by Lucy Rinaldi
“I... I'm...” Oh, thank fuck for that, the door opens and Blake walks in. All eyes turn to him like he’s some cornered beast.
“Shut the door man, it’s freezing” Alex sounds either pissed off or? I’m not sure, but his mood seems to have suddenly changed. Blake smiles right at me as he hangs his thick winter jacket up next to the door, and removes his snow boots. It’s so strange that we have to wear winter clothing, it’s summer! Well, it’s hot in California at least Blake doesn’t look at anyone but me, nor does he answer their questions of “Where have you been?” Or “Did you have a good time?” He walks directly toward me and my stomach does a back flip into my ass.
“Hey” He whispers with a smile.
“Hey” A shy smile slips across my lips as he kisses me softly. Yikes, his lips are cold, his kiss sent a shiver right down my body, and I’m suddenly freezing. I know both Sam and Alex are looking at us no doubt everyone else in the room is as well.
“Cold, baby?” He asks concerned. My god, I love the way he calls me baby!
“Hmm” I pull my sleeves down to cover my hands, damn I’m cold. I think having had the bandages removed from my back is making me feel the cold a lot more.
“I'll find you one of my thick thermals after breakfast”
“If you two have quite finished, it’s time to eat” He gives me a, I’m-sorry-she’s-my-mother-and-she’s-always-been-a-cow kind of look. I can see she doesn’t like me already. Oh, it’s gonna be a fun weekend...
Watching Blake and his brothers in the snow with their father is amazing, out here in this beautiful snow drift paradise. Okay, we’re in a cabin in the mountains, but the snow is beautiful. Snow isn’t unusual here in August or so Logan told me over breakfast. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been here before. I found out Logan is twenty two years old, and his wife has just turned twenty one, he looks older, and she looks younger, but not at the same time. All I see all around me is snow, the cabin, and a few snow filled pine trees; if it were Christmas this would be the perfect place to spend it. Their father seems more like a teenager than a fifty two year old man. I’m amazed at how much he loves his sons and the fact he’s not afraid to show it. I kind of wish my father was more like him, my father wouldn’t dream of so much as kissing my cheek, not even to say Goodnight to me.
I don’t know why, but I feel like a woman watching her husband, or what I imagine it would feel like for a woman to watch her husband playing around so carefree, Blake looks so young and so happy. He waves at me every now and again and fakes falling off his Snowboard, making me laugh. I haven’t felt this at ease in a long time. I blow him a kiss and he catches it in a fist, kisses his knuckles and holds it against his heart. I suddenly feel special, and I can’t help but smile so wide as he blows me a kiss back and I imitate what he did. I catch Sam smiling at me through the corner of my eye. She’s always watching me these days. I swear she thinks I’m going to have a relapse, that my illness is going to flare up. Sam’s always on edge when I’m around her just in case. I shouldn’t complain really, she’s always taken care of me when I’m ill, when she’s been around that is, or at least she would try to take care of me. But from what I can remember from when I’m ill, Sam would call Clyde over to help her. Without the two of them, I have no doubt I would have been committed more than once!
I’m all wrapped up in one of Blake’s thermal long sleeved shirts and a winter coat that he lovingly borrowed me, and gloves and a woolly hat I borrowed from Sam. I kind of look like a snowman like this, but I don’t care what I look like, I’m just so happy being here, being so free from everything back home. Sam, Faith and Lauren all look like film stars in their winter wear, and I realize they must really like Sam, but then who doesn’t, she’s the best woman I know, anybody would be blessed knowing her, I know I am. I notice how much alike Sam is to them, I’m guessing it has something to do with all the time she’s spent with them since meeting Alex. “Can we go somewhere and have a chat?” Oh, Faith wants to talk to me. Maybe she wants to find out what kind of person I am? She probably did the same to Sam. Besides, she is Blake’s mother the least I could do is to be nice, even though all I want to say is no we can’t because I want to stay here and stare at your hotter than hot son, but I’m not that bold or that rude. Well, not these days, at least.
“Of course,” I wave at Blake and motion that we’re going to chat, he rolls his eyes and smiles, and I think I can guess what he’s thinking. She leads me through the snow toward the cabin, I’m secretly pleased because even though I’m wrapped up I can no longer feel my feet. Which is strange when there’s not all that much snow on the ground.
“Please, sit down” She politely motions for me to take a seat next to the open fire. I take off my gloves and hat and hang my jacket up, and then pull off the snow boots. I take a seat by the open fire; it feels glorious, warming me immediately. Faith takes a seat in the opposite chair entwining her fingers together, looking at me with wide eyes; she’s very upper class, and a bit snooty in my opinion. She sits kind of like a school teacher, all legs together at the side and her hands on her knees. “Mercedes, I wanted to talk to you about my son”
“Oh?”
“Please let me finish before you say anything”
Charming!
This doesn’t sound like it’s going to be a conversation I want to have. “My son is off limits to you. You are not to go near him again, do you understand?”
What the hell?
“Could I just ask why?” I feel a bit sick and my face is on fire. I pull at the hem of my T-shirt, I feel really uncomfortable here with her when she obviously hates the sight of me.
“My son has been hurt enough by little whores like you, and I will not sit back and watch while you take what you want from him, use him up and walk away. Do you have any idea who my son is?” Whoa, full head spin! Seriously, what the hell did I do? And I am utterly offended by her calling me a whore! She doesn’t even know anything about me!
“What? How dare you? I am not a whore and I’m not using him, I would never do that. And of course I know who he is, only an idiot wouldn’t” I can’t keep the hurt or anger out of my voice, is this what she really thinks of me? How could she, she’s known me what? Three hours? He may not have told me anything about himself, but I know who he is. I know he’s mega rich and owns businesses all over the damn planet. I know he’s the owner of B.T.B Enterprise Inc. How the hell could I not know, I’ve Googled the man and saved so many images to my laptop. Regardless, I don’t give a damn about his money. I’ve got my own!
“I can see exactly what you are, young lady. You’re a little gold digger, out for what you can get” What the fuck? I’m not exactly poor the stupid woman. “Plus, he’s far too old for you; a man of twenty eight shouldn’t be with a woman of how old?”
“I’m twenty three, and we haven’t even decided if we are together. He’s my Doctor, he’s helping me with something, things just happened” Why am I even explaining this to her? Who does she actually think she fucking is? “She’s his mother stupid”
“Twenty three? You look more like eighteen” Eighteen? I like the sound of that! “Dear child, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I’m sure it will be just perfect for you, but it’s not with my son. He has issues and needs you can’t even begin to imagine, and there’s no way you could ever satisfy him. You may be what he wants right now, but you will never be what he needs” Yeah, right, I satisfied him well enough last night! But that’s beyond the point. I don’t know what to say because I know in some way she’s probably right, but she makes me feel like a five year old kid who’s been bad! “I think you should go home, Mercedes, find someone of your own age and leave my son alone. Do you not understand how this looks? He could lose his job because of you, a job he worked so hard to get, and I won’t have him throw his career away because of some frumpy little tart who has nothing better to do than seduce her Doctor... Now, I’ll get a car to come and collect you in twenty minutes and take you
home. It’s for the best” What the? Frumpy? Lose his job? I don’t want him to lose his job because of me, I’d never forgive myself.
“What about Sam? She’ll want to know where I’m going, and Alex. I can’t just go and not say anything they’re my friends”
“Don’t worry about anything; I’ll keep them outside while you pack. I’ll get the car to pick you up from the front of the cabin, they won’t see you leave. Once you’re gone I’ll tell them you were called away” Like Sam would ever believe I would just leave like that. “If you care for my son at all, in any way, then go. Please” Of course I care for Blake, more than I ever thought I would and I couldn’t bear hurting him. “And stay away from Alex, I understand that you’re friends with Samantha, and that’s her choosing, but you’re no friend to my son. Either of them” I nod to let her know I’ll do what she wants. Since when do I roll over and do what people tell me? Since Elijah took over my life, that’s when. I picked myself up and went to my room. I packed my things with a heavy heart. No one has ever disliked me this quickly before, and it really hurts because right at this moment in time I realize I don’t want to leave him, I don’t want to be away from him, I love him. I can’t believe I’m actually admitting it, but I do, I love him so deeply already. And it’s not like before, this is so different. I never intended to fall in love with him, and not this quickly, but I have. But she’s right, I need to let go of him. I didn’t know someone had hurt him badly in the past, but then why would I? And I know in the future, one day soon no doubt I’ll end up hurting him with my fucked up mind, or my even more fucked up past, and I couldn’t bear that. I wonder why she likes Sam, but not me? Her and I aren’t so different. Hell, she was a bigger whore than I ever could be! But then she always has had a way with people.
I’m finally packed, not that it took more than five minutes. I pull on my jacket and walk out of the bedroom with my case. “Where are you going?”
Shit!
Sam’s looking at me confused, her arms folded across her stomach. I thought Faith was gonna keep her outside? “I. Um. I thought you were outside?” She raises her eyebrow sarcastically at me. “I'm going home, I can’t be here anymore, it’s too awkward”
“What is?”
“Blake and me. I don’t love him. I don’t want to be with him” My voice cracks on the last word. I hang my head, trying to hide the stray tear that’s escaped from my eye but there’s no fooling my best friend.
“Oh, I can see how much you don’t love him, Sadie” Sarcastic as always my best friend. “What did you and Faith talk about? Is that why you’re leaving? What the hell did she say to you?” She walks toward me, I think to hug me, but I put my hands up to let her know I don’t want to be touched. She backs off and stands in front of me. She knows I have issue’s with being touched, most of the time anyway. But then she’s always been able to read me like a book. “Sadie, what is it? Please tell me I’m your best friend, I don’t like seeing you like this... Look, just answer me one thing. Do you love him?” God, she just never gives up, but I can’t lie to myself anymore because I do love him. I can’t answer her I just nod. “Oh, Sadie, babe, that’s wonderful. But why leave him, then? It doesn’t make sense”
“I’ll just hurt him, and I’d rather leave now before things get too serious. He’s too precious to me, Sam. He’s changed my life so much in such a short space of time. And this is killing me like you wouldn’t believe. But I’m doing what’s best for him. His mom said...”
“Wait, what? His mom said? I see. Don’t you dare go anywhere, I mean it you prove her wrong because if you leave him now you’ll destroy him. You really have no idea do you? Sadie, he’s in love with you” This is all too much, I can’t take it, I need to get out, he can’t be in love with me we haven’t known each other long enough for him to feel that way about me. But then how can I say that when I’ve fallen for him?
“I’ll see you back home. Okay?”
“Sadie, please don’t go, you can’t... Are you even going to say goodbye to him?” She grabs my arm as I walk past her. Why does she have to make things more difficult?
“I have to go now” I look her in the eye and the look on her face one of desperate sadness and non-understanding makes me cry, because I don’t want to do this, but I have to tell myself it’s for him. “Tell him I’m sorry” Still clutching my suitcase, I pull her into a one armed hug and kiss her cheek. “See you at home. I love you”
“I love you, too,” I leave her there crying and that alone hurts like hell.
~ ~ ~
I stand outside in just Blake’s long sleeved T-shirt and my jeans, the only things keeping me warm in this cold. I know I should have changed my shirt, but I didn’t want to take it off, it smells of him and it’s comforting right now. My legs are freezing not to mention my toes. I’m in my jeans and converse boots and I’m trying to block out the cold, to be honest I feel too numb to care. I feel like someone died and it hurts so much. Surely it shouldn’t feel like this? God I’ve known him a couple of months what the hell’s wrong with me? He’s never told me a damn thing about himself, how could I have even contemplated a relationship with a man I don’t know? Why would I even want a relationship so soon after Elijah? Am I really that fucked up that I can’t live without a man in my life?“You have some serious issues, Mercedes!”
I don’t know how long before the cars going to arrive, I hope it’s soon I just want to be away from here and back in the warm Californian sunshine. I might even go to Huntington Beach I haven’t been in a while. “Mercy?!” I turn my head full circle, what the hell, no one’s called me Mercy since before my mother died. Oh Crapolla! I’m gonna kill Sam the bitch! She fucking told him! How could she? “Like you thought she wouldn’t?” The voice in my head is right as always, and the truth is, I hoped she would. Blake stops right in front of me. I wrap my arms across my body to protect myself from his arms, because I know if he tries to hold me I won’t be able to stop him. “You’re leaving me? Why?”
“I’m not leaving you; we’re not together, so how could I be leaving you? I’m leaving everyone; I’m going home, I’ve had enough of this trip”
“But we were getting on so well, I just thought...” He thought what? “You were having fun before you went inside with my mother” I can’t look him in the eye the hurt etched in his eyes will break me and I can’t break in front of him. “What did she say?”
“Nothing, I just want to go home. We’d never work, the age difference. I’d just end up hurting you and I don’t want that, you deserve better” I feel like a stupid child shuffling my foot in the snow as I look at the ground.
“Age difference? Mercy, I’m five years older than you that’s no age gap. She put that shit in your head, didn’t she? What else did she say to you?” I said nothing. “Shit, Mercy, I love you dammit! I don’t want you to go. Please tell me what to do to make you stay and I’ll do it” I look up at him, Jesus, he really loves me. “Ha, yeah because he’s crazy, his mother told you he’s got issues. But will he love you when he finds out just how crazy you are?” I scowl at my inner voice always making me doubt myself and everyone else.
“Why did you call me Mercy?”
“What? Oh, I don’t know it suits you... I’m sorry I won’t call it you again”
“I like it” The thought makes me smile; my mother was the only person to call me Mercy, now he does it’s like he knows somehow. “Look, Blake, the truth is, I’m scared, scared of hurting you, of you hurting me, scared of where we go from here, and I’m terrified of what I feel for you”
He moves toward me, but I’m frozen to the spot, he puts his left hand on my shoulder and lifts my chin with his right hand, forcing my eye to meet his eyes. “What do you feel for me, Mercy?” My eyes close involuntarily, and my hearts beating out of my chest. I’m so afraid that if I tell him he’ll say he doesn’t really love me, that it was all a joke. “Say it” His voice is nothing more than a whisper, and it slips from my mouth before I can stop mysel
f.
“I love you” No sooner are the words out of my mouth than his lips touch mine, he kisses me a soft sweet kiss.
“I love you, too, and I’m never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again” With those words, everything just melts away, nothing else matters just him and me. He pulls me into a sweet embrace. “Please don’t go, Mercy. I need you here with me, by my side, always” Always? Oh!
“I won’t go, Blake. I never wanted to go, not really” Well, his mother’s not going to be happy about this I just know it.
“You didn’t? Then why? The fear thing?” I nod in agreement; I don’t want to tell him his mother’s a Judas and doesn’t want to see him happy. He smiles at me and kisses me again. “God you must be freezing” He opens his jacket and pulls me inside it, wrapping it around my back. The warmth of his body feels good against mine; I tighten my arms around his waist and close my eyes. I kiss his chest just because I can, and he smiles like a man who just won the lottery. “Come on, baby, let’s get you inside. I’ll run you a nice hot bath, get you warmed up. I don’t want you getting a chill in those scars” He kisses my nose and I giggle like an idiot.
As we walk into the cabin I wonder what his mother’s going to say when she sees us. But the place is deserted. I’m secretly grateful, I don’t think I could deal with her right now. The bath looks so inviting, as steam rises up into the room. I’m so cold I’m shaking. “Come on you; get in the bath. I’ll wait in the bedroom for you”