“If, might, maybe, could, should… you focus too much on things that haven’t happened. I told you that I was good at hiding and sneaking, and now you know that I tell the truth. I’m a goblin, Ken Jewell, and I know the goblin trade. Now show me how to cook what you call ven-uh-sun.”
“It’s venison, and we can’t cook it until those men leave their camp,” I told her.
“When will that be?” she pouted.
“My guess is sunrise. Thanks to you, they won’t be hungover though.”
“What is hungover?”
“It means sick from alcohol. Come on, show me what else you took from them.”
Nika gladly obeyed and slowly opened the coin purse that she lifted from Alfred. “Aw, there’s no food, but there is money,” she said and tossed it to me before rifling through something else.
I caught the coin purse and looked inside. There were seven gold coins in there, five silver, and three coppers. I had no idea how much they were worth, but given Alfred’s attire, I guessed it was a small fortune.
“What did you get from the kid’s bag?” I asked.
Nika held up a piece of dried meat that she had bitten in half, and handed me a small pouch, inside I found a feather quill, a bottle of ink, and a small notebook. “Hmm,” I said, “This will come in handy. All in all, it’s a good take. This money is going to get us a lot of supplies.”
“Then you can finish the house?” Nika asked hopefully.
“Yeah, then I can finish the house. Listen, I’m going to keep an eye on those men until they’re far from here, alright, you stay with--”
“I’ll stay with the food, Ken Jewell,” she said.
“Nika,” I said and offered her my best scowl, “You’ve got to promise me not to have a fire until I come back and tell you it is safe. Alright?”
“Of course, you’re my husband, and what you say goes,” she answered cheerfully.
“No, it’s not like that. I’ve just got to be able to trust you, understand? Just like you’ve got to be able to trust me.”
“I understand,” she said with a reassuring smile and a kiss on my cheek. “I love you so much, Ken Jewell. Come back soon.”
I left Nika and returned to the place where I had been spying on the men, but it seemed that the mood around camp had soured since the argument, and they had all settled in to bed, so I made myself comfortable and settled in for a long wait.
Seven hours later I watched groggily as the men finally stirred, ate a small breakfast, and stiffly set out once again along the river. I followed them for three or four miles and was delighted when they led me to a road.
“This way to Buckshire,” Ned told them as he turned right, and I let the men go.
There was a sign on the side of the road that held two posts, one told me that Hamstead was seven miles to the north, and the other read that Buckshire was five miles to the south.
I hurried back the way I had come, excited that I wouldn’t have to return to Hamstead. Buckshire was closer, and nobody knew me by sight there. It was the much safer bet.
The first sun had been up for an hour and a half by the time I returned to the homestead, and I found that Nika heeded my warning and hadn’t built a fire. Instead she had gone back to sleep, but when I came walking onto the stone floor, she bolted alert and ran over to me.
“Are the men gone?” she asked urgently.
“Yeah, they’re gone, they went--”
“Oh good!” she said and rushed over to my molle pack. It took her about five seconds flat to locate my magnesium fire starter and get a fire going.
I joined her beside the fireplace and instructed her on how to cook the meat just right. I longed for a good cast iron pan, salt, garlic, onions, and butter, but we were going to have to settle for venison kabobs. When I determined the meat was done, we brought it to the table to eat and enjoyed our meal in silence. There was a lot to tell her, but it seemed that all her mental resources were being used up in the enjoyment of food at the moment.
When we had finished the meal and drank our fill of water, I told her about the road, and the signs that I had seen. “I think it will be safer if I go to Buckshire for supplies, no one knows me there.”
“You are very clever, Ken Jewell,” she said “I do not doubt that you will get there and back safely. But those men made me think…” She paused for a second and then gave me a sly smile.
“What is it, Nika? What did they make you think?”
She sighed. “The humans will never understand our love, and neither will the goblins. We will be hunted for the rest of our lives, Ken Jewell, and we will never know a moment of peace.”
“I’ve been worrying about the same thing,” I confessed.
“That’s why I think you should find other monster women and bring them up from the underdark,” she said. “You should have babies with them as well, hundreds, perhaps thousands of monster babies. They will grow big and strong very fast. You’ll soon lead a mighty warband, take over the surface world, and rule it as king. Yep. You must do it. It’s what any good goblin king would do, Ken Jewell, and I am confident that you are going to be the bestest of all the kings. I am so happy that you are my husband, and that we are going to rule the world.”
That was about the last thing I thought she would tell me, and it took a moment before I realized that she was actually being serious.
Chapter 7
“What? Other women? An army of monster babies?”
“Yes, Ken Jewell. You are the patriarch of clan Jewell, and I think that you should be king of this land and someday emperor of the world. You are smart, you are strong, and you have this power to bring monsters out into the daylight. So, why not use it to secure our future?”
“Nika, what are you talking about? Other women? Other wives? You’re my wife. I don’t want or need anyone else.”
“I want them,” she said, and I realized that she was dead serious. “Women in the underdark are treated like slaves. Almost every race treats their women terribly. You could bring them to the surface, and together we could show them a better way. Think about it. You could have as many women as you wanted, and we could build a clan so powerful that no one could ever bring it down.”
“And the idea of me sleeping with other women doesn’t make you jealous?” I asked carefully.
“You will not only sleep with them, but you must have sex with them to make them pregnant,” she informed me.
“Right, and that doesn’t make you jealous?”
“Jealous? Why would I be jealous? I am your first wife, I have your first baby inside of me. I love you, and I know that you love me. What is there to be jealous about?”
“Ohhh, I don’t know,” I said in a sing-song voice. “These things have a way of going south…”
She shook her head and grinned at me. “You worry too much, Ken Jewell. Kings don’t worry that much. You should just consider yourself a king already and stop worrying.”
“Look,” I said, “having multiple wives doesn’t seem fair to you.”
“Fair to me?” she asked with a confused look on her beautiful green face.
“Well, yeah,” I said. “You say you are okay with me making babies with other women, but I don’t want to imagine you with another man.”
She frowned at me with confusion. “Why would I be with another man? I only love you. Also, another man cannot give us babies faster, but other women can give us more babies much faster so you can build your kingdom that much quicker. The sooner we build the strongest kingdom, the sooner we can conquer all the humans and monsters that might wish to hurt us. Then we will be safe. I will do my best, but we will need more monster women whose children can offer different skills. You will like it, you will see.”
I laughed at that one and wondered if she was setting me up. What man didn’t fantasize of having a bunch of different wives?
“Alright, Nika, I’ll think about it, but what is this talk about taking over the world?”
“You a
re a very powerful warrior, and you are very clever. Once we have an army of monster children, we will crush those who wish us harm. It is your destiny, Ken Jewell. One day you will be known as the greatest man in all the land, and the underdark with quake at the mention of your name. You will be the greatest goblin king in history. I am confident. I am also lucky.”
“That sounds great and all, but can’t we just move? Go somewhere away from people and away from the underdark?” I asked tiredly.
“Run away?” she said with a deep frown. “No, there is nowhere on the surface that is not teeming with humans. They are everywhere, and the underdark is always beneath us. It has no beginning and no end. It is forever, and it runs deep into the heart of this world. There is nowhere to go where they will not attack us, Ken Jewell. Do you understand?”
“I do,” I said though I didn’t want to believe it.
“People will hate our love and our family,” she sighed as she shook her head. “They are afraid of you, and they are afraid of me. They will come sooner or later, and when they do, we must show them that we are powerful. We will kill them, take all their loot, and get even more powerful. Hooray!” As she spoke, Nika’s frown turned into a wide smile that was part cute-innocent and part crazy-sexy.
“Alright, I get it,” I said as I rubbed my throbbing temples. “But for now let’s just focus on our first child before we start planning to rule the world, alright?”
“Okay,” she answered with a happy nod.
“Do you remember where I put the supply list?” I asked tiredly. “I should head out soon.”
“You look very tired,” she noted. “You should get some rest before you go to the village. You’ve been up all night standing guard. Come and lay down, and I’ll rub your back.”
“That sounds great,” I sighed, and it only took a handful of minutes of Nika rubbing my tired muscles before sleep took me.
I was blessed with dreamless sleep that morning, and when I awoke shortly before the second sunrise, I found Nika happily humming and working at the table. Something looked different about her that I couldn’t quite place at first, but then I realized that she had cut about five inches off her long red hair.
“Nika, you cut your hair,” I said as I got to my feet.
“I know, silly,” she said with a pleasant giggle.
“But why?”
“I needed it for part of your disguise. Look, I’ve made you a wig.” She turned and held it up to me, and I burst out laughing. Her smile slowly faded, and she regarded her work skeptically. “You don’t like it?”
“No, I do. I just thought about how I would look with it on that’s all.”
Her smile returned, and she walked over to me and put the wig on my head. It fit perfectly, and Nika nodded at me. “You look great!”
I retrieved the signaling mirror out of my molle pack and looked at my reflection. Another laugh escaped me. Nika’s hair was wavy, and she had woven it into a vine cap in a way that made the length of the hair uniform. The result was a candy red mop on top of my head that gave me long bangs.
I looked like one of the Beatles, only ginger flavored.
“No one’s going to recognize me now. Great job, Nika. I think this disguise and my poncho will work well enough.”
Nika beamed at me. “Now you will go into the village and get more food?”
“I hate to leave you here alone, but I guess there is no other choice. Are you sure you will be alright?”
“Of course, silly, goblins are great at hiding. I will be fine. You worry about getting food, okay?”
“If you say so,” I said, and then we kissed each other for a few minutes. Then the kisses turned into frantic lovemaking that did a great job of waking me up.
An hour later the second sun rose, and I set out toward the road that would bring me to Buckshire. The clouds that had plagued the sky the night before had dissipated in early morning, and now the sky was clear blue. Familiar bird songs played in the forest, and the river babbled to my right. When I reached the road, I made sure no one was coming before I emerged from the forest. Then I hung a right and started on my way toward Buckshire.
I hadn’t brought my molle pack, but I still wore my utility belt under my brown poncho. My army boots wouldn’t look too unusual, and my camo pants and t-shirt remained hidden, so I didn’t expect anyone to recognize me. The getup was hot, and the red wig on my head didn’t really help matters.
I had used Johan’s quill to make a small grocery list and recited it over and over again as I walked. As far as tools went, I figured I would need a few different axes for felling trees and carpentry duty, a pick axe, another shovel, a hammer, spikes, nails, and more rope. I also intended on picking up a cooking pan, some cloth for Nika, and seeds for the future garden.
If Buckshire’s markets were anything like Hamstead’s, I would have a wide variety of vegetables and meat to choose from, but I could only carry so much, so I decided on vegetables and any fruit if they had it. I could get meat easily enough on my own, but my body was craving carbs and other nutrients, and until I learned what I could forage or the garden started to produce, I would be dependent on the town. Cheese and bread was at the top of my list as well, and maybe even a bottle of wine. It was going to be a bitch hauling all of my goods back to camp, but I doubted I could buy a mule or a horse with my limited funds.
The river that flowed past our homestead emerged from the forest and followed the road to my right, and soon Buckshire became visible off in the distance. I passed a couple of young boys fishing off the riverbank by the road, and they waved at me as I passed. The urge to glance back was strong, but I kept my eyes forward and marched toward the village like I had business to attend to.
Farms began to crop up on both sides of the road, and the forest thinned out to make way for hay fields and apple orchards. I didn’t know what the punishment was for stealing apples, but they were just too damn good looking to resist. I made sure that no one was looking, walked off the road, quickly plucked one of the bright red beauties off a branch, and bit off a big chunk. The juicy apple was delicious, and I reminded myself to grab a few for Nika on the way back.
Buckshire turned out to be very similar to Hamstead, only a bit larger. To my relief, there were no guards waiting by the wooden wall that surrounded the village. One and two story cottages were packed in tightly on both sides of the main street, and many more were clumped by the river. The abodes soon gave way to the business district, and the smell of food found my nose.
I walked past pubs and inns boasting rooms available for a silver a night, and horses kicked up dust as men on wagons went about their daily routines. The steady clang of a blacksmith's hammer echoed through the town, followed by the occasional hiss as his apprentice dunked hot metal into a bucket of water.
I received a few stares, but no one looked alarmed by my presence, only curious.
Then a voice rang out, and many of the people stopped to regard a man who had come out onto a balcony overlooking the busy street. “Hear ye, hear ye, gather round my friends and hear the news of the day!”
A crowd quickly formed beneath the man’s balcony, and I moved away from them and acted like I was inspecting a barrel of apples beside a fruit stand.
“Yes, gather round, gather round,” the town crier said. “I’ve much to tell on this fine day. Firstly, if anyone has seen Mildred Doogle’s prized pig Patches, she is offering a fresh apple pie as a reward for his return.”
The crowd chuckled, and men elbowed each other agreeably. They seemed to think that the pie was a fine reward indeed.
“And in a shocking turn of events,” the crier added. “King Leon has raised taxes on all hamlets, towns, villages, and cities in the kingdom of Leontanis.”
The crowd began to grumble and boo the crier, and he raised his arms defensively.
“Don’t kill the messenger, folks! The king has declared that extra security will be needed, and that means we all have to cough up a little more if we wan
t to remain safe. But alas! It is not all bad news today. The king has also raised the bounty on one the most feared men in all the land, the monster lover, Ken Jewell! The king is now offering a reward of one-hundred freshly minted gold coins for the monster lover, dead or alive!”
I scanned the crowd as the people responded to the news. Women spoke in quick, hushed tones and clutched their necklaces in a white knuckled grip. Men puffed up their chests and claimed that they just might go hunting for me.
It was time for me to get moving, but it would look suspicious if I left the crowd just then, so I waited for the crier to finish with the news and disappeared into the crowd as it dispersed.
I kept my poncho hood drawn low as I moved through the crowd. A few people took notice of me, but most of them were busy bullshitting about how they weren’t afraid, and how they should all form a search party and split the bounty.
Others were spreading ridiculous rumors about me, and if I hadn’t been so worried about getting the tools I needed, I would have laughed.
“I hear that he’s part monster himself,” one man said.
“He stole witch powers and can travel through the forest like a crow!” shouted another.
“He’s building a lair in the underdark, and he’ll raid our city when it is night again!” an elderly woman cried as she clutched her grandchild.
“He’s just a blasted story to get all you idiots afraid so the king can raise taxes again!” a crotchety old man growled after he spit on the ground.
“They say he breaks in through windows and ravishes ladies in the night!” A woman with tall blonde hair and breasts that threatened to snap her corset gasped in a way that made me think she might have actually wished for that to be true.
“I told you all, it’s a sign of the end,” another man protested to his friends as they shouldered past. “We need to pray more to the Holy Twins, so that they will save us from this monster menace!”
“I tell you, Harvey, I saw someone who looked like the man on the posters. Saw him down by the river a few nights back I did,” a man standing outside a pub added, and a few of the townsfolk turned toward him.
Monster Empire Page 11