by Linda Wells
But what of my visit? Well, I have met your aunt. I truly believe that I could end this letter now because I think the statement stands for itself. I believe that she knows more about me than my own mother does. I have never known a woman with so few accomplishments so ready to criticize those of people she hardly knows! She is apparently the greatest authority on all things of the least interest to anyone else. I have tried to curb my impertinence, truly I have, but I just cannot resist the woman. In vexing me she is most proficient, which should please her to no end! Forgive me W, I do not mean to sound unkind, but you did warn me what I would be facing so you should not take offence with my agreement!
Your cousin Anne is a puzzle. She is sickly and frail, but is she so quiet just to avoid her mother or is it her true nature? I should like to speak to her outside of her mother’s presence. Your aunt said that she would soon be engaged. I cannot imagine how she ever managed to meet a man. I wonder if she is strong enough to be married.
My cousin, Mr. Collins, is everything that I remembered. He is fawning and subservient to your aunt, ridiculously attentive to my friend and her family members and seems determined to show me all of the things I lost when I refused his hand. He does this in front of Charlotte, which infuriates me. As angry as I am with Papa, I am grateful he did not force my marriage to him, whatever his reasons.
Sir William departs Saturday for Hertfordshire. Charlotte’s sister will stay another eight weeks. I will return by post coach after Easter, unless my uncle sends his carriage for me.
Now may I end by thanking you for your wonderful letter and book? They are with me constantly, and I know the letter by heart. Thank you for thinking so well of me. I feel the same of you. I would say so much more, but I wish to do that in person.
Come to me soon, please?
With affection,
EB
She misses me! She wants me to come to her! She needs me and wants to talk to me, only me, of her troubles! Darcy was ecstatic. It seemed that Elizabeth’s feelings were as fervent as his. She certainly understood his aunt well. He chuckled, imagining the two of them together, antagonizing each other. He knew that it would end soon enough, once he proposes to her. Should I tell her about Aunt Catherine’s desire for me to marry Anne? She must be thinking that they will become engaged when he arrives, but surely she would not say his name to nonfamily members? He decided that it would be best not to mention it and would tell her of it in person. Standing, he walked to his dressing room, and took out his mother’s jewel box and found the ring he was searching for. It was a perfect diamond, surrounded by rubies. He thought of how and where he would propose to her, and imagined their first kiss. One thing was certain; she would not be travelling home by post coach.
Chapter 12
Elizabeth came down for breakfast Saturday morning and found a very thick letter sitting by her place. It took all of her strength not to pick it up and run directly out of the house to read it. She was sure that Jane’s letter included one from William. Charlotte expressed great curiosity over such a lengthy letter from Jane, but stopped after one glare from Elizabeth. She knew when to leave her be.
Elizabeth wrote a note for her family and gave it to Sir William to deliver. When he was finally on his way, she took her precious letter and walked out to the groves. She forced herself to read Jane’s letter first and found herself exceptionally jealous to hear of her dance lesson at Darcy House. She was pleased to hear how miserable William seemed to be in her absence and was thrilled when Jane told of seeing him in the park watching her departure. She was happy learning of Jane and Bingley’s increasing attraction but concerned to hear that Mr. Carrington had called. Elizabeth and Jane both felt oddly attracted to him. She decided to concentrate on of whom he reminded her to give her relief over her troubled thoughts of her father. She wondered which man she would prefer to see with Jane. Finally, she settled under an apple tree loaded with fragrant white blossoms, and opened the envelope marked only with an elaborate E.
My Dear E,
At this moment I am beside myself with emotion. My sister came to me and spoke of your talk with her, and how she finally came to understand why she behaved as she did with W. I will be forever grateful to you for both drawing her out and encouraging her to understand herself. She is beginning to mature. At the same time my anger for W has increased, as if it were possible, not simply for what he did to Georgiana, but how he gained my father’s love and admiration over me. I have never spoken of this to anyone and I now know that you are the one person in the world who I can trust with this, my greatest pain. It seems that we both have fathers who we do not understand.
I also have learned something of a very private nature that concerns a mutual acquaintance of ours. It is very important that I speak of it to you, but I wish to do so in person. I know that I am being cryptic, but given the nature of our already clandestine communication, I cannot risk saying more. Please trust me.
Your beautiful letter resides in my coat pocket. It is with me always, and I read it whenever I miss you which is constantly. I need you E. I need you here, by my side. This is your place. Ten more days. How will I survive? Please write to me. It is my only hope. I miss you, my E.
Yours, with affection,
W
She was struck by the intensity of William’s letter. His every expression said one thing. He wanted her. He said that he had never told anyone of his private pain. Only her. “Me. He must love me!” Elizabeth hugged herself with the realization. “Oh to be loved by such a man!” She wondered what had happened with his father and if Colonel Fitzwilliam would be able to shed some light on it, and what was this mysterious information that he wished to speak to her about?
She began to wander the groves, and finding a pathway she had not tried before, she found herself in a small clearing near a stream running high with the waters from a recent rainstorm. Her thoughts were full of William. She laughed out loud. “When did he suddenly change into William?” It seemed so comforting to think of him by that name. She imagined whispering endearments into his ear, and blushed at her boldness. It seemed that he could make her blush whether he was there or not.
Needing a distraction, she thought about Mr. Carrington and his attentions towards Jane. Elizabeth liked him. He had a certain familiarity about him that made her comfortable. She just could not put her finger on it. His eyes definitely reminded her of someone, the way that they looked at her with a mixture of amusement and challenge. He seemed to be very intelligent, and combative. And his sense of humour was very dry, in fact she thought, few people could catch the underlying joke in his sarcastic wit, it almost reminded her of . . . her father.
CHARLES BINGLEY and Alexander Carrington sat on chairs on either side of Jane Bennet attempting to remain civil. Bingley was in possession of a letter for Elizabeth from Darcy. Jane received one from her sister that morning. Bingley arrived to the distinctly unpleasant surprise of Carrington already there. He did not know that the man had already visited.
Mrs. Gardiner, recognizing the volatile situation, attempted to act as a calm mediator and aided the conversation. “How is Mr. Darcy? We have not seen him since Lizzy left.”
“He is well, but he misses her very much. He is looking forward to leaving to see his aunt Saturday.” Replied Bingley, while glaring at Carrington.
Mrs. Gardiner tried to distract him, “You will be leaving soon as well?”
“Yes, I leave Saturday for Hertfordshire.”
Carrington took notice. “Really, Bingley? What takes you there?” He was pleased to hear that his competition was going to be well out of the way.
“I have leased an estate there. Darcy will join me in a few weeks to lend his opinion if I should purchase.” Bingley said tersely.
“I am surprised that you wish to leave even before the height of the Season! You will miss out on so many of the ladies, you will disappoint them. You are really quite popular with them, you know!” Carrington gave him a brilliant smile and
glanced at Jane for her reaction.
Seeing Jane’s blush, Bingley defended himself, “I think that a smile and willingness to dance is not a mark against my character, sir.”
“Forgive me, Bingley, I did not mean to offend.” Carrington was pleased. Jane’s blush and downcast eyes proved that he had made his point.
“None taken.” Bingley bit out.
Carrington felt that his work was done, and soon took his leave, promising to come and visit Jane the next week, when Bingley would be conveniently absent. Mrs. Gardiner showed him to the door. As soon as she left the room, Bingley leaned over to Jane. “Miss Bennet, while we have the opportunity, I have a message from Darcy for your sister.”
Jane finally raised her eyes from the floor. “Oh, and I have one for him, as well.” She quickly took the letter from her reticule and as they exchanged them, their hands brushed together. Jane blushed again, and Bingley, after quickly pocketing Elizabeth’s note, reached out for Jane’s hand and raised it to his lips.
“Miss Bennet, would you please take a walk with me? I would like the opportunity to refute the claims that Mr. Carrington implied about my character, and I am afraid that it would be difficult to do so in front of your aunt.”
She agreed and rose to gather her bonnet and shawl. Soon they were walking silently in the park. Bingley finally drew up his courage and looked over to her. “Miss Bennet. I wish to clarify something that Carrington said.”
“It is not necessary, sir.”
“I think that it is.” He led her to a bench and they sat down. “You see, I have been attracted to you from the first moment that I met you at Darcy’s house. I found you to be the most enchantingly beautiful woman I have ever seen. The next morning I visited Darcy and told him so. He heard me out, and wished me well, but said something that I did not like to hear. He told me to go very slowly and be sure of myself. He did not wish you to be hurt if I were to behave as I usually do. You see, I have often fancied myself in love.” He looked at her closely.
“Oh.” She looked away.
“I have fancied myself in love, because I did not know what it was to feel myself in love. I now know the difference between a slight inclination and true feeling. Miss Bennet, I have great hopes for you as I have never felt the way I do now for any other woman.” He looked at her earnestly.
Jane finally looked into his eyes, trying to see the truth in them. “What are you trying to tell me, sir?”
“Miss Bennet, I promised Darcy that I would take my time. I would be sure before I declared my feelings. I promised this despite my jealousy over his rapid relationship with your sister. You see, he has never given any attention to any woman before, so as he pointed out, he was completely aware of his feelings when he met Miss Elizabeth. I have been fooled so many times by ladies interested in my fortune or mien that I have been taken in.” He hung his head at his weakness. Then looked back up, “But this time felt so different. I saw you and I saw the future. I just want to be sure that I know myself before I impose my feelings on you. I thought that our short separation would be good for us. I would have the opportunity to know if my feelings last when we are parted, and you would as well. I am correct am I not? I am not imagining that you have some feeling for me?” He looked at her hopefully.
“No, Mr. Bingley, you are not imagining it. And you are very correct, as is your friend. The separation would tell us if our feelings are worth pursuing further. We will certainly see each other soon, and perhaps even more conveniently than we do now.”
“So you are willing to give us a chance, Miss Bennet? Will you trust me?”
Jane looked into his wide green eyes, and smiled gently, “Yes, Mr. Bingley. I will.”
“Thank you so very much, Miss Bennet!” He took her hand and kissed it fervently. “What are your feelings for Mr. Carrington?”
“I have none, other than enjoying his company, and he truly reminds me of someone. Lizzy has been trying to puzzle it out as well. I am not attached to anyone Mr. Bingley, and I had no reasonable excuse to refuse his visits. I still do not, as much as I realize that it pains you to hear.”
Bingley sighed. “I know, but at least you do not feel as strongly for him as you do me?”
She smiled and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “That is quite true, Mr. Bingley.”
“So, Miss Bennet, will you do me a great favour? Will you promise me not to fall madly in love with him before you see me again in Hertfordshire?” He smiled shyly at her.
Jane laughed. “I think that I can easily make that promise to you, sir. I will await our reunion before I make any decisions about any man. Will that satisfy you?”
“It will have to do. I thank you.”
“Shall we walk on, sir? It is a lovely day.” She stood and tilted her head to him.
Grinning widely he jumped up and offered her his arm. “Lead on, Miss Bennet. Lead on!”
SURPRISED TO FIND herself actually welcoming Lady Catherine’s command to play, Elizabeth settled herself at the pianoforte after dinner. She thought that by playing she would finally avoid the woman’s unending examination of the minutia of her life, and hopefully drown out her strident voice for a while with a pleasant melody. Her thoughts wandered to the note she had received from William that morning. He told her that they would be arriving sometime Saturday afternoon, but could not say for sure when because his cousin was out of town on some military matter, and would not arrive until late Friday night. He hoped to visit her that evening if he could escape his aunt, if not, he would see her at church Sunday morning. She was full of nervous anticipation. Suddenly, the sound of Lady Catherine saying his name caught her undivided attention.
“Yes, it will be a very good thing to have Darcy and Fitzwilliam here. They visit me every Easter. Darcy especially will be welcome. We are expecting a very exciting announcement from him with this visit.”
“Your Ladyship, what could it be? Has your nephew at last decided to marry?”
“Yes, Mr. Collins, that is it exactly!” Lady Catherine cast a satisfied look at the assembled audience, and then looked proudly at her daughter, huddled on a sofa under a heavy shawl. “Mr. Darcy will be coming here to propose marriage to my daughter. It was a fond wish of both of their mothers’, decided when they were in their cradles. They are to be married and unite the great estates of Rosings and Pemberley. As you can see, Anne’s health is robust, and she is now ready to assume her rightful place at Darcy’s side. He recognizes this, and he is most excited to come and officially ask for her hand. They will be married by the end of the summer. I am most pleased, as is all of his family.”
Elizabeth stopped playing and was now white. She felt sick. She felt betrayed. She needed to leave. Immediately. She rose from the pianoforte and murmured an excuse about a headache and rushed out of the room to the indignant cries of Lady Catherine and worried queries from Charlotte.
She ran back to the parsonage and up to her room where she threw herself on the bed. Could it be true? Is he to marry his cousin? Has he led me on all of this time? But why did he not say anything? How could he write such beautiful letters and lie to me? She wrestled with the endless questions. She cried until her pillows were soaked through, and refused to answer the door when Charlotte knocked. She just sat in a corner on the floor and hugged herself, hoping for him to come and tell her it was all wrong. But how could Lady Catherine declare such a thing so publicly if it were not true? What should I do? Perhaps I should leave. I should catch the first post coach in the morning. Elizabeth finally fell asleep early in the morning hours, with a vision of William kissing his cousin Anne torturing her soul. When she finally arose, she looked at her red eyes and haggard face, and ordered a bath.
Charlotte came to speak to her, but she was unable to share this pain. She considered running away, and avoiding him and the painful conversation where he would tell her that her father’s theories had all been correct. He was using her. He did mean to take advantage of her and toss her aside. She was just a
toy for a rich man. Elizabeth began sobbing again. She could not believe it. She would not believe that William would treat her so poorly. He was a good man, she knew it, she did. She hoped. Running away would be the coward’s way out. Her courage rose while she tried to stop the continued rending of her heart. She would have to wait to speak to William. Nothing could be solved until she did. She spent the day wandering the groves, and hoping that all would be well, she could no longer imagine her life without him.
Chapter 13
Darcy closed his eyes and let the rumble and rocking of the carriage lull him into a state of reflection. He remembered it as if it were yesterday. He had recently reached the age of two and twenty, and was seated in the study of Pemberley at a heavy oak table, spread with the results of his first independent foray into planning the spring planting. Alongside him were the estate’s steward, Mr. Wickham, and his father, who was silently observing with an undisguised look of pride on his face. Darcy was meticulously laying out the details of his plans. He had been given this assignment by his father at Christmas, and was asked to use all of his skills learned from his time at Cambridge, his love of reading and research, and his lifetime of grooming to be the heir of Pemberley, to prepare his report. What he did not know was that his father would soon die.
It was not until the spring when he was twenty years old that he truly felt the expression of his father’s love for him, and although it confused him, Darcy welcomed it with open arms. The lack of affection was not so bad when his mother was alive, she expressed enough love to take the place of a hundred fathers, but once she died, George Darcy changed. As an adult, Darcy recognized that he was essentially orphaned that day; however, at the time, he was too young to see that his father put an emotional wall around himself to contain his grief over the loss of his best friend and soul mate.