by Lucy Rinaldi
Bound & Tied
Damaged.
Lucy Rinaldi
Copyright © 2014 Lucy Rinaldi
Bound and Tied Book 1.
Damaged.
The contents of this novel are pure fiction. All names, places and events are in no way associated with any persons dead or alive. Places and events are used for fictional purposes only. Any similarity's to real life events, places or persons are pure coincidence.
All rights reserved.
ISBN:
ISBN-13:
DEDICATION
For the three very special people who have always given me the inspiration to write. There is never a dull moment ;)
Chapter One.
Well, today can go down in my diary as one of my worst. I think this makes number one million and six of the worst days in my life so far. I’ve been standing in my shower now for at least an hour with the water set to boiling, I need to burn him off my skin; yes that’s what I need to do. The water burns so badly, but somewhere in my mind, I tell myself “You deserve this, you little whore, you asked for this! He told you to stay away, you remember Elijah don’t you? The man you’re supposed to love. The man you defied. Again” Shaking off the thought of again being a stupid bitch, I just stood under the water and washed my hair three times one after the other, scrubbing hard. I reached for the body wash and a flannel, squeezing the body wash all over my body, I scrubbed and scrubbed, arms, legs, stomach, backside, neck, between my legs, and it’s so painful, but I can’t stop I need to be clean. I repeated the cycle again and again until I just didn’t have any strength left. I fell to the floor of the shower, my face against the wall, my left hand holding on to what I don’t know. Boiling water cascading over me, as I sobbed deep right from the pit of my stomach, gut wrenching sobs. Thoughts running around my head. Why? Why would he do this to me? Did I make him do this?
I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear the bathroom door open and I freeze, oh god he’s found me! “Sadie, are you okay?” Oh no, oh please he can’t see me like this!
“Um... Yes, I’m here; I’ll be right out” Please, please, please leave. I beg inside my head. My boyfriend cannot see me like this. Anybody would think I was used to this kind of thing, and I am in some ways, but since being with Elijah I’ve lost all trace of the strong, independent girl I once was.
“Okay, baby” Elijah closed the bathroom door. I know I’m going to have to face him, but what do I say? I reluctantly dragged myself up from the floor, turned off the shower and climbed out. I can’t see anything through all the steam. I feel around and eventually find my bathrobe on the heated towel rail, wrapping it round me as tightly as I can. I then grabbed a towel and twisted it round my hair Karman Miranda style and walked over to the mirror, which is situated on the wall to the left of the bathroom, above the sink and opposite the toilet. I wiped the steam from the mirror with my sleeve and gazed at myself, my face is pale not its usual colorful rosy features. Shit!
I have marks on my neck, bruise type marks. Oh god! What do I do? What do I do? I can’t let Elijah see me like this, I wouldn’t know what to say, I know he’d blame me. Yes, he’d blame me like he blames me for everything that happens, I know this. I couldn’t cope with that right now, I know It would drive Elijah to do something terrible if he thought for one moment I’d let another man touch me, willingly or otherwise!
I dried myself quickly, but as I reached my inner thighs the pain sears through me. I looked down, Oh. My. God! I’m bruised badly, big purple, violent bruises. Oh shit, my stomach too! How didn’t I feel this? Maybe that’s what the burning was, all the pressure of his big body on me pushing me down.
“Baby?” I feel the panic burning deep inside me.
“Calm down, Sadie, everything will be okay,” I say to myself quietly, as I pull my robe around me as tightly as I can. I take the towel from my head and hang it round my neck hoping it hides the marks before I gather myself together and open the door. “I'm here” I smile at him as he walks over to me, he’s happy and smiling, it’s infectious, although right now I don’t have it in me to smile all I want to do is curl up and die, but I don’t want him to be angry so I force a smile just for him. He snakes his arms around my waist, pulling me tightly into him. It takes all my strength not to wince as the pain in my body is unbelievable. He kissed me softly as way of saying hello.
“I thought you’d drowned” He says as he pulls away from me and sits down on our bed.
“I’m sorry I thought I’d shower before you got home. I didn’t realize I was so long” I can’t look him in the face. Why can’t I look at him? It’s the shame of it all, I know it is and the fact I feel like I’ve cheated on him, that and I know deep in my heart once he finds out, and he will, he’ll kill me, he’ll literally kill me because he’ll think I’ve cheated and no amount of me saying I haven’t will make any difference to him.
“Sadie?” Oh god! Please don’t. I move quickly turning my back to him. “Sadie, what’s wrong? Mercedes!” Fuck! He only calls me Mercedes when he’s angry or getting that way. “Don’t turn your back on me. Talk to me” He gave me his aggressive tone making me jump, but I didn’t turn around; I just stared blankly out of my window at the warm Californian sky.
“Nothings wrong, Elijah, I’m just tired, it’s been a long day” I turn only my head to meet his gaze. I smile a shy smile, letting him know everything’s fine, and it seems to lull him for now at least. He looked at me seriously for a second, stood up and smiled his beautiful smile, walked over to me and kissed me softly on the lips, as he stands behind me with his arms once more around my waist. His touch makes me cringe and I don’t know why. Then again his touch makes me cringe so often it’s normal to me.
“Get dressed gorgeous, we have a party to attend” He says as he kisses me lightly again.
“I won’t be a moment. Why don’t you wait for me downstairs?” I smile, hoping he’ll go. I can’t dress in front of him, not now. I looked at him with desperate eyes; I just want him to go. He looks at me with concern in his eyes, but I don’t believe them, I’ve seen it too many times before, and too many times its been a lie. Why would I believe anything of good this man? He’s nothing more than a monster to me now. The beautiful man I fell in love with is gone, the love I felt for him is gone. There is nothing left, but he will never let me leave so I’m stuck with this monster forever.
“I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong. I know it’s something. What is it you’re not telling me?” I can’t do this now! It will kill me to have to explain everything that happened, because that’s what he’ll want, every single sordid detail. He’ll force me in some sick way to relive it all. And as much as he’ll say he’s there for me he’ll get a sick kick out of it, and then he’ll beat and torture the life out of me. And it’s not like he hasn’t beaten me half to death more than once before now. Jesus, I’ve been in so many comas because of this man that the hospital has started giving me a revolving door!
“Elijah, please, I need to get ready. Go have a drink, I’ll be down in a few minutes” I smile again and he eyes me, trying to work out what I’m thinking, but he smiles at me and releases me.
“You’ll tell me, one way or the other before the nights out” He says making me shiver. He left, closing the door behind him. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding onto and walked over to my closet. I took out the dress and shoes he picked out for me earlier that day to wear to the party we’re to attend in his sister’s honor. Her engagement party no less! I really don’t want to wear a dress, not with all these bruises. I really hate wearing dresses, they’re just not me anymore. They haven’t been since I got with Elijah. He rarely allows me to wear this kind of thing, b
ut I guess he has to keep up appearances for his family. I have no choice but to wear what Elijah ordered me to wear this dress covers my arms, hell, it covers everything but my neck. God forbid I wear anything that shows any part of my body, Elijah would kill me because he would swear I’m trying to catch another man’s eye. I know better than to disobey my man by now. I slipped on my panties and bra a matching set of simple black lace. I then dried my hair and straightened it, combing as I went. I pinned one side of my hair up so my ear is visible, leaving the right side of my hair hanging over my shoulder covering the bruise on my neck. I looked at myself in the floor length mirror to make sure my hair looks okay. Everything about what I’m wearing, including my hair has to be just the way Elijah likes it. One mistake on my part will cause him to blow up in anger.
“That will have to do,” I say to myself with a sigh. I grabbed my makeup bag and applied my foundation, eye shadow, a light silver gray to break up all the black, then I added mascara, eyeliner and a little blush to hide my paleness. I opted for a deep pink lip gloss to make my lips look fuller. I halfheartedly shrugged at my reflection while the voice in my head screams “You look like a slut!” I don’t want to cry, I never used to cry as much as I have since being with Elijah. I fight back the tears as visions of him flood my mind anew. I ignored my thoughts and grabbed my dress from the hanger, a simple black silk figure hugging, floor length sleeved dress, and right now I’m really wishing he’d brought the pant suit. I could really do without this dress. Oh well, too late now! I put my diamond studded earrings in and donned my diamond necklace. A simple tear drop diamond hangs from the chain, a gift from my mother for my eighteenth birthday. My mind flits to the day of her death, and the way I found her. I shake it off I can’t think of this now. I sprayed my perfume and grabbed my black silk high heels, putting them on quickly, leaning against the wall by the bedroom door for support so as not to fall. I grabbed my black purse and black silk wrap to match and left the room. Elijah’s waiting in the living room downstairs for me. He’s dressed in a black dinner suit with a white shirt and simple black tie and black dress shoes. We look like we’re going to a funeral rather than a party. He looks so handsome, his black hair slicked back with too much hair-gel. He looks at me in that way, the way that tells me he wants me. I used to love that look on his face, it used to make me feel so beautiful. But now it just makes me think how very soon he’ll want sex and I know I won’t be able to give it to him, not after what happened today. He mouths a full “Wow,” I smile as he takes my hand. Here goes.
~ ~ ~
We walk into Elijah’s sister’s apartment on the eighteenth floor of her luxurious apartment building right in the middle of Beverly Hills. She’s dressed in a floor length scarlet red dress, tight fitting and showing each of her curves perfectly. I really envy her with her long blonde hair and how it cascades down her back, all legs and ass, she’s beautiful. I marvel at how graceful she is. Marie looks like an angel! “Elijah. Sadie” She walked over to us as best she could, and I have to stifle a snicker at the fact her dress is in fact so tight she can hardly walk.
“Marie” Elijah says as she snakes her arms around his shoulder. “Congrats lil sis”
“Thank you, big brother” She let go and smiled up at him like he’s some kind of hero. Boy is she blind! She pulled me against her and hugged me tightly.
“Congratulations, Marie,” I smiled at her then I looked at Elijah who’s eying me with wicked eyes; shit, do I really radiate the words beat me? I know full well that’s what he’s thinking right now, that he wants to beat me, I can see it written all over his face!
“You look like something is bothering you, Marie”
She smiles at Elijah. “I just wish Samantha was here. It’s not the same without her” Elijah pulled her into his arms, while rolling his eyes. He and Sam do not get on. But Marie loves Sam and visa versa. “Come you guys have to meet some people” She pulled me by the hand toward the waiting crowds in this big room of hers. Her husband-to-be, Caleb, kissed me on the cheek and I flinched! He looked at me awkwardly, but I smiled and hoped no one else noticed. Elijah’s brothers Scott and Hunter are here also, I knew they would be. I happily said hello to Scott, he like Sam is a really good friend; although I did everything I can to avoid Hunter. Elijah’s mother and father are somewhere in the background talking to guests about how proud they are of their youngest child. I’m glad that I don’t have to stand talking to them for long, his mother intimidates me awfully. I can see where her sons get it from, and I can’t really understand much of what Elijah’s father says, his Dublin Irish accent is a little difficult for me to understand, and I feel rude not being able to talk to him like I can the rest of his family. All that’s missing is Samantha. Samantha is my best friend in the whole world, we grew up together, best friends since we were babies, and I miss her terribly right now. She’s traveling through France and England with her new boyfriend Alex. Sam along with my other best friend Clyde are my saving grace. But I haven’t seen Clyde very much since I’ve been with Elijah, simply because Elijah doesn’t allow me to have male friends, even if they are gay. It hurt because Clyde is the one person on this earth who knows how to get through to me when no one else can, even Sam. Having a mental illness like I do can sometimes be frightening for some people, and even Sam can’t cope when I have a meltdown, but Clyde can, he takes it all in his stride. God, I miss him so much right now.
~ ~ ~
The night waned on in a hail of people drinking and dancing, talking and laughing. I can’t help but look at Marie with her friends, and I idly wonder where Sam is right now and if she’s okay. It’s been months since I saw her, this new guy of hers must really be something special or at least I hope so; she falls in love so easily, but only ever staying with a man for a few weeks at a time. I really hope she’s found love with this Alex; she really deserves the love of a good man. It’s so strange for me to not have heard from her when she swore she’d call to let me know how she was at least once a week. She even said she’d send me postcards from the places she’d be visiting. I’m guessing Elijah destroyed them before I got them, and blocked her number from my cell so that she couldn’t call me. It hurts so bad not being able to talk to her or Clyde because I feel so lost and alone without them. I just wish she was home already. I’ve tried calling her a few times from work, but she never answers her cell. God only knows what she’s doing. Or maybe I’m just not putting the correct country code in when I call, after all, I’m not even sure what country she’s even in right now.
I walked over to the French windows and stood looking idly over the balcony out at the night sky. I sipped my champagne, I have no idea what kind it is and truth is I hate champagne, but I don’t like to make a fuss. I learned not to where Elijah and his family are concerned. God, how did I end up like this? I used to love to be punished by a man who used to be my Dom. I thought that’s what Elijah was but I was so wrong, God how wrong was I? Elijah is nothing but my tormentor, and God only knows how I wish I’d never gotten into a relationship with him. There must be more to life than being someone’s punch bag and sex slave? I know I could never leave him because he would do nothing but hunt me down until he found me. No, I’m stuck with this monster of mine until the end of time. I sometimes sit and wonder what it would be like to be able to do the things I used to do, to have fun, to dance, to wear what I want to. But I lost my independence, my freedom to this man and now all I am is what he wants me to be! “Hey, you” I turn to see Elijah standing behind me. He puts his arm around my waist as he comes to stand beside me.
“Hey,” I reply with a half-cocked smile.
“Penny for 'em” He asks as he kisses my head, but I don’t know what to say to him. All I really want to do is run away and hide for the rest of my life!
“I was just feeling a bit tired, it’s been a long day” It’s kind of the truth... Not really, but still.
“You want to go home, baby?” He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me to f
ace him; I smile and nod my head, he smiles and he’s about to say something when his eyes dart west of my body. His smiles gone and his eye bear into me. He lifts his hand and gently moves my hair from my neck, flicking it over my shoulder. My eyes close automatically, my stomach is in knots, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. “What’s this?” He asks me after a beat, while running his finger down my neck and over the bruises that lay there. I keep my eyes closed in someway, hoping I can disappear. I can’t speak, I’m mute “Mercedes, answer me” His voice is barely a whisper as his fingers still stroking my neck, and the slight Irish in his accent is getting stronger, letting me know he’s getting angry.
“It’s um... It’s nothing. Please can we just go home?” My insides are racked with fear, because I know what he’ll do if he finds out the truth. As much as I love punishment, as much as it makes me feel alive, Elijah’s punishment is beyond anything I ever imagined. I confuse myself something chronic, I crave punishment, yet this man scares the life out of me! But then having a dom doesn’t mean they have the right to beat you into a coma whenever the mood takes them. A dom is supposed to take care of you, to put your needs above their own, and to make sure that you’re safe and happy with what they’re doing to you. But then Elijah isn’t my dom, he’s my master and he literally owns me! He found me at at a point in my life when I felt like I was completely alone but for Clyde and Sam. I was going through something awful, something I had done and couldn’t get out of my head. He fed on my sadness and my need for punishment. I thought he loved me, but he never loved me, he loved torturing me is all.
“We’re going nowhere until you answer me” His voice is more menacing, his accent even stronger and now I know I’m really going to get it, whatever “it” maybe this time. Part of me can’t wait to be punished for what I let happen to me, but the other part of me dreads it.