“Had to be done,” he said. “That banana was rotten.”
I stood up, fists clenched. “He was her only chance, you son of a bitch!”
“Plus we were going into show business together!” wailed McGlade.
“There’s another way,” Talon 2 said. Then he asked the doctor, “How long as she been dead?”
“She died about a minute ago.”
“Then we still have nineteen minutes to save her.”
PART 4
ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
Chapter 1
T-minus 19 minutes
Talon 2
There wasn’t much time. We had to move. Fast.
I pointed at Vicki. “You can give her a transfusion. You have the same blood. Sata, find an IV.”
“A transfusion at this point won’t help,” the doctor said. “It’s too late.”
“There is resurrection serum at Jack’s cabin in the woods,” I told her. I locked eyes with Talon. “If we can get it to her within the next nineteen minutes, she’ll live.”
“No bullshit?” Talon asked.
“No bullshit.”
He nodded. “I believe you. McGlade, call Yummi. Tell her to land in the yard.”
“You got it.” McGlade pressed his earlobe.
Grandma went from Talon over to me. “You can’t do this. It’s too risky. You could bring a zombie apocalypse to this earth.”
“You tried it,” I said. “With Phin.”
“And I failed.”
“We won’t fail.”
Grandma looked hard into my eyes. “Then we’re going with you.”
“Only two people fit in the heliplane,” Talon said. “Is Yummi here, McGlade?”
“She’s out in front.”
I thought about what we’d need besides the TEV. If the zombies were still around, we had to have weapons.#em?” Alter-Vicki asked.TL />
“Give me your flamethrower,” I told Harry.
“On one condition. If you find any talking fruit, bring it back for me.”
“Deal.”
He handed the weapon over, then held out his hand. “Good luck.”
I shook it. “Thanks, Harry.”
Phin also had a hand for me. “Be careful, Talon.”
“I will, Phin.”
His eyes were warm, and I saw his face soften. Like it used to when I was a kid.
“Grandpa,” he said. “Call me Grandpa.”
“I will, Grandpa.”
I hugged him. Then I hugged Grandma. Vicki walked up to me, her eyes wide with concern.
“You’d better come back to me,” Vicki said.
“Don’t worry. I won’t leave you. I promise.”
She pressed her body and her lips to mine, and I wondered if I’d be able to keep my promise. In the meantime, Sata came up behind and injected me with something.
“A little pick-me-up cocktail,” he said.
“What’s in it?”
“Amphetamines. Painblockers. Steroids. I gave the other Talon one as well. Good luck to you.”
“Thanks, Sata-san.”
I bowed. But he ignored the formality and embraced me.
Talon was shouldering a duffle bag. His DT hung around his neck, counting down seconds.
17:59
17:58
“Let’s move,” he said.
We moved, hurrying out of the lab.
“It doesn’t have to be a fruit,” McGlade called after us. “It could be a vegetable. Eggplant. Carrot. Celery. But no broccoli. I hate broccoli.”
In the living room, we saw the two discarded nanotube helmets. I told Talon to grab them, remembering the baby squid hats. The whole suit of armor would have been better, but the helmets should offer us at least some protection.
On the front lawn, next to the Mustang, was a heliplane. In the pilot’s seat was one of the biggest women I’d ever seen.
“Twins,” she said, giving us the once-over, looking at me in the same way a dog looks at a steak. “That’s hot.”
We climbed into the vehicle, and then wedged ourselves# mering pizzas.”
onTp into a cramped overhead compartment. Talon gave the woman coordinates.
“You doing okay?” I asked him as we took off.
“Been better. But that little injection Sata gave me is taking the edge off. You?”
“Same.”
“What’s this zombie thing you and Grandma are worried about?”
I filled him in.
“So if we’re even a second late, Vicki will become a zombie?”
“Yeah. And infect the earth. We, uh… we can’t allow that to happen.” I let my words sink in. “You know what I mean, right?”
His voice got soft. “I know.”
“Those zombies are pretty awful. And there would be nothing to keep them in check. It doesn’t rain squid here.”
“Huh?”
“It rains baby squid on Jack’s earth. Long story. So you want to explain the sentient banana god thing?”
He filled me in.
“Amarillo Plantain,” I said, and whistled through my teeth. “Just when I thought things couldn’t get weirder.”
“I guess, technically, you could say he’s the top banana.”
I chuckled. So did Talon. I never had a brother. The closest friend I ever had was Teague, and that didn’t end so well. But I had a bond with Talon that was both immediate and powerful. I didn’t want anything to happen to him, or his wife.
“Boys, we’re here,” Yummi said. “Get ready for landing.”
“Time?” I asked Talon.
“Twelve minutes and change.”
“Sata left some zombie repellant at Phin’s cabin. We’ll grab that then use the TEV. If all goes well, we should make it back with plenty of time to spare.”
Talon didn’t answer. I knew he was thinking what I was thinking:
Nothing EVER goes well.
We landed with an abrupt bump that made my neck crackle, then Talon and I poured out of the compartment and grabbed our weapons.
“Keep the engine running,” Talon told her. “We’ll be right back.”
Then we hurried into the cabin. I strapped on the flamethrower and tuned into the octeract point while Talon grabbed the tank of zombie repellant and wound weapons from the duffle bag around his body. Then we each put on our helmets. I had to spit on my visor to clear the soot off.
“Let’s do it,” Talon said.# mering pizzas.”
onTp
I activated the beam. A brief blackness, and then the light returned, and we were surrounded by fallen zombies.
We were also surrounded by zombies who were still standing and moving around. Apparently it had stopped raining.
The smell hit me. Rotten meat and bodily fluids. Then the zombies seemed to all notice us at once, and a low moan went through them like a wave as they began to close in.
Talon screamed—he’d never seen zombies before—and his machinegun burped out a staccato. I pulled the trigger on the flamethrower and watched, amazed, as the living dead all around me caught fire.
Then I watched, terrified, as they continued to shuffle toward me. The only thing scarier than a zombie coming after you was a flaming zombie coming after you. I quickly yanked off the flamethrower and grabbed Talon’s zombie repellant, which had a nozzle like a fire extinguisher.
I sprayed a wide arc.
The zombie repellant turned out to be flammable, and the burning zombies burned even hotter, the flames turning blue and scorching the ceiling.
One of the undead reached out, catching my shirt with a burning hand. I hit him in the head with the tank, shoved him away, and then sighted a path to the kitchen.
“I’m going for the serum!” I yelled over the gunfire.
“It’s raining!” Talon yelled back.
“Good!” I hopped over a dead zombie (I know—they’re all already dead) then shoulder-checked a second one, knocking it over.
“There’s a squid!”
“Just
pour some salt on it!” I tried to remember where Grandma had the salt, and was too focused on the kitchen to turn around and look for it. Talon could handle the baby squids on his own.
“It’s huge!” he said.
“Don’t be a pussy.”
Then there was a sound like the earth exploding, and I was hit by strong wind and cold rain.
I looked up. The roof was gone.
Looming over the cabin was a squid the size of King Kong. It tossed the roof aside as if it were a child’s toy.
I stared back at Talon, who threw the tiny bag of salt at the monster. It bounced harmlessly off a tentacle the width of an oak tree.
“That’s a baby squid?!” he yelled. “We’re gonna need more salt!”
Then another tentacle reached into the cabin and smashed down one of the walls, revealing the creature in its entirety. It had at least ten arms, which were shorter and thinner than the two main tentacles, and it ambulated on the squirming, writhing mass, leaving a thick trail of slime. The eye facing me was as big as the wall that had just disappeared. Its massive con?”
“Yes, sir.”at />
Suckers embedded with sharp hooks ensnared an unlucky zombie, and the squid quickly pulled it to the base of the body. A black beak appeared within its swirling coils of flesh, large enough to snap my Mustang in half, and it chowed down on the zombie in one bite.
Jumping fuck bunnies!
The zombies all shuffled away, no doubt fearing for their undead lives. Small baby squid slapped the cabin floor all around us, splatting like giant boogers. One plopped right on top of my helmet, and I left it there and continued my trek to the kitchen.
Behind me, more machinegun fire. I kicked a zombie in the chest, and he fell over, set upon by baby squid. My own baby squid hat found my neck and began to tighten its grip, choking off my air. A lowered my head and charged, toro style, into the icebox. The squid squealed, then dropped off, taking my helmet with it.
I spun around, spotting the pantry with the Rejuvee syringes, reaching for the handle just as a humungous tentacle slapped the floor in front of me—
—and wrapped itself around the pantry.
I threw myself backward, landing on my ass, watching in both horror and amazement as the creature ripped the pantry off the wall and shoved it into its snapping beak.
It ate it. The giant squid ate the resurrection serum.
Shit. We were fuct.
Chapter 2
T-minus 9 minutes
Talon
Baby squid my ass. That was fucking Cthulhu.
I shoved another magazine into the bullpup, watching it stitch a bloody line into the squid’s squishy flesh. The creature didn’t seem to notice. After eating a cabinet and two more zombies, it turned its attention on Talon 2. I abandoned the machinegun and picked up the flamethrower, still lit in the falling rain.
Then I slipped on something and fell right onto my ass.
A moment later, I was covered with squid.
I pulled at the nearest one around my waist, but its arms were like slimy cables, refusing to budge. Then I felt a sharp pain, so acute it made me gasp.
Why did mutant animals keep trying to eat me?
Two more began chewing on my legs, their tiny beaks snap-snapping away at my flesh, and I aimed the flamethrower wand at my lower body and calamaried the little bastards, scorching until they dropped off, grateful the rain kept my clothes from catching fire.
Then a hand was reaching down for me. Talon 2.
too much woman for that.”
“t Judge CrouchhimTel“The squid ate the serum!”
Shit. We were fuct.
I handed him the flamethrower, stomped on a zombie that was crawling toward me, then looked at my DT.
7:55
7:54
If we left right now, we’d barely have time to make it back to Sata’s.
“Use the TEV on the squid,” I told Talon 2.
“What?”
“Send it back to Phin’s earth. Yummi has a laser in her heliplane. She can kill it.”
He shook his head. “Too dangerous. There are zombies everywhere. We can let them get loose on that earth.”
I reached for the TEV on his waist, and he pulled away.
“Please,” I said.
“I can’t do it, Talon. You wouldn’t either if the roles were reversed.”
He was probably right, but that didn’t make me feel any better.
Two more zombies waddled through the remains of the cabin, and Talon 2 torched them. One of the squid’s tentacles tore down another wall.
I had no idea what to do, then remembered that old story in the bible, about Captain Nemo and the giant squid.
Or maybe it was Jonah and the whale. I get my fairy tales confused sometimes.
I watched my DT tick down to 7:22, and then used uffsee and searched the database for squid, giving the Wiki entry a quick read.
It might work. I just needed a Nife.
A Nife!
I reached down for the sheath, finding it empty.
Shit. I’d already used that on another scary monster.
So what else would work?
“Grandma has weapons?” I asked.
“Yeah. A shed full.”
“Does she have swords?”
“I didn’t see any.” Talon 2 reached for one of the grenades hanging on my bandolier, but I pulled away.
“No. You could destroy the serum.”
“It’s already destroyed, Talon. The squid ate it.”
“It’s inside the squid. I just need something to…”
I remembered Phin’s cabin. Above the mantle, he had an old chainsaw.
Grandma’s cabin was essen?”
“Yes, sir.”at Schaumburg, which ptially the same. Did she have one as well?
I looked, my breath catching.
There it was. A gas-powered Craftsman.
“Cover me,” I said.
Then I grabbed the saw off its mount and ran toward the giant squid, yanking on the pull cord, trying to get the two stroke engine to start. The squid’s enormous pupil followed me, and then a tentacle lashed out and snatched me off my feet. Soon I was ten meters in the air, hanging upside down, still unable to get the saw started.
Maybe it was broken. Maybe it was out of fuel.
Or maybe I hadn’t flipped the switch to on.
I felt around the handle, my thumb grazing a switch that could have fit the bill. I flicked it, then gave the cord another yank.
BBBRRRRRRRRRRR-RRRRRRR-RRRRR!
The chainsaw revved to life. I hit the trigger and flailed away at the tentacle holding me, burying the blade deep.
The arm opened up, trying to release me, but the hooks in its suckers were caught in my clothes. It gave me a shake, fast and hard, and I almost lost my saw while I fought to both hold on and keep my bladder closed. Below me I caught a glimpse of Talon 2, spraying the squid with flames.
I’d read, or seen, or heard somewhere that squids were among the more intelligent life forms on the planet, not as smart as men or byters, but up there with dogs and dolphins and dogphins (those cute aquatic canines with the blowholes). This squid proved me correct by trying to kill two birds with one stone, or more precisely, two Talons with one smash.
It brought me down on my partner like I was the swatter and he was the fly, and Talon 2 barely dove away in time as I smacked the floor hard enough to break the few intact ribs I still had left. But the blow dislodged me from the squid’s hooks, and whatever cocktail Sata had injected me with worked as advertised. Though it was difficult to take in a deep breath, the pain was manageable.
I got to my knees, gripped the chainsaw, and stared at the sharp, black beak peeking through the mass of writhing tentacles.
Then I charged again, engine revving, ducking under a swinging arm, Talon 2 matching my gait and running alongside me.
“I know what you’re thinking, and you’re crazy!” he said.
“Make the bastard scream
for me, buddy.”
Talon 2 pointed the flamethrower at the huge, leering eye and hit the trigger. The squid recoiled, flinching away from the flame, exposing its underbelly as its conehead flopped onto the ground. Its beak stretched open, snapping at the fire causing it so much pain.
I watched it snap.
SNAP!
SNAP!
Time seemed to slow down.t was to press the release button on the weaponed to d
ropped , which p
My reactions seemed to speed up.
I took as big a breath as I could, ducked my head, and dove chainsaw-first just as the beak opened again, plunging myself into the squid’s mouth, hoping I timed it right. Then I tucked my legs in behind me before they could be nipped off.
SNAP!
I made it! Though a big part of me wondered why I would be so excited. I’d just done the stupidest thing in the history of my species.
I tapped my AVCL, hoping the solar battery had recharged. It had. Four more taps and I put it in X-ray mode.
Then I revved the chainsaw and began to crawl up the squid’s radula—its tooth-covered tongue—into its esophagus.
It tried to close its throat around me, but the chainsaw changed its mind. Every time the walls constricted, I gave it a little tickle with the spinning blade. I didn’t want to kill the beast. Not yet. Cutting through tonnes of squid flesh and swimming through liters of blood would slow me down and impede my search.
I reached a zombie, bitten in half but still thrashing around, and bisected its skull. A few meters further, I found a second zombie, this one not moving. I crawled over it.
I was getting light-headed from holding my breath, wondering how much farther I had to go, and my hand brushed a piece of wood. I studied it with the X-ray lens, everything glowing faint blue, but the only pieces of metal I saw were cabinet hinges.
I crawled up another meter, and then the squid did a roll and began to slowly right itself. I slid down the esophagus and zombie body parts rained down on me. An arm. A foot, shoe still on. A slimy organ that might have been a liver or a stomach. A damp, stiff object that I thought was a jacket or pair of jeans until my fingers touched a handle.
Timecaster: Supersymmetry Page 22