"And that you will. You see, I was a priest in the Anglican Church back home. I even had my own parish."
Martha looked at him in awe. "You're a minister."
"Yes, but it's been awhile."
"Oh my goodness, you might find our church very different."
"I think it will a delightful change. The Anglican Church is quite staunch and steeped in rigid tradition. I have found that the American churches have, how do you say, more soul?"
"That we do, Shawn. We can meet at the church, if you like."
"That might be most prudent being as how people enjoy their gossip."
Martha nodded. The talk had just begun to die down over the kidnapping and Gene's incarceration. "I will see you and your sons on Sunday then, say ten o'clock? Do you know where it is?"
"Yes, we've driven by there. We will see you Sunday morning, Martha. Thank you for the invitation."
Martha was finding it hard to walk away. She wanted to stay and talk. "Okay then." She turned toward the door. "Bye."
Martha waited on the steps. When she spotted them, her face broke into a delighted smile. The boys looked neat and groomed dressed in the Sunday suits. Shawn looked just wonderful.
Oh dear what was happening to her? Martha put a hand to her chest to still her heart's erratic pounding. Why was this man having such a visceral effect?
"Martha," Shawn took both her hands placing a kiss on her cheek. "These are my sons. This is Timothy and this is Warren."
They both politely shook her hand.
"Come," Martha said. "I want to introduce you to our pastor before the service begins."
Shawn insisted they all go to Sunday brunch. Martha was so impressed with the boy's manners. They sounded just like their father with boyish voices. The day was passing quickly and she didn't want it to end.
As they were leaving the restaurant, Shawn invited Martha to his home. "It's not much, but there is a delightful view and I would love for you to see it."
Martha looked at the boys wondering if it would be proper. Shawn seemed to read her mind. He held up his hands.
"I promise to be a total gentleman. I thought the sermon quite intriguing today. I would like for us to have a discussion about it."
Gene never cared about the sermons on the rare occasions he attended church. To have someone who actually wanted to talk about it was a dream come true for her.
"I would enjoy that very much, Shawn."
"Excellent. "Let's go, boys."
Like his office, Shawn's home was cozy and lived in. It was all male which she found very understanding. There was a redwood deck in the back and a gorgeous view of the mountains.
The boys left almost immediately to go visit new friends. For a few uncomfortable minutes, Martha felt she should also go. But then they started talking, first about the sermon, then about life in general, and finally about their own personal trials. Hours went by without either realizing it.
“What happened in your marriage, Shawn?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Martha regretted it. “I’m so sorry. That’s really none of my business.”
“I want to tell you though. Talking about it can be healing. I headed a large parish in the Anglican. I had no idea anything was amiss. Then one night I came home early and discovered my wife Rosalind in bed with my best friend. By the following evening she had taken everything, including the contents of my bank account and disappeared.
The only thing she left was a terse note that stated, I am leaving. Do not try to find me. The boys were seven and eight. I was left the task of trying to explain why their mother was never coming home. I gave it a go for two years but knew I needed a fresh start. That was when I decided to sell the house and leave the country.”
“Oh, Shawn,” Martha took his hands. “I’m so sorry you and the children had to endure that.”
“It was rough for awhile but I know being here is going to be healing for the boys and me. You don't have to tell me Martha, but I'd like to know what happened with your husband."
They were sitting on the deck. The air was unseasonably warm for early spring. The sky was now dark and twinkling with millions of stars. She felt so comfortable with this man like they could go on talking forever. Martha knew she wanted to tell him everything.
"Gene became overly infatuated with Ellen when she lost her husband in a plane crash last summer. Nothing ever came of it but I think it made him a little crazy. When Ellen fell in love with my brother, Richard, he sort of went over the edge.
My brother was kidnapped and Gene sent a note to Ellen. She set out to find him and that’s when he got them both. By the time I got there, Gene had a gun pointed at Richard. I thought he was going to kill him and I just reacted." She looked down realizing Shawn was holding her hand.
"I learned to shoot as a girl from my dad, and that night I had my own pistol. I shot at the ceiling to get him away from my brother and Ellen. Then I shot wasp spray in his face and he dropped the gun. That's when we tied him with duct tape until the police arrived."
"How do you feel now?"
"I don't know. When we married I was a teen and pregnant. I've never loved anyone else and thought it was a good marriage. But I was naïve. It wasn't a good marriage. Gene had lots of women and he was very controlling. He won't see me when I visit the prison. He was going to kill my brother and rape my best friend. How do I forgive that?"
Martha felt stinging tears. Then Shawn took her in a gentle hug and the tears overflowed much to her mortification. For a long time nothing was said as they held each other.
"You know, Martha, it was very hard for me to forgive my wife for what she did, not only to me but to our children. Then I realized that by forgiving Rosalind, I was set free. The forgiveness was healing and I could clearly see hope for a new beginning, a new life. It's what brought me here."
Martha looked at him while wiping tears. This wonderful man the Lord has dropped on her life path is making her see the future in a whole new way. Martha leaned up and met his lips. The touch of his soft mouth on hers ignited a passion she never knew existed. As the kiss deepened Martha thought of nothing but him. All that mattered was the healing of two broken souls. Something deep inside Martha was screaming for her to stop this insanity but she couldn’t. Their ragged breathing could be heard in the still night air.
Reality came down between them like a white lightning bolt. Martha abruptly stood, hands covering her face. "I can't believe I did that. What must you think of me?"
Shawn reached for her but she backed away.
"I think you are the most wonderful woman I have ever met. Don't fear what we have. A bond this powerful is very rare."
Martha was shaking but did not shy away when Shawn took her in his arms. They stood together for a long time holding each other until the tears dried and the trembling stopped.
Martha met his eyes. "I didn't think I could ever love another."
"Neither did I."
"There is so much I have to think about."
"I know. I'll be here."
Ellen and Rick were just getting ready for bed when they heard the doorbell.
"I'm sorry, I know it's late. I just...I just..." Martha dissolved into tears as Ellen held her.
"It's okay. Come on in and let's talk."
She led Martha to the couch while casting a worried look at Rick.
With tears streaming she looked at her brother and soon to be sister. "I'm in love with Shawn," she blurted. "We've been together all day since church this morning. I met his sons and they're adorable." A fresh wave of tears washed over Martha. "I never thought this could happen to me and I feel so guilty."
"Did you two...uh..." Ellen was at a loss for words.
"Have sex? No but we wanted to, at least I did. I'm appalled at myself. I actually kissed him. I've never been this way with any man except Gene. It feels like I've known him forever. I know that sounds crazy."
"That’s not crazy at all, Sis." Rick put his arm around Ellen. "That'
s the way it was with us." His eyes caressed Ellen with love.
“But it happened so fast.”
“Yep, we understand, same here.”
“Shawn and I spent the day talking about everything, our marriages, thoughts and feelings. We even talked about the sermon this morning. He's an Anglican priest, and he loves the Lord. I can't believe I kissed him and I'm married. What does that say about me?"
Ellen took Martha's face in her hands. "It says you are a normal woman who needs to have the love of a good man like you deserve. Please don't let guilt kill your chance for happiness. Perhaps now is the time to think divorce."
"I can't divorce Gene while he's in prison."
"Gene has divorced you," said Rick. "How many visits have you made? He won't even give you the courtesy of showing up."
"I know but I still don't feel right about divorcing him."
"Martha," said Ellen. "Do you feel you deserve to have a life?"
"I don't know. I have always thought about others and done for others, putting myself last. I never learned how to really love me, the person I am. Shawn said forgiveness sets us free and allows us to move on. Maybe that’s where I need to start. If I can forgive Gene for all he's done, then perhaps I can see the future more clearly."
"Shawn sounds like a very wise man. I'm glad he is in your life, Sis."
"I feel the same way, Martha. The day I hired him, I had a good feeling about him."
"I'm glad you hired Shawn." Martha was smiling through her tears. "I love the fact we are working together and I can see him every day. I'm excited about seeing him again. Is that good or bad?"
"It's good, very good," Rick and Ellen replied in unison.
"So how do I handle this guilt about betraying my marriage vows?"
"Let's make some plans," said Ellen. "The first thing you need to do is to get Gene to talk with you. If you don't have closure, you cannot move forward."
"So how do I accomplish that? I've been to the prison twice and he won't even come out to see me."
"Perhaps we need to force the issue," said Rick. "Write him a letter. You can put in forgiveness, twenty years of marriage, and the son you share. Word it however you like but touch on those issues. At the end, tell Gene that if he continues to avoid you, the assumption will be that he wishes to absolve your marriage. If you get no response and he continues to stay in his cell, then you have your answer. Start divorce proceedings. If the two of you are able to talk, then be honest and talk about what's truly in your heart. You have to start there, Sis. In the meantime, continue to see Shawn if this is what makes you both happy. There is nothing wrong with that."
"But the church says..."
"Sis, you know how I feel about that. The church encourages guilt and guilt is a negative emotion. The church is wrong in that regard."
"Okay. I'll get started on the letter right away."
"Great, that should get the ball rolling. You know we're here for you, Sis."
Gene sat in his cell fingering the letter. He'd read it several times and each time it rang with a new meaning. He did not want to see his wife. The condemnation on her face would've been too much for him to bear. Yeah, he did some bad things, and probably deserved to be here. Gene was not proud of that.
He wondered where his life jumped the track. It had to have been when he met Ellen. He wanted her in the worst way possible. That's when things started getting crazy inside his head. But all that was water under the bridge now. It was easy to blame Ellen for everything.
If Gene was honest with himself he had to admit Ellen did not come on to him like he really wanted to believe. Once she knew he was married that was the end of it. Anything that happened after that was him moving heaven and earth to get near her. When Ellen started seeing Richard something inside him snapped. Now he's here for a long time.
Gene eyed the letter again. Martha said she was ready to forgive him. If that was true, perhaps he could work up the courage to go out there and face her. He knew she was out there waiting. Gene got up and called for the guard.
Sitting on the uncomfortable, straight back chair, Martha shifted her position and looked at the clock on the wall. She'd been sitting here an hour since she passed her letter to the guard. How much more time was she willing to give her husband of twenty years? This would be her last trip to this place. If Gene refused to show this time, she had her answer.
A movement was seen behind the glass partition. Martha stood up just as Gene walked into the brightly lit room. They both sat down next to the phones and picked up the receivers.
"Martha."
"Gene."
Silence.
"You're looking good, Martha."
"Thank you. I wish I could say the same. Are you being treated well?"
"It's okay, just hard to sleep on that hard, lumpy cot."
"Gene, I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"Spraying you with the wasp spray for starters, that had to hurt."
Gene smiled and Martha returned it. "Probably a good thing you did. Those gun shots really got my attention. Had no idea you even owned a gun much less knew how to use one. Who taught you to shoot?"
"My dad."
"You mean you had that pistol in the house for all these years?"
"Yeah, in a shoebox in the closet."
Gene just shook his head. "Martha, you still have the power to amaze me."
"So where do we go from here, Gene?"
"Where do you want to go from here? I'm not going anywhere for quite some time."
Martha looked down, choosing her words carefully. "In regard to what happened with Richard and Ellen; I want you to know that I forgive you for that. I mean for all of it, including the photos and the kidnapping."
"That means a lot to me Martha, but I don't think things will ever be the same between us after this. I can't ask you to wait until I get out and I'm not sure I would want you to."
"What do you want, Gene?"
"For you to maybe just get on with your life. Find a man who will treat you better than I have."
"Did you ever love me, Gene? You were forced to marry and be a father at a very young age. That's not love."
"Maybe not at first, but as the years went by, yes, I came to love you, Martha, and I always will, no matter what happens. I know your love for me was true, and I betrayed that love many times. You have every right to turn your back, get a divorce and never see me again."
"I forgive you for that too, and I won't turn my back on you, Gene."
The guard signaled and Gene nodded. "I gotta go. Good bye, Martha.
"Good bye, Gene." She hung up the phone and watched as her husband, in his bright orange jumpsuit was escorted out of the room.
Martha sat there, unable to move. The conversation left her feeling numb and somehow bereft. They were talking like two polite strangers. What was she really expecting? She was still a married woman except now there was the added complication of another in her heart. Gene offered her freedom. Why doesn't she take it and run? Because divorcing Gene in prison would be like kicking him when he's down. She could never do that.
Martha got up slowly and walked out the state prison. At least they had seen each other and talked. It was a start.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Rick was lighting the candles for dinner. Ellen checked the lasagna just as the door bell rang.
"I'll get it, Hon." Rick opened the door and smiled. "Right on time, you two."
Holding hands, Martha and Shawn walked into the chalet. Ellen came to greet them while wiping her hands on a dish towel and gave them both a hug. "I'm so glad you could make it. Where are the boys?"
"They're coming," said Shawn. "The great battle of the dragons can't be interrupted I guess."
Just then the kids came walking slowly to the door, eyes focused on their hand held videos.
"Okay boys,” said Dad. “Put it away for now. It's time to connect with real people."
"Yes Sir," they mumbled in unison.
"Nice to meet you, Sir, Ma'am." Sedately the boys shook hands with Rick and Ellen.
Ellen knew what they really wanted was to pull those video games out of their pockets. She was impressed with their impeccable manners, but they were children after all.
"Timothy, Warren, would you like to see my back yard?"
"Yes, Ma'am," they said with enthusiasm.
She led them out the sliding glass doors to the pool area as their eyes popped. The heated pool was surrounded by a cloud of steam from the chilly mountain air.
"Wow," said Warren. "You have an infinity pool and its heated.”
“Yeah," said Tim. "That is so cool. Can we swim in it?"
"You'll have to ask your dad but I don't see why not as long as you can swim good.”
“Oh we swim real good,” said Warren.
“I happen to have some swim trunks in the changing room that just might fit you."
"Right on, that would be super. Let's tell Dad."
They all sat down to dinner as a relaxed, happy family. Juanita was helping to serve the lasagna, salad, and grilled vegetables.
After dinner, it was just getting dark on this spring evening. The adults had moved to the living room and the boys were doing cannon balls in the pool. Their whoops and hollers had the grown-ups smiling.
"Martha, can you talk about your visit with Gene?" said Ellen.
Martha looked at Shawn as he took her hand and kissed it, encouraging her.
"Shawn already knows." She looked down at her hands then to her brother and Ellen. "Gene and I talked. It was polite and stilted but at least he showed up. I forgave him for everything and he suggested I get on with my life, that things would not be the same between us. I’m not sure what he meant by that. He seemed depressed but that's understandable. I guess I'm torn." Martha looked at Shawn.
The love in her eyes was so blatant, Ellen felt like crying. She was in limbo and it just wasn't fair. Martha could not think divorce no matter how in love she was. It didn't matter the atrocities committed that got Gene in jail. Martha would not desert him and she couldn't move forward with Shawn either.
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