by Vi Keeland
How, in such a short period of time has my world become so small that I can’t seem to escape thoughts of Jax everywhere I go. Everything reminds me of him. Closing my eyes to allow myself to relax into the pulsating shower stream, I remember the last time I was in the shower with him. My hands pushed up against the cold tile as the warm water washed over the small of my back and Jax pounded into my relentlessly from behind. The sound he made as he emptied himself into me, a primal raw growl that was just so ferociously male. Maybe that was all it ever was…sex. I wouldn’t be the first woman to confuse love with lust from a man. But I was just so damn sure he was feeling the same way about me that I was for him.
Reed dragged me to lunch at our favorite little restaurant in Chinatown and then he took me to the best bakery in the City. He ordered us the warm molten lava cake with a side of vanilla bean ice cream and we sat at a table by the window so we could people watch. It hasn’t stopped raining in two days and the weather has definitely taken its toll on my fellow tiny apartment dwellers. New York City people aren’t meant to stay indoors.
Closing my eyes as the rich oozing chocolate meets my tongue, a small moan escapes as my lips.
“Really?” Reed grins wickedly. “Is that what you’re like when you come?” He digs a heaping spoon into the tower of chocolate heaven sitting between us and shovels it between his lips, the fact that his mouth is full doesn’t stop him from speaking. “I never saw the appeal of a vagina. But if it makes you feel like that, I might give it a whirl someday.”
“You need help,” I tease, feeling the most lighthearted I have in days.
“Wanna see my come face?” Reed offers. I’m positive I should say no, but of course I don’t.
“I know I should say no. But sadly, I really do.”
Reed closes his eyes and takes another spoonful of the molten chocolate lava cake. I watch both riveted and repulsed as his jaw goes slack and his breathing begins to speed up. He finishes with a giant moan. Meg Ryan has nothing on Reed Baxter.
He opens his eyes, arches his eyebrows, and scoops just the whip cream off with a wicked grin.
I can’t help but laugh.
“There it is,” Reed says.
“What?”
“The sound I knew was buried somewhere deep.”
I take a cleansing breathe in and exhale out deeply. “I think I was a little in love with him,” I admit without needing to tell him we’ve changed topics.
Reed sighs. “Me too.”
I chuckle. “I’m being serious.”
“Me too.” He grins and consumes another mouthful of cake.
“Tonight is the fight between them you know?”
“It was.”
“Was?”
“Cancelled,” Reed says, offering no more.
“Why?” My brows furrow. “And how do you know.”
“Jax called me.”
“He called you?”
“Yep. Think he’ll go out with me now that you kicked him to the curb?”
“What did he want?” I ignore his question.
“You won’t take his calls. Wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Why does he care?”
“Because he loves you, that’s why.”
“Did he say that?” I hate myself for feeling hopeful as I ask.
“Not in so many words. But he does and we both know it.”
“He betrayed me.”
“Maybe he wasn’t honest about why he came to New York, but that doesn’t make what happened between the two of you any less real.”
“He could have told me for weeks. He was using me to get to the gym.”
“I think you’re wrong,” Reed warns in a tone that pisses me off.
“Whose side are you on?”
“Yours always. You know that.”
“So why is the fight cancelled?”
“Joe said if Caden fought tonight, he wouldn’t be in any shape to fight in two weeks at the Open and he needed him to show well for business at the Open.”
My eyes go wide. “Caden showing well at the Open has no effect on our business.”
Reed shrugs. “That’s what Jax said Joe said.”
Chapter 27
Jax
Sitting idly has never been something I was capable of. I’ve sent flowers, called, even wrote her a hand written letter and slipped it under her door when she didn’t answer. I’m beginning to feel stalkerish. I walk circles in my small hotel room and bark at the Vice President of City Bank yet again.
“Bullshit. I’m not playing these games anymore. It was either you or Theodore. Committee my ass. One of you is behind it, and I want to know which one. Theodore golfs with my father. You’re on the Senate campaign expense panel. Which one of you does he have something on?”
It’s my third threatening call to Theodore Wells in the last forty-eight hours. The President of the bank was the lucky recipient of four calls. He again denies having anything to do with my father. Blaming the Ralley’s line being pulled on a routine quarterly review. A total load of crap, it’s not even the end of a quarter.
“When I find out which one of you assholes is behind this, you’ll pay for it. And I will find out.” I slam the hotel phone down so hard it bounces out of the receiver and falls to the fall. I leave it there.
I’m positive my father is somehow behind getting the bank to close Ralley’s line of credit. I just can’t prove it. He probably used Caden for information on how to get between Lily and I. But as usual, he’s covered his tracks well. I’ve tried everything, threatening to pull my business with the bank and blacklist them with all my clients, yet everyone still denies my father was involved. But I can smell his handy work a mile away. It was a double win for both Caden and my father. Joe Ralley called off the sale and Lily won’t speak to me. Joe and I had a long talk the other day. On some level, I think he may even believe I had nothing to do with the bank, but it doesn’t matter. He’d work until he was ninety if that’s what it took to find a partner to make Lily happy.
Heavy clouds hang low in the sky as I make my way to Ralley’s. It’s been four days since I saw her. Four days since the sun has crossed the horizon, four days without seeing her smile, four days of darkness. This morning I woke up and it hit me. Like running into a wall of bricks full steam ahead. I’m absolutely, positively in love with this woman. And I’m totally fucked.
I’ve been putting in way too many hours training at the gym, hoping she would walk through the door. I fell asleep with my knuckles on ice last night again. My body is physically exhausted, yet I keep going back for her. Swinging the heavy front door open to the gym, I expect to see Joe at the front desk again, my heart races when I see Lily’s face instead.
She’s on the phone, looking down as she writes in the scheduling book when I walk in, so I have a chance to see her before she sees me. It looks like the last few days hasn’t been easy on her either. Beneath her eyes is dark, her lids puffy and swollen, like she’s spent time crying recently. I deserve a giant right hook to the gut for having anything to do with making her feel that way. Selfishly, it gives me hope that she’s obviously having difficulty coping too.
Feeling eyes on her, she looks up at me with her big blue eyes, for a second I think I see longing and possibility, but the softness drains quickly as she forces her gaze back down. She rises from her chair behind the front desk and I think she may try to walk away from me. No way I’m not talking to her now that she’s finally in front of me again. I walk to the counter quickly.
“Lily.” She freezes in her tracks, although her head doesn’t turn to look at me. I’ll be damned if I’m not going to try my hardest. “Look at me.” She does.
“What do you want, Jax?” Her voice is filled with sadness she tries to disguise as annoyance.
“I want to talk to you.”
“I’m busy.”
“When then?”
“I don’t have anything more to say.”
“Well I do. You can just listen
.”
“I don’t think…,” she’s interrupted by a voice that makes my blood pressure rapidly rise. Fucking Caden.
“She has nothing to say to you.” He folds his arms over his chest.
“Mind your fucking business,” I seethe.
He grins. “Why don’t we leave it up to Lily.” He looks to Lily then back to me. His attention is locked on me, even though his words are directed at Lily. “You have anything you want to say to this joker?”
Lily looks up at me, her face filled with sadness. “No,” she says, her voice laced with sorrow.
“Leave,” Caden growls.
I look at Caden and then back to Lily. “Is that really what you want?”
She says nothing for a full minute, then nods without looking up. With a sadistic smile, Caden waves goodbye before I walk out the door.
Chapter 28
Jax
Every chair around the massive dark mahogany conference room table is filled. Floor to ceiling windows light the otherwise dark room, the last of the associates drones on while flashing slides on a PowerPoint presentation detailing all the potential deals he’s working on. Peeling my gaze from the window overlooking bustling D.C., I look up seeing the presenter for the first time. He’s full of himself. Young, nice enough looking, a suit that costs more than a week’s salary, practically salivating at the thought of the commission he’ll make if he’s able to piece together the deals he’s got in the pipeline.
He catches me staring, it throws his rhythm off, but I don’t look away. He pulls at his collar slightly, trying to be discreet, but I can see him starting to squirm. For some reason watching his money driven ass pisses me off, even though I should be happy since I’ll earn a hefty commission with each deal he closes.
“Does anyone have any questions?” The associate looks around the room avoiding contact with me.
“Yes,” I clear my throat and speak loudly. “How many hours a week do you work, Mr.…,” I struggle to remember his name.
“Garrison.”
“Excuse me?”
“My last name…it’s Garrison,” he clarifies.
“Is that the answer to the question I asked you?” Angrily, I counter, staring directly at him.
“No. But…”
“Do you have an answer then?” Losing patience, I interrupt.
“I don’t know. Maybe eighty hours a week?”
“Why?”
“I’m sorry, Sir,” he stammers. “I don’t understand the question.”
“Are you an idiot?”
“Jax,” Brady, my CEO and sometimes best friend interrupts.
“What? I asked him a simple fucking question and he couldn’t answer it. So he must be an idiot.”
“Garrison, why don’t we take a five minute break,” Brady suggests staring in my direction.
“Don’t bother. Go on without me.” I stand abruptly, the chair I was sitting in falls over. I don’t bother to pick it up as I storm out of the conference room, slamming the door behind me so hard the walls vibrate with the strength of my fury.
***
“Righteousness doesn’t suit you,” Brady says as he enters my office a little while later. He walks to the credenza that acts as a makeshift bar, lifts a crystal glass and pours two fingers of fifty-year-old scotch to match the glass I already have in my hand. Only it’s my second.
Ignoring him, I continue to sit behind my desk, staring out the window, lost in my own self-pity. Brady parks himself across the modern, sleek glass desk and waits patiently sipping his drink.
“So you want to talk about it? Or should I get another associate for you to berate for no apparent reason?” he asks flatly.
“He’s an idiot.”
Brady chuckles. “He actually is an idiot. But that’s beside the point. He’s a rainmaker and he gave a good presentation. You attacked him because he didn’t answer a pointless question fast enough.”
“It wasn’t pointless,” I grumble through my teeth.
“Okay.” He pulls one foot up and crosses it over his other knee in a relaxed stance, like he’s getting ready for a long story. “So fill me in then. What was the point?”
I throw back the rest of the golden liquid in my crystal tumbler and slam it down against the glass desk. It clanks loud enough to crack, but doesn’t. Annoyed at his persistent questioning, I scowl at him. But Brady Carlson has been my best friend for a long time, he doesn’t scare easily. In fact, the fucker throws his head back and laughs.
“You got nothing, huh?” he says while chuckling.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Good come back.” He grins knowingly.
I deliberate walking around the desk and kicking his ass for a half second, then I cave and give in. Raking my hands through my hair as I blow out a loud steady stream of air, I begin, “I blew it with Lily. She wants nothing to do with me.”
“I figured that much.” Brady stands and walks to the bar, refilling both our glasses. He sets mine in front of me and asks, “How do you fix it?”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
“Says the divorced at twenty-eight reconciliation expert,” I retort sarcastically as I sip my drink. It burns going down. Three double scotches for breakfast isn’t really my thing.
“If I had tried, I might still be married.” He shrugs.
“She won’t answer my calls. She wouldn’t talk to me in person. The last asshole she dated wouldn’t take the hint, I don’t want to be that asshole. But I can’t let go either.”
“Did you try flowers?”
I give him a look that unmistakably says ‘of course I have you moron’ and shake my head. He sips his drink.
“Okay. So flowers didn’t work.”
“She doesn’t trust me. It’s not as easy as an apology.”
“So make her trust you.”
“How? When she won’t talk to me and lives four hours away.”
“Stay in her life. Don’t make it a short-term strategy if you’re in it for the long haul. Find a way to stay in her life and earn back her trust. You’ve tried saying I’m sorry. Try showing her you’re in it for real.”
Brady’s right. Perhaps I’ve been going about this all wrong. Standing around alike a wounded puppy and telling her I’m sorry doesn’t mean shit to a smart woman like Lily. “Maybe you’re not as stupid as you look after all.” I crack a hint of a smile. It’s the first one I’ve even come close to displaying in the week I’ve been back.
“They don’t call me Dr. Goodlove for nothing,” Brady says, grinning proudly.
“They don’t call you Dr. Goodlove at all, asshole.” I smile before kicking him out of my office.
***
The value of my business to City Bank is far more substantial than just the hefty sum in my accounts, even though I’d probably be a priority client just by my own balance, even without the ‘extras’ I bring to the table. But it’s the extras that make them roll out the carpet for me. Being the financing arm for the majority of the deals we broker at my firm is a lucrative business for them. Not to mention the services they provide as my father’s Senate campaign finance trustees.
Normally, I’d meet with the bank President or Vice President when I have an important deal, but today it isn’t inadvertent that I’m sitting across from Gertrude Waters again.
“Jackson. What can I do for you today? Do you have a new potential acquisition you’d like us to examine for financing prospects?” She takes out her notebook and readies her pen.
“Actually, no. I wanted to talk to you about Ralley’s Gyms.”
“Oh. I’m sorry that didn’t work out. Ms. St. Claire seemed like such a lovely woman.” Gertrude looks pensive as she speaks, it makes me wonder if she knows it wasn’t really a committee decision that got Ralley’s line of credit pulled. But I don’t ask. Instead, I’m focusing on what needs to be fixed instead of finding out who broke it.
“She is lovely.�
� I smile.
“Well how can I help?”
“I’d like you to open back up her line of credit.”
“I’m sorry,” she hesitates, “I don’t think that’s possible, Jackson. Perhaps if over the next year their cash flow improves…”
“Gertrude,” I interrupt her. She quiets and listens. “You reviewed the books in more detail than anyone. They run a very profitable business.” I stop and catch her gaze, speaking pointedly. “We both know their cash flow being a little tight wasn’t the reason the line was pulled. I trust you would have mentioned it when we were together.”
Gertrude stares, deliberating her response. Finally glancing around the bank and finding no one within earshot, she still speaks quietly. “Perhaps if the loan had a co-signer, I wouldn’t need to go back to the committee to re-open the line,” she suggests.
“Where do I sign?”
Gertrude nods and prints some papers from her computer. She slides them over to my side of the desk. “This will make you personally liable for the loan. Are you sure you want to do this, Jackson?”
“If that’s what it takes for you to open back up the line of credit. Yes.”
“It won’t seem unusual, since you’re going to be part owner of the business soon.” She says as I sign the paperwork. I don’t mention the sale is off.
“Would you like me to call Ms. St. Claire and let her know we will be opening it back up as soon as the paperwork is notarized and filed?”
“No. Definitely not. She can’t know I’m guaranteeing the loan.” I lean forward in my chair and lower my voice as if I’m telling her a secret, although I’d scream it from the rooftops if I thought it would help. “I’m in love with Lily and I just want to help her.”
Her eyebrows jump with surprise, but her face softens and a warm smile forms at her lips. “That’s very noble of you, Jackson. But I’m not sure it’s quite ethical to hide the source of the loan guarantee.”
“Do you think what went on to get this loan pulled was ethical, Gertrude?” I ask not letting her eyes evade mine.