by Lois Richer
“I didn’t know you were here.” He pulled a tissue out of his pocket and handed it to her. “You better mop up those tears before Noah sees you. He’d be embarrassed to have his mom bawling with his new friend watching.”
“He rode a horse and made a friend—a kid who’s terrified of horses and doesn’t make friends.” Maggie’s sunny smile peeked out as the hand holding the tissue waved in the air. “You did that, Jesse Parker. You. I’m so glad God sent you here especially for Noah. Thank you.”
And then, before Jesse could say or do a thing, Maddie McGregor slipped between the fence rails, threw herself into his arms and pressed a kiss against his cheek. One of Jesse’s hands held the horses’ reins, but as if of its own volition the other wrapped around her narrow waist, drawing her close. His senses burst to life at the fragrance of lilies that always surrounded Maddie.
When her lips brushed his, his heart rate surged into the danger zone. How could he help but return her kiss? He couldn’t. So he kissed her back, wishing it would go on forever—until a snicker behind him made him pull away. He turned to see Lefty grinning at them.
“I’ll look after these fellas, Jesse,” he said, his eyes twinkling as he gathered the horses’ reins. “You just, uh, get on with what you were doing.”
“Thanks.” It was then Jesse realized that all the hands were watching them, smirks on every face. Funny, but he didn’t care a hoot. Not if it meant getting kissed by Maddie. Still, he’d prefer to do that in private. “Have you got time for coffee?” he asked her.
“A quick one. I used my lunch hour to come here.” She walked with him toward the main house. “Emma phoned. Apparently she’s to be released the day before Palm Sunday. She wants to know if we can pick her up then.”
“In three weeks? Seems a bit early to me.” As he walked with her to the patio, Jesse forced himself to stop reliving that kiss. He fetched them both coffee and cookies, liking that Maddie chose a table away from the others that offered a modicum of privacy. Truth was, he liked an awful lot about this woman.
“She’ll be home for Easter.” Maddie sipped her coffee thoughtfully. “I think we should have the puppies gone before she comes home. They’re getting so active. The last thing she needs is to trip over one.”
“I’ve been working on that,” he told her, loving the way she immediately thought of his gran’s welfare. Maddie and her generous heart. “So far I’ve found homes for four of them. Five more to go.”
“Good.” Only Maddie didn’t look that happy about the departure of the pups, and he knew why. She’d grown very fond of them. As had they all.
“My parents will probably visit Gran for Easter,” he mused, then explained, “Easter was always a really big celebration in our house.”
“Oh.” Maddie look puzzled by that which made Jesse think her husband had probably overseen very solemn Easters, missing out on the precious joy of that blessed event.
“One reason is that when you live in Colorado, Easter signals spring and the end to winter and cold.” He shivered, then grinned. “But mostly I loved Easter because in our church it was a whole weekend of celebrating Christ’s death and His rising from the grave. Potlucks, great services, youth get-togethers and the most joyful music ever created. Easter is still my favorite time of the year.”
They were interrupted by Kendal and Noah.
“Can me and Noah be in that band?” Kendal asked. “I used to take saxophone lessons and I got pretty good.” His boast deflated when Jesse studied him. “Least, I can play. Some of the other kids in our class play other stuff, too. You should ask them to join.”
Jesse glanced at Maddie, who smiled encouragement at him. He took the plunge.
“Okay, but Tanner says you have to have a permission slip from your parents or guardians. And I say you have to be here every Monday and Wednesday after school for practice. You can ask others if they want to join. We’ll hold a meeting about it after class on Friday. That’s when we’ll decide if we have enough people to start Wranglers Ranch Band.”
Kendal squealed, high-fived Noah, then at the honk on the bus’s horn, dragged him toward it, pausing only in his chattering to announce the band start-up to every kid they passed.
“You’ve certainly got them excited. Even Noah.” She checked her watch, frowned, then studied him. “Jesse, can I ask another favor? Don’t worry, it’s not for Quilt Essentials. It’s for Noah. I want to buy him a guitar, but I don’t know anything about them. Would you—”
“I’ll be happy to help you with that. When?” Privately, Jesse hoped getting a guitar might diffuse some of the anger the kid directed at his mother, frosty glares Maddie pretended not to notice but which always dimmed the light in her lovely eyes.
“Can we go today? After school?” Her face tightened for a moment before she gulped and shook her head as if to rid herself of anything negative. “Lately Noah barely speaks to me. I’m at a loss to figure out what’s wrong, but maybe a guitar will help.”
“Don’t worry, he’ll come around, Maddie. Just keep praying and trusting God,” Jesse, urged, then wondered how he could give that advice when he couldn’t seem to take it himself.
“I’m trying. I’m trusting you, too, Jesse. If anyone can reach Noah, you can. You already have.” She wore the same wide smile he’d seen earlier when she’d embraced him. “I appreciate you so much.”
“I appreciate you, too, Maddie.” He fought an overwhelming urge to hug her, to kiss away the tiny furrow of worry on her forehead when her gaze lingered on Noah’s departing bus. “Especially the things you’ve done for Emma. Organizing that bus trip for her friends to visit her this week was very thoughtful and gracious of you.”
“She sounded a little down, so I thought maybe a visit from familiar faces would help.” Maddie frowned as she walked toward her vehicle. “I wish I’d been able to go with you to visit her last weekend, but it’s been so crazy busy at the store. Still, I feel guilty—”
“No guilt.” He tapped a forefinger against her lips. “Gran knows you’re juggling a bunch of different balls. Truthfully, I think knowing you’re right here to handle anything that Quilt Essentials needs has freed her to concentrate on her recuperation.”
“I’m happy to help. She was my lifeline when—” Maddie pretended to cough, covering whatever she’d been about to say. When she resumed speaking she changed the subject. “So see you after school?”
“Yes. I’ll bring Noah to the store and we’ll go guitar shopping from there.” He hated the worry lingering in the back of her eyes. She did so much for everyone else. Please help heal her past and her relationship with Noah, Jesse prayed.
With a swirl of emotions, he watched Maddie drive away. She was gorgeous inside and out. She gave unstintingly, without being asked, and she always made time for people. She was living the Christian life he espoused. Maddie McGregor was exactly the kind of generous, giving woman he’d once imagined would share his ministry. He knew he could count on her to be in his corner as she had been today, cheering him on, praising his efforts, encouraging him with her gentle soul that asked so little in return.
Jesse cared a lot for Maddie.
That realization stunned him for a moment. But then he pulled himself back to reality. He no longer had a ministry to share with her. He was a simple ranch hand who was as scared to risk himself with kids as Noah had been to ride a horse.
Except that Noah had got over it.
Shoving away those guilty feelings Jesse wondered; even if he let this attraction for Maddie proceed, what could he offer her? He had no ministry, no special call on his life. Not anymore. In fact, the brutal truth was that he secretly feared God had abandoned the call that Jesse had heard so long ago. Even if by God’s grace he was given a new one, what if he messed up again? Would he shame and embarrass Maddie so badly that she’d dump him, as Eve had?
His brain told him no, but his heart burned as he imagined the devastation he’d feel if Maddie ever looked at him in disgust. He tried to envision his world if she wasn’t there in his life every day, if he couldn’t see her sweet smile nudging him to keep pushing on, if she didn’t surprise him with a kiss or a half-burned meal or some new idea for the store that needed his help.
Maddie was moving beyond her painful past and learning to grow in God, to explore who He had created her to be as she lived out her faith. Jesse knew it wasn’t easy for her, but she faced each obstacle, testing her newfound faith while expecting God to help.
If Maddie and Noah could trust God, why couldn’t Jesse do the same?
* * *
She’d kissed Jesse!
Maddie spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon alternately appalled by her behavior and reliving the glory of those few blissful moments in Jesse’s arms. It had felt so right to be there, to show him how much he meant to her. She’d ached to tell him she loved him.
And yet he’d said nothing about caring for her.
“I think you’ll find adding the fabrics in these fat eighths will give a spectacular heritage look to your quilt,” she told her customer as she tied a pretty blue bow to the handles of a white paper bag with Quilt Essentials embossed on it. “Enjoy.”
“I will. Thank you.” The woman hurried away, a smile on her face.
“Do all your customers leave looking so happy?” A smiling Jesse stood in front of the counter with Noah at his side.
“I hope so. Hi, Noah. Did Jesse tell you what we’re doing this afternoon?” She glanced from her sulky son to Jesse and immediately her heart began that silly dance of joy. Just seeing him made her happy.
When Noah shook his head, she said, “We thought we’d go shopping for a guitar. That’s if you’re still interested in joining Jesse’s band?”
“Yeah. Me and Kendal are joining.” Noah’s eyes widened as he gazed at Jesse. “Thank you.”
“It was your mother’s idea,” Jesse told him, but to Maddie’s extreme disappointment he ignored that and began peppering his mentor with a ton of questions that continued on the drive to the music store.
Once there Maddie again felt shut out as Noah walked through the store, more excited than she’d seen him for years. But it was Jesse he turned to, Jesse’s opinion he sought, Jesse who received his thanks and praise.
Heart aching, Maddie told herself to ignore it. He was excited, that’s all. He’d include her later. But even when, with Jesse’s help, Noah finally settled on the guitar he wanted, even after she’d paid for it and they were on their way back to the store to retrieve Jesse’s truck, Noah barely spoke to her. And then only to say thanks in a quick, abrupt way, because Jesse told him to.
This is so hard, God.
“You’re welcome, Noah. I hope you have many years of enjoyment from it.” Keeping her smile in place, she endured the searching look he gave her before he turned back to Jesse.
They drove to Emma’s because Jesse wanted her help to choose the right pup to give to one of her staff at Quilt Essentials. They sat in Emma’s backyard sharing a coffee and laughing together while Noah tried to tie a ribbon around the chosen pup’s neck. But Maddie couldn’t completely disguise the pain she felt when her son ignored her. Jesse, being who he was, saw that and offered some comfort. She loved him for it.
“He’s going through a phase, Maddie. He’ll get over it. Don’t let it get to you. Just keep clinging to God.” He slid an arm around her shoulder and squeezed as if to impart his strength to her.
“I’m trying, but it’s not easy.” She gulped to stem her tears. “I don’t understand what I’ve done to make him so angry.”
“It isn’t you,” Jesse assured her. “It’s him. He’s got a battle going on inside. I promise I’ll try and help him figure it out.”
“You’re such a good friend.” She gazed into his eyes. Didn’t he feel anything more than friendship for her? “Thank you, Jesse.”
“My pleasure.” He checked his watch and rose, holding out a hand to help her up. “We’d better get that pup to the store before his new owner finishes her shift.”
“Yes.” Sad to end this time of sharing by giving away one of the animals that had brought and kept them together, Maddie grasped his hand and stood, noticing Noah’s fierce frown as he studied the two of them and their joined hands. “Why don’t you and Noah do that while I go home and start dinner? You’re welcome to join us if you want to risk it,” she said, hoping desperately that he would. She wasn’t sure how much more of Noah’s angry silence she could endure.
“What’s on the menu for tonight?” Jesse asked keeping his expression bland.
“I have one more meal to make before Friday’s class. Lasagna. I assembled everything this morning, so all I have to do is put it in the oven and make a salad.” She frowned. “I think I did it right, but it will take an hour or so to cook, the recipe says.”
“Good. That’s just enough time for Noah and me to run our errand and then take Cocoa for a walk.” Jesse winked at her. She knew he was trying to tell her he’d use the time to sound out her son.
“Sounds good.” She dusted off her skirt. Tears welled as she picked up the puppy and brushed a kiss against its sweet nose. “Bye, sweetie.”
“He’s going to a good home.” Jesse’s whispered reassurance comforted her.
“I know.” She handed the dog to Noah then touched his cheek, trying to remain impassive when he jerked away. “See you later, guys.”
“You will,” Jesse promised.
On the drive home and while she worked in the kitchen, Maddie sent up a steady barrage of prayer for help, understanding and wisdom. As she sat on the porch watching Jesse and Noah wander through her patch of desert, she whispered a second prayer.
“I love Jesse so much, God. Isn’t there a way he could be more than just a friend? Could you make him love me?”
But after dinner, when Jesse had left and the sun was setting, doubt swept in. Emma’s Bible study said that when you prayed for something, you were supposed to ask God with confidence that He would answer. Only Maddie didn’t feel confident asking for Jesse’s love. The Bible said wives were supposed to love their husbands. Liam had quoted the verses constantly to remind her of her duty.
Yet no matter how hard she’d tried, Maddie hadn’t loved him. She’d disobeyed God’s laws. How could she expect Him to trust her—a woman who’d blown her first marriage—with the love of a wonderful man like Jesse?
Chapter Ten
“What a gorgeous day to bring Gran home.” Jesse’s heart felt light as he drove Maddie’s car to Las Cruces. One week to Easter. He could hardly wait to share this special season with her.
“I can’t wait to see Emma again. I’ve missed her so much.” Maddie sounded as eager to reunite with his grandmother as he felt.
Not that Emma hadn’t kept in touch with them both. He and Maddie had shared his gran’s pithy sayings and sage advice, which, though usually limited to emails or very short calls, were no less encouraging and appreciative of their efforts. Those glimpses had also shown Jesse the extent of Maddie’s spiritual growth. Her direct questions to his gran revealed her ongoing struggle with letting go of past mistakes and feeling worthy, but also that she was growing in confidence in herself and her faith.
“Emma’s emailed me at least twice a day since her surgery, but it’s not the same as the heart-to-heart chats we’ve always had,” he said thoughtfully. “I’m really looking forward to those.”
“I hope she won’t feel she has to get back to work right away.” Maddie’s smooth forehead pleated in a frown as she studied him. “Things are going smoothly at Quilt Essentials. I don’t want her to rush her recovery.”
“I think she’ll be more than happy to leave it in your capabl
e hands while she gets on with completing that to-do list of hers,” Jesse told her, wondering if he should once again bring up the issue of Maddie buying Quilt Essentials. He knew his grandmother wanted that more now than she had before. If Maddie didn’t buy, he had a sense Emma would put the business up for sale to someone else.
“I want to play Emma this song on my guitar. Listen, Jesse.” Noah began strumming a haunting melody. The range tested his small fingers, but he kept going until the last note died away in eerie silence.
“That’s really good, Noah. I bet your mom would like to hear it again later when the two of you are alone and there’s no car noise.” Jesse glanced at Maddie apologetically, trying to include her, but Noah merely grunted.
Jesse was having as little success reaching this kid as he was getting Kendal to explain the reason he kept acting up whenever the band met for practice. Though he’d thrown himself into the band, hoping to reach the kids with music, whatever ability he’d once possessed to communicate with youth seemed to have deserted him, making Jesse desperately yearn to get his gran’s take on the situation. Maybe she could help him figure out exactly what he was doing wrong.
“We’ve arrived early. Emma won’t be discharged till one. Why don’t we stop for lunch?” he suggested.
“That sounds good.” Maddie looked relieved. “We didn’t have much breakfast this morning.”
“Because it was burned.” Noah’s derisive tone matched the way he glared at his mother. “Never hurry when you’re cooking. Dad’s rule.”
“I wouldn’t have had to hurry so much if you hadn’t spilled juice all over the kitchen floor,” she murmured, then smiled as if to apologize. “But we made it and we’re here in time so no big deal.”
“It is so a big deal, because when you break the rules bad things happen,” Noah sassed back. “Dad’s rules—”
“How about if we declare today a rule-free day?” Jesse shot the boy a penetrating look meant to quell whatever criticism he was about to offer. “Let’s enjoy this nice weather, each other and Gran’s homecoming. Okay?” He kept a bead on Noah, trying to ensure that the kid understood he was serious about laying off these attacks on his mother.