by Jude Ouvrard
“He does more than that. Get off me.” She tried moving, but he pushed her back to the floor.
“Let her go. I’m not going to repeat myself again.”
When John didn’t move, I grabbed him by the neck of his shirt and pulled him away. He coughed when the shirt strangled him, but I didn’t care. My heart was crashing inside my ribcage and I could feel the rage throughout my body.
“Leave, John, or I’ll call the cops and report you for domestic violence.” Val says.
His posture became rigid, and he let go of her hands then got up. My eyes found her pain-filled ones as soon as he was out of the way. She was doing a lot worse than I’d thought.
My first priority had to be making sure John was on his way out of Val’s apartment. If he really loved her, then he wasn’t going to leave with me still standing. From what I’d seen the other night, John had a tendency of going overboard. So I stood before him ready to throw punches, if necessary.
He pushed me with all of his strength, and I let him, until my back pressed against the wall.
“You file a complaint, and you’re a dead man. I would never hurt Val.”
Does he think I’m stupid enough to believe him? “What were you doing seconds ago? Holding her on the floor while she begged you to let her go, that’s what. That sure as fuck is not what I call being a gentleman. Now, leave. And don’t ever try to contact her again.”
I saw his fist before it connected with me, and moved in time for it to hit the wall. “Are you going to hit me now?”
“Shut up, asshole. You think I’m the idiot here. I’m just trying to save what I had with her. I love her.”
“You love the idea of her. That’s not love. She’s not your property. She’s a woman, and women need to be treated with respect. Not held down without their consent.”
While his eyes drifted between mine and hers, I almost felt pity for him. He loved her, I would admit, but he’d gone about it the wrong way. John pushed her away with his desperation.
“Val, please. I’m begging you.”
Tears marred Valerie’s cheeks while she shook her head and tried to cover herself. Her top appeared to be torn. “I’m sorry, John. Our time is over. I don’t love you anymore.”
Her message couldn’t have been clearer. I prayed it would be enough to convince him to back away at last. He had to.
“Not after all these years, sweet pea. I can’t let you go. I want to spend my life with you.”
“I can’t be with you in Boston, John. I was unhappy. We don’t want the same things anymore. You want your career, the perfect house, a family. I’m not ready for any of that. We grew apart. We’re different now.”
In my head, I tried to void the exchange, I didn’t want to see them together or hear their conversation. It wasn’t my place to be witness, and it sucked. “Should I leave you alone so you can talk?” I muttered and regretted asking because I didn’t want to leave her alone with a delusional man. Val wasn’t safe.
“No, Miles. Don’t leave.” Val’s tone disclosed her fear I was going to leave her again.
John, defeated and broken, walked over to Val, who scrambled to stand up when she saw him approaching. He wrapped his arms around her and I heard a sob or two. Although I hated him, I felt terrible for him. Val was something special; it would break me to lose her, too.
“Goodbye, John.”
“I’ll never stop loving you, Val.”
“You don’t love me, John. You think you do, but think about the past couple of months. We were different. I was the girl you liked to be with, but we weren’t lovers anymore.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. I was going to propose. You’re my life.” John pulled back from her and reached for her tattooed arm. “You–you’ve covered it.” Val’s arm fell from his grip and dropped to her side. “You already moved on.” John turned his eyes on me with an evil glare. “You better take care of her, or you’ll have to deal with me.” He spat to my face.
His words were spoken with so much hurt that his emotional state troubled me. I nodded because words weren’t going to do any good right now. The more we talked, the more pain he seemed to feel, and it would be nice if this night didn’t end in a brawl. If he could leave in this somewhat calm condition, it would all be good. For me, anyway… but not for Val. Life had been tough for her in the past few weeks, and I knew I’d played a part in that.
Standing in the doorway, John looked at Val one last time, and their eyes locked for a short moment. Val looked down first, not able to bear the tension. At last, he looked at me, clearly wanting to say something, but he didn’t. I kept my eyes on him as long as he kept his on me. After several seconds, he abandoned the stare war and disappeared down the set of stairs. I closed the door and locked it.
Val was sitting on the couch, looking broken, her hands covering her face while her blonde hair fell in every direction—which broke my heart. Again, she’d had to face him, and like before, it hadn’t been a good altercation. My desire in that moment was to curl my arms around her and be there for her until she fell asleep. I wanted to promise her beautiful dreams she could hold onto and a perfect breakfast for the coming morning, but there were so many what ifs in my mind… What if she hates me? What if she’s not ready to take me back? What if she flinches under my touch?
“Val, look at me, please. It’s just us now, he’s gone.” I would’ve thought letting her know would comfort her, but she started crying louder, which made me feel useless.
“Where have you been, Miles?” Val lifted her striking green eyes to mine. “Are you coming or going now?”
“I’m here to stay… if you still want me?” My fingers were crossed. I didn’t want her to push me away like she’d done to John. I didn’t want to become him.
With open arms, she threw herself at me. Her head pressed against the belt of my pants and her arms held me so tight I could feel her body trembling against mine.
“Shh. You’re my strong tattoo girl. Before I kneel down to hold you, I need to know if you’re hurt, physically. Are you hurting anywhere?”
“No”
Thank God, or I would’ve run outside to find him. I knelt down and reached for her. “Come here, Val. I’m here, now.” I sat on the couch with her small body curled in my lap. We were both quiet, but I didn’t care. I had her again, and this time, I had no intention of letting her go.
After some time, the tears ceased, and her calm, relaxed breathing made me feel at peace. She was going to be alright. I thought about moving her to the bed, but wasn’t sure where I was supposed to go then. After leaving her the way I had, I’d lost the privilege of taking intimate liberties with her. At least, I thought so.
So, I held her until I grew tired and passed out with her on my lap.
“Miles. Miles… Wake up. Don’t stay here. Come to my bed, for tonight.”
She’d tried waking me up by tapping on my shoulder. A simple kiss on the lips would have worked. Only in my dreams.
“In your bed?”
“We’ll talk tomorrow. For now, let’s just get some sleep. Come on.”
She wanted to talk; that could be both good and bad. Though I didn’t know what to think, I did know a more comfortable place to sleep would be fantastic, so followed her into her bedroom.
She hugged me. “Thank you for saving me.” The way she kissed the corner of my mouth made me wonder if she’d wanted to kiss my lips or my cheek.
I waited for her to get comfortable on the bed. Keeping my jeans and t-shirt on, I took the opposite spot, lying on my side and trying to make myself as small as possible. My heart beat fast, and a rush of heat filled my body with the knowledge that she was next to me. It’d been a few days, but I couldn’t stop fixating on how close her body was to me.
Throughout the night, she tossed and turned. When the sun started to rise, and I hadn’t slept, I decided to roll over and pull her to me. No matter what the day might bring, at least I would be able to look back and remind m
yself of this moment. It was a selfish thing to do, but with her warmth against me, and her perfume making me drunk, I fell into a peaceful sleep.
Her body stirred against mine, waking me and my hands clutched at her perfect curves. I couldn’t believe I’d spent the night with her. Then I noticed her breathing was unstable and there was a trembling sensation in her chest. “Are you okay, Val?”
A soft sob escaped her. “Please, don’t leave me again,” she said, and then exhaled with a shudder. “I know why you did, but I can’t be apart from you again, Miles. You’re the one I want, don’t you get it?”
“I do. I’m sorry.” I wanted to find the most meaningful words to express my regret. “I love you, tattoo girl. My love for you is so strong, sometimes I feel like I can’t be held responsible for my own decisions. I left out of love for you. I only wanted you to be sure of your destiny.”
“I choose you, Miles. In fact, I didn’t have to choose you. It feels like we were meant to be together.”
She was right. We were.
MILES
I woke up to an empty bed, and the silence inside Val’s apartment made me feel uneasy.
She deserved an explanation for my behavior that much I knew. I got out of her bed, hoping I’d be allowed back under the covers again soon.
Given the absence of noise, I started believing she’d left me alone in the apartment. There weren’t any dirty dishes in the kitchen, and the counter appeared to be spotless. I realized I’d never noticed if she possessed any kind of obsessive patterns when it came to cleaning.
Then I saw her.
Her long blonde hair was in a loose, messy pony tail. She looked distressed, sad, and pained. In her hand was a large, white pad. I couldn’t see what she was drawing on it. After about two minutes, Val still hadn’t made any attempt to look up at me or talk to me. She sat on the couch with her legs crossed. The sight of her made my mind go wild. Val was something special, and I didn’t want to lose that.
“Val, can we talk?”
She never lost her focus. Her body wasn’t affected by my presence. “Now you want to talk, Miles? Don’t you think we should have had this conversation before you decided to take off?”
I deserved that reaction, which is why I hated myself for having done this to her. “I’m so sorry. I can spend an entire life with you, repeating those three words to you, and it wouldn’t be enough.” I paused, hoping she would say something, but she didn’t. “You spent years with John, Val, and you left him. Then we started texting, I showed up here, and you took me by surprise. We went from friends to so much more in such a short time, I had to make sure you were a hundred percent certain about me.”
“We could’ve talked about all this, and it would have saved me from crying a river these last few days.”
“If two months from now you were to realize you’d made a mistake when you left him, then I would’ve been left alone. I already lost my sister, and I’m still grieving. Losing you now would kill me.” Knowing I had to be honest with Val, I didn’t hold back any of my feelings or fears. “I’m falling for you hard. I want to get to know you better, but can already say that I love you and that I’m ready to deal with any rules or restraints you wish to give me.”
“There will be rules.”
Good, I would have been disappointed if she didn’t have at least one.
“Please, never leave me again. Not like this. It broke me, cowboy. You have no idea how I’ve missed you.”
“I agree. I have no excuse. When I saw how much he wanted you back, it got me thinking that you must’ve shared something special with him. You’d been together for a long time. When we got together so fast, I left to make sure it was me you really wanted.”
I expected her to say something in retaliation, but she didn’t, she listened to me. Her shoulders hunched forward as she put her pad on the small table by her side. After some heavy breathing, she covered her face with both of her hands and remained silent for several minutes.
“I love you, Miles. I’ve never loved anyone, not even John, more than I love you.”
“But?”
“There’s no ‘but’. I’m only going to ask you not to leave me again.” Her eyes lifted and came into view. That unforgettable green of her eyes mixed with the emotions of her words, had me wanting one thing only, to be next to her and holding her tight against me. “You also need to tell me where you live and what you do because when you left, I realized that I had no idea where you were living. You disappeared like a ghost.”
“A haunting ghost.” I gave her a small smile. “I spent most of that first day watching you from across the street. I missed you, and could see how hurt you were. Regret made me stay away. After what I’d done, I was afraid you wouldn’t talk to me.”
Again, she stayed silent, so I continued on. “I now live in an apartment. It’s very small. If you want to go see it, I’ll take you. I’m also starting work in the next few days, maybe a week. I’m waiting for a call with the details. The clinic isn’t too far from either of our apartments.” I smiled feeling nervous. “I’m trying to settle down. I want to stay in Seattle.”
“Good.”
Val sounded so cold I didn’t know what to say or think. She loved me, she’d said so, yet I felt like she hated me, too. Granted, she had all the reasons for hating me, but, Jesus Christ, I needed help. What do I say now? What do I do? I want her, I love and need her. With a resigned sigh, I asked, “Where does this leave us?”
“We’re together. I don’t think I could go another day without you, but I’m not sure I trust you. Guess I’m saying that I’m willing to give you another chance.”
“I’ll take it. I love you, Val, and want to be with you. We’ll get there. I promise.” I couldn’t keep my distance from her any longer. With two large strides, I reached the couch and sat down next to her. “I hated being away from you, too. I regretted that decision the second I left your apartment.”
She sighed and rested her head against my shoulder. “When I got your note, I cried so much that Kyle came up to check on me. Never do that again.”
“He must hate me now. I guess I’ll have to talk to him later and try to explain myself.” What about Levi? I asked myself. Levi had kept me away when I wanted to find her again. He tried to make me do what was right, and helped me by protecting her while I couldn’t. Levi was a good man.
For the rest of the morning, we stayed on the couch and talked. I told her more about the apartment and my job, and we tried figuring out when we’d be able to see each other. It wasn’t going to be often enough for my taste, but we both had to work so there wasn’t much we could do about it.
Val showed me the drawings she’d been working on. The one she was sketching on when I’d found her this morning was of me. A sleeping version of me. She must’ve observed me for quite some time to pick up the little details. Her talent left me speechless.
I held my unfinished portrait and couldn’t believe my eyes. “Tattooing is exactly what you should be doing, make sure the world gets to see your talent.”
“It’s nothing, it’s just—”
I cut her off. “It’s not nothing. Don’t put down your talent by saying it’s nothing.”
She was about to add something, but changed her mind. A small smile appeared instead, followed by a reddish cloud on her cheeks. “Thanks, cowboy.”
Hearing her calling me cowboy gave me a smile in return. I had the biggest crush on her and knowing she was my girlfriend made me giddy.
“What was your sister like?” she asked.
So many words flowed in my mind in response that I couldn’t speak long before choking up enough that I had to rub my eyes to hide the tears. “Lisa was beautiful, strong, funny… and so smart.” Seconds passed before I could add more to my answer. The day had played hard with my emotions. “She had a thing for English literature. Lisa even had a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her forearm, the opening lines from Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? It’s the only l
iterary quote I know by heart, and I learned it after she died. There are still days I wait for her to walk through the door and hug me like she always did, but at the end of the day, she never shows up.”
“Do you think she would have liked me?” Val asked in a soft voice. “It’d be nice to believe I would have been accepted by the most important person in your life.”
“She would have loved you, no doubt. You’re similar. Physically, I mean. That’s what fascinated me the first time I saw you, and why I was staring. For a brief moment, I thought you were Lisa. Then, I noticed how broken you looked, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake I’d made with her. I’d thought she was fine while she was struggling with her break-up, and learned too late that she wasn’t. I didn’t want to assume you were okay even if I didn’t know you. If I could save one soul, it had to be yours.”
“Thank you. I was confused and scared at the time, but receiving your messages helped me smile in the following days.”
“I would love if you could come with me to visit the graveyard sometime soon.”
“I would love to, cowboy,” she said, and it touched me. “I have to go downstairs to work in less than an hour, so not today, though.”
The edge to her voice told me she wasn’t looking forward to it. She chewed on the inside of her bottom lip, but I couldn’t quite understand how she felt.
“Are you working at the club tonight, too?”
“I am.”
“Should I go while you get ready for work, you know, shower and everything?” I don’t know why, but it felt like she wanted privacy. Maybe it was time to go home. We had just gotten back together, after all. I stood up and got the keys out of my pocket. “I’ll go. I can meet you here for dinner, if you would like?” As I inched closer to the door, she stared at me like I had two heads.
“Where are you going? I’m not kicking you out. Please stay. Unless you don’t want to?” Leaving the couch behind, she joined me by the door. “So?”
“I want to stay.”
With her soft fingers she grabbed the keys from my hand and let them fall by the door. She closed the distance between us, her gaze never leaving my eyes. Hypnotized by her eyes, her natural beauty took my breath away and the air between us turned into a searing heat.