by Smith, K. S.
Not even thirty seconds later my phone was vibrating.
GET DRESSED, I’M ON MY WAY!!!
I ran to my room, knowing it would only take her five minutes to get to my house and threw on my favorite red maxi dress and a denim jacket. Looking in the mirror at myself, I decided after we had our massage hair and make-up would be next, then a manicure and pedicure, and then we’d go for dinner and drinks. Shortly after I pulled my sandals on, I heard Addison’s horn honk. I grabbed my purse, walked outside, and hopped into the passenger’s seat of her car. She leaned over and hugged me so tight.
“You okay?”
I squeezed her tight to reassure her of my answer, “never better.” She gave me a worried smile and drove off, knowing that once I put something behind me it was easier to just leave it alone. My mom always told me the best thing about a mess was that it could always be cleaned up, and right now, we were on our way to clean up the mess I had made of myself over the past three days. Once that was done, I’d forget about it and move on.
The spa day had been just what the doctor ordered. The masseuse had worked all the tension out of my entire body, my hair and make-up look phenomenal, and I’d chosen a dark midnight purple for my mani/pedi.
“So where should we go for drinks?” Addison asked.
“Ocean Prime?” I suggested and her face lit up. They had a killer cocktail menu and the eye candy was always worth it.
“But first, we need something to wear,” she said, waving her American Express Black card in the air. I smiled as she headed towards the mall.
Both dressed in skinny jeans and oversized knit sweaters, Addison zipped up her black boots, and I pulled my new brown knee high riding boots up my calves. We both posed in the mirror and I whispered, “Tory Burch, we wear you well.” as Addison snapped a picture of the two of us.
The hostess seated us at our usual spot at the bar and we ordered our drinks. We hadn’t even been seated five minutes when two men, probably a few years older than the two of us, walked over and began talking with us. Addison let them go on with their stories of how two women as beautiful as us didn’t need to be sitting at a bar alone, yadda, yadda, yadda, before she looked at them and said, “Oh, I’m sorry, we aren’t alone, we’re lesbians.” Their eyes almost popped out of their heads and on that note they turned and sulked away.
Laughing hysterically, we finished our drinks and followed our waitress to the table. “I didn’t think you were in the mood to be picked up tonight,” she said sympathetically.
“It’s fine, really, I’m okay.”
She pulled her eyebrows together and tried to talk low, so people wouldn’t hear her, “Reagan, its okay to be upset, you don’t have to shield yourself from your feelings, not around me at least.”
I leaned back against the booth and took a deep breath before I laid it all out for her. “I get that, I really do, trust me it would be so much easier if I just stayed at home and cried for weeks and weeks, but I can’t. I’m working on one of the biggest projects of my career and I don’t have time to dwell on something that I cannot change. Cole made his decision and we both have to live with the consequences. Does it hurt? Of course, it hurts to wake up, to eat, to sit here and talk to you, even to say his name, but I can’t think about that.
“I’ve got to think about what’s best for me, and dwelling on the fact that he broke my heart into a trillion pieces isn’t doing anything positive for me. I, of all people, know life can suck, but I also know you can’t stop living because you were dealt a shitty hand of cards. You lock it up as far out of your mind as you can get it, you plant that smile back on your face, and get on with your life.” I took a giant gulp of my drink, needing it to finish. “It sucks, it really does, but I’ve done it before and I can do it again. I just have to focus on work and making partner and I’ll be fine. Before Cole that was my sole focus, so I’ll just go back to that.”
Addison looked truly sad for me. “I just don’t want you to be sad. I know you better than anyone else, and I know you’re smiling, but your eyes tell a different story, other people may not notice it, but I’ve been your best friend since we were born and I know when you’re putting on a front.”
She definitely had me pegged, after twenty seven years I would imagine so. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, it’s just fresh, give me a week or so and I promise my eyes will smile, too.”
She leaned across the table and pulled me into a tight hug as she whispered, “I hope so.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Heading into the office the next morning I felt confident and ready to get my head back in the game. When I passed through the glass doors of our lobby, our receptionist greeted me, “Good morning, Ms. Larson. Killer outfit.” I smiled as I passed her, heading towards my office.
My assistant followed me in as I swept past her desk. “Feeling better, I see.” she observed, as I tossed my purse on my couch and headed for my computer, sitting down behind my desk.
“Yes, must have been a twenty-four hour bug.” Pulling up my calendar I asked, “What’s on the agenda for today?”
She fiddled with her iPad as she reviewed my calendar with me, “9:15 you and Graham have an appointment to discuss Imperial Park prior to your 10:30 meeting with Mr. Conrad.” I felt my stomach flip. I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking in a slight breath of air. I should have known things wouldn’t have slowed down just because we weren’t together anymore; the project still had to go on. “There is a luncheon you are signed up for with the city at 11:30,” she went on, “and after that you are clear, until 3, when you have an appointment with a Heather Maxwell.”
“Excuse me!” I exclaimed a little louder than usual.
Peering back at her iPad my assistant looked over everything again, “3p.m… Heather Maxwell, is something wrong?” she asked.
I leaned back in my chair and laughed an infuriated laugh. “Cancel the 3p.m. and in the future, don’t ever put that name on my calendar again, or anyone’s in this firm for that matter.”
“Is everything ok?” she asked, looking confused.
“Perfect, just keep that woman out of this firm. Trust me when I say it would do more harm than good.” And at that she nodded and headed back to her desk, just as Graham walked in for our 9:15.
Adjusting my outfit in the mirror, I tried my best to compose myself. You’ve got this, Reagan, cool and collected, just get in and get it over with, you’ve already gone over everything with Graham and he knows he is to deal directly with Cole and report back to you.
I reached for the conference room door and pulled it open, scanning the room. Graham had done great, pulling together every associate on our team for the meeting. The more people we had in the room the less likely Cole would try and discuss anything other than business. Straightening my shoulders and lifting my chin I walked in exuding confidence, taking my seat at the head of the oversized conference room table. Speaking to my team first, I thanked them for gathering on such short notice. And then it was time to address Cole. The lump in my throat began to grow, but I forced it back down as I looked up into those big golden eyes I had fallen so madly in love with.
“Mr. Conrad,” I addressed him as I watched him lean back in his chair crossing his arms over his massive chest, “I need to inform you that I have been placed on a few other projects, and I will no longer be your point of contact on Imperial Park.” His brows furrowed as he sucked in a heavy breath. “Graham will be able to take care of any needs you may have, if there are any problems he and I will discuss them and he will then report back to you.” Cole stood up and paced in front of the glass windows of the large conference room. “Is there something wrong, sir?” I asked trying to keep it together.
Looking over his shoulder at me I could see the terrifying combination of both rage and pain that was forming behind his eyes. He walked back to the table, and he rested his hands firmly on the edge, looking at the team Graham had assembled. “Would you all give us a few moments to discuss thes
e changes privately?” he demanded, even if it was phrased as a question. My team rose out of their seats and exited the conference room. So much for no man left behind, great job, Graham.
As the last person pulled the door closed behind him Cole collapsed into the chair next to me, looking completely defeated. “Reagan why are you doing this?”
I stood at his accusation, “I’m not doing anything, Cole. I’m busy and there are several projects that I need to focus on, you know exactly what’s at stake for me. I can’t do it all by myself, that’s why I put Graham in charge, he’s second best to me and I know he’ll get the job done properly.”
He reached for my hand and I retreated. “I don’t give a damn about who’s working on the project, Reagan. Hell, I’ll pull the plug on all of this right now if you want me to. I mean you and me, why are you doing this to you and me? You won’t even give me the opportunity to explain.”
It was almost impossible to hold back the tears, but I forced them away, knowing full well I couldn’t fall apart in front of him. “I just can’t, Cole. I don’t want your explanation, I don’t care about it. I just need you to respect my wishes, and right now the only wish I have is for you to stay as far away from my life as humanly possible.”
“But Reagan….”
Interrupting his sentence before he could finish, “no buts, Cole, I’m done.” I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, jerking me back against him as he lifted my face, so I was forced to look up into his eyes.
“Just hear me out, you don’t understand what happened…”
Once again, before he could finish I jabbed my finger into his chest, shutting him up. “No! You need to understand… I gave you everything I had, all of me. I trusted you to love and protect me and you did the complete opposite. You destroyed me, Cole. I’ve never felt pain as bad as I have these past couple of days and it’s all your fault.” I took a deep breath. “Actually, you know what, it’s not your fault, it’s my fault. I was the one stupid enough to think the playboy had actually fallen in love with me.”
“I do love you, Reagan. I love you more than anything on this earth.”
I pulled myself out of his arms as I walked towards the doors, stopping to glance back at him. “You don’t even know what love is.” His face fell into his hands. “And, Cole, please do me one favor, tell your girlfriend to stay off of my calendar. I have no reason to ever see that woman again and I’d appreciate it if she didn’t try to come to my place of business.” His eyes looked up, confused as I stormed out of the conference room leaving him there, all alone, just like he’d done to me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leaving Cole alone in the conference room drained me of every emotion I had. I compensated by forcing myself straight into my work. Contracts don’t talk back. I thought as I focused on a new project I’d requested. I spent the next several days in the office. I’d get in around 6 a.m. and leave around midnight. It made the few hours I had to myself -which I’d mostly spent asleep- more tolerable. I was getting back into the groove of things and finally not constantly thinking about Cole.
Addison was worried I wasn’t really dealing with the situation, so much so she even had her mom swing by the office to check in on me. “Reagan, honey, are you holding up okay?” She asked, as she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tight.
“Absolutely, I’ve just been super busy here at work. We have so many projects going on and I’m trying to juggle all of them, did you hear I’m being considered for partnership?”
I could see both the excitement and concern in her eyes as she replied, “Yes, Addison told me all about it. We’re so thrilled, your mom and dad would have been so proud of you,” she took a deep sigh before going on, “but, Reagan, we really are concerned, you can’t just push this entire thing with Cole to the wayside, sweetie. You have to deal with it, have you talked to him about it? I know it’s really none of my business, but you’re like a daughter to me, and I don’t want to see you hurting. If you no longer want to be with him, that’s fine, and we’ll all stick by your decision, but I want you to make sure that is truly what you want before you call it quits for good.”
A smile came across my face as she spoke to me, a real smile. And it occurred to me in that moment that I hadn’t smiled since the evening of the party, before everything happened with Cole and Heather. I loved Addison’s parents and in that very moment, as much as it ripped my heart out to even hear Teresa say Cole’s name, I was thankful that, even though, my mom was gone, I had someone like Teresa who was there for me, no matter what. I contemplated my response before I answered, if there was anyone who could call my bluff it was Teresa, she had known me since I was a born, and she always knew when Addison and I weren’t telling the truth, so I did my best to sound believable.
“It’s hard, really hard, I have no desire to do anything, but figure out a way to make that night disappear, but I can’t. I love Cole, and up until that evening, I really thought he could be the man I’d spend the rest of my life with, but seeing him with Heather proved that his bachelor ways are still lingering in his system. And really, who am I to force him to change the way he has been his entire adult life? I may not like it, but in all honesty, it’s probably better it happened sooner rather than later. I just can’t have anything jeopardize my career right now, and dealing with him, constantly wondering where he is and who he is with, I won’t be able to focus. Before he came into my life I was perfectly content being single, I had priorities and I’m not going to change them for a man.
“I hate that it played out this way, but there isn’t anything I can do to fix it, he was in the wrong, not me. And as much as I’d like to try and deal with it and him, I just can’t take that chance right now. I really am okay, I promise. I hurt, my heart mostly, it literally aches, but it’s all part of life. You just have to live and let live. I’m glad I at least got to experience all of the good with him. Maybe one day, when he meets someone new, this will be a reminder to not screw up.” She sat across from me taking in my every word. Come on, if I ever needed an Oscar award for my acting skills it was right now. She got more comfortable in her chair as she thought about what she was going to say and by the look in her eyes I could tell I was busted.
“Let me tell you something not too many people know,” she paused getting up to close my office door. After she sat back down across from me she went on, “when Addison was five years old Theo was on a business trip in Italy. He had been gone for almost two months and we were missing him terribly, so we decided to pack our bags and surprise him. When we landed we went straight to the hotel to see him, the bellhop took us up to his suite and let us in, trying to assist in the surprise. When we walked into his suite I heard a woman’s voice coming from the other side of his bedroom door. I sat Addison down on the couch and told her to play with her baby doll, until I could figure out what was going on.
“When I walked into his suite he was in bed with another woman.” I gasped, completely shocked. From what I had always remembered Theo and Teresa were just as happy as Mom and Dad, I’d never imagined they’d been through something like this. Teresa held her hands up as she went on, “It was utterly devastating, especially knowing our five year old daughter was sitting right on the other side of the door. Of course, my first reaction was to take Addison back to the airport and meet with my attorney as soon as we made it back to the states, but that obviously wasn’t what happened. Addison ran into the arms of her father, as his mistress snuck out of the back door, and as I watched how happy she was seeing her daddy I knew I couldn’t allow this to break up our family. I wouldn’t do that to my daughter, she deserved to grow up in a happy home. It took a long time for Theo and me to work things out, but we did and I can tell you, he never repeated his mistake again after that day.
“Now, I realize that Theo and I had a lot more riding on our relationship than you and Cole, but I just want you to realize, people make mistakes. It’s not up to us to judge them, rather we have to decide if
we are willing to forgive them. It’s not easy, trust me, it can be one of the most difficult things you’ll ever have to do, but in the end it could possibly bring you the most joy you could ever imagine. I couldn’t possibly imagine having shared my life with anyone else. Like I said, it wasn’t easy, but once I fully forgave him it was as if it never happened and we have truly lived happily ever after since.”
I sat there in shock, staring wide eyed at Teresa. She stood up and pulled me into a hug. “Now, don’t go feeling sorry for me, I made my choice many, many years ago and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t know Theo loves me with his entire heart, trust me, he’s spent the last twenty some years making up for his mistake.”
I tried to hug her back, still in shock. “Does Addison know?” I asked, hoping I wouldn't have to feel like I was keeping a secret from my best friend.
“Yes, I had this same conversation with her when her first college boyfriend cheated on her, luckily she didn’t listen to her momma with that one.” I chuckled as Teresa held me at arm’s length. “Just remember, once in a lifetime love is hard to come by, when you have it, you have to work hard at it and hold onto it as tight as you possibly can.” She kissed my cheek. She headed towards the door, looking over her shoulder, she stopped and smiled. “That boy’s working hard to win you back, you know, he loves you Reagan, he really does.” And at that she left. I sat there wondering what in the heck she meant when she said he was working hard to win me back. But before I had time to really think about it my phone chimed, it was Addison.
YOU’RE COMING OVER FOR THANKSGIVING, RIGHT?
Holy crap, was it Thanksgiving already? I thought, pulling up my calendar. Not yet, but it would be in two days. I quickly responded back to her.
OF COURSE, ARE YOU TAKING IT ON THIS YEAR OR ARE YOU LEAVING IT UP TO YOUR PARENTS AGAIN?
I’M GOING TO GIVE IT A SHOT. CASE WANTED TO HAVE IT AT OUR HOUSE THIS YEAR, LUCKILY HIS MOM AND MINE ARE COOKING, I JUST HAVE TO HOST.