“You have stolen from the king of Ashgorheckamoofta!” the fat goblin said. “As punishment, you will be devoured by the great and powerful Urnarg!”
“Holy shit,” Sawsaw said.
“Who’s Urnarg?” I asked Nika as we ducked back behind the wall to avoid a half dozen spears that the goblins threw.
“Oh, he’s just a stupid cave troll,” she said with a lazy wave of her hand.
“A cave troll? Are we talking a big troll, or a little one that hides beneath bridges and demands a toll be paid to pass?” I asked.
Before she could answer, a heavy thud shook the battlements.
“He is not small,” Nika said. “But he is dumb and ugly. You are very strong, handsome, and clever. You will find a way to defeat him. It will be fun. You will like it.”
I spied the eastern ridge through the murder hole, and a mirthless laugh escaped me as I laid eyes on the colossal beast. The creature that I saw marching toward the warren in the red haze of the half moon was at least twenty feet tall. Its sinewy body was a dull green, and massive muscles rippled beneath slimy skin. Two yellow eyes as big as dinner plates hung from two long eye-stalks similar to a snail’s. The head was big and round, and a nose like a mushroom bloomed between the eye-stalks. The creature’s mouth was a gaping mass of bubbling green ooze, and when the ooze dripped onto the ground it burned through dirt and stone like the blood of Ridley Scott’s Alien.
“Fuck me,” I said as I watched the goblins part for the massive monster.
“Right here? Right now?” Nika asked. She even looked turned on by the idea.
“What? No. I mean fuck, that thing is huge,” I explained. “Where did he come from? He must have had to crawl out of the entrance.”
“They can burrow through the ground,” Nika explained.
“Fuck me,” Sawsaw mimicked as he peeked at the monster.
“What are we going to do?” Calli asked.
“One of your songs would come in pretty handy right about now,” I said.
“Oh yes!” Nika said as she clapped her hands. “Sing one of your songs.”
A roar tore through the still night that made my asshole pucker up like it had just been given a sour apple enema. The monster bellowed again as it came to stand next to the goblins, but then its terrible scream was replaced by Calli’s angelic voice.
Then the massive monster and all the goblins stopped and blinked their eyes with confusion.
My heart quickened, and I felt myself grow stronger, faster, and more alert. Beside me, Nika let out an almost orgasmic shudder while Sawsaw bounced on his toes like a boxer hopped up on meth.
“Kill them all!” I screamed as I popped up and threw a spear at the cave troll some forty yards away. My throw was true, and with the strength granted to me by Calli’s magic, the tip of the spear slammed into the beast’s stomach.
Nika, Calli, and Sawsaw threw their spears a half moment after mine, and their weapons pierced the ugly monster’s chest a few feet above where mine hit.
The cave troll reeled back from our weapons, and then it covered its mossy ears as it howled like a lonely wolf. If anything, the monster seemed more upset about that music than it did about the three spears sticking out of its torso.
“Attack the goblins!” I shouted as the four of us unleashed a barrage of spears at the goblins as they rushed the wall. I didn’t know if it was because of Calli’s song, or if we were all really skilled at throwing spears, but each of our throws found its mark, and we had soon whittled down the attacking force to about thirty.
But then we ran out of spears, and the goblins managed to climb up the wooden walls.
I unsheathed my short sword and hacked at the beasts. Beside me, Sawsaw chanted “Die, die, die!” and chopped at them with his twin hatchets. Nika seemed to be having a ball and laughed as she stabbed goblins in the face with her short sword.
We fought them off as the troll stomped around the ridge and clutched its head. I hoped that the thing would just give up and run away, but when the fat goblin leader climbed up onto the cave troll’s head, the monster was forced into the fight.
We had killed about twenty goblins as they tried to climb the walls, but the rest of them had gotten smart and started to run along the wall to find another place to climb up. Calli’s song was causing them all to move slower than I would have expected, so my real worry turned once again to the twenty-foot tall troll.
“Can you guys handle the goblins?” I asked Sawsaw and Nika.
“Yes, go, Ken Jewell,” she said. “You should kill the cave troll. It will be fun. You will see!” She gave me a kiss and then ran off toward the north battlement.
“Sawsaw!” My son offered me a salute, then took Calli’s hand and led her to the south wall.
Calli smiled at me as she sang and glided behind Sawsaw with the grace of a goddess.
I jumped down from the wall and ran back into our house. On the mantle above the fireplace, I grabbed the bottle of distilled alcohol that Nika had stolen from the hunting team. Then I climbed back up the wall and shimmied down the other side in the direct path of where the troll was lumbering.
Then I turned to face the cave troll who was being led back toward the wall by the fat goblin.
“Alright, fuckers. Let’s dance.”
A torch lay beside a dead goblin, so I grabbed it and raced across the breach before I could tell myself how bad of a plan this was. It was easy for me to maneuver between the pitfalls, and I raced past the cave troll while I taunted its driver with a stream of vulgarities. It worked, and I hauled ass down the hill toward the river with the monster hot on my heels.
Once I had successfully steered it away from the warren, I led it toward the bridge. There was a huge pile of brush and branches across the river that Sawsaw and I had piled up after clearing the land. We had intended to have a massive bonfire one night, and it appeared that tonight was the night.
I raced across the bridge and dared a glance back at the troll. It was less than twenty feet behind me, and the goblin on its head was cursing it to go faster as it yanked on the monster’s eyestalks. The bonfire pile was two-hundred feet away, and I redoubled my efforts as the troll charged onto the bridge.
Then I heard the sharp crack of the bridge’s two main beams as they snapped beneath the great weight of the monster, followed by the sound of it falling into the water.
Had it not been for the bridge breaking, the cave troll might have caught me, but by the time I reached the brush pile, it was just emerging from the river.
I hurriedly threw off my pack, grabbed my fifty foot rope, and tied it to the nearest tree stump. Then I raced in the opposite direction and secured the other end to a similar stump. The entire process took me less than thirty seconds in my Calli-enchanted condition, and the cave troll was still one-hundred feet away.
“Move you idiot!” the goblin driver urged. “Stomp the human, crush his brains!”
“Cruuush braaains,” the behemoth droned in a voice that rumbled like a diesel engine.
“Come and get me, you big green slug!” I taunted after I had walked around the brush pile and waved my torch at the monster.
Then I bit the cork off the bottle of spirits and emptied it over the pile of wood.
The cave troll lurched forward and crashed across the forest I had already cleared. Its massive feet left four foot long prints in the dirt as it charged me, and I forced my trembling legs to hold my position until just the right moment.
Then I threw my torch into the pile of dried branches, leaves, needles, and alcohol-turned-lighter-fluid.
The brush went up like kindling, and I dove out of the way just as the troll’s foot caught on my trip wire.
“Stop!” the goblin driver shrieked as soon as he saw the fire, but it was half a moment too late.
The troll tripped over my rope and lurched forward. Its arms cartwheeled as it tried to regain its balance, but its forward momentum pulled it forward.
Then the troll la
nded on the bonfire, and the ground shook beneath my feet.
The monster’s slimy body was wet, but to my surprise, the acid that dripped from its mouth went up like napalm. The explosion destroyed the creature’s head and knocked me back through the air ten feet. I landed on my side, rolled to a stop against a tree trunk, and watched as the monster’s body went up in flames.
“That’s what you get when you fuck with clan Jewell!” I screamed as I unsheathed my sword and raised it in the air.
My shit talking was interrupted by a short sword that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and swung toward my head. I instinctively brought down my blade at the last possible moment and deflected the blow. Then I rolled twice to my left and sprang to my feet as the fat goblin charged after me.
His body was smoldering, and while I could see that he had sustained terrible burns from the explosion, he didn’t move as if he was injured.
“You killed my cave troll!” he screamed in a voice like Jabba the Hutt.
The fat goblin swung his sword with wild abandon, but I was still stronger and faster than someone almost two feet shorter than me, so I used that to my advantage.
Our blades smacked against each other’s half a dozen times, and then I began to fake like I was tired. He got cocky and came across with a tree-felling strike meant to chop me in half, but then I darted to the right, stabbed him through the side seam in his armor, and plunged my ivory-handled dwarven shortsword deep into his heart.
The goblin warleader dropped his sword with a gasp and turned to stare at me in shock.
“My wives told you not to fuck with clan Jewell,” I growled as I pushed my blade deeper into his body. “Don’t you know that the wife is always right?”
His wide eyes glazed over, and I kicked him off my sword.
Then I turned to look back at the house on the other side of the river.
Calli was no longer singing, and I didn’t hear the sounds of battle. Nevertheless, I raced back to the river and quickly swam across. Then I sprinted up the hill and called out to my family.
“Dadda!” Sawsaw cheered, and I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the three of them standing on the wall. Sawsaw called my name again, and he proudly held up a severed goblin head.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“We killed them all!” Nika cheered as I quickly scaled the walls to meet them. “We defended the warren! Hooray for clan Jewell!”
“Clan Jewell!” Calli sang, and the sight of my victorious family filled me with joy.
“Holy shit!” Sawsaw bellowed as he dropped the goblin head and raised his pair of dripping blood-soaked hatchets over his head.
I joined my family up on the battlements, and they showered me with hugs and kisses as we danced to our victory. The grounds were littered with dozens of goblin bodies, and the swamp monster still burned on the other side of the river.
A few parts of the wall would need to be repaired on the east side, but the four of us were unharmed. We had defended our home against the denizens of the underdark and had proven ourselves a powerful and able clan.
“We did it,” I said as a warm feeling of gratitude filled my chest. I felt unstoppable as I gazed upon the destroyed bodies of my enemies, but I knew that we would have a lot of work cleaning this all up tomorrow.
Then I’d have more work building the walls stronger, taller, and better.
“We will continue to be attacked,” Nika said after we had all spent a good ten minutes hugging and congratulating each other. “We must expand our warren. We must grow our family and our army. We must continue to build until we are the most powerful force in all the whole wide world. It will be fun!”
“We don’t just have the underdark to worry about,” I said as I turned to my family. “The humans can attack us at any time. They don’t need to wait for the darkness. They are going to be our biggest concern, so I have to figure out how to keep us hidden until we are strong enough to fight them.”
“You will figure out a way,” Nika said with a confident nod. “You are the smartest king in the world, and both of your wives are clever, beautiful, and will give you strong children. That is all a king needs.”
“This all sounds so very exciting,” Calli said as she hugged her arms around her belly. “I’m so happy that Ken and Sawsaw found me, and I hope I’m pregnant.”
“Sawsaw,” the half-goblin boy declared proudly.
“I think someone is excited about being a big brother,” I said as I hugged the little guy.
Then I pulled the two women into another embrace, and the four of us stared up at the blood-red moon hanging low in the sky.
Yeah, there was a lot to do tomorrow, and the days after, but I’d figure out a plan to protect my family.
And I’d conquer this entire world if it was needed to ensure their safety.
End of book 1
Thank you for reading this novel! What was your favorite part of Monster Empire? Do you want to read another? Let me know in a review!
Letter from the author:
Dear reader, if you REALLY want to read the next Monster Empire novel- I’ve got a bit of bad news for you. Unfortunately, Amazon will not tell you when book 2 comes out. They also won’t tell you when book 3, 4, etc... are published. You’ll probably never know about my next book, and you’ll be left wondering what happened to Ken, Nika, Calli, and Sawsaw. That’s rather tragic.
There is good news though! There are three ways you can find out when the next book is published:
1) You follow me on Amazon. You can do this by going to my Amazon author page here and clicking on the Follow button that is under the picture of me riding my mountain bike. If you follow me, Amazon will send you an email when I publish a book. You’ll just have to make sure you check the emails they send.
2) You join my Facebook Fan group and follow me on my Facebook page. Then you’ll know when I come out with a new book.
3) You join my mailing list by clicking here. When you join, you’ll also get my fantasy novella Rose Boy for free-- as well as concept art for my best selling Star Justice series (have you read that yet? You should).
Doing any of these, or all three for best results, will ensure you find out about my next book when it is published. If you don’t, Amazon will never tell you about my release. Please take a few seconds to do one of these so that you’ll be able to join Ken on his next adventure.
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Editing by Daniel Schmitz, Ginger Earle, Nick Kuhns, Deborah Haggitt, Jacqueline Miles (who also edits my audio books), Debbie Elholm, Holly Lenz, Wanda Jewell, Cody Elyko, Jay Taylor, Lucas Luvith, Anthony DePaolo, Roy Petty, Zach Summers, Alex Hyde, and Kenneth Smith.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2018 by Michael-Scott Earle
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