by Jaye McCloud
“I didn’t know you get down with the swirl. Since when have you been into white men? So, are you gonna date him or what? Girl, give me the 411.”
“Oh my goodness, Janette. Can you interrogate me tomorrow?”
“No I can’t wait until tomorrow. Just tell me and then I’ll get off the phone.”
“I’ll tell you this…..men are men regardless of the color of their skin. As far as dating Derrick Matthews—I don’t know yet. You’ll just have to wait and see. Now get off the damn phone before I hang up on you.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” Janette says with laughing confidence.
“Oh, but I would.” I retort, chuckling as I hang up the phone on her.
Chapter 2
Two weeks after Derrick Matthews gave me his business card, and I still haven’t called him. In truth, I was never going to call him. I’m way too shy to ever contact a man first. Okay, so that’s not the only reason. My granny had a heavy influence in raising me and as a result, I’m a bit old-fashion, especially when it comes to men and relationships. More than that, although Derrick Matthews is a handsome guy and quite sexy, I’m just not sure I’m ready to date right now. I shudder at the thought of that episode with Clarence. I was so wrong about him and I don’t want to make that mistake again. Besides, this is one of the busiest times of the school year—state testing—and I’m usually really wiped out at the end of each day. What kind of girlfriend would I make if I’m too tired to do anything but work?
Looking at my watch, I gasp at the time. Damn, I’m running late for another redundant staff meeting. On today’s agenda: discuss and review more testing data…of course.
***
Forty-five minutes later, I re-enter my classroom to the sound of the phone on the wall ringing. Stopping to answer it, my heart skips a beat when I hear, “You haven’t called.” Derrick Matthews’s southern drawl is easily recognizable. I’m actually glad he has called. It shows that he may actually be interested in me. Leaning my shoulder against the wall, I smile into the phone. “Your right, I haven’t. And I don’t have a good excuse.” I readily admit. When he doesn’t reply, I continue, “Are you mad at me?” He gives a low soft chuckle before saying, “That depends. Do you not want to see me? Am I being a pest?” Now it’s my turn to give a low soft chuckle. “Of course you’re not being a pest. It’s just that I’m not sure I want to date right now.”
“Am I hearing a brush off?” He asks in a teasing hurt voice.
“No Derrick. I wouldn’t do that to you.” As I’m saying those words, I’m also thinking…yes I would. However, not in this instance. “I’m just trying to keep it real with you.”
“Okay, how bout this –I take you out to dinner this Saturday night. If we have fun, we agree to spend time getting to know each other?”
The bell rings signaling the students’ anticipated arrival, so I have to hurry off the phone. “Derrick, my students are entering, let me give you my number and we can pick up this very interesting conversation at a better time.”
“I look forward to it.” He drawls low and sultry, sending a light quiver through my body.
After giving Derrick my number, I don’t have all that much time to think about it. Although I’m not sure that I’m ready to date again… a girl’s always flattered when a handsome man is interested in her.
***
True to his word, Derrick does not pressure me to take our friendship to the next level, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s a good thing. I don’t feel rushed and it gives me time to really think things through. Although Derrick and I have been seeing each other off and on—more off than on—for the past two months, we remain in the ‘getting to know you stage’. I like him, but I don’t think I like him enough to want to get serious with him. Sure he’s handsome, fine, charming, intelligent, and well positioned at Bentini and Sons. Hell, most women would consider themselves lucky to be seen on his arm. We usually have a good time and I thought that maybe our friendship would develop into something more. Although there’s plenty to like about him, there are some things that I don’t like. For example, there’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. Unfortunately, Derrick takes it to another level. When he’s being all braggadocios and pretentious, I find it hard to remember all the things that I do find attractive about him. I’ve never heard a man talk so much about all the great things he’s done and all the expensive things he has. Maybe he’s trying to impress me…I don’t know. If he was really interested in getting to know me, he would see that I’m a simple girl. Spending money on me, taking me out to classy restaurants, and showing me all his sparkly expensive play toys don’t make my panties wet. Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not saying that some of that isn’t nice. But there are other, more important things in life, that matter just as much, if not more.
This was never truer than when we went out on our last date. Derrick wanted to take me to some posh restaurant on the other side of town, and I just didn’t feel like going through the ordeal of being stared at as if I were a specimen in a Petri dish. So, we compromised. We went to a nice upscale lounge with friends. When Derrick and I arrived at the club, Rachael and her husband, Frank, and Janette and her boyfriend—Brian, were already there. We all greeted each other warmly and I could tell by the way Janette rolled her eyes that she was annoyed that I wasn’t there sooner. I scooted into the booth on Janette’s side of the oblong oval table. She didn’t let a minute go by before telling me exactly how she felt. “Where have you been? You got me sittin here with Andy and Annie Gump.” Luckily I was sitting next to Janette and no one else heard her whispered insult.
“Janette calm your ass down and stop being a mean-girl. We’re here to have fun. Besides, I’m not that late. You act like it’s gonna kill you to make small-talk with a nice decent couple for five damn minutes.”
“You know how I feel about Little Miss Goody Two-Shoes.”
“What I do know is that your ass ain’t happy unless somebody is trying to knife somebody else. Girl, this is what it looks like when people go to a club to actually have fun…and not to fight.” Janette slowly began to unwind, but really got happy when Carmen showed up–with Jason Bentini in tow. We’re all sitting there a little shocked. We’ve seen them flirt shamelessly these past two months, but she didn’t say anything to us about seeing him personally. We did another round of greetings and then Carmen and Jason slid into the booth next to Rachel and her husband. I raised my eyebrow at Carmen as if to say, “Girl, you go on with your bad self!” Carmen shot me a saucy wink. Next to me, Janette whispered, “That sneaky little bitch! Look at her sitting over there like the Queen of Spain.”
By unspoken agreement, we decided to have a drink or two and dance a little before eating. I was feeling pretty sexy with my hair down, my face made up and my knee-length, body hugging off-the-shoulder black dress. Carmen and Jason wasted no time getting out onto the dance floor. I was surprised to see Rachael and her husband get up and head to the dance floor too. Who knew they even listened to rap music, let alone dance to it. After a minute, Janette’s boyfriend Brian, asked her to dance. She said she wasn’t in the mood. He asked me—with her permission of course. I haven’t danced in a good long minute. Derrick said he didn’t mind, so we headed to the dance floor too. It felt good to move and shake something, and to drop it like its hot. I was dancing off some serious pent-up energy.
Brian and I eventually sat back down after three or four fast-paced hip-hop songs. Laughing at a comment that Janette had made about Brian throwing his hip out, I turned to say something to Derrick…and quickly noticed his clenched jaw. I didn’t need binoculars to see that he was mad about something. “Derrick what’s the matter?” I asked genuinely concerned. Speaking low, so that only I could hear, he growled in my ear, “You know what’s wrong!”
“Derrick, if I knew what was wrong, I wouldn’t be asking you.” I whisper back.
“How could you do that to me?!” He grates out between clenched teeth.
&nbs
p; “What did I do to you?” Then it occurred to me. “You’re mad because I danced with Brian?” I whispered in disbelief. Derrick wouldn’t respond. I could see from his profile that he was still angrily clenching his jaw. “Derrick, if I had known that you were going to be upset about it, I wouldn’t have danced with Brian. But you said you didn’t mind.” No response. So, I turned my attention to the others at the table and hoped that Derrick would get over it.
The four of us chilled and did a little drinking until Rachael, Frank, Carmen, and Jason rejoined the group. Apparently, they had worked up an appetite too and we’re ready to eat. None of us spent a lot of time looking over the menu, and I definitely knew what I wanted. When the waiter came to take our order, Derrick ordered for me—drink and all–without even bothering to ask me. He probably did it because he was on some sort of power-trip. I didn’t bother making a big deal about it. Sometime during the meal, Derrick eventually calmed down and began talking to me again. Neither of us mentioned the dancing incident again, and the rest of our evening went well. Derrick was back to his usual charming self.
Until the car ride back to my place.
We were more than halfway to my apartment, when I noticed that Derrick had gotten quiet and was back to clenching his jaw again. Releasing a slow breath, I asked. “What’s the matter Derrick?”
“Don’t ever do that to me again.” He grated out in a low menacing tone I hadn’t heard him use before. He gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white.
I didn’t want to argue, I just wanted to get home fast. Nevertheless, I couldn’t resist asking. “Don’t ever do what to you Derrick?”
“You’re really going to play stupid, Tiressa?” Did he just call me stupid? “If you’re referring to me dancing with Brian, I don’t understand what I did that was so wrong.”
“Since you don’t know, then let me enlighten you. “You made a fool out of me. And I don’t appreciate it.”
“How did I make a fool out of you Derrick?”
“You left me for another man!”
What the hell is he talking about?
“What are you talking about? I didn’t leave you.” I was becoming irritated by his ridiculous attitude.
“Yes, you did. You got up from the table, walked off with another man, and left me sitting there feeling like an insignificant lapdog! Look, Tiressa. No man wants to see his girl in the arms of another man.”
Okay, I guess I get that. But still…
“Derrick, I wasn’t in Brian’s arms…we weren’t even touching. We were dancing and not even all that closely.”
“In his arms—not in his arms, it doesn’t really matter, Tiressa. The bottom line is, I could have been with a dozen other women, but I chose to spend time with you. You chose to leave me to be with another man!”
What fucking nerve! “First, I’d like to thank you for gracing me with your presence tonight, Derrick. I apologize for not realizing sooner how truly fortunate I am to have won the honor of your precious ti—”
“Damnit Tiressa. You know I didn’t mean it like that—”
How else could he have meant it?! It didn’t matter to me any more. At that point, I was done with the conversation. “Look Derrick, let’s just drop it, okay?”
When we got to my apartment, Derrick asked if he could come in. I stiffly declined, giving him the excuse that I was tired and wanted to go straight to bed. He looked like he wanted to push the issue, but then decided not to.
That was this past weekend, we haven’t seen each other since. I don’t like that he obviously feels that I should be grateful to be with him. When he told me that he could be with twelve other women. What that really means is that I’m easily replaceable. What woman wants to feel like she’s not the most important lady in her man’s life. I’ve already been down that road with my ex, and I have no intentions of repeating that experience. I didn’t have any control over what happened to me back then, but I can choose not to put myself in that predicament this time.
***
Me, Janette and Carmen are sitting in the bleachers boisterously cheering for our colleagues. Rachael couldn’t make it, and I think Janette and Carmen are probably glad about that. Janette bumps my shoulder with her shoulder and says, “What’s up? So, are you really going to stop seeing that fine-ass Derrick Matthews?”
I haven’t shared my real feelings about Derrick with my friends. I just haven’t wanted to talk about it. “Yeah, I’m really going to stop seeing him. Apparently, he has some personal issues he needs to work on. And I’m not so sure I want to deal with them.”
“Girl, are you for real?! Who doesn’t have personal issues? Hell, your ass have personal issues.”
“I know that Carmen. I’m not saying that Derrick is a bad person, I’m just saying...I don’t think he’s my type of guy.”
“Do you even have a type? Or are you just into sampling?” Janette rolls her eyes at me, half teasing half serious.
“No, Janette. I’m not into sampling…that’s Carmen’s thing.” I respond, not offended because this is typical Janette.
“Hells yeah, it is!” Carmen agrees loud enough to turn several heads in our direction.
Just as our laughter fades into the air, we see Derrick walking up the bleachers towards us. He quickly says hi to everyone and then sits down next to me. He knows how I feel about PDAs–public displays of affection. Leaning close, he plants a quick kiss on my cheek. Then whispers in his sexiest drawl, “Hi beautiful. I’ve missed you.”
The kickball game soon ends. Although our colleagues played hard and we all cheered enthusiastically, they didn’t win this last game. It doesn’t matter, everyone’s still in a good mood and we decide to celebrate at Al’s.
Derrick and I stay at the ballpark to talk. We walk with Carmen and Janette to as far as the parking lot—with them giving me uncertain looks every step of the way. We’re probably having the same thought…the Clarence incident. Then Carmen asks me, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, yall go on…I’ll catch up with you.” I say with as much assurance as I can muster.
Before walking away, Janette says, “If you don’t show up in twenty minutes, we’re gonna come looking for you.” She has a serious look on her face. As they walk away, Derrick hugs me and asks, “What was all that about?”
“What can I say, they’re protective of me.” I’m uncomfortable in his embrace, so I ease away from him and sit down at one of the small metal picnic tables nearby. Derrick raises an eyebrow in response. “What’s going on Tiressa?” Taking a deep breath, I reluctantly start explaining. “Derrick. I’m not sure how you feel about me…but… but…I don’t think we’re compatible as a couple.” He gives me a hard look and I find it very difficult to hold his searing stare. “Tiressa.” Sitting down next to me, he takes my hands in his. His touch feels uncomfortable. Not that he’s hurting me or anything like that. I just don’t want the contact. “I know I’ve been incredibly busy lately, and we haven’t been spending much time together…I thought you were okay with that. You said you weren’t the clingy type.”
“Derrick, I’m not the clingy type…and I’m just as busy as you are.” One arrogant eyebrow rises at that—as if it’s impossible for a school teacher to be as busy as an executive. It’s that kind of ego-trip that I don’t like. “Being clingy is not the issue.” I reply, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice.
“Is it because of the incident at the lounge? You apologized to me and I apologized to you. Maybe I overreacted a bit. I thought we had gotten past that.” He says quite sincerely. “Is it because I’m white and you can’t deal with that? I’m aware of the stares and nasty comments we sometimes get when we’re out together. I don’t have a problem with it, but apparently you do. I know that kind of scrutiny makes you uncomfortable.”
“Yes, it’s true. I’m uncomfortable with all the looks we get. However, that’s not the problem.”
“If there are no problems, then you’re not being reasonable. I’m sure if you thin
k about it, you’ll see that we have a pretty good thing going on here. And I believe that it can only get better.” He can be so persuasive…but not this time. When he sees me shaking my head, he continues. “I’ll tell you what…although there’s a lot going on at the office right now, I’ll plan a weekend getaway for us. Someplace luxurious and private where we can—”
He’s not listening to a word I’m saying. He’s speaking condescendingly to me, as if a luxurious getaway will calm my ruffled feathers. Standing and walking a few paces away, I hurry to interject. “Derrick, I like you—”
He quickly cuts me off before I can finish what I need to say. “Tiressa if I’m so damn great, then why are you trying to get rid of me? I’ve been a perfect gentleman with you. We’ve had fun together. I’ve taken you to nice places. I’ve shared parts of myself with you. Hell, I’ve told you things that I’ve never shared with anyone else before. And as much as I want to…as much as I’ve wanted you from day one, I haven’t yet insisted on sexual intimacy in our relationship. That sure as hell hasn’t been easy.” His hands move up to my shoulders giving me a hard squeeze. They tremble, and it seems as if he’s attempting to restrain himself from putting more force in his hold.
Shaking my head, I take a step back from him. “Derrick, we can be—”
This time he definitely grips me harder, giving me a rough shake. “Don’t you dare say we can be friends!”
“Hey yall, we decided to call it an early night after all.” Carmen says in her booming voice as she and Janette approach us. I have never been so happy to see them as I am at this moment. Derrick immediately drops his hands from my shoulders and takes a couple of steps back. Turning to my friends, I try to plaster a smile on my face so they don’t know that I’m a little shaken by what just happened with Derrick.
“Oh shit, we didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation”, Janette claims. I’m not sure how sincere she’s being. It really doesn’t matter because I’m glad they’re here. “It’s all right, Janette, we’re finished talking anyway.” Hoping Derrick would get the hint and leave. Thankfully he does. He’s reluctant to go, but he knows our conversation had spiraled down into a negative place…at least for the moment, it’s over.