their breaking point as well. Derrick had reached his and I had seen what happened there. I knew that
I needed to keep my eye on some of the others for signs that they were about to snap. Funniest part about that was as I was busy coming to that conclusion it just happened to be when most of the others were busy watching me.
At some point in the late afternoon the argument about whether we should leave or stay broke out again and instead of taking part I chose to go back up to the roof again. To avoid suspicions I asked if Kerri and Cody wanted to join me and of course they decided to come. I could always rely on them and they seemed to have their heads on straight so I always kind of felt like I could trust them no matter what happened.
But I needed to get away from that debate and I think they felt the same way. I understood that people wanted to get away from all of this. But I was terrified of leaving and the outside world held horrifying possibilities. It seemed like we wouldn’t stand a chance out there and that death was almost a certainty if walked out those doors. We were safe at the store and I never understood why people couldn’t see that. But the debate was all but pointless anyway. They weren’t getting any closer to a decision and nobody ever really had a real plan that the majority could agree on.
In Hiding: A Survivors Journal of the Great Outbreak Page 16