by Jaye McCloud
“Yes, I know, but I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long. It’s hard to talk about it.”
“Sure, I understand.” I move back a little to give her space. At first, I didn’t think she was going to share what she’s going through, but then Kathy begins to speak…slowly, with tears clogging her voice. “I have been in love with William for years. It started as a crush, back when I was in college. His brother, Nicholas had invited a group of us over for the weekend. My first encounter with William did not go well. He was a bit of a snob and I overheard him arguing with Nick about the riff-raff he had brought home with him—meaning me, and Nick’s other friends. I was so angry, and so offended and so hurt, that I revealed myself and jumped into their argument. I let William have a piece of my mind—a rather large piece at that.” Kathy grimaced in memory of that experience. “Needless-to-say, he didn’t appreciate hearing what I thought of him. Later, I found out that Nick did things like that to spite his big brother, but I didn’t care. He was an arrogant, pompous, snob and I didn’t mind telling him so every chance I got. And I got plenty of chances because Nick invited me over quite often during our years in college.”
Kathy looked at me and said, “Just so you know, Tiressa, yes, he’s arrogant, and yes, maybe even a little threatening, but he’s not a pompous snob. Well, not anymore. I wouldn’t be in love with someone like that.” Although I haven’t known William Bentini long, I’ve observed his interaction with employees of all cultural and economic backgrounds, including myself—and he doesn’t strike me as a pompous snob either. In fact, none of the Bentinis seem like pompous snobs. But some of the affluent people they associate with, most definitely are.
“Anyway, after college I was working as an administrative assistant at Lake Mary Hospital, when Nick told me that his mom was interviewing candidates for a personal assistant position. I was pretty miserable at LMH so, I decided to go for it.” Wow, Kathy and I have quite a bit in common. “When I walked into the conference room for my meeting, I was shocked to see William sitting there. I thought for sure that I wouldn’t get the job, but I went through with the interview. I found out later, that Mrs. Bentini overruled William’s objections, and hired me anyway.”
“William and I avoided each other like the plaque—at first. Eventually, the animosity between us slowly changed…and we discovered that we actually had a lot in common and we really liked each other.” Kathy stops talking, so I urge her on, “You’re doing good Kathy. Keep going.” After a brief hesitation, she does. “Will and I have been seeing each other…” When she stops again, I reassure her, “No judgment Kathy.”
“…Off and on, for the past four years. I thought he loved me. I thought we had a future together. Then he tells me that his mother would never approve and he has a responsibility to his family. Then he goes and dates a woman that his mother does approve of. As if that didn’t hurt enough, he’s asked her to marry him.” I hold Kathy while she cries for several minutes before she’s able to go on. “I’ve tried to break it off with him…again and again. But he won’t take no for an answer.”
Not a big surprise, that seems to be a consistent theme with the Bentini men.
“That’s what you walked in on the other day, in Mrs. Bentini’s office. I’m good enough to be his hideaway mistress, but not good enough to be his wife.” Although our situations are very similar, I can’t help thinking that at least Antonio wants our relationship to be out in the open. Kathy continues, her voice is more stable now, but there’s still a stressful quiver. “I don’t know what to do. I love him, but I can’t bear to see him with another woman.” I try to comfort Kathy while she quietly sobs for several more minutes. Then she continue in a shaky voice. “I’m thinking about moving away. Maybe going to live with one of my cousins, or my grandparents. Hell, I’m getting kind of desperate and may ask one of my aunts to put me up until I can get on my feet. I just don’t know. It’s just not me that I have to consider.” Kathy looks at me and sighs, “Tiressa, tell me what to do.”
“Oh, Kathy girl, I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you that you deserve better than how William Bentini is treating you.”
“Yeah, I know. I do deserve better…but I love him, Tiressa.” She confesses desperately as if there is no hope for her situation. All cried out, Kathy dries her eyes and I attempt to lighten the mood by asking about her family. We talk about our families and childhood adventures for an hour or so, then decide to call it a night.
“Thanks Tiressa, I need a girlfriend that I can tell my secrets to.”
“If you let me, I’ll be that friend. I promise to be here for you and support you in whatever you decide to do. Don’t forget my motto…”
“No judgment.” We say in unison, and then burst out laughing. At the door, we hug one last time before I turn and walk away. “Good night girlfriend.” Kathy calls out with a fake southern accent. “Good night girlfriend.” I return, smiling as I get in my car.
***
I love being able to pay all my bills, I just hate how much time it takes…even if I pay 99% of them via the internet and I only need to do it twice a month—it’s still something that I don’t look forward to doing. I’m sitting at my cute little desk in my study—which is actually the smallest of the three bedrooms in my apartment—with my calendar, calculator, and laptop. I can easily create a spreadsheet for bills and payments, but I’m old school and need to see everything written out in my own handwriting. Checking my balance before I get started, I log into my online bank account. I’ve saved up a few thousand dollars to put towards new furniture and some other things I’ve been wanting to buy for a while but haven’t had the extra cash until now.
When the screen reveals my balance, I almost fall off my chair! There must be some kind of error! There has to be! Shit, shit, shit! Financial troubles are not something I need right now—or ever. Knowing that there’s nothing I can do about this mess at the moment, I go ahead and pay only my most pressing bills. I’ll have to hold off on the others until I have a chance to contact the bank and get the mistake straightened out. Damn!
~~~~
I had the absolute worst time sleeping last night. I’m sure I tossed and turned and didn’t really get more than a couple hours of rest the entire night. I made an appointment to speak with the bank’s branch manager. So, I let Kathy know that I’d be leaving work around three. I’m at the bank and sitting in the branch manager’s office by three-thirty.
“Well, Ms. Hawkins, I’m looking at your account and there appears to be no mistakes made. That amount is accurate.” I’m totally unconvinced and prepared to argue about it. “Ms. Parker, there must be an error somewhere in your system. There’s no way I have that kind of money in my account.” I’m getting upset because I don’t have time for this crap. Ms. Parker looks at me and then back at her computer screen. “No, no mistake made. Are records show that a transaction was made to y0ur account two days ago, just as it appears on your online statement.” She’s talking too damn slow for me. I want my account fixed and I want it fixed now. “What kind of transaction?”
“Two days ago, there was a deposit into your checking account in the amount of $750,000 … and a deposit into your savings account for $250,000.”
“I saw that, and that’s just ridiculous! Who made these so called transactions…who would deposit a million dollars into my accou—”
Suddenly I realize just who could and would do such a thing. There is only one person…Antonio. With sharp clarity, I recall the discussion we had just days ago…
“Like I said before, I like my job with your mother. I don’t want her to fire me. I don’t want to lose her respect.”
“Tiressa, if my mom fires you, come work for me on the second floor.”
“Absolutely not!”
“Okay, okay…calm down. What if I set you up in your own business?” His tone suggest that he’s serious. “What kind of business do you want to own?” He asks, as if he’s asking me what flavor ice cream do I p
refer.
“Antonio, you can’t be serious.” I’m stunned. Who does that?!
“Like hell I can’t. Of course, I’m serious. Tell me what you want to do, and I’ll make it happen.” I know with certainty that he means every word. And that makes me so afraid. It takes me so far outside my own reality. Things like this just don’t happen to ordinary people like me. “This is just not for real.” I whisper.
“Yes, damnit…this is for real! I’m for real! We have a real relationship. And in a real relationship, when one partner has the means to help the other partner, then that’s what they do. I want to do so much for you, Tiressa, but you won’t let me.”
Focusing my attention back to Ms. Parker, I see that she’s rotating her computer screen so that I can see it too, and pointing to the questionable transactions. “See here…and here…both deposits were made from the same account.” Turning the computer screen back towards herself, she types in some information and then says, “The deposits originated from the personal account of Mr. Bentini….Mr. Antonio Bentini.” By the way she averts her eyes I can tell that she’s aware of who the Bentinis are. No great surprise. Everyone that works at this bank should know who the Bentinis are, since B&S does its banking here.
Damn. I can’t believe he did this! So much money, I can hardly believe it! He gave me one million dollars! What the fuck! I think my brain just kinda goes blank with shock for the rest of the day. I keep replaying in my mind the same litany: I can’t believe Antonio gave me a million dollars…I can’t believe Antonio gave me a million dollars…I can’t believe Antonio gave me a million dollars…
***
The Saturday morning of the B&S annual company picnic dawns bright and sunny. The weather seems tailor made for this event—a light breeze and not a dark cloud in sight. After my workout at the gym, I head to Bentini Park. I’m still in shock about the money. It’s such a ridiculously outrageous amount that I still don’t believe it…so there’s no point in telling anyone. I’m going to push it to the back of my mind until I get a chance to talk to Antonio about it. I just want to get through today’s event…and see Antonio.
As I park my car in front of the main building of the recreational center—which houses offices, the equipment storage rooms, and a spacious cafeteria, and a couple of children’s rec rooms—the park’s thirty-five acre layout is impressive. Bentini Park is fully loaded, with a state of the art playground, indoor pool, outdoor pool, outdoor fitness zone, lighted football/soccer field, four lighted outdoor basketball courts, lighted racquetball/handball courts, lighted regulation size baseball field, lighted youth size baseball field, four lighted tennis courts, an abundance of picnic shelters—and to top it all off, there is a beautiful pond with a bridge to stroll across.
Ms. McDonald has planned a day of fun activities and free food for the employees and their children. There are vendors selling their own foods, jewelry, t-shirts, and many, many other merchandise and entertaining things. There will be live bands, a dunking contest, a pie-eating contest and a hotdog-eating contest. And it has been generously opened to the general public for free. The picnic is scheduled to last from ten a.m. to six p.m. At every stop, people will be able to participate and win prizes. Booths have been set up with games and stuffed animals and food. There’s even a tiny triage for minor scrapes and bruises.
Ms. McDonald has hired outside companies to provide all the services necessary to make the picnic a success. Which means that, Kathy, and me and some of the other employees—who helped with the preparations—can go off and have fun. However, we all agree to check in with Ms. McDonald regularly to see if anything is needed. As Kathy and I are leaving the big room that Ms. McDonald has set up as her ‘headquarters’, we are approached by Derrick and his friend, Steven Daily, another B&S employee.
“Hi ladies, how are you enjoying the picnic?” Derrick greets us, hesitantly meeting my eyes. “We’re having lots of fun.” Kathy responds with a less than genuine smile because she doesn’t care for Steven at all. She’s never told me why; I haven’t pried. “It’s going very well.” I respond. “Hey Kathy, how’s the Lady Dragon treating you these days?” Steven asks with a sarcastic twist to his lips. Kathy shoots him a frown and replies, “I think you mean The Boss Lady.” Steven responds flippantly. “If you insist.” But he doesn’t bother to correct his insult. Derrick interjects, “Kathy, I need to talk to Tiressa…in private. Do you mind if I steal her away for a few minutes?” Kathy looks at me with both eyebrows raised. I nod to let her know that it’s okay.
“Kathy, I’m going to go for a short walk with Derrick. I’ll meet you by the tennis courts in about ten or fifteen minutes.” Derrick doesn’t waste any time as we start walking towards the pond. “Why have you been avoiding me, Tiressa?”
“I haven’t been avoiding you Derrick. I’ve been super busy helping to make sure all this went off without a hitch.” I wave my arm wide indicating all the activity at the park. “We’re all busy, Tiressa. Why haven’t you returned any of my calls?”
“Because I didn’t appreciate how much glee you showed when you were busy gloating about that entire situation with Allen Langston. A predicament in which you provided faulty information.”
“How do you know that I wasn’t telling the truth? Let me guess—he told you that he didn’t have a wife…and you believed him.” Derrick says with that little sneer of contempt that I find so repellent.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, he did.”
“And do you believe him?”
Not wanting to admit the complete truth, I prevaricate. “Kinda.”
Derrick can be very persistent. “Why kinda? What proof did he give you?”
“Well, actually…Allen is out of town right now.” When Derrick shoots me his ‘I told you so’ look, I quickly continue. “He’ll be back soon. In any case, it really doesn’t matter anymore,” I say shrugging my shoulders.
“What does that mean?” Derrick gives me a probing look. We stop walking and face each other. “Tiressa, I want you. I wish I could stop feeling this way about you, but I don’t seem to know how. I know we can be so good together. But you—”
“Derrick please….” What is this thing with men telling me that they know how good we can be together?
“Wait...before you say no again, hear me out. I’m not going to rush you. I’ll step back and give you some space. But I’m not giving up. Not yet. I want you and I’m willing to wait for you.” His voice is low and smooth and pleading as he wraps his arms around my waist. I shiver as he bends his head down and captures my lips in a moist kiss. Our tongues tangle briefly before I break the kiss and step out of his embrace. What the hell am I doing letting Derrick kiss me like this—and in public?! I quickly look around to see if anyone is watching us. Although Derrick’s kiss was nice, I immediately think about Antonio.
“Derrick, I’m sorry for kissing you back. I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t lead guys on or tease them when I have no intentions of going any further.” I don’t need another ardent suitor! And this one is a repeat. “Tiressa…” He puts his hands on my waist. Stepping back and feeling his hands fall away; I decide to tell him a partial truth. “Derrick, I’m seeing someone.” I hope hearing that will make him realize that I’m not going to be with him. But he looks skeptical, like he doesn’t believe me.
“It’s true—and before you ask…no, I’m not referring to Allen. This is someone I’ve known for a while and…well…I’m not sure where are relationship is going, but I really like him, and…well we’ll see…”
“So, you want me to believe that suddenly Allen Langston is out of the picture and you’re now seeing someone some other guy?”
“Well…Yes—” I stop because this thing with Antonio is new and I’m so unsure. Besides, Derrick is the last person I want knowing about Antonio and me, he wouldn’t waste a second exposing us to any and everyone.
“Who is it?”
“Derrick—”
“Anyone I know? Another man at the o
ffice?”
“Derrick, it really doesn’t matter who it is.”
“Of course, it does. I tell you I still want you, and all of a sudden, you claim you’re now seeing another man. What the hell am I supposed to think?” His voices begins to rise with irritation.
“Look Derrick, at this point I don’t care what you think. Apparently, we need to reevaluate our friendship because it’s obvious that you’re feeling some type of way. And that’s not what I want.”
Although he stops arguing with me, he looks even more skeptical than before. Derrick and I walk to the tennis courts, each of us deep in our own thoughts. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I’m thinking that he needs to find a girlfriend. Maybe I can hook him up with one of the girls at the office…or even one of my friends. I’ll have to give that idea some serious thought. At the tennis courts, I’m told that Kathy has gone to check-in with Ms. McDonald. I look at my watch, and it turns out I was gone longer than I had planned to be. I make a move to head over to Ms. McDonald’s headquarters. “Derrick I’m probably going to be busy for a while.” Although he’s still disgruntled, he makes an effort to smile and pretend that we didn’t just get into it. “Hey, are you really going to leave me hanging?”
“Derrick, I really need to check-in.”
“You know I’m playing softball on the B&S team. Will you at least try to come over and cheer me on to victory?”
“Derrick, I’m not—”
“Tiressa, please promise me you’ll come see me play. I’ll beg if you want me too.”
“No, Derrick, that’s not what I want at all, I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it to the game, but I’ll try.”
“No. That’s just not good enough.” He can be so damn charming. Sometimes I wish he was the one. Then, the fog would clear and I’d remember why he’s not. Giving him a small smile, I relent, “Okay Derrick. I promise to show up and cheer for the B&S team, but I’m not sure how long I can stay.”