by Toni Blake
And in her heart, she knew if they stood any chance at all, she couldn’t keep secrets from him, like about how hurt she felt right now. And…even about Eddie.
She had to tell him—she had to just spit it out and not stop or it would weigh her down and make her even more miserable than she already was. “When I was sick,” she began, “Eddie took care of me.”
“Eddie, our farmhand?”
She nodded. And then she rushed ahead. With all of it. She laid her soul bare. She told him Eddie had fallen in love with her, and that before it was over, she’d developed feelings for him, too.
By the time she finished, Giovanni looked crestfallen. “You…love him?”
She could barely breathe. Just tell him. Be honest. It’s all you can do. “I’m afraid I do. But I love you, too—I swear it! And it’s tearin’ me to pieces.”
It was then that Giovanni’s face changed—from shock and confusion…to something simply sad but resolute. “This…is unacceptable.”
Edna tried to swallow past the lump in her throat and no words came.
“Did you think it would be? That I would accept this? A woman who loves another?” Then Giovanni pointed toward the bridge, his eyes downcast. “You must go, Edna.”
“Go?” She sucked in her breath.
His brow knit and sorrow laced his voice. “Do you think I am stupid? I have my pride. I will not play the fool to a woman, ever. Pack your things.”
Oh Lord. She shouldn’t have told him about Eddie. At least not so soon; she shouldn’t have just blurted it out. Yet she’d had to or she would have burst. And she’d known it would hurt him, yet…she’d never imagined this. “But what about…us?”
He drew back as if she were crazy. “Us? There is no us. You destroyed us. You betrayed me.”
“But Eddie and me, we never…we never…” She looked down, shamed, yet then lifted her gaze back to his. “I stayed true to you, Giovanni, ’cause I love you. And maybe I said all this too fast, too soon, but I thought I should be honest. I still wanna marry you.” Or she’d thought she had before he’d ordered her off the farm. She’d felt she should honor her commitment, try to move past the things that had come between them while he was away.
“You would expect me to marry you now?”
She drew in her breath. “I thought we could…work through it. And I thought…what with you bein’ gone so long and all, that you’d at least try to understand.”
Giovanni looked at her for a long while, his expression still desolate—and still unrelenting. “You are not the girl I thought you were. Innocent, sweet, obedient. Someone who would stand by me no matter what. I was wrong about all of that. And after I chose you.”
Edna blinked. “Chose me? What do you mean?”
It was only now that his eyes turned colder, harder. “Have you any idea how many women desire me? And I chose you. Even back in Italy, there were beautiful women everywhere. And I chose you. Even when I found out one of them was carrying my child, I chose you. I returned ready to marry you because I loved you above all of them. I was willing to give up my child for you.”
It was only now that his eyes turned colder, harder. “Have you any idea how many women desire me? And I chose you. Even back in Italy, there were beautiful women everywhere. And I chose you. Even when I found out one of them was carrying my child, I chose you. I returned ready to marry you because I loved you above all of them. I was willing to give up my child for you.”
She watched, stunned, as Giovanni raked his hand through the air, as if it were nothing. “The pregnancy, that was a mistake. I was not careful enough.”
“That’s not the point! You had sex with another girl! Lots of other girls, it sounds like!”
But again, he played it off as being trivial. “It is nothing. It is what men do. I did not love them. I always planned to marry you.”
Edna had never been more taken aback, or more outraged, in her life. He’d…thought she was so innocent that she’d let him have affairs on the side! She’d been his number one, but not his only one. “You think I’d put up with that? You think I’d wanna marry some two-timin’, cheatin’ bastard?” She might love Eddie, but her feelings for Giovanni had been just as strong, and she’d never been more wounded. Her hands curled into fists, which she pounded into his chest, shoving him a step back. “And to think I pushed Eddie away for you!”
“And now you will go off with your hayseed farmer and live a life of poverty, when you could have had all this, with me.” He motioned around him to the farm, his jaw now set in anger. “You are a stupid girl. But no matter. Carlotta will be happy to come to Destiny and live the life you could have had, and then you will see how foolish you are.”
The man was…unbelievable. He belittled her for having feelings for another man, yet he thought it was nothing to sleep with God knew how many other girls
And then it hit her—the telegram. From Italy. And the note on the back.
And as the next words left her, something deep inside Edna changed, darkened, hardened. She stood up a little straighter. “No. You gave the farm to me. As a promise.”
“A promise that I would marry you. Which I was willing to do. Until just a few moments ago.”
“You also promised to be faithful to me,” she pointed out, sure, stalwart.
“Well, that silly note is not legal—you must know that, you foolish country girl.”
“Quit calling me foolish,” she snapped. “We’ll see who’s the foolish one here.”
And then Edna silently made a promise—to herself: that she would never again allow anyone to hurt her, push her around, or break her heart.
Rachel was aghast. She’d long since forgotten her dinner. “What then?”
“Well, Giovanni was convinced it wouldn’t hold up in court. And he brought Carlotta over and married her and moved her into the house here. Dell and Wally went home to Kentucky, but I stayed with Eddie—I married him, in fact.
“Only that’s when old Giovanni got himself a surprise. Carlotta’s pregnancy proved he hadn’t been faithful to me, and what he wrote on the back of that telegram did hold up in the local court. That’s right, I pursued it. I took the orchard from him because he wronged me. Him and Carlotta bought the farm where she still lives today, but losin’ the orchard left him to start out with nothin’. In the meantime, your Grandpa Edward and me made a home here for many a happy year. It was him who decided we should plant the whole property with apples, in fact. And that,” she said, “is the end of my story.”
Rachel just let out a breath. Whoa. “That’s some freaking story, Edna.”
Edna just gave a succinct nod. “Told ya back when I started it was a good one.”
Rachel’s mind swirled. “So this baby Carlotta was carrying—and that Giovanni was willing to give up—that was Mike’s father?” She couldn’t help wincing at the last part.
Her grandmother nodded again. “But reckon that’s why I don’t tell the story. I’ve held a long grudge against the Romos, but I figured there wasn’t no reason to tell anybody about that. It’s just too hurtful a thing.”
“Indeed,” Rachel agreed, horrified.
“Somethin’ you should know, though. For what it’s worth, I believe Giovanni truly did love me—in his twisted way. Some men, back then, really believed that kinda double standard was okay, a man’s right. And I also believe Giovanni really loved Carlotta and their children. As far as I know, he never cheated on her after they married. Fatherhood seemed to settle him down. That’s another reason I saw no need to tell folks about his wanderin’ eye—and penis.”
“You know,” Rachel said, unable not to voice the thought, “if you had told the whole story, the rest of the Romo clan might have understood why you took the orchard. It might have avoided this whole family feud thing.”
Edna just shrugged. “Figured it was easier to let ’em hate me, and for me to just hate ’em back, than to let ’em know what a snake their beloved Giovanni was. Figure it’s easier to
hate a stranger than to hate your father or your grandpa.”
“Wow,” Rachel replied, seeing her grandma in a whole new light. “That was…big of you, Edna.”
But her grandmother only shrugged again. “Maybe, maybe not. Giovanni changed somethin’ in me that day he came back. I ain’t never been the same since. Lost my innocence, I guess. Believe it or not, I was a shy, sweet girl before that.”
They both laughed at the very idea of Edna being sweet, or shy, but Rachel believed it. The old pictures of Edna on the piano gave away the truth about who she’d once been.
“I’ll tell ya one more thing,” Edna said, pointing her fork at Rachel before scooping up some potatoes from her plate. “You’re makin’ a mistake leavin’ Mike.”
Sheesh—double whoa! “What? First of all, I’m not leaving Mike. He and I are just…you know, a casual fling, as I’ve made very clear all along. And besides, you just told me the Romo you once loved cheated on you—and you think I should want one of my own?”
Edna merely shook her head. “You’re missin’ the point, darlin’.”
“Then enlighten me.”
“The fact is, it’s a toss-up whether it was right or wrong of me to keep the orchard—it all depends on how ya look at such things. I was angry and hurt, and when I realized that piece of paper was the only bit of power I might ever have in this world, I used it to strike back at him. But the older I get, the more I think Giovanni’s family had a right to their legacy—they shouldn’t have lost somethin’ just because he was a jackass. And I shouldn’t have taught my family to judge all Romos by the actions of one. And I shouldn’t have taught you all to look at the whole world in such a harsh way.”
Rachel let out an exasperated sigh. Good God, how many times did she have to explain this? “Edna, this has nothing to do with how I look at the world.” Or she didn’t think it did anyway. “I’m leaving because I have a life somewhere else. And because I’m proud of what I’ve built. And because…”
“Because what?”
Should she tell Edna the rest, which had almost just come spilling out of her? Oh hell, maybe she should just get it on the table once and for all. Given what a staunch believer Edna was in family, maybe she would understand and even respect Rachel for it. “Because…the truth is, I’ve just come through a big scare where I almost lost my job due to downsizing. But I just found out I get to keep it, and it’s a huge relief because…well, you know Mom and Dad and Noah aren’t exactly great with money, even when they have some. But I am. So if they—or, say, you—ever need it, I’ll have it.”
Edna just looked at her for a long moment, her face grave. Finally, she said, “Rachel, that ain’t your responsibility.”
She met Edna’s gaze. “But it’s my worry.” She swallowed, then went on. “I mean, I worry, you know? And you should be glad I do, because to be honest, worry is the only thing that’s kept me here this long. Worry over your knees and…” She looked Edna in the eye and finally just asked her. “Tell me the truth. Did you really hurt your knees? Or was that just a ploy to get me here, to spend time with me?”
Edna made a disgruntled face. “Of course I hurt my dang knees. Ain’t you seen the way I been hobblin’ around here? You think I move slow as Christmas for fun?”
“Well—there is some belief in the family that you…make up stories about your health just to get us to come see you.”
Edna gave her head a matter-of-fact tilt. “If it worked out that way a few times, who am I to complain? But yes, darlin’, I really hurt my knees. Tripped over a dang rake in the yard and they ain’t been the same since. And if I’d known about this job scare of yours, I woulda called on somebody else. Figured you’d tell a person if you really couldn’t come.”
Rachel just sighed. It was true. From the very beginning, she’d had that option and she hadn’t taken it. “I guess I have a soft spot for you, old woman.”
Edna pursed her lips. “Guess it’s perty clear I got the same for you, too.” The room went quiet but for the ticking of the old grandfather clock in one corner—until Edna went on, full steam ahead. “But back to this business about you thinkin’ you need to provide for the whole damn Farris clan, well…you listen to me, and you listen good. If that’s the only reason you’re leavin’ Mike Romo here, it’s a damn foolish one.” Then she was back to pointing her fork at Rachel again. “The other point of my story is that a girl’s lucky to find a good, honest, lovin’ man. By the time my engagement to Giovanni ended, I was hurt more than I knew I could be, and I realized exactly how fortunate I was to find such a good man in Edward. And you’ve found just as good a man, in my opinion, in Mike. And I’ve seen the way ya look at him, and I know there’s more in your heart than you’ll admit, even to yourself.”
Rachel let out a breath. Then swallowed. She didn’t deny anything. Somehow, at the moment, she couldn’t. Edna had always been so good at seeing inside her.
But that still didn’t change the situation. “Okay, so he’s good, and honest. As for loving, though, I don’t know. He’s never said anything about loving me.”
However, at this, Edna just shrugged. Like it was nothing. “Men. They’re idiots that way. Don’t mean they don’t feel it.”
“Doesn’t mean they do, either.”
“Then maybe you oughta tell him first and see what happens.”
“Tell him what?” Rachel asked.
“That ya love him, you silly girl.”
Rachel just blinked, her stomach churning. “Well—I don’t know that I do. I mean, I’ve never…felt that for anyone. And besides, we live seven hours apart and I don’t see him moving to Chicago or me moving back to Destiny any time soon.”
Edna pinned her in place with a glare. “Are you tellin’ me—truthfully—you couldn’t be happy in this town if Mike wanted to build a life with you here?”
Whoa. If Mike wanted to build a life with her here? It was hard to fathom. Kind of. And she suddenly felt the words in her gut. The possibility. And…oh Lord. The shocking truth was—maybe, just maybe, it would change everything inside her if it were really true.
But again—why should she think he wanted that? He’d never said so. Again, if she’d lost her job, maybe she’d be willing to…wait, to see what happened with Mike. But it was a hell of a lot to risk on a man who’d plainly told her he didn’t fall in love. They’d only known each other for six short weeks.
So she simply replied, “I don’t know. It’s a complicated question. And, thankfully, one it doesn’t look like I’ll have to answer since he’s never asked it.”
Looking tired now, Edna just shook her head. “Ya know, you can lead a horse to water, but ya can’t make it drink. If you can’t see what’s starin’ you right in the face, then there’s nothin’ more I can do. I do believe you and Mike might be the two most stubborn people I’ve ever met.”
Rachel sat outside Mike’s house in her car, waiting for him to get home. But he was late. And that was giving her too much time to think. The outcome of Edna’s story still blew her mind—she’d never once imagined Giovanni was cheating! And it saddened her to realize how deeply the affair with Giovanni had affected Edna, in lifelong ways. But more than that, Rachel’s focus wandered to all the stuff Edna had said about her and Mike, like they were some kind of star-crossed lovers or something.
Checking her watch, she saw he was more than twenty minutes late. Wherefore art thou, Officer Romeo?
And in the meantime…was Edna right? Could she really be in love with Mike? Was he really as good and true as Edna thought? Truer than Giovanni? Was she somehow really meant to stay here, in Destiny?
And could she truly let go of the vow, the capability, to provide for her family if needed? How would it feel to give up her job, the thing that so defined her in her own mind? And would it be like that, like giving something up, or might it somehow be…maybe freeing just to let it all go?
The questions were so big they almost overwhelmed her.
Because…maybe, just
maybe there was some part of her that…wanted that. Every day with Mike. Time with Edna, and the girls. A simpler, quieter life. A life that revolved not around money or working but around…love. A whole different kind of security than a person could ever get from a job. And maybe even a type of happiness you couldn’t reap from any career.
But as another ten minutes passed, she started to get pissed, thinking more about the fact that he was standing her up than whether she should stay in Destiny. God, was he? Standing her up? That wasn’t like him, but then…Edna had never thought it was like Giovanni to be gallivanting all over Italy, either. And she’d only known Mike a short time, hardly long enough to be certain whether something was or wasn’t like him.
The later the hour grew, the more angry Rachel became. Her stomach churned. How dare he? It was bad enough to be stood up—much worse to be stood up at a guy’s own house. After all, how hard was it to just come home? Where else did he have to be?
A lump grew in her throat. He really wasn’t going to show. Because of the weird tension she’d felt between them the other night? Or just because something better had come up and making her mad didn’t matter since she was leaving tomorrow anyway?
Shit, it hurt. She didn’t like to admit that—she’d been back to being strong, tough Rachel—but it just plain hurt. Pretty damn bad.
Hell. She didn’t have to take this. She didn’t have to sit here feeling wounded and disregarded and embarrassed. And to think, just a little while ago, she’d honestly been wondering if Edna was right and she should say those three little words to Mike. I love you. She still didn’t feel like an authority on the subject, but the fact was, she’d begun to wonder if it was true, if she’d actually fallen in love with the big lug.
But that didn’t matter now. He didn’t even care enough about her to show up.
Well, she’d had it with this. Her bags were already packed and sitting by Edna’s front door. And she didn’t have to wait until tomorrow to leave. She could just leave now. Tonight.