by Nadia Lee
“I know you’re on his side.”
I sigh and slide onto the empty stool next to his. “Bennie, if I take anyone’s side, it’ll be yours.”
His shoulders slump. “I know. And I know I’m disappointing you.”
“You’re not. You’re worried and maybe a little…apprehensive. I know you better than you think. We grew up together, remember?”
His lips are pressed tight, but he nods.
“I want you to be happy. I do think you should give Drew a chance, even if it’s scary. You may regret it if you don’t.”
“But if it doesn’t work out, what will I do?”
I squeeze his shoulder. “You’ll pick yourself up and keep going. The Bennie Monsanto I know is no quitter, and he’s a survivor.”
He turns his torso toward me, his mouth twisting into a rueful smile. “When the hell did you become so insightful?”
“When I decided to be your friend.”
The smile he gives me this time is open and radiant. He hugs me tightly, and I put my arms around him. Now it’s up to him to decide, and I hope he follows his heart rather than allowing fear to overwhelm him.
“Go to your man,” Bennie says, tilting his chin behind me. “He’s new and attracting attention. And he looks really uncomfortable.”
I look over my shoulder. Sure enough, a few people are introducing themselves, and Lucas is doing his signature aloof reception, his gaze cool and assessing. Shaking my head, I go over to introduce him to everyone. He might believe that being friendly doesn’t matter because we’re leaving, but I want him to get to meet the people I’ve hung out with over the last year.
As I get closer, he comes forward and puts an arm around me. We fit together like one of those yin-yang symbols, and I make the introductions.
He thaws a bit and engages in a little small talk. I know he’s making an effort for me, and I smile up at him softly as my pulse scatters for a moment.
Am I doing the right thing? Probably. Am I scared? Yes.
But I know if I don’t give us one more chance, I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life.
Because my heart? It wants me to follow Lucas.
* * *
Lucas
The farewell party doesn’t end until ten p.m. despite the fact that tomorrow is a working day. More than thirty people came, all genuinely sorry to see her go but at the same time thrilled that she has another opportunity opening up.
As we ride in a taxi, speeding toward the airport, I pull her close until she’s pressed tightly against my side. “Did you have fun?”
“Yes. Did you?”
“It wasn’t as excruciating as I thought it was going to be.” I smile into her hair. “Mainly because all those people adore you.”
“I’m going to miss them.”
Guilt squirms in my chest. I’m taking her away from them because I want her. Not only that, I forced her into this situation.
Am I fucking things up? Will she be all right away from all those people who care so much about her?
I want to believe I’ll be enough…but who the hell am I kidding? That’s not…
I clench my jaw. I have to get my shit together, become worthy of Ava. Questioning myself isn’t the way to go.
“What?” she whispers.
“Hmm?”
“You’re tense.”
I force a small smile. “Perceptive woman.”
She tilts her chin and looks up at me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just not looking forward to the long flight.” That’s the least cause of my discomfiture, but I need to give her something.
“Nobody ever does.”
She rests her head on my shoulder. It feels so right to have her lean on me like this.
Don’t fuck this up.
I won’t. I can’t.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ava
The plane lands exactly at eight thirty p.m. Everyone around Lucas seems to devote their lives to making sure his schedule stays uninterrupted. As the jet touches down, he shows me a small black thing.
“Lemme see your phone,” he says, his palm up.
“What’s that?”
“A new SIM card. I noticed your phone isn’t locked, so I got this for you so you can use it in the States.” He swaps the cards, takes his phone out and rings someone. My unit vibrates. “I’m saving this into your contact list. It’s my personal number and you can call me anytime.”
Handing me my phone back, he doesn’t comment on the fact that it showed up as an unknown number. I deleted his digits when I left the States. “Still only eight people have this number?”
“Once again eight. Seven and you.”
The plane comes to a complete stop, and the captain makes a short arrival announcement. The cabin attendant opens the door, and I stand up first. Lucas winces as he pushes himself up.
“You all right?” I ask.
“I’m fine. Just a little stiff from sitting for so long.”
I run my hand over his shoulder, wishing I could do more. Lucas isn’t old enough to start to feel bad after a flight—even a long one—and I know his injuries are bothering him. From the hard set of his jaw, it’s obvious he doesn’t want me to fuss, so I step back and give him some space. It doesn’t take much time before he puts a hand at the small of my back, ready to deplane.
We step out together. I stop for a second and inhale deeply. The familiar stretch of road, the cool kiss of the evening breeze and autumn-spiced air…
I’m home.
“We have a car waiting,” Lucas says, putting an arm around my shoulder.
I nod. “Let me text Ray to let him know I’ve arrived.” I start typing on my phone and hit send.
Where are you? Ray texts back. I almost slap my forehead, because I forgot he planned to pick me up. We just landed. Let me get my bags and I’ll meet you right outside.
The Charlottesville airport is small, and there’s no way I’m going to miss him.
“Where are our bags?” I ask.
“They should be in the car by now. Why? Need something?”
“It’s Ray. He’s here.”
Lucas frowns. “Why?”
“He wants to…um…pick me up.”
Lucas’s expression grows darkly speculative. “And I suppose he wants to take you to his home.”
“Yes.”
“Do you have to go?”
“He’s like my father. Actually he’s more of a father than—”
He holds up a hand. “Okay. You don’t have to say more.” He sighs. “He has the right.”
“Thank you.”
I can sense he isn’t thrilled about spending the night apart. And to be honest, after yesterday I feel the same way.
Lucas rings his driver, instructs him to bring the car around to the main entrance, and we leave together. I see Ray standing by himself.
His hair prematurely gray, he looks distinguished and intelligent, his pale blue eyes observant yet warm. He’s in a salmon-colored button-down shirt, a brown vest and chestnut-colored slacks. A pair of worn loafers peeks under the hems of his cuffed trousers. Although he isn’t a tall man—only five-ten—he’s slim from staying active. Combined with his excellent posture, he seems taller than he is.
His lightly tanned face brightens when he spots me. He walks forward and wraps me in strong, wiry arms.
“Ava! So good to see you.”
I hug him back. “I missed you so much, Ray.”
And that is true. No matter how many video chats we have, it’s not the same.
After three beats, he pulls back. “And this fellow?”
“Ray, meet Lucas. Lucas, Ray.”
Ray gives Lucas a thorough inspection, from head to toe, then back up as though he were studying merchandise before a purchase.
If that bothers him, Lucas doesn’t show it. He merely smiles politely—but not openly—and extends a hand. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
“Likewise,” Ray says, pumping
the offered hand vigorously. If he were younger, he probably would’ve tried to crush every bone in Lucas’s hand. He turns to me. “Where are your things, Ava?”
“In Lucas’s car.”
“It’ll follow us to your place,” Lucas adds.
Ray nods, and we walk out to the short-term lot to claim his car. He’s still driving the same dark gray SUV.
Lucas opens the rear door for me, and we climb inside. The interior is as neat as ever, and if I didn’t know any better, I would never suspect he has a seventeen-month-old child.
Ray takes the car out of the garage. One hand holding mine, Lucas texts his driver, and I note a black SUV tailing us.
“How was the flight?” Ray asks.
“It was very nice,” I say.
“My plane has a bed,” Lucas adds.
Ray’s eyebrow cocks. “A bed?”
“We, um, flew private,” I say, while giving Lucas a “what are you doing?” look.
He pointedly ignores me. Instead he mouths, Call me tonight.
I nod, then turn to Ray. “So where’s Darcy?”
“Home. She couldn’t come. She was disappointed, but I told her she could wait an hour.”
Charlottesville isn’t a big town, and its traffic isn’t as terrible as some of the larger metropolitan areas in Virginia. Finally, we drive through the gates manned by old Mr. Jackson—the “security guard”. The community is immaculately maintained, all the autumn leaves ruthlessly gathered up and disposed of, shrubs trimmed and lawns mowed.
Ray and Darcy live in a three-story house with a sizable two-car garage and a shed in the back. Darcy told me they bought it because of its proximity to the golf course—in Ray’s universe, no day is complete without a round or two of golf.
I don’t see Darcy’s Infiniti in the driveway, but there are lights on in the house. Ray parks out front, and Lucas helps me step down. The black SUV stops, engine idling, and the driver comes out to grab my suitcases and take them all the way to the porch.
Lucas cups my face and gives me a hard but brief kiss. “Don’t forget to call.”
My mouth tingles, and I nod, my fingertips brushing my lower lip.
He inclines his head at Ray. “Nice to meet you, sir.”
“Have a good drive home.”
Lucas climbs into the car. The SUV gets smaller and dimmer down the tree-covered road before the taillights vanish around a curve.
Ray squints. “So. That’s the man.”
“Yeah.”
He just grunts, which is slightly surprising. I expected him to have more things to say about Lucas.
The door opens, bathing us in warm light coming from inside the house.
“Ava!” Darcy cries out. “My goodness, you’re finally home!”
I spin around. “Darcy!” I run over and hug her tightly. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too, love.” She pulls back and cradles my face between her hands. “Let me look at you.”
I smile. Her sleek bob has more silver in it, and her skin is paler now that the weather’s colder and she isn’t playing tennis as much. But her bright gray eyes are the same—warm and twinkling—and she’s in the same simple sort of clothes I remember: a light blue sweater, denim jeans and white tennis shoes. You’d never know she’s a trust fund baby.
“You look lovely, but tired. The travel must’ve been horrendous.” She squeezes me again. “Come on in. My goodness, Ray, help with her bags, will you?”
He laughs. “Yes, dear.”
She herds me inside, an arm around my waist. She’s only five-four, and it isn’t easy for her to reach up to my shoulders. “I wanted to go to the airport too, but Ray didn’t think it was a good idea.”
She doesn’t have to say more. It’s about Mia, and neither Ray nor Darcy is sure about what’s going to happen now that Lucas is back in my life.
Ray helps me drag my two suitcases into the house and closes the door. The high-ceilinged foyer is bright, and Darcy’s put up fall decorations: pinecones, miniature pumpkins and acorns, gold and silver ribbons. She adores holidays and all the festivities.
She leads me to the living room with its comfortable couches and a fireplace, not yet lit.
“Where’s Mia?” I ask.
“Sleeping. Would you like to see her?”
The nursery is on the first level. Darcy thought it prudent not to risk stairs. “I’m not so young anymore, and my knees do creak a bit,” she said, laughing heartily.
The room is dark except for a small nightlight by the crib. I don’t need it to know that the walls are pastel pink and cream, and the one to Mia’s right has a rainbow, a unicorn and clouds painted on it because everyone knows a little princess deserves rainbows and unicorns—something I never had growing up, but want for my daughter very much.
The floor is covered with soft cork, but I tiptoe anyway.
Mia is sleeping soundly, her breathing fast but easy. Her mouth is pursed like a fresh rosebud, and I carefully brush my fingers along one plump cheek and breathe in her sweet, toddler smell. Hot emotions surge through me, and I blink away tears.
“She’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“Just like her mother,” Darcy murmurs.
I shake my head. “No. She’s not going to be anything like her mother. She’s going to be exactly like you.”
Darcy runs a gentle hand down my back. “My dear, you’re an incredible woman. Mia will be fortunate if she ends up as smart, resilient and strong as you are.”
Another fresh wave of tears stings my eyes. I look up at the ceiling for a moment, then sniffle once.
I kiss Mia on the forehead and leave the nursery. Ray’s already taken my suitcases upstairs.
“Something to drink?”
Darcy goes into the big, open kitchen. It has four burners, a griddle for pancakes and two ovens. Ray loves to cook, and he shows off his skills on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“Water would be great.”
Darcy hands me a bottle of water from the fridge. “I’m surprised you’re back with…him.”
“Lucas,” I say, sliding onto a tall chair at the breakfast bar. “His name is Lucas Reed.”
She takes the seat next to mine. “I see.” A moment of silence. “Are you going to tell him?”
I shake my head, picking at a nonexistent hangnail. “No. I don’t think so.”
“He has the right to know, dear.” Darcy puts a hand over mine.
I flinch. “You’d have me tell him, even though he might try to take her away from you?”
“It would be tough if he insists on taking her. I’m not going to lie about it, but maybe—”
“I’m scared.”
“Ava…”
“There are so many things at stake now.” I swivel the chair so I can face her directly. “I don’t have a job anymore, and he has so much power over me—to hurt me. But at the same time…when he’s open and loving… My god, he’s amazing.”
“Do you love him?”
I stare at her.
“It isn’t a difficult question.”
Maybe not, but it’s a damn scary one. “I…yeah. I do.”
“Then let’s trust that you wouldn’t have fallen in love with a man who isn’t worthy.”
Staring at the hand in my lap, I nod, but her faith in me only makes me feel worse. She doesn’t understand what a terrible judge of character I can be—that falling for a man who’s prone to making you miserable and doing terrible, irresponsible things because of that man runs in my family. Just look at my mother.
“I’m sorry, Darcy,” I murmur.
“For what?”
“For complicating everything. If I were less selfish—”
“Ava, everyone deserves to try to find happiness.”
“I promise I won’t let Lucas jeopardize the adoption.”
She pats my hand. “You’ve had a long trip, so let’s let you rest a bit. I’m beat too.” She smiles. “We should have a picnic tomorrow, if the weather’s nice.” Dar
cy loves spending time outside.
“Sure.”
“Good night, dear.”
“Good night, Darcy.”
I watch her disappear into the newly done master bedroom on the first level. Guilt niggles at me, and I can’t help but feel like I’m taking something from her that I have no right to.
Even if Mia is really mine.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lucas
I hang my keys on the hook in the foyer, and shut the door. The house is dark and slightly cold. My housekeeper Gail doesn’t heat the main area unless I’m in town.
Tonight the place feels larger and darker…bleak, even. I scowl into the hall as a knife twists in my gut. Jesus. This is always how it is coming back from a trip. What the hell is the matter with me?
I hit the switch by the kitchen, and light pours over the granite countertop and the fridge. A couple of bottles of excellent red await me, along with two wide-rimmed glasses. I instructed my assistant Rachael to get them so Ava and I could enjoy ourselves tonight.
The sight of them only makes the knife inside my gut dig deeper.
For some reason, I never expected her foster father to actually show. Well…I didn’t expect anybody to show. Nobody picks me up from airports or calls to see if I’m all right. Nor do they expect texts letting them know I’m okay.
I have an absurd urge to text Elizabeth, because she’s the only one who won’t mock me for feeling the way I do.
Jesus. Stop being so clingy. Nobody likes immature, needy…
I go to my bedroom, stripping down along the way and discarding my clothes in a long trail. It doesn’t matter if Ava’s not with me at this particular moment. She’s on the same continent, in the same country, the same state, the same city. Hell, her foster parents’ place is in the same gated community. This is not a big deal.
I remind myself of that again as I slip into the cool sheets, phone clutched in my hand.
The grandfather clock out in the living room ticks, and I can hear it through the closed door. Or perhaps I’m imagining it; my brain’s going at two hundred miles an hour.
Why isn’t she calling? She said she would.
Oh please. Don’t tell me you really believed that. People say what you want to hear, but at the end of the day, they do whatever they want. Haven’t you learned that by now?