by Jude Ouvrard
“Make love to me, cowboy.”
“I thought you would never ask.”
Within a second, I’d been flipped on my back and his lean body covered mine. Our lips found each other, like magnets, and our fingers entwined. Our kisses were filled with love as we let our bodies connect. The fabric of my t-shirt bugged the hell out of me, however.
“Naked, cowboy. I need to take off my top.”
Miles laughed at my demand but didn’t waste time pulling it over my head and then removing his boxers. Feeling his breath dance on my skin, tension built inside me. I couldn’t wait anymore. The thrill and excitement within me grew stronger. I needed Miles to take me, possess every part of my body. He owned me, body and soul.
“You’re perfect, sweetheart. Everything I ever dreamed of.”
I craved the taste of him and sucked his lips inside my mouth. Feeling my need, he didn’t waste any more time. He pushed inside of me, filling me, and I gasped before moving my hips in response.
My hands rubbed against his back, and the sensation of his muscles working hard under my touch turned me on. Miles was giving me everything he had, and I loved him for it. Though he kept the rhythm nice and slow, I could tell he was devouring every second of this, too. He moaned against my shoulder, gritting his teeth against my skin. His fingers touched and tamed my hard nipples.
Gosh, yes. More, cowboy.
The passion continued to build inside me while I met his movements. I groaned, digging my nails into his back. Hurting him was not my intention, but sex had never been this strong or meaningful to me. Something was happening between us, and it was bigger than love.
We came together, sweating and out of breath. Unable to move, we stayed in our limp positions until we passed out. I’d never been happier in my life. My dreams were light and so was my heart. Miles had to be the man I was meant to spend the rest of my life with.
I awoke in a rush of heat, the room warmed by the rays of sun peeking through the curtains. I stretched my arms in search of Miles but found his place next to me empty. I called his name with no answer. Worried, I went through the entire apartment.
He was gone.
I ran to the door, which was unlocked, and then down the stairs to see if his truck was still parked up front, but it was nowhere to be seen either. Wearing close to nothing, I caught a glimpse of Kyle in the shop, and he saw me. Panic rose while my body started trembling. Returning to my place, I found a note on the table:
I love you, tattoo girl.
I’m leaving you to think things through. I want you to be sure you’re doing the right thing.
Don’t look for me, I’ll come back to you.
Love, Miles.
What the fuck? No. No. No. This couldn’t be real. Not after last night. He’d made love to me, said he loved me…
I read the note numerous times, and each time it hurt more. My world was falling apart and I screamed so loud that Kyle came to check on me. He found me crumbled on the floor, whimpering and murmuring, “Where did he go? Why did he leave me?”
He didn’t have to ask me what I meant. Kyle read the note Miles had left and then called Levi with a direct order: “Find Miles, Levi. He left Val. You have to find him.”
VAL
Kyle had ordered Levi to find Miles.
I couldn’t hear Levi’s reply, and didn’t care, but judging by Kyle’s responses, Levi was every bit as surprised as me to learn Miles was gone. How ironic was it that I had no clue which hotel he was staying at? He’d never invited me there, and I’d never asked because we always came back to my place. I’d asked him to move in with me, but now… now that invitation seemed meaningless more than anything.
Kyle’s arms stayed wrapped around me until my body stopped shaking. “Now, Val, you have to tell me what got you so upset I could hear you screaming from the shop. And don’t tell me it was a spider because I won’t believe your shit.” He dared to add humor, even in this shitty situation.
“He left me...” I hated the words; they hurt too much. “Temporarily.” As if he could do that to me. It wasn’t right after the night we’d spent together. None of this made sense. None of it.
“Hm, what does that mean? Why would he leave you? Yesterday, the guy couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”
Yesterday had been one of the best days of my life, regardless of the chaos at my parents’ place. Miles said he loved me, and it had made me the happiest girl in the world. It sounds cheesy, but everything had been perfect—breakfast with my friends, his eyes glued on me at all times during the day, and how his body had felt against mine before we’d passed out last night. Where are you Miles?
“John happened. He’s back in town and decided it was a good idea to ask my parents to throw me a surprise dinner. He hadn’t known I’d show up with Miles.” Recounting the events, I remembered the anger and hurt in John’s eyes, and the compassion in Miles’. “John ended up pulling me to the ground and a fight broke out around me.” My body was still stiff; I wouldn’t forget anytime soon.
“Fuck,” Kyle said rubbing his forehead.
“John wants me back; he made that quite clear. He was drunk, though. Miles and John fought out front until Ed showed up and stopped them. It was a disaster. Now, Miles wants me to think about what I want. As if I’d want to go back to John after what he’s done.”
“If Miles loves you, then I can understand why he’s doing this. You just got back in town after dumping your boyfriend of many years, Val. Maybe he thinks he’s a rebound romance for you.”
“But he’s not a rebound. Miles makes me feel alive. I love him, Kyle. What I feel for him is far beyond anything I’ve felt for John in a long time.”
He chuckled and looked shy. “I can tell you love him, Val.” Brother-like, Kyle gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze which showed his support. “Get a shower, get something to eat, and then meet me in the shop. The best way to get through the day is to keep your mind busy.” Our eyes met. “Trust me, I know,” he added as something flashed in his eyes—a mix of sadness and bad memories.
Was it Tiff? From what I’d heard, they’d only started to date not too long ago. It was a new thing, so I doubted that was what was bothering him. Maybe someone had broken his heart in the past. I was curious to know more, but now wasn’t about him. It was about Miles leaving me.
“I’m not sure I can do that, K.” I dried my face of tears with the sleeve of my shirt.
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong. I know you can do this. This is exactly what Miles wants you to do, too. Take care of your business and meet me downstairs.” Without saying more, he left my apartment.
Somehow, I had to stop the tears and focus on the part of the note that said: I’ll be back. He loved me; he’d said it, and I trusted him.
In the shower, anger surged through my body. I wanted to hit something so I could let go and blow off some steam. Part of me wanted to text Miles and tell him how mad I was he’d left me in the night, like a coward. Except, that made me a coward, too, because I’d done the exact same thing to John. That realization made me even more furious.
I stayed under the shower until the hot water ran out. My shampoo filled the steamy air of the bathroom with the scent of watermelon. It was a smell I loved. Especially when Miles borrows it so he smells like it, too... Not wanting to delve into those memories, I put on some music to distract me while I got dressed.
Twenty minutes later, I reached the front door of the tattoo shop while pressing SEND on my first text to Miles since waking up. I had to say something, even if it wasn’t the nicest thing.
“Hey, girl.” Levi greeted me with a hug. “He’ll come back, I promise you that.”
“Of course he will, Levi. He said he would.” I couldn’t let myself think otherwise.
“If he said so, then he will. If he doesn’t, well, I’ll kick his ass.”
“You’ve been in my position. Remember when Nix came to Boston? I hurt, and I miss him already.” It took me a few secon
ds to gather the perfect words. “But for him to leave me like he did, part of me hates him. So much.”
“Kyle told me John is in town.”
“Yeah, and I want him gone. He ruined every fucking thing. After what he pulled last night at my parents’ house, I don’t even want to talk to him. He doesn’t deserve another second of my time.”
“I bet Miles just wants to give you space and time to think.”
Although I tried not to let sarcasm take over, I failed. “Well, now that he’s gone, I have all the time in the world to think.” Walking past Levi, I dropped my phone and wallet on the counter at the free station. “I can’t believe he did this.” While muttering the hate I felt, my phone came alive.
My parents were calling, but I had no intention of speaking to either of them for a long time. They’d betrayed me, which I wasn’t dealing with well.
Kyle’s client showed up a few minutes later, meaning things were about to get real. They talked about what he wanted to get done, the colors and design. Kyle introduced me when they were ready to get started.
“Val is our new apprentice. She has mad pen skills, so if you don’t mind, she’s going to sit with us today so I can show her few things, yeah?”
“Yeah, sounds good to me. I’m Clay, by the way,” the man added with a brief wave.
“Hi.” I waved at the same time.
I wasn’t going to touch the machine today, but had a ball of nerves weighing my stomach down. It was making eating or drinking anything an impossibility. Hoping to stop the trembling of my fingers, I sat on my hands while Kyle created art on Clay’s skin. He joked and smiled with Clay at the same time, and he even caught me laughing a few times.
As long as my mind stayed busy, I did fine as promised. Just fine.
MILES
“You know what they say about love and hate. The line is really thin,” Levi said.
“Fuck, I’m a fucking idiot.”
I paced from left to right in my newly rented apartment. My heart was beating so fast that my pulse resonated through my veins. I’d fucked up, and all I could do now was wait, or run back to her. Should I go see Val at the shop and tell her how wrong and stupid it was to leave her?
When I’d left her this morning, she’d looked so peaceful and gorgeous with her hair falling all around her face. I’d lingered a few minutes to memorize everything about her—from her cute little nose to the curve of her lips, which I’d wanted to kiss so badly. My eyes had drifted to her tattoos and I just knew she would have a blast learning her way to the top. While I was gone, Levi and Kyle would watch over her. They already did.
But now, she hated me. That hadn’t been my intention. In my head, I’d thought everything was going to be fine, but damn, was I wrong? What if she doesn’t want anything to do with me now? No, no, no. I couldn’t think about that. I couldn’t allow that to be an option. No goddamn way.
Without wasting any more time, I picked up my phone and keys and then headed out to find my girl. Walking fast, a strawberry Starburst in my mouth, I prayed for her forgiveness. The sweet candy tasted like her; she had me addicted.
With two more buildings until I reached the tattoo shop, my steps quickened. I stood before the entrance, looking through the glass, and then, I saw her. She sat next to Kyle watching his every move as his machine worked his client’s skin. Her eyes were tired and puffy I could see Kyle explaining whatever he was doing, and her nodding in understanding. In that moment, doubt crept in. Maybe I should give her the time my note had promised. What was happening to me? I’d never been so unstable and confused in my life.
On the other side of the shop, Levi saw me and then caught my attention as he motioned me to move away. It looked like he said something to Kyle before I moved back from the door.
“What the hell have you done, Millard?” Levi snapped when he came outside. He didn’t sound too happy or understanding.
“I don’t know, man. I’m losing my mind. Everything had been perfect between us until last night. We clicked, and got together fast, but she’s fresh out of a relationship. I don’t want to rush her or be a rebound. When I look at her, I see my future. Giving her time was my way of making sure she’s doing the right thing for her. She and John had been on the verge of an engagement, so I feel it’s normal to give her some room to make sure she’s doing what she was meant to, not what someone else wants her to do.”
“Val loves you, there is no doubt about that. As for John, she’s done with him. After what he did last night, she wants him out of her life for good.”
I nodded feeling even more stupid than I had before getting here. Although I’d explained myself, it was clear he wasn’t too impressed. “So, what’s the plan now?”
“Take a few days away. You told her you would, so do it. It might be good for both of you. Her emotions are all over the fucking place but she is concentrating on what Kyle is showing her. Give her a week. She’ll nail the basics of tattooing. She’ll miss you and take you back. I’m afraid she’s feeling too much anger at the moment to think straight.”
“I bet she didn’t take it too well. God, I’m such a dumb ass.”
“Yeah, man, you are. She’s amazing. I’m married, but I can admit Val kicks some major ass. You don’t want to lose her, I’m telling you.”
He didn’t have to tell me twice. In the short time I’d gotten to know her, I’d come to learn Val was a diamond. “Yeah, man. Guess I’m going to get a coffee across the street and chill for a while. I need to calm down and think.”
“Do that. Give her time to think but then get her back.”
I hated the word think, but had no one else to blame for it. All the blame for this fiasco sat on me. Levi went back inside and I headed to the small coffee shop across the street. I sat by the window where I could watch her even though it felt wrong, like I’d transformed into a stalker. The barista brought me a large coffee which I took my time drinking while watching the girl I’d pushed away a few hours ago.
Sometimes she played with her hair, twisting a strand thoughtlessly around her finger. Other times, she fixated on the wall, lifeless and sad, and it broke my heart. Somehow, her sorrow showed me how much she cared, and drove home how much I missed her already. Being able to see her, yet unable to feel, smell, or taste her became unbearable. Watching her was my punishment. The more I suffered, the more I wanted her back. I made myself the promise that once I got to be with her again, I’d never spend another day without her.
Before leaving the coffee shop, I dug in my pocket to retrieve the last of my Starbursts. Funny how a candy could remind me of the girl I loved. It tasted like her lips and her kisses, and it smelled like her. I could survive off these things all week the way they made me feel closer to her.
Yes, I had become that man.
The man who couldn’t live without the woman he loved even if he tried. Well, I would have to find a solution, because like the idiot I was, I’d decided to take a break for a while. To make me feel better, I reminded myself that this was for her well-being, not mine.
At three a.m. I was woken by my phone vibrating with a new text from Val.
John showed up at the club. He was drunk as a sailor and tried kissing me. I had to push him away with all my strength. You should thank Kyle when you see him. I owe him one because I don’t know how this would have ended without his help.
Where are you, Miles? You never told me where you were staying. Was that your plan, to leave me all along? I’m so confused.
I stared at my phone for an eternity not knowing what to say other than my true feelings.
I love you, Val. Don’t you forget it. With all my heart, all that I am.
My fingers crossed, I waited for a reply. I had no idea what she would say. This idea of a break wasn’t because I had reservations in my love for her. I’d done it because I loved her that much. She deserved time to be sure of the direction her life was taking.
If you love me that much… why aren’t you with me in my bed? Why are
n’t you making love to me like last night? Why did you push me away when I thought we had finally reached the perfect place together? I don’t understand you, Miles, at all.
With her cold words of accusation, I put my phone back on the improvised night stand, aka a kitchen chair, and turned on my side frustrated and angry. My place was next to her, not in this barely furnished apartment. I hated this place already, and couldn’t imagine myself lasting more than three days without her.
First thing tomorrow, I was meeting the owner of a clinic. The preliminary conversations I’d had with him made it seem almost certain that I would be working there in the following days. I should’ve taken one of the sleeping pills the doctor has prescribed me after the death of my sister. Since Lisa’s death, I’d transformed into a restless owl. Val’s final text to me didn’t help me sleep any better.
I still love you.
VAL
My day sucked, for the most part. Spending it with Kyle had left me braindead. There were so many new things to remember, and I couldn’t stop thinking about everything he’d said. If Miles were here, I would tell him all about it. I missed him like crazy and wished he would stop this game he was playing and come back to me. We’d never be able to get this time back.
Where are you, cowboy? We’re wasting time.
I didn’t expect him to answer me, but I knew for sure he would read it.
Working at the club proved to be another distraction. I tried my best to smile and be pretty while keeping Miles and Kyle at the back of my mind. I must’ve prepared twenty Cosmopolitans and twisted off fifty beer caps. Same old things, different day. Normally, I enjoyed doing these things, but today, they weren’t appealing to me at all. My cold, lonesome bed was all I wanted. Why? Because it still smelled like Miles.
“Hey, Val. Come on, smile a little. We’re both worried about you.” Nix pouted.