Two suicides in such a short period of time and the possibility that we could see more if we didn’t do something opened the door for a familiar argument. Adam, who had usually been silent on most things, spoke up and he had plenty of support. He wanted out, he stood firm that we needed to leave before someone else reached a breaking point. Sandy supported him along with Amy and Jacob. They all wanted to start planning a way out and argued that it was better to die trying then to sit around and wait to die.
I stayed silent and so did Kerri. Paul tried to calm them down and move the conversation in a different direction. But his usually effective stall tactics didn’t work that time. Adam was yelling at that point about how he wasn’t listening to what everyone wanted and that if he didn’t want to leave then he was more then welcome to stay while the others escaped. I could see Paul’s face turning red, I could hear the tone in his voice changing and then in the heat of the moment he let it all out.
“I am in charge here. You don’t get to make those decisions.”
As soon as the words came out of his mouth I knew what it meant. I had always suspected that Paul had felt that way. Don’t get me wrong I was still shocked to hear him actually say it. Especially considering how guarded Paul usually was. But I wasn’t the only one who was caught off guard by his outburst and Sandy and Adam started shouting back at him and calling his sanity into question.
At first Paul tried to back track and talk his way out of it. He claimed that he misspoke and that he hadn’t meant what he said. But the cat was out of the bag and Adam had found his voice. The argument went back and forth until Adam told Paul that they were all leaving and that there was nothing that he could do about it. Well, Paul showed us what he could do. He pulled the pistol out from the back of his pants and shoved it right in Adam’s face.
I don’t know when he grabbed the gun or if he had always been carrying it with him but that was irrelevant. Kerri and Cody tried to talk him down but he wasn’t listening. He was going to say what he had to say and nobody was going to stop him. He was no longer trying to talk his way out of it. Paul was going to let us all know that he was in charge and that what he said was pretty much law. He informed us all that we were staying and that there was nothing that we could do about it. Even if anyone had wanted to protest or disagree, it was pretty difficult to argue with a man holding a gun.
Once Paul had finished his little speech, Cody approached him slowly and calmly and assured him that he was right. He told Paul that everyone was just over reacting to the loss of Anne and Ray and that deep down we all knew that staying was the right call. I didn’t think Paul would buy it but I had to give it to Cody. He must have said just the right thing and in just the right way because Paul lowered his weapon and took a deep breath. I don’t think that he completely believed what Cody was saying but I think he was smart enough to see that he had been given a way out of a terrible situation.
However, with everything out in the open and Paul as paranoid as he was, it became fairly obvious that we needed to be extremely cautious about everything we said or did. He had gone too far and there was no going back to the way things used to be. If Paul caught wind that someone was planning anything or even thought they were up to something there was no telling what he might do.
Cody escorted Paul downstairs to show that he wasn’t alone and that he truly did support him while the rest of us just stood there in shock. Once they were gone it was surprisingly Derrick who took control of the situation. He insisted that we do nothing at that moment. He wanted us to play it safe and act as if nothing had happened until it was safe to talk about such things again. We all agreed, but I was just dumbfounded at what was happening and started to wonder if we were doomed no matter what course of action we chose.
With tensions high and the group divided on what to do there was no telling what could happen next. One small spark and this thing could blow up quickly. I could tell that Adam was scared and I only hoped that he wouldn’t do something that would set Paul off. Any one of us could ignite this powder keg. One thing I knew for sure was that it was only a matter of time until something happened. We were heading towards something, I wasn’t sure what it was at that point, but I had a feeling it was coming.
After everyone else left the roof I hung around up there thinking. Mostly thinking about a way out before something else happened. I didn’t want to leave the building but I was smart enough to see that things weren’t headed in the right direction here. I took mental notes of where supplies were, where certain vehicles were and which one might actually still have the keys in them.
I knew the small truck at the back still had the keys in them. The driver had been killed just outside the driver’s side door and when we first found it the truck was still running. Even though the keys were still in the truck, my guess was that it had run out of gas because after a few days of idling, it just shut off. The other problem was that there were so many zombies out there it would almost be impossible to make my way through. Scott’s car was another option. It was parked a little closer then my car but I didn’t know if the keys were in the car or with him at the bottom of that oil pit. I had my keys, but my car was out in the middle of the lot and I couldn’t think of a way to get to it without fighting my way through about a hundred Zeds.
I was discouraged. Looking out into the parking lot trying to find something that I had missed, a way out that I hadn’t thought of. Really I just wanted some kind of a back up plan in case something happened. That was when I felt the hand on my shoulder. Paul was standing behind me and I immediately assumed that he was about to accuse me of plotting something and he wouldn’t have been wrong.
He had calmed down and started off by offering an apology for what had happened earlier. He thanked me for all of my support and how Kerri and I had been there for him through all of this. But I was quick to realize that the newly humbled Paul had ulterior motives. He was fishing for information and I think he had finally accepted that the group was divided on what to do and that he was on the wrong side of the numbers game. He was looking for allies, which he needed then more then ever. He knew much like I did that the others were going to leave sooner rather then later and there was nothing we could do to delay that decision any longer.
I didn’t need to reiterate how I felt about leaving. Paul knew that I had no interest in trying to make it to the coast. He knew how I felt about the challenges that we would face and the chance that those Navy ships were no longer operating in the area. So I told him what he wanted to hear, that I was with him and that I would support him. What happened next however caught me off guard and the words that came out of Paul’s mouth were deeply troubling.
He looked right into my eyes and told me that he believed that one of the others was going to try something. He didn’t elaborate, he didn’t get specific, he just had this feeling that something was about to happen. The first thing that I though of was that he was worried someone was going to make an attempt on his life. He was delusional and I could see that his paranoia had grown worse. But what really frightened me was that if he truly believed that, there was no telling if he was going to do something about it first. But what had me more concerned was what he said as he walked away.
“If or when something goes down I’ll be looking for you to have my back. Just remember that I only did it to keep us safe. You know, for the greater good.”
That one sentence has been etched into my memory since he said it. At the time I didn’t know what he meant but I remember the feeling that I had after hearing it. It confirmed my greatest fear, that something was going to happen, he was going to do something, and the possibilities were endless.
I stood there for a few minutes trying to understand what had just happened. I looked out across the parking lot and to the other side of the street to see what Hal was up too and talk my way through my current predicament. Strange I know but it always seemed to help me see things a little clearer when I had my one sided conversations with Hal.
But there was no time for that. I could see that Hal was almost through the wooden planks and most of the glass door had been exposed. He was hurling his body into the last wooden board that stood between him and the door and I started to think that he was going to make it.
I grabbed the hunting rifle and looked through the scope to get a better view. Hal was pretty beat up, all of the wounds self-inflicted from smashing himself and his arms into the barricade that protected the door of the store. He was going to get through that door eventually unless someone was inside. I thought surely if somebody were in that store they would have re-enforced the door from the inside, they would have seen what Hal was doing and did something to stop him. It was so hard to imagine that if there were a person or persons in that building that they wouldn’t have done something to prevent Hal from breaking through.
I could see the glass door and I guessed that it was thicker glass like most doors that businesses used were made of. I was on the edge of my seat watching Hal as he ripped down that final board and begin to pound his fists on the glass. I had so many questions, so few answers but Hal’s little saga was finally drawing to its conclusion and I didn’t want to miss a second of it.
My eyes never left him, even as I lit up a cigarette while watching through the rifle’s scope. All the broken wood, everything that had stood in his way littered the ground around Hal’s feet as he pounded on the door trying to get inside. I knew the glass was thick, I knew that it could take Hal days to break through by himself over there. But just then by some miracle of timing it happened. I saw it before I heard it. Four gunshots smashed through the glass door from inside the corner store weakening the only thing that stood in Hal’s way. Then a person, a man, ran to the door trying to push the panel of glass back and keep Hal on the outside. The glass was shattered, but still in one piece as the man put his hands up at the top and pushed with what I can only assume was everything he had.
I couldn’t believe it. What a critical mistake he had made. He could have barricaded the door from the inside. He didn’t need to shoot at Hal. He must have panicked and by doing that he destroyed the one thing that could have kept Hal out.
I was amazed by what I was watching. Hal had been right the entire time. Someone had been inside that building and even more impressive was that he was the only one who seemed to have figured it out. I actually thought that maybe I had been justified in spending all that time watching him.
The man was desperately trying to hold up the flimsy panel of glass as Hal continued to push forward. The man was almost using the glass as a shield but I could see that it wasn’t going to hold for long. The panel of glass was falling apart and despite the man’s best efforts to keep it up right it collapsed to the ground between them. Even though Hal had broken fingers and cut up arms he reached out and grabbed one of the man’s arms. Unfortunately for him it was the arm that was holding the gun. The man was in serious trouble but I didn’t know what to do.
The man punched Hal in the face with his free hand but it had little effect. He tried to pull away, he tried to choke Hal, he tried everything he possibly could to get away. Hal grabbed a hold of the man’s other arm and pulled him in close, but the man was still able to avoid Hal’s mouth. Hal was biting at the air around the man’s face and just then he managed to point the gun at Hal’s midsection and fired off two more shots. Neither of them had any affect. He tried to spin, he tried to wiggle free from Hal’s grasp but he was getting nowhere and it was starting to look like he was getting tired.
He kicked at Hal’s knees, but wasn’t able to break loose. That was when I realized that I had been so caught up in watching what was happening that I forgot that I was looking through the scope of a hunting rifle. It had been in my hands the entire time and as I looked and saw the expression of terror in the man’s face I knew that I had waited long enough. Just then the man pulled one of his arms free and again tried punching his way out. But judging by the weak blows he was delivering to Hal’s chest I knew that he was out of energy. As he tried to grab Hal by the shirt and pull him to the ground in a desperate attempt to get away he made a mistake. His arm was in a bad place right between the two of them and that was when I watched Hal bite down into the man’s forearm. I had waited too long.
That was when I shot him.
My shot was right on target, the bullet passed right through his brain. Too late I know but I finally pulled the trigger. I lowered the rifle and took a deep breath, disgusted with myself and shocked at my lack of response. I pulled out another cigarette, lit it, took a drag and then raised the scope back up to my eye to take one last look.
I saw the body on the ground and Hal knelt over him feasting on the man that I had just shot.
What I did was wrong and I’ll have to live with it as well as many other things that I have done during this outbreak. I know if I had shot Hal at any point prior, that man would still be alive. I won’t try and explain it or justify it because I can’t.
That gunshot didn’t draw the usual crowd. Only Sandy arrived and she didn’t arrive quickly. She simply asked if I was okay and didn’t bother with any follow up questions. I guess they had grown used to the gun going off while I was on watch. I just assumed that nobody cared anymore but while Sandy and I were up on the roof having a smoke together Shannon appeared at the top of the ladder and what she told us explained why nobody seemed to give a damn about the gun shot.
She told us that Adam wanted to show everybody something and that Cody was bringing Paul up to the roof to distract him. She told us that we needed to get to the automotive department as quickly as possible and if we saw Paul not to say anything.
Sandy and I both looked at each other unsure of what to think. With Paul acting the way he had I didn’t know what to expect and if Adam was plotting something I really didn’t want any part of it. Paul might have been acting like a power hungry dictator and even though I was still worried that he had manipulated me, in a way he was almost like a friend. One of the very few that I still had left in this world.
Sandy and I climbed down the ladder and started for the downstairs. We got about halfway down the hallway when we ran into Paul and Cody. Cody was clever and asked about the gunshot and why we had left our watch before he arrived. Sandy quickly snapped back that she wasn’t feeling well and that I was helping her go and get something to help with her nausea. Cody followed up with a joke about her drinking too much and it all flowed so naturally that a part of me thought they had actually rehearsed it. Whether they did or not, Paul seemed to buy it and we moved on without any other questions in regards to the gunshot or where we were going.
So they continued upstairs and us downstairs and we arrived at the automotive department just as Shannon had told us too. We found the rest of the group gathered around the doorway. Standing around that door brought back terrible memories of the last few times we had all met outside that garage.
The first thing I noticed was the look on Adam’s face. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Nobody else knew what that secretive meeting was about but then he asked if anyone of us had seen the guns. I quickly realized that I actually hadn’t but to be honest I hadn’t been looking for them. I mean at that point I had even failed to notice that they weren’t on the table in the back room anymore. Nobody had actually noticed except for Adam. So he had started searching for them, believing that Paul had hidden them somewhere sometime after the confrontation on the roof. It was while he was searching for the guns that he found something in the garage that he desperately needed to show us.
He explained that he was searching through the garage a place he assumed was a reasonably good place to hide weapons, and while in there he searched through the oil pits. That was where he found it. We entered the garage and I remember the stench being so overpowering that I almost got sick. It was like a wall hitting you in the face and it was putrid. The stink of rotting corpses and lingering gun smoke was the only thing I could focus on even as Adam started pointing into the closest
oil pit. Nobody understood what he was showing us because all we could see was a mass grave.
That was when Adam reached down and pushed the legs of a corpse off to the side and showed us a body that looked somewhat familiar. It was difficult to see what it was we were looking at because we were looking at the back of a head. That was until Shannon noticed exactly what it was that Adam had found. When the words came out of her mouth my jaw dropped and I found myself in a state of disbelief.
It was Anne.
She was lying face down in the oil pit amongst the many corpses and one of the Zeds had been pulled over top of half her body in what must have been an attempt to keep her concealed. She had a large wound on the back of her head, but the dried blood that surrounded it was closer to human blood then the brownish sludge that seemed to be consistent with the Zeds. It was at that moment that it all started to sink in, that I thought I had pieced it all together. I remembered Paul’s strange behavior after Anne’s disappearance, the bizarre conversation that the two of us had, and why everything escalated so quickly on that roof with Adam.
In Hiding: A Survivors Journal of the Great Outbreak Page 20